3 Things You Should Always Carry in NYC

    September 23, 2013 at 2:52 am

    Essentials. With these three things you can perform magical alchemical rituals to produce other necessities (freedom, a way home, sandwiches). These are the three basic “must haves” in NYC.

    Just in case. If four dudes surround you and demand your money, you can spin in a circle releasing a venomous stream of mace in their faces before you’re forced to run through it and to (what is hopefully) your freedom (and not a beatdown).

    Don’t carry a knife unless you know how to use it. Criminals know how to use knives as their job in life is reaching expert mode at weapons and using them against you for nefarious purposes. So unless you really know what you’re doing and are positive that the other guy won’t be able to wrench the blade from your hands, don’t bother with a knife. This statement is mostly directed at myself, as I am a weakling who would probably be forced to stab myself before ever getting anywhere near the other guy with a knife. Maybe you should take some knife fighting classes or something. And by you I mean me.

    You can buy mace in most army/military stores. Just ask them at the counter and then spray away. Just remember that mace doesn’t have a crook magnet and isn’t a dog; it will effect you as well. Cover your mouth and your nose when you spray it, kick your offender wherever you want to kick him, and run like hell.

    A Screwdriver
    You never know what you’ll find in NYC that requires the use of a screwdriver. I was out walking my dog when I saw some antique door that had been discarded in the trash, complete with an antique doorknob still attached in perfect condition. I didn’t have a screwdriver, so I had to leave it behind.

    Okay, so the screwdriver is mostly for hoarding purposes. So what? It was a really nice doorknob. Those things sell for at least $20 a set.

    You never know when you’ll have to break into some place or steal something that requires a screwdriver to do so. Besides, since you aren’t carrying a knife, what are you supposed to stab people with?

    This is why “a Metrocard” isn’t included on the list. If you have a little bit of cash, you can get almost anything you need. A cab, a metrocard, a sandwich for yourself or another guy who looks like he could really use a sandwich, directions from that other guy who doesn’t really want to give you directions, a drink to quench your thirst, something to give the people who are mugging you, etc. The list goes on. There’s nothing worse than leaving home without cash and getting stranded or stuck without something you need because you were too dumb to just take a few singles with you.

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