How to Confront Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend When You’re Bad With Confrontations

    September 3, 2013 at 2:12 am

    It can be hard to confront someone you like and care about when you feel like they’ve done something wrong or which is hurting you. However, good communication is key to a successful (and more importantly, healthy) relationship. And if you can’t do your part, how can the other person begin to? Here’s how you can confront your boyfriend/girlfriend about an issue you’re having without being confrontational, you stupid bitch! That’s it, I’m moving out. It’s over!

    Don’t bring up your issue when you’re extremely angry or upset, even though these will be the times when you most feel the urgent need to talk to that person right fucking now oh god my head is going to explode if I don’t send these 40 angry text messages UGH STOP IGNORING ME.

    Give yourself a few hours or even a day or two to calm down. That being said, don’t blatantly ignore your person of interest just because you’re upset. If you have to, politely tell them in a short message that you’re feeling upset and need a little time to relax before talking about your problem.

    Once you calm down you will be able to process your thoughts better. This will prevent you from saying retarded shit that will later make you look bad. It will also help you to communicate more effectively. If you wait until you are calm and still want to say exactly the same things you wanted to say when you were feeling like sticking your head into a McDonald’s frier, you haven’t calmed down.

    Be kind. No matter how pissed you are, no matter how little you think the other person ‘deserves’ your kindness: always be nice. Being nice is conducive to getting what YOU want, and is beneficial to both parties but selfish at its core. Your kindness will not only disarm the other person but it will put you more in the right, wherever you stand. It will also make it easier to have a real discussion instead of an all out fight.

    If you have trouble standing up for yourself:
    – Understand that no one else is going to stick up for you except for you. You have to be your own friend in this situation. Try to realize that, in this case, you need to be honest about how you feel for everyone’s benefit. If you remain unhappy, the relationship will suffer and so will the both of you.
    – Even if you’re the shittiest person on earth, you deserve to be happy and treated with kindness by whoever you choose to be with. Don’t choose anything less than happiness for yourself. Why bother?
    – If the other person dislikes or thinks less of you for sticking up for yourself or expressing yourself to them, they are a total shit and there is undoubtedly someone else who will at least listen to you. Again, even if you suck, there are probably a lot of people who suck way worse than you and at least a few who suck as much as you (and are more than willing to put up with you).

    If you have problems being overly aggressive:
    – Refer to all that crap about calming down. It’s pretty important. You’ll never get your way if you act like an imposing, aggressive jerk.
    – Don’t let the other person rile you up. You want to win, don’t you? Then calm the heck down and talk to them with a kindness you never knew you had inside you.
    – Walk away if you have to. Don’t storm out, you dummy. Mention that you can feel yourself getting upset and need to separate yourself from the situation for a bit if it comes to that, and then get the hell out until you can act like an adult on your return.
    – Remember that kindness and calmness is more disarming than any other attitude you could possibly have.
    – Understand that different people have completely different perspectives on the same situation and that not everything the other person does should be taken personally. Not everyone is out to get you.

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