5 Ways to Make Girls Hate You

    July 30, 2013 at 4:30 am

    Ever wonder what you could do to make girls hate you? Here are 5 easy ways to make girls, or at least one girl (AKA me), despise you:

    Invade Her Space

    invade her space

    If doing any of the following things has ever worked for you on a normal girl (i.e. someone who is not passed out and/or an actual prostitute), please tell me. I would genuinely like to know. As far as we’ve ever seen, they only help make girls hate you even faster. So please use them, because it saves us valuable time we could be using talking to someone who isn’t freaking us out.

    – Repeatedly licking your lips in an exaggerated fashion as you glare at her face and/or boobs.

    – Touching her on the hip/side within five minutes of meeting despite her ability to clearly understand whatever uninteresting lines you’re dropping without physical contact.

    – As you look at her, flicking your eyes up and down in rapid succession to show her that you approve of her boner-inducing frame.




    You know you shouldn’t do a thing when it can be described by a term that Mystery, King of all Douchebags, from The Pickup Artist coined.

    For those of you fortunate enough to escape the brain-melting stupidity that was The Pickup Artist, it was a ‘dating rehabilitation’ type show where Mystery, a top-hat-wearing, Hot-Topic loving 14-year-old trapped in the body of a 45-year-old man would instruct a bunch of fumbling virgin nerds on how to successfully stick it to a consenting woman. Then, presumably, viewers would go out into the night and make girls hate them everywhere.

    One of Mystery’s favorite pickup tactics was something he called “Negging,” a practice in which the male would attempt a mean and/or insulting line to open a conversation with a girl, inspiring her to playfully defend herself from the attack and lower her so-called “bitch shield.” On the show, it totally worked (with the paid actresses who were playing the roles of ‘normal women’).

    The problem with doing this to real people that it just makes you look like a stupid asshole.

    Stupid: The ‘neg hit,’ as the sad dwellers of the ‘sosuave.net’ forums like to call it, sounds like a playground insult. It’s transparent. You’re obviously not talking to her because you think she’s ugly or flawed and just couldn’t stop yourself from telling her.

    Asshole: This part speaks for itself. Girls don’t want to hear your insecure, made-up speculations about how her “makeup is a little messed up” or that her “necklace doesn’t look like real gold.”


    Be Annoying


    Not knowing when to back off is the perfect way to make a girl both despise and fear you. Follow her around relentlessly, whether you’re in a bar or just flooding her inbox with a sea of pestering text messages. Try to add her on Facebook before you start laying it on thicker than old milk; this way, you can check out what events she’s attending and show up unannounced.

    If she’s responding to your multiple text messages with one-word answers, take it as an opportunity to ask her lots of questions. Or, if she doesn’t answer at all, follow up your own messages with some nudging: “?” and “…” are effective in making you appear needy and demanding and generally incapable of doing anything else but making girls hate you.


    Weird Compliments


    Everyone loves compliments.But hirls can tell when you’re delivering empty, meaningless praise. It’s like printing out a picture of a gold bracelet and taping it around your boner. Unless she’s in a vegetative state, she knows it isn’t real. It’s a pretty reliable way to make girls hate you.

    Besides not meaning what you’re saying, you can always deliver awkward compliments that leave little room for conversation to develop.

    Piercings are a great way to implement this practice. The girl has a piercing on her face; everyone can see it. She knows it’s there. You quell the wailing “NOOOOOOO” of common sense in your brain and say something like “cool piercing, why did you get it?” Or, “did it hurt?”

    She got it because she hates piercings and it didn’t hurt, either; needles passing through the skin on your face never hurts. Thanks for the stimulating discussion.


    Self Insufficient


    You shouldn’t have to buy a girl a damn thing. Why should you even have to buy anything for yourself? Make the girl do it; they’re the ones who wanted equality so bad!

    Don’t talk about how broke you are before the date; this way, she will be completely unprepared and neither of you will have planned something cheap and fun to do together. Show up for dinner and drinks with about $20 and then spring it on her. This way, she’ll probably chip in to pay for you just so the date doesn’t have to be cancelled early or moved to McDonald’s. And then she’ll never talk to you again.

    There’s nothing wrong with refusing to budget for another person’s rabid wine thirst, but not being able to take care of yourself is a problem.

    Unfortunately for all of us not living in a commune, money is required to take care of oneself. If you’re unable to do so, it inadvertently effects those around you. This is the least-shitty thing you can do, but you can always make it worse by adopting a demanding, entitled attitude and making empty promises to ‘pay her back’ for three or four dates until she blocks your phone number forever. That way you can probably get laid before you make girls hate you. Which makes you a successful sleaze, congratulations.

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