Tips For Dating a Stoner Girl

    May 10, 2013 at 4:30 am

    Never tell a stoner girl that she smokes too much weed. She doesn’t smoke enough. That’s how she feels about it. Don’t try to control her, man. You’ll harsh her buzz, dude. Don’t be a fucking square, okay? Trying to modify her behavior will only come off as annoying and she will think you’re a totally immature dingus before leaving your ass behind in a giant cloud of pot smoke.

    If you want to date someone who smokes less weed, date someone who smokes less weed. Don’t come in and start trying to rearrange shit; don’t touch her bong unless you’re going to smoke it.

    Sharing is caring; being a leech is not. Don’t smoke all of her weed or come over for blunts and Netflix movies empty handed. If she’s supplying, at least offer to contribute money. Weed doesn’t grow off of dredlocks.

    You don’t need to keep up. She probably doesn’t give a shit; she’s high as hell. If you dislike smoking weed or just can’t handle doing it often, don’t feel pressured to try and match her iron lungs. Forcing yourself to smoke when you don’t want to is most likely to bring out your awkward, uncomfortable, I’m-too-fucking-high-for-this-oh-god-am-I-acting-weird side. This makes everyone uncomfortable, including the girl who will be wishing you hadn’t smoked at all when you’re passed out and drooling on yourself.

    On weed related gifts: tread carefully. Nothing with a pot leaf branded onto it, please. If the girl you’re dating is unfortunately into pot leaf logos (and possibly an ICP fan), you still should not buy her anything with a pot leaf on it. Don’t encourage her. Unless you’re both being ironic, in which case I still hate you.

    If you’re still in the early stages of a relationship with this stoney girl but still want to get her a gift, a small glass bowl that she can bring with her when she must leave the weed cave of her house is always cute, lighthearted and appropriate.

    If you act cool, everything will be cool, man.


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