How to Get a Tattoo (That Doesn’t Suck)

    March 12, 2013 at 4:00 am

    It’s easy to get a tattoo. Getting a tattoo that doesn’t suck is a little harder. If you’re thinking about getting your first tattoo and don’t want to be like the guy whose portrait of his wife was so bad that he actually made the news, here are some tips to ensure that you get what you want:

    Actually Know What You Want

    Know what you want, even if what you want is for the artist to do whatever he wants (which might sound weird to you fucking noobs but in the Tattoo Scene, there are artists who are so great that people will pay them to ink whatever the hell the artist wants to in a designated area). If you “think you’re sure” about that Celtic cross or koi fish, just don’t. Come back when you’re ready.

    Or don’t. There’s nothing worse than looking at a tattoo you “were pretty sure of” and feeling a sort of doomed disappointment that you would be marked with whatever shitty flash you picked off the wall for life, that every dude you ever sleep with will see “embrace your dreams” written across your back in cursive when he fucks you from behind, that your kid will eventually be born and grow up looking at a big ole Hello Kitty plastered across your tits.


    Whatever Makes You Happy, Bay Bee

    If you really, really want to get a turd tattooed on your gunt, go for it. Only you know what you’re going to like the best; don’t let someone else talk you into getting something you’re not crazy about.


    Pick a Good Artist


    Don’t ask your friend where she got her one-eyed Betty Boop tramp stamp. Research all the places in your area using Yelp and whatever other review-y sites people are using these days. Visit the studio’s website. Look at the portfolios. You don’t want to find out how good they are after they’re done drawing mutant portraits on your arm. It also helps to look at artists who seem to be good at something related to what you already want (i.e. if you’re trying to get a dumb flower, pay closer attention to artists who have a lot of well done dumb flowers in their portfolios).



    Grumpy artists usually give good tattoos, but you shouldn’t feel intimidated by your artist or like he’s being a blatant asshole. If you feel like he’s mocking your shitty idea for a tattoo, run away and find someone else before you leave with a butterfly made out of secret dicks. A good artist is respectful of you and your idea.


    Give Artistic Freedom to the Needle Guy

    The person who is going to be marking your skin and altering your appearance for the rest of your life hopefully knows what he is doing. Take his suggestions into consideration and ask him what he thinks about the size and placement if you’re a little unsure.

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