5 Things to Do When Dealing With a NYC Subway Flasher and His Gnarly Member

    January 4, 2013 at 4:30 am

    We came up with this list of 5 things to do when dealing with a NYC subway flasher for a reason: Gawker recently published a story about a flasher on the L train. He wore a long jacket, women’s pantyhose and not much else, letting it all hang out like an above-ground tree root. Here are five things you should do if you find yourself in a similar situation, staring down the dick of a gross subway flasher.

    React According to Your Surroundings

    flasher on subway

    If it’s you, dealing with this NYC subway flasher and his gnarled member, and a snoring homeless dude on otherwise empty train car in the middle of the night, you may not want to pick a fight with someone who may or may not be a total rapist. Witnessing this act of nastiness in a fuller car where you have plenty of backup, however, calls for a different reaction.

    Just be aware that your backup may not back you up, as NYC is surprisingly full of pussies who don’t want to get involved with another’s business even if that person’s very life is at stake. I’m not only referring to the guy who a crowd of subway riders let die in the tracks, but from personal experience as well; as a female and NYC native, I assure you that getting harassed will often illicit downcast stares from those around you and little more.

    That being said, you can still use safety in numbers; if he’s out in public, he probably just gets off on having an audience and isn’t trying to kill you.

    Take a Picture

    Take a picture of the NYC subway

    Document that shit is a great means of dealing with that NYC subway flasher and his gnarled member! But be warned: he will probably like it when you pull out your phone and begin an impromptu photoshoot. If he doesn’t like it, he may become upset, which is almost just as bad as watching him enjoy yourself while you snap photos in disgust.

    It’s important to take a picture. The Gawker article about that NYC subway flasher was posted only a few weeks ago and almost 60,000 people have viewed it, many of which are probably NYC residents. You can post your picture on RateMyPervert.com (don’t bother; I made it up), turn it over to the police, send it into popular publications such as Gawker, and finally have an Instagram photo that will get more than six or seven likes.


    Don’t Panic or Flee in a Crowded Space

    Don't Flee the NYC Subway Flasher

    The Gawker article that I keep talking about mentions that the girl who took the photograph was “chased through a crowded subway station” by the pervert. No one stopped him, but he never caught her. If he had, what would he have done? Don’t run away if you don’t seem to be in danger. This encourages the wily pervert even more.

    Confrontation is the route to take here in dealing with the NYC subway flasher. Kick him in the balls, claw him in the face, or pull out that pocket-taser that you are illegally carrying on your keychain. You don’t have a pocket-taser? Why not? Because it’s illegal?! The police will understand, and if they don’t, Gawker will write about that, too. “Woman Chased by Dick-Wielding Pervert is Arrested for Defending Herself With Small Taser” probably won’t go over very well for the NYPD. If you’re a woman in NYC, you should really be carrying a small taser. Ours doubles as a vibe, so no one even knows we’re carrying.


    Scream. A Lot

    Make a scene. Scream your head off that there’s a pervert trying to touch you with his wiener wand. Let everyone know what’s going on. Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed; it’s the NYC subway flasher in this case who needs to be shamed.

    A lot of times, the subways are so crowded that it’s difficult to tell what the hell is going on even a few feet away from you. A lot of people probably didn’t even notice the L train NYC subway flasher; everyone on the subway is just trying to get where they’re going, isn’t interested in their surroundings and is too enveloped in Bejeweled to even raise their head to look at anyone else. The flasher was very quiet; to anyone but those sitting directly across from him, he just looked like some guy in a coat and shorts. Weirder outfits have happened.

    You have to let everyone know. This increases your chances of garnering help from an outraged passenger, and of the Nasty Dangler running away from you instead of towards you.


    Make a Friend

    Make Friends with the NYC subway flasher
    No one ever tries to talk to these guys or ask why they do what they do. The results would probably be horrific, but I wonder what he would have said if the woman asked him, “Hey, why do you have your dick out?” very loudly. Or even very quietly. What if she said, “You look really nice today; do you want to go to dinner? They say `no shirt, no shoes: no service,’ but they never said anything about pants.”

    I’m not saying she should want to go to dinner, just wondering what his response would be to such a question. I doubt there are many couples who are like “Well Bob waggled his exposed dick at me on the train 20 years ago and I just fell in love!” Not anymore since all those couples just meet on OKC now.

    This guy is not your friend. You understand that. You want to stand up for yourself and fight back a little. Don’t take the dick lying (sitting?) down.

    Speak Your Mind
    Tell us what you're thinking... and oh, if you want a pic to show with your comment, go get a gravatar!