Top 5 Gimmicky Ways CNN Plans to Boost Ratings

    June 1, 2012 at 8:58 am

    Which are at a twenty year low

    1. All interviews with world leaders to be conducted by Kathy Lee Gifford

    2. Instead of YouTube videos, mid-level anchors will now narrate amateur pornography

    3. Field reports now to come from a variety of loudmouth, obnoxious reporters who are sure to be taken hostage

    4. New segment where Anderson Cooper and chef Anthony Bordain break into celebrities’ houses and steal their files

    5. Lead anchors all replaced by naked French newscasters

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