7 Signs that the Airline Industry is Going Crazy

    June 23, 2011 at 6:00 am

    funny airplaneThe Airline industry is on the brink of collapse, and it’s going crazy as a result. Flying is more expensive and stressful than ever, the airlines are losing money, and the stress is starting to leak down to the lowly workers: the pilots, flight attendants, and baggage handlers. Over the past few months, there have been an unusually high number of incidents involving inappropriate behavior from airline employees. Flight attendants are freaking out on passengers. Pilots are spewing inappropriate rhetoric over their radios. Baggage handlers are using the passengers’ property as toilets. The airline industry is crashing down (pun intended) right before our eyes, and there’s nothing we can do to stop it. Here are 7 recent events that prove the airline industry is going crazy:

    Southwest Pilot Sends Homophobic Rant Over Radio

    Yesterday, an air traffic radio recording was released from a recent Southwest Airlines flight. The pilot of the aircraft didn’t realize that his radio button was stuck and proceeded to broadcast the homophobic, mysogonistic rant (above) to every radio tower and aircraft within about 300 miles of his location. This pilot is clearly unhappy with his work environment, and most of his frustration stems from the fact that Southwest apparently isn’t hiring any attractive, slutty, heterosexual flight attendants to keep their pilots occupied during their ground time. Why? Because all the hot slutty girls are probably going to work at strip clubs where the money’s better and the co-workers aren’t such jagoffs.

    Delta Airlines Baggage Handlers Pee in Luggage

    Sy Haze recently took a Delta Airlines flight from London to Minneapolis, and his luggage was lost when it was incorrectly routed in Boston. A few days after he arrived in Minneapolis, Sy received his luggage, so everything was cool then, right? Wrong. When Sy opened his luggage, he almost passed out from the overwhelming stench of urine. In fact, everything in Sy’s luggage was covered in pee. Sy doesn’t make a habit of peeing on his own clothes when he packs for a trip, and he also doesn’t make a habit of carrying piss around in his luggage, so the only conclusion is that somebody who works for Delta Airlines decided to relieve themselves in his luggage. Not cool, Delta. I know he’s British, but that’s still not cool.

    Virgin America is Bad at Waking Up Passengers

    virgin america planeLast Sunday on a flight from Orlando to Glasgow, a crew member was attempting to wake two flight attendants who were stealing a few minutes of shut-eye in some empty seats. the crew member tried to broadcast a message to the flight attendants’ seats, but accidentally ended up telling all of the passengers on the plane to “Get up, you cunts!” To make it more awkward, this incident happened fairly early in the flight, so passengers had to sit in a metal tube thousands of miles above the earth with some people who just called them cunts. Needless to say, they were not happy, and the entire crew of the flight is probably going to be fired.

    Jet Blue Flight Attendant Completely Loses It

    steven slater jet blue flight attendantYou may remember reading about Steven Slater, the Jet Blue flight attendant who told his plane’s passengers to “go f***” themselves last August. Steven had been attending to irritable passengers on a flight from Pittsburgh to New York City, and he was at the end of his rope. Shortly after the plane landed, Steven got into a verbal altercation with a passenger who decided he could stand up before everyone else was allowed to. Steven snapped. He got into a screaming match with the passenger, then got on the plane’s PA system, told all the passengers to “go f***” themselves, grabbed a beer, and exited the plane via the inflatable emergency exit slide, which is something we’ve all always wanted to do. Steven’s being hailed as a working-class hero, now, but he obviously got fired.

    Frontier Kicks Quadriplegic Passenger Off Plane

    john-morrisThe pilot of a Frontier Airlines flight kicked a quadriplegic passenger off of his plane, citing safety concerns. The passenger, 24-year old John Morris, had recently flown from Denver to Dallas for a family wedding. He didn’t have any problems on that flight, but on this one, the plane’s captain was having none of this “disability” stuff, and he kicked John off the plane, despite protests from John’s family and the other passengers around him. The airline also called three police officers on board to escort John from the plane, but the officers could only intervene if the passenger posed a safety concern, which they deemed he did not. Eventually, John and his family exited the plane, and they were able to fly home on the next flight because the captain didn’t have a concern with John’s disability. Apparently situations like this are left to the captain’s discretion, but there’s clearly no consistency in handling this situation. What’s the worst that could happen? If the plane crashes, they’re all going to die anyway. It’s not like people are gonna say “if only his arms and legs worked, he could’ve survived that horrific plane crash!”

    American Eagle Employee Gets Job with Fake ID

    jophan porterNew Yorker Anthony Frair tried to apply for food stamps earlier this year, but his application was denied because records indicated that he had a job with American Eagle Airlines. After some investigating, it was discovered that an American Eagle flight attendant (whose real name is Jophan Porter) had stolen Frair’s identification and used it to get a job as a flight attendant with American Eagle, which is owned by American Airlines. To further muck up the situation, Frair has an arrest record, and since 9/11, airlines aren’t allowed to hire anyone with a prior arrest record. Officials stated that a simple Google search would have brought up Anthony Frair’s criminal record, so apparently American Airlines isn’t doing any sort of background checks on the flight attendants they hire. Luckily, they’re still making us strip naked and step into an x-ray machine before we get onboard.

    United Airlines Pilot Was Drunk in the Cockpit

    drunk pilotAaron Cope was the first officer aboard the United Airlines flight he was co-piloting. His co-pilot didn’t notice anything was wrong at first, as Cope seemed coherent and level-headed. The only tip-off, says the co-pilot, was that he kept smelling alcohol every few minutes. It turns out that Aaron Cope was plastered. Luckily, he wasn’t manning any of the controls on that particular flight, but Aaron was supposed to pilot the flight immediately after that. When the plane landed in Denver, his co-pilot suggested that Aaron either take a breathalizer test or call of sick and leave. Aaron replied (probably quite drunkenly) ” well I guess I’d better call off sick, then!”. United eventually made Aaron take a breathalizer test, and he blew a .094, which is way above the FAA’s .04 limit. Yeah, that’s right: if you’re going to fly a plane carrying 70-80 passengers, you can only be a little bit drunk.




    1. Elsewhere says:

      Justin, Virgin America is strictly a domestic carrier. Flights to/from Orlando yes, Glasgow no.

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