The 10 Stupidest Mega Man Bosses

    June 15, 2011 at 6:00 am

    mega man bosses

    The Mega Man franchise has featured some of the coolest bosses in video game history. Mega Man robot bosses all embodied a specific element that they used to combat Mega Man. The Mega Man franchise began with boss characters harnessing the awesome powers of  fire, ice, and electricity…but then they had to make about 10 more Mega Man video games after that. Scraping the bottom of the video game bosses barrel, here are the 10 Stupidest Mega Man Bosses:

    Crash Man

    Mega Man 2

    crash manCrash Man has always bothered me because he doesn’t crash. He has drills for hands, and there was no “Drill Man in the first Mega Man, so why is he not called Drill Man? I guess we just have to chalk Crash Man up to a bad Japanese translation or just complete stupidity. Do they call drills “crashes” in Japan? Does anyone know Japanese? Anyone?

    Pharoah Man

    Mega Man 4

    pharoah manLet’s say you’re making a list of weapons, abilities, and moves to attribute to a video game boss. How far down that list is “An Egyptian Pharoah Robot”? Apparently, for Mega Man creators, it was around number 20 on the list. It’s not that he’s a terrible boss, but Mega Man 4 was way too early in the Mega Man series to be resorting to bosses this ridiculous. Let me put it this way: Napalm Man was in the Mega Man game after Pharoah Man.

    Shade Man

    Mega Man 7

    shademanDoes Shade Man create shade? Does Shade Man need to stay in the shade? Does he just love sunglasses? Even if the name Shade Man is just another bad Japanese translation, he still looks like a robot vampire Mr. Burns. Shade Man sucks.

    Wood Man

    Mega Man 2

    wood manWood Man looks really fat. Wood Man shoots leaves at you. Wood Man sounds like a normal last name. My high school science teacher’s name was Woodman. “Wood” is also a slang term for an erection, so Wood Man could also be a dude with a boner. Any of these can be reasons why Wood Man sucks. Take your pick.

    Junk Man

    Mega Man 7

    junk manJunk Man is literally made of garbage. He’s an episode of Hoarders personified…or rather, robotified. He’s kind of like Robocop with a stapler arm. All you really need to defeat Junk Man is a general sense of hygiene and some good ol’ fashioned common sense.

    Top Man

    Mega Man 3

    top manTop Man is a state of the art robotic enemy based on an antiquated, obsolete children’s toy. After that tidbit, he gets even worse: Top Man’s main attack is the Top Spin. That is, until he gets too dizzy. That’s right, folks: Top Man can get dizzy from spinning too much. That’s like if you were a black belt in karate, but every time you did karate you inevitably kicked yourself in the balls every thirty seconds. What a loser.

    Dust Man

    Mega Man 4

    dust man

    Dust Man literally sucks. His power is to act like a vacuum, kind of like Kirby. Oh wait, EXACTLY like Kirby. He’s as forgettable as that one game on your shelf that you never play, and that’s completely covered in–you guessed it–DUST. Dust Man is the quintessential example of Mega Man’s early downfall into lazy boss creations.

    Sheep Man

    Mega Man 10

    sheep man

    There is absolutely nothing intimidating about a sheep. For thousands of years sheep have been easily captured, domesticated, manhandled for their wool and easily slaughtered for food. The only thing less than a sheep would be…oh, I don’t know, plants.

    Plant Man

    Mega Man 6

    plant man

    And you thought The Happening was stupid! Why would you model and evil robot after a plant?! Sure, he’s got some viney appendages and some thorns here and there, but his head is a freaking flower! The only thing less intimidating than a plant would be…oh, I don’t know, bubbles.

    Bubble Man

    Mega Man 2

    bubble manYou have got to be kidding me!


    1. Nie says:

      crashman uses crash bombs..BOMBS.. he does not stab you to death with his drill hands.

      all of these robot masters are awesome

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