5 Better Uses For The Robocop Glasses

    April 14, 2011 at 5:00 am

    Brazilian police will debut a new pair of “Robocop” style glasses before this year’s World Cup that can scan large crowds for potential criminals.

    According to AOL News

    Dubbed “RoboCop” glasses after the 1987 action film, the glasses are fitted with a tiny camera that scans up to 400 faces per second. It cross-checks those images against a database of criminals and terrorists, and flashes a small red light inside the glasses if a match comes up. Then the officer knows whom to home in on and whom to leave alone.

    That sounds awesome, but what a waste of cool technology. Here are some better ideas for the glasses.

    Check The Crowd For Ex’s

    Nothing worse than heading out to the bar for a night of drinking and tricking women into thinking you’re a good guy and running into the ex-girlfriend. These glasses help take away the element of surprise (should she arrive after you) or assist in avoiding the potential time bomb all together. “How much is cover? Hang on (puts on glasses, scans crowd) Ok, here you go.” Nothing but potential ex-girlfriends all over the joint.

    Find Friends At A Sporting Event

    “Where are you? What parking section? You can’t be on Level 10, I’m standing on Level 10 and I don’t see you. What are you wearing? A jersey. Well that does us no damn good. I’ll just meet you inside the stadium. I’ll be the guy cheering and holding a beer. You’ll see me.”

    Make Hiring People Easier

    Job interviews are awful for everyone involved. Imagine just skipping all the lying with the help of the handy Robocop shades. “Your resume says you graduated in ’06 but the glasses are telling me you’re still six credits short. Oh and that girl you were humping in the last semester ended up having a kid that is probably yours. Might want to get the credits issue resolved first.”

    Get Your Own Magic Show In Vegas

    Imagine how much money you could rake in as a headliner in Sin City if you could know everything about the crowd ahead of time. And not just the fluff stuff that they get asked while waiting in line. “Hey everyone, thanks for coming to the show! Any card counters in the crowd? No? I beg to differ!”

    Convince People Your The Second Son Of A God

    You are omnipotent. You see all. You know all. The power is in the Ray-Bans. Who is your father? Well, whichever God the person happens to believe in. If they don’t believe in God, tell them they can still catch your show every 8pm in the Slots Of Fun Ballroom at the Mandalay Bay Las Vegas.

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