6 People That Can Ruin The Holidays

 
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    December 21, 2010 at 5:00 am

    The last time you had a perfect Christmas, you were probably also really excited about going into junior high that coming spring. Yes, it’s been that long since the holidays were fun. It was always better when you were a kid because you really didn’t have a life. As you get older, the suck of the holidays tends to increase.

    This year someone is going to make you feel like crap. They probably won’t mean it. Eh, maybe they will. People are usually jerks. Anyway, someone or something is going to ruin your holiday season. There is a good chance one of these people will be the culprit.

    Boss

    The boss can either start off your holiday with a bang or really kick it off with punch to your Yule Log. You might or might not get a bonus. It’s different every year. Even if he doesn’t hand out a bonus, he could do things to make the holidays a little more enjoyable: small Christmas party, half a day of work or even just a couple days off to say say “thank you” for a year of putting up with his crap. Normally, the boss doesn’t do bumpkiss. Just like the rest of the year.

    Parents

    Parents always think they are doing things “with your best interest in mind.” Meanwhile, they are actually making things ten times harder. They demand you’re presence for every single holiday moment (as if you’re still ten an living in the house) and then make you feel guilty when they out-gift you for the twentieth consecutive year. Oh and Lord forbid you out-gift them this year; they’ll find a way to make you feel bad about it until you finally either return it or break it on purpose.

    Martha Stewart

    Martha and the rest of television have a very sneaky way of making us feel awful about the way we celebrate the season. Sure, our decorations, wrapping and holiday events seem good enough until after an hour of watching Martha and the crew on television we feel like the biggest cheapskates in the world. We’d all love to have the best nativity scene in the neighborhood but we all can’t afford camel rentals and hiring actors from the local theater group. The plastic figures will have to be enough.

    Doctor

    Doctors appointments before the holidays are never a good idea. Especially if they involve any type of testing. The results won’t come in until after Christmas (possibly the New Year) and you spend the days worrying about the outcome and it ruins your entire holiday. It’s probably just a mole. Possibly Cancer. Or your growing a second head. Guess you’ll find out Jan 2nd. Enjoy the fruit cake!

    Ex

    Hell why not! They usually ruin the other 364 days in a year. Why not Christmas! He or she will find a way to creep back into your life and cause turmoil: a Christmas card to parents, a drop-in at a party or just a call on the phone to say “Hello. Merry Christmas. I’m still as loving as wet blanket.”

    Mark Zuckerberg (and Facebook)

    Zuckerberg, more likely Facebook, has an interesting way of making people feel miserable around the holidays. It’s a moment by moment realization for people that “just about everyone else is having a better time this year.” Old friends, new friends, exs, coworkers and even people you barely know are making merry. Just check their status updates. No, no, move the rope out of your eyes. Just put the noose around the back of your head. See, look at what fun they are having!

     
     
     
    5 Comments
    1. That Dude says:

      Screw the Doctor! They’re out to get me.

    2. Mike Hunt says:

      ugh, you really don’t know the difference between your and you’re?

    3. BeckyMinx says:

      My boss. I totally agree with that one. Making me work on christmas eve is just wrong.

    4. The Eggman says:

      I’d say we should do something about Martha but that broad looks like she can take a punch.

    5. brocklanders says:

      How about the perverted Uncle?

     
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