6 Things At Christmas That Sound Perverted

    December 17, 2010 at 5:00 am

    I’ve got a habit of making everything perverted. Can’t help it. I’ll change song lyrics to be dirty, use double entendre in everyday talk and sometimes just blurt out the word penis for fun. Fine, fine, I’ve got issues. So be it. It’s funny.

    This time of year brings out the worst in my school-boy humor. My wife claims I’ve forever ruined “Walking In a Winter Wonderland” because I sing it “Walking Round In Women’s Underwear.” This time of year is just ripe with opportunities to make the normal seem obscene. 

    Here are six things that come around the holidays that make me think of ideas more naughty than nice.


    Sounds more like a tag team from the late 80’s WWF. “Tonight on Saturday Night’s Main Event, The Bushwackers take on the Nutcrackers in a lumberjack match!” Not only is the name kind of perverted, the whole idea behind the things make a person cringe. Put your nuts right there. Any nuts. Wait for it. WHAM! I guess they do say exactly what they do though. No use calling them “Creepy soldiers that de-shell stubborn nuts.”

    Yule Log

    The word log makes anything perverted. “Wanna watch the Yule Log.” Tell me that doesn’t sound like a line from the creepy guy at work. It’s even creepier when you’re not sure what Yule means. Yule be sorry you wanted to see the log? Makes sense.

    Rum Balls

    This sounds more like a condition that occurs after too many Captain and Cokes at the company Christmas party. “Oh my God I woke up the next morning with such a case of rum balls, I couldn’t make it to the bathroom. I also woke up with Steve from accounting. Awkward. He asked if I wanted to see his Yule Log and I don’t remember what happened after that.”

    Egg Nog

    Sounds like an entry in the Urban Dictionary for the…let’s say…end result of a sexual encounter. Doesn’t hurt that it looks like it too. Luckily, it’s frickin’ delicious. Especially mixed with booze. Don’t drink too much though. You’ll get rum balls.

    Yankee Swap

    This has something to do with exchanging packages but sounds more like a game Swingers play around the holidays. “Let’s all throw our wives into the middle of the room and have a Yankee Swap! Oh, man, I got Rita again? I got Rita last year. Someone switch with me.”

    Santa’s Sack Full Of Goodies

    Disgusting. That old fat man should be ashamed. Bad enough he sneaks in kid’s houses.

    1. That Dude says:

      Santa’s sack must be hanging low these days.

    2. Habibies says:

      LoL Buahahah………. 😀

    3. Rex says:

      The phrase HO HO HO always got me

    4. The Eggman says:

      Your mom loves my yule log


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