6 Useless Gifts You’ll Probably Get This Christmas

    December 16, 2010 at 5:00 am

    People are usually awful at giving gifts. It’s understandable. It’s tough shopping for other people. Some of us can’t even shop for ourselves.

    It’s usually late in the Christmas shopping season, when all other ideas are exhausted, that people start going to Plan D-H. Crappy gift cards, gag gifts and useless gadgets are wrapped and tagged with your name. “To You. From Clueless Relative.”

    Here are 6 useless gifts. You’ll get at least one of these this Christmas.

    Gift Card To A Store You Hate

    Gift cards are great. Love them. Beats getting something you’re going to have to return, regift or just trash. But as good as gift cards are they can be horrible when they only work in a store that carries absolute crap. It’s almost better to keep the horrible gift card than to spend it on something just as useless. At least the gift card takes up less space in the house.


    CD’s still exist? Yes. It’s all your parents fault. Your parents and people scared of technology. Even if the band/album is fantastic, you’ve still got to burn it into your computer and the sound quality just isn’t as good as buying the damn thing on iTunes. Plus, once you burn the disc, you’ve got this worthless piece of round plastic hanging out. Just give it to a friend to burn or use it for target practice.


    If you’re into collectibles, more power to you, but if you don’t give a crap about something will be worth money in forty years (fingers crossed) it’s just a dust collector sitting on a shelf in the room of the house you never go into unless it’s to find all the crap you didn’t need but couldn’t throw away.

    Gag Gift

    Gag gifts can be funny, but only in the moment they are opened. They immediately become junk. Even in the box.

    Something You Were Into Years Ago

    A certain TV show. A band. Maybe a type of clothing. A fad basically. Something that consumed your life for a year or two and then you got over it except everyone in your family thinks you still love it to death. Now for the rest of your life you’re going to get a Hello Kitty related item. “Oh they buried her in a Hello Kitty zip-up! Adorable!”

    Single Purpose Gadget

    A screwdriver/corkscrew is inventive but pointless for anything besides uncorking wine, which you do, maybe once every couple months. The rest of the time there is this massive tool (that isn’t really a tool) hanging around the house looking for a place to hide. You should really be the only massive tool hanging around the house.

    1. Alex says:

      How does burning a CD not get you quality as good as itunes? Dumbest comment of the year! You can import in lossless format or use another program to burn it as an MP3 in a higher than 160 format.

    2. That Dude says:

      Does that Hello Kitty toaster really make a Hello Kitty imprint in the toast? Sign me up!

    3. FruitCake says:

      People always say fruitcake is always the worst … I just might enjoy it

    4. The Eggman says:

      I’ll take the Franklin Mint plates off your hands

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