6 Odd Reasons To Go See Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark

    December 14, 2010 at 5:00 am

    Reviews are still pouring in for Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark and they are just getting worse. The massive production from Bono and Edge still can’t figure out how the hell to make this show work. All signs point to “you can’t make something out of sh*t.” It was a bad idea from the start. Anything that takes this long to get to the stage and it’s still not right means it was probably never really meant to be. At least not this version.

    Even with all the bad press, mistakes and negative karma hanging around the show, I’m still considering throwing down a couple hundred bucks to see the spectacle with my own eyes. I think every fan of comic books, superheroes and the webbed wall crawling should check out the show. Here is why…

    It’s Kind-Of Historical

    The rumored budget is somewhere around $65 million dollars. That’s hovering in major motion picture territory. It’s got to be the most expensive live stage production ever. That means it will be the biggest flop ever. It’s a part of theatrical and pop culture history. It’s a future trivia question for decades to come. It’s more than enough reason to want to see it live.

    It’s Fun When Out-Of-Touch Celebs Fail

    If this were perhaps a Marvel production, or maybe Kevin Smith or some other super Hollywood comic fan boy idea, I’d kind of feel bad and think “well chaps, you gave it a shot, and it didn’t work out so well.” Nope. This is the child of Bono and Edge. Not exactly the first two people that scream out “huge super hero fans” except for Bono’s constant Cyclops specks. This is just an example of celebs trying to cash in on easy money makers. They see what superhero movies pull in even if they suck. Why not suckle on the masked cow’s teet? Well, now look what you’ve gotten into blokes. Not even your crap score could save this production.  Speaking of…

    The Music Is Awful

    According to people that have already seen the show, the music (much like the entire production) sucks web shooters. Shocked? Should anyone be? U2’s last decent song? Joshua Tree? Maybe a couple afterward but the rest have been overproduced piles of pop poop. Broadway shows need catchy tunes that people will remember not massive rock songs that sound like the B side to Monster Ballads.

    Sometimes Really Bad Is Better Than Really Good

    I’m huge into “car crash” entertainment: if you offered me tickets to the greatest musical and acting experience ever or tickets to see Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark I’d take the Spidey tix in a flash. Even though I’ve read numerous reviews claiming that the musical is the worst thing to hit anything, ever, it’s kind of one of those things that I’ve got to see for myself to really believe. I need to see and hear just how bad this show really is because I’m kind of masochistic in that respect.

    Something REALLY Tragic Is Going To Happen

    This might be the only Broadway show with an injured reserve list. It’s got more people physically unable to perform than an NFL team. Broken bones, concussions and actors suspended in air forever are all unfortunately leading to a really bad accident that will either end the show or possibly a life. Don’t you want to be there in case that happens? Sure, it’s morbid, but it’s also a story to tell the Grandkids. “I ever tell you the time I watched Spider-Man die?”

    If Enough People Go, The Show Will Go On

    Usually, if a show or movie is a flop or bust, it’s because no one pays money to watch. In this case, people are still showing up and spending money, just because it’s so damn bad. This has “Springtime for Hitler” written all over it. A show so bad it actually makes money?!? It’s unheard of! If people still show up, whether they fix all the problems or not, the show will still go on.

    1. SpidePride says:

      Wow his web-shooting abilities make me warm inside that’s a reason to see it

    2. That Dude says:

      65 million dollars? I can’t wait that budget! Insane.

    3. The Walrus says:

      A person dying makes a Broadway show only 13% better. True story.

    4. J Bob says:

      I’m amazed there was one reason let alone six. I’m still not going though.


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