Seven Family Circus Cartoons To Which I Can Relate

    November 17, 2010 at 6:00 am

    I’ll admit to being an avid reader of the Family Circus cartoon back when I was a kid. So much has changed in life since then. Comic strips stopped being funny and people stopped buying newspapers. Ask a person when the last time they did either was and chances are it’s been over a decade.

    So, of course, Hollywood thinks a strip like Family Circus would make a perfect movie. People don’t read comics, or papers, or go to the movies so it all makes sense in an odd way.

    The news of Family Circus getting a big screen push had me Googling old Family Circus strips. It’s not as funny as I remember and it’s actually taken on a whole new meaning now that I’m a father, husband and general curmudgeon with an invisible stick up his crack. Here is what I got from a couple Family Circus cartoons.

    People and their puns

    Honestly. It’s not cute. It’s not punny. Enough with the “Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana” or “A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours, and it taint mine”. I get it man. You listened in English while I was busy rubbing my crotch to the National Geographic women. It’s a lazy way of making a joke. Please make terrible jokes the old fashioned way: long and pointless. I’ll be happy to teach you.


    Even watching a show on demand, with one commercial every 5 minutes, I still get incredibly annoyed. Commercials before videos. Commercials after videos. Commercials made to look like TV shows. Magazine ads made to look like articles. People make a big deal about websites with NSFW content but it’s a hell of a lot easier to hide than the website that blare an ad for Viagra when you’re trying to surf at work.

    Double Standards

    Growing up I said I’d let my kid do anything because of how strict my parents where with their only child (that being me). Now that I have a child, I’m already cobbling together a list of things he isn’t allowed to do. I’m on page seventeen.

    Clowns Are Scary

    If you don’t agree you probably work as or are directly related to a clown. World’s creepiest profession. Right after ice cream man.

    Strippers At Yard Sales

    They come by every year. Luckily they pay in singles.

    People Suck at Expressions

    Simple rule people: if you don’t know the exact expression and exactly what it means, don’t bother trying to use it, you’ll only look foolish. My wife once said to me “A bird in the hand is, well, you know…” I knew. She didn’t. I’m still waiting for her to finish. That was six years ago. The bird is dead.

    Old People Are Frustrating

    Every week my parents come over to watch my kid. It’s like having two children in the house; an actual child and an adult child that once ruled my life. “The remote doesn’t work. Is the air on because it’s hot. Is the air on because it’s cold. What’s for lunch? Why do you keep peanut butter there? I’m bored.” Jeffrey should shut the hell up about Grandmom’s cell. He obviously isn’t the one that will have to sit down and explain it to her. BECAUSE IT DOESN’T SAY CALL IT SAYS SEND! I DIDN’T MAKE THE GOD DAMN PHONE!

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