6 Things Mariah Carey Could Have Said Were Under Her Shirt (Besides A Baby)

 
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    November 1, 2010 at 5:00 am

    Mariah Carey under her shirt

    Last week, Mariah Carey went on TV and announced to the world she was “with child.” She wasn’t referring to her husband Nick Cannon. Mariah Carey is going to have a baby, which comes as a shock to no one who has seen her picture recently. She is sporting quite the belly swell.

    I’m no fan of Mariah (don’t mind her really) but it really says something about this gossipy world that she has to announce to the world she is pregnant just to stop the “is she/isn’t rumors” or anything else Star magazine might make up about the singer. The media basically forced her hand.

    That doesn’t mean Mariah HAD to say she was pregnant. She could have used any other excuse for her slow weight gain around the waist. Here are some of the things Mariah could have said where under her shirt instead;

    Nick Cannon

    Nick Cannon under Mariah Carey's shirt

    He is constantly around Mariah. This just makes it so easier to explain. Mariah carries him around like a newborn because that’s roughly his age compared to the Glitter diva. If it really is Nick Cannon under her shirt, it’s probably the funniest thing the “comedian” has ever done.

    A Tape Player

    Tape player under Mariah Carey's shirt

    Mariah might not have the chops anymore to hit those high notes on a consistent basis, night in and night out for weeks on end. Her voice needs some down time but she has shows to do. Everyone once in a while, Mariah probably relies on the old cassette deck to get her through a performance. One night she hit RECORD instead of play and made herself an hour long tape of her stomach rumbling (along with muffled screams of Nick wanting to be let loose from her panty band.)

    Fat

    Fat under Mariah Carey's shirt

    It was bound to happen. She couldn’t stay hot forever. It’s probably just years of ice cream and waffles finally catching up to her. All she wants for Christmas is you and a couple pints of that limited edition Haagen Daz Rum Raisin. She likes to spread it on bagels with a cup of coffee before breakfast.

    Booze

    Liquor under Mariah Carey's shirt

    We all know Mariah likes to have a little sippy, sippy of the devil’s cough syrup. See, watch.

    It’s probably like a mini-bar under that dress. Small bottles of vodka, rum and anything to keep her going through a performance, award show or one more night of sex with Nick Cannon. Ok, Nick trying to have sex with Mariah is probably the funniest thing he has ever done.

    Copies of the movie Glitter

    Glitter under Mariah Carey's shirt

    All those DVDs that were “sold.” Umm yeah, Mariah bought them and she is hiding the evidence. She signs them and hands them to fans in public. Oddly, they are still worthless, even with her John Hancock. Glitter is the funniest thing Mariah has ever done.

    Precious

    Precious under Mariah Carey's shirt

    Not copies of the movie, the actual girl that played Precious. Gabby whatever. She hangs out under Mariah’s shirt. It’s warm, and there is plenty of booze and free ice cream. If she really gets hungry, she can eat Nick Cannon.

     
     
     
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