EgoTV

Flaming Bridge Collapses Like Dominoes (Awesome Video)

Drew Villano — Fri, 24 May 2013 11:48:45 +0000

Watch this giant bridge collapse like a toy after burning in a fire.

Tiny Dog Cleans Lion’s Teeth (Video)

Drew Villano — Fri, 24 May 2013 11:42:43 +0000

A tiny dog befriends a gigantic lion in this cute video of the king of the jungle getting his teeth licked clean. So they are basically making out. What’s next, people marrying goats?!

Drunken Tan Mom’s Terrifying Music Video

Drew Villano — Thu, 23 May 2013 18:42:33 +0000

Tan Mom needs an intervention, but everyone is too busy running away from this video, screaming and holding their heads, to notice. Here’s Tan Mom’s “ironic” attempt at music.

SWAT Team Drives INTO House (Video)

Drew Villano — Thu, 23 May 2013 18:39:19 +0000

A SWAT team rams through a house to save a 3-year-old who was being held hostage inside. The rescue is also caught on tape. This all happened after an enraged man attacked his wife and kidnapped their own child.

5 Simple Things That Annoy You More Than They Should

Drew Villano — Thu, 23 May 2013 16:48:52 +0000

We, as humans, have short fuses. And let’s face it: most of our genius inventions are total shit and are constantly failing to work properly. This combination tends to lead to a dangerous level of annoyance that wedges itself right in between complacency and complete aggravational eruption. You purse your lips, clench your jaw, and silently retreat to the bathroom to punch yourself in the face 30 times before returning to your cubicle. These are your everyday grievances that prod and poke at you; the most absurd and infinitesimal of First World Problems that manage to drive you into a murderous rage anyway. [By Zach Golden]

Automatic Faucets

It’s been 13 years since we arrived at the “future” that is the 21st century. You’d think our technological aspirations could have perfected the automatic faucet by now. Unfortunately, most times I take a dump in a public bathroom and therefore am forced by the laws of society to wash my hands, it feels like innovation has truly let us down. The frustrating tango that one must embark upon in order to coax the water out of the automatic faucet is a constant annoyance.

Am I holding my hands too close to the censor? Too high? Too low? When the water finally does come out, why for only one split second, which consequently only washes one of my hands, leaving the other one doused in the pink slime they call soap? Even if you do happen to come across one of the automatic faucets that supplies a steady, functioning flow, there’s a 70 percent chance you’re about to get scalded by the water…and that sucks too. American Standard, go fuck yourself.

Delayed Remote Control Response Time (DRCRT)

It's making this guy inconsolably miserable

Delayed Remote Control Response Time, known as DRCRT, is the syndrome that your television exhibits when it is not responding as quickly and/or accurately as it should to the requests you make via your remote control. It’s that two-second delay that occurs when pressing the buttons, basically.

I’m repeatedly pressing 704. 704. 704. I know I’m doing it right; I am watching my fingers hit the buttons. Yet somehow, I’m ending up on 70, then 47, at the horrifying Robin Byrd Show. This sluggish pace can lead to remote control throwing, important home run missing, and uncontrollable yelling.

Unplugging my cable boxing, waiting ten seconds, and plugging it back in is the remedial equivalent to putting a band-aid on Cancer…I’m looking at you, Time Warner Cable.

Arm Rest Covers

These should really just be called “things you constantly need to pick up off of the floor”. They serve no purpose.

The Soap Situation

Somewhat irrelevant but very creepy.

This next issue is really nobody’s fault, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying. You get in the shower, realize that your bar of soap has shrunk to about the size of your big toenail, and have to decide whether you are going to jump out of the shower, naked and wet, soaking everything in the vicinity to grab a new bar, or convince yourself that this flake of soap will be sufficient for sterilizing your entire body, which it definitely will not. This happens about once a month if you’re a generally clean person, once every three months if you’re a smelly basement dweller, and once a year if other people should be ensconced in the protection of Hazmat suites while in your presence.

Warning: After you’ve completed the Mecca to that cabinet under your sink to grab the boxed Lever, be careful stepping back out of that shower, because the tiled swamp that you’ve turned your bathroom into is ripe for paralyzing neck injuries!

Skipping Netflix DVD’s

The era of the DVD is coming to a end, but until literally everything that was ever released theatrically, televised, or screened in a posh coffee shop by your college buddies is available to instantly stream, I will continue to utilize DVD’s. And nothing quite makes me suicidal like a Netflix DVD that skips when you try to watch it.

Beasts of a Southern Wild has finally arrived in your mailbox, against all the odds the U.S. Postal Service stacks against you these days. But there it is, in its shoddy and completely unsubstantial paper packaging. The first twenty minutes are pristine, but then it begins: The continuous yet erratic skipping that makes any film impossible to watch without gouging your own eyes out. You take out the DVD to examine its flip side, and just as you suspected, its metallic layer more closely resembles a the delicate wrists of an emo teen than a functioning DVD.

Pic of the Day: The Feeling of Warm Sand

Drew Villano — Thu, 23 May 2013 12:14:36 +0000

Things are about to get awkward.

How Companies Mine Your Personal Information to Sell You Stuff You Didn’t Know You Needed Until You Knew You Needed It.

Maximus Fish — Wed, 22 May 2013 21:26:16 +0000

The other day I went into the local national chain pharmacy to purchase some lubricant and I was surprised to see that the receipt was over a yard long with coupons for all sorts of vitamins, antihistamines and pain relievers. It turns out that the “local” pharmacy uses quantitative data analytics to mine personal information to determine that certain transactions have predictive value for future purchases.

Analyzing purchase habits is big business. For instance, Target can figure out if you’re pregnant by your purchases and send you what you think are coincidental coupons.

: a two foot long receipt for making a purchase at CVS pharmacy

When people think they are getting a discount by entering a tracking code, it really says, “Track me! Track my purchases! Learn everything about me so you can sell me stuff!” This multiplied by a billion in combination with credit card data and other marketing data is big business. Your data, whether it be your online browsing habits to what you ‘like’ online is up for grabs and worth a lot of money.

Data miners know everything about you. They analyze human psychology to provide what appear to be beneficial perks and create environments that are conducive to spending. Companies use scripts, colors, and environmental cues to gain your trust and encourage you to get in, spend, and part you with your money in a pleasant manner.

The whole definition of “economy” is based off the idea that people buy and sell goods. Big data is creating new “needs” by using this information to send us coupons and offers for products that we didn’t know we needed, but has analyzed our purchasing and demographic profiles to figure out that we needed them.

Every purchase you make on your store loyalty card identifies you, and mechanisms are in place to sell you more stuff in the future. In the lube situation, depending on my coupon use afterwards, the company will know how to further market stuff I “need.” So how can I convince them that I am deeply violent with bizarre and uncontrollable sexual urges to get discounts on the things I actually like?

I have a fetish for dogs wearing sunglasses

The thing to remember is that the modern world is interconnected with machines that want to know you better than you think you know you. IBM isn’t simply a company that makes chess playing computers. Their whole business model is built off sharing consumer data amongst companies and other entities to increase economic efficiencies.

To counter the idea of big companies selling you stuff you didn’t know you needed until you needed it, it’s a good idea to buy stuff that you know you don’t need to make them think you knew you needed it. Then return this stuff you made them think you knew you needed that is not actually needed and use the coupons in the future from the stuff you bought that you knew you didn’t need but convinced them you knew you needed to actually purchase stuff that both you know you need and they know you need. At a reduced price of course.

Awesome Car Rally Crash

Drew Villano — Wed, 22 May 2013 21:19:05 +0000

Can you imagine a race where you were supposed to do this along the entire track?

Base Jumper Narrowly Escapes Death

Drew Villano — Wed, 22 May 2013 21:16:16 +0000

This guy was getting Based when his jump got messed up and caused him to fall 1,000 feet. Now he only has 8 lives.

Pickup Truck Sand Jump FAIL

Drew Villano — Wed, 22 May 2013 21:08:39 +0000

This guy’s truck is going to be washing sand out of its vagina for the next 20 years.

Pic of the Day – Forever Alone Status: Cat Lady

Drew Villano — Wed, 22 May 2013 14:36:54 +0000

We’re surprised this woman was able to dig herself out of the mountains of cat food and mummified animals piled in her house long enough to actually purchase all these stickers, and even more so that she put them on her car instead of adding them to the rest of her hoard.

WTF Pic of the Week: McDonald’s Parenting FAIL

Drew Villano — Wed, 22 May 2013 12:27:57 +0000

Oh no you didn’t, lady. Nothing says “delicious” like watching some evil older woman change her kid on a table right in the middle of McDonald’s. This woman realizes the true importance of teaching your children how to stay classy and live a clean, dignified lifestyle from a very young age.

20 Models in Really Awkward Poses

Drew Villano — Tue, 21 May 2013 15:42:48 +0000

Here are some models whose artistic vision has left them looking like that well-creature from The Ring; nothing says sexy like hunching over and flailing your arms around like a bath salts addict. Here are 20 models in poses that were so awkward, we got acne just looking at them

Worst Scooter Driver Ever (Video)

Drew Villano — Tue, 21 May 2013 14:58:47 +0000

This guy got a hole in one, but the only prize he’s won is a bunch of minor injuries and hopefully a revoked license.

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=af1_1369050002

World’s Best Trampoline Trickshot

Drew Villano — Tue, 21 May 2013 14:28:24 +0000

This kid’s one in a million shot is probably the coolest thing he’ll ever accomplish, only because he did something that probably only a handful of people have accomplished out of earth’s population in the multi-billions.

Pic of the Day – Deer Picnic

Drew Villano — Tue, 21 May 2013 14:23:35 +0000

Okay, so it was an accidental deer picnic, but it was this guy’s fault for not bringing enough to share with the whole class.

Pic of the Day – Drinker’s Logic

Drew Villano — Mon, 20 May 2013 17:23:02 +0000

Whether you’re celebrating or grieving, this bar really knows how to reach the secret alcoholic hiding within us all.

WTF Pic of the Day – World’s Most Crowded Island

Drew Villano — Fri, 17 May 2013 14:14:02 +0000

“Colombia’s Santa Cruz del Islote is the world’s most crowded island. It has no electrcity, but plenty of people. It is so densely populated that people have to walk through each other’s kitchen to get from one place to another.”