Roman Polanski, eat your heart out.

In Bulgaria… where a significant portion of girls actually do marry between 14 and 17, a girl named Kordeza Zhelyazkova, 11, was set to marry her boyfriend, Jeliazko Dimitrov, 19, when she went in to labor. That’s right… 11. Their romance involved him saving her from bullies on the playground. For the full tale of the sordid romance, check out the full article here.

Apparently, she even showed up to the hospital still wearing her wedding dress and tiara to give birth to daughter, Violeta. Her BF now faces up to six years in jail for having sex with a minor… but, they were about to get married? How did — ? — eh, screw it.

Ah, Bulgaria! Ah, humanity.

For more details, check out the full story.

You might have caught the extended (no pun intended) New York Times Magazine expose` on Megan Fox this past week. If you didn’t, well, then you’re obviously not interested enough…. so here are some of the outtakes from the photo shoot! Thanks for puttin’ these out on your website, Megan!

In the NYT piece, Megan said that women think she’s slutty because they were jealous… Of course, lifting your leg over your head in your underwear (Did I see a pubic hair peak out?) might have something to do with it, too… as well as all those salacious tattoos!

She also imparted this tidbit of wisdom recently to Cosmo, about the power of that vagina of hers:

“Women hold the power because we have the vaginas. If you’re in a heterosexual relationship and you’re a female, you win.”

Ummm… I think she’s right?

Okay, okay! I give, Megan! You’re right! I’m sorry!

For the rest of the “outtake” photos, visit Meganfox.com!

• Hot Russian DJs and more! (Busted Coverage)
• Top 20 Odd Named Sexual Products (College Humor)
• Cologne Based on Michael Jackson’s DNA (MadeMan)
• Mini Polar Bear Attacks Man (Uncoached)
• Keeley Hazell goes nude for PETA (Nothing Toxic)

The film, which may or may not show more (haven’t seen it, though it has a 7.2 on imdb), stars Zac Efron, Ben Chaplain, and is directed by “Dazed and Confused” writer/director Richard Linklater.  Claire also recently tied the knot with actor Hugh Dancy. I’ll bet he gets to see more.

To see what happens “when the stars come off,” check out the racy photos, sans-stars, at the Huffington Post!

(Thanks Manolith for this one!)

• Oxford Students Get Naked for Charity Calendar (Just A Guy Thing)
• Internet Application for Adults (College Humor)
• Bacon Flavored Popcorn (Frat Fury)
• 9 Weird Mouth Watering Meats (MadeMan)
• Escaping Your Roomates Sexcapades (Dude)

It’s not like your weekly sports slate isn’t already filled up enough with college football, NBA, and NFL games. Now you’ve got to make time for college basketball! The Top 25 is littered with the usual suspects like Kansas @ 1, North Carolina @ 6, Duke is ranked 9th, and UCONN @ 12. We all know none of this matters until March Madness, but that doesn’t stop us from sitting a the bar on a Tuesday night screaming at the TV for our favorite college team.

AP Division I Top 25

As always with a new season comes new stars. Here is some young guns that you should be keeping you eyes on this year.

Sherron Collins: G/Kansas

Collins is a preseason All-American by many outlets… Has been Kansas’ leading returning scorer each of the last two seasons with 18.9 ppg in 2008-09 and 9.3 ppg in 2007-08… Enters his senior season No. 25 on the KU career scoring list with 1,330 points… Also ranks in the KU career Top 10 in three-point field goals (8th at 162) and three-point field goals attempted (9th at 426)… Has made a huge impact in his first three seasons at KU – the 2008 national title, three Big 12 regular-season championships, two league tourney titles and two NCAA  Tournament Elite Eight appearances… Kansas is 91-16 (85 percent) in games Collins has played in while at KU.

Willie Warren/G Oklahoma

Unanimous choice as Big 12 Freshman of the Year … A second-team All-Big 12 selection … A consensus first-team freshman All-American … Named national freshman of the year by Athlon Sports … Seven-time Big 12 Rookie of the Week (one shy of league record) … Ranked second on team in scoring (14.6 ppg) and in assists (3.1 apg) … Also averaged 2.2 rebounds and 1.1 steals in 31.3 minutes per contest … Shot .473 from the field, .372 from 3-point range and .781 from the free throw line … Set school freshman records for games started (34) and 3-pointers (67) … Finished year ranked third in OU freshman history in scoring (525 points), fourth in free throws made (114) and attempted (146), fifth in assists (113) and steals (41) and sixth in points per game … His seven games of at least 20 points were the most by an OU freshman since Tim McCalister had nine such outings in 1983-84.

Ed Davis: PF/North Carolina

Shared honors with Wayne Ellington as co-most improved players on the Tar Heels • Scored 11 points and grabbed eight rebounds in 14 minutes against Michigan State in the 2009 NCAA championship game • Had seven points and five boards in the first half as the Tar Heels raced to a 55-34 lead over the Spartans • Selected to the ACC’s All-Freshman Team, the 15th Tar Heel to make that team since 1994 • Averaged 6.7 points, 6.6 rebounds and 1.7 blocks per game • Played in all 38 games and made two early-season starts • Second on the Tar Heels and tied for 12th in the ACC in rebounding • Led the Tar Heels in rebounding 12 times, including eight boards in the national championship game.

Evan Turner/G Ohio State

Evan Turner, a four star recruit, had a solid freshman campaign, averaging 8.4 points and 4.4 rebounds in 27 minutes per game. However, as a sophomore, Turner made great strides, upping his production to nearly 17 points and 7 rebounds while flashing his shooting ability, shooting over 50% from the field this year and over 40% from three-point range. Turner was a 2009 First Team All-Big 10 selection and would likely have been a first round selection, but chose to return for his junior year to tear up the league…again!

John Wall/PG Kentucky

Wall was the No. 1 recruited point guard in the country last year and with his explosive athleticism he will give John Calipari’s Kentucky team a star point guard from the start of the season. Wall’s playmaking ability include sharpshooting juco recruit Darnell Dodson, incoming freshman big man Daniel Orton and athletic sophomore wings DeAndre Liggins and Darius Miller. Long story short, don’t be surprised if you catch a case of deja vu when you watch Big Blue play next season–Wall will remind you a lot of Derrick Rose and with him on the team, Calipari could have another team back in the Finals this year.

Reduce the Bumps

How do you make an advertisement engaging to it’s viewers? Add bubble wrap!.. Absolutely brilliant! Who doesn’t like to pop bubblewrap? It could quite possibly be one of the best inventions ever made because not only does it protect, but it provides hours of entertainment. I personally like the random guy ad the ad just to pop the bubble wrap. I wonder if he even knows that the ad is for removing cellulite?

What’s the Bright Idea?

If you guessed putting a light bulb on a billboard then you are correct! I have to say that I like it for it’s creativity but they must be pretty confident that someone will walk under it at the same time that someone is looking towards it.

Mammoth

I couldn’t think of a better way to promote a ski resort through a billboard that normally would be so boring.

Comb

Rejoice!…for the guy that had to put this up and is still alive! When was the last time you even saw an advertisement for a comb? Let alone one as unique as this? It’s a little different than the ones you got during class picture day.

Bend Over!

“Excuse me sir, but do you have a mint? Perhaps some Banaca?” – Ace Ventura, Pet Detective.

I wonder what’s going through these people’s minds as they walk go through someone’s “exit only?”

Alcoholic’s Dream

What could be better than a tanker full of whiskey? I can just see bums running up that truck trying to drink the fake whiskey.

All You Can Eat

With ads like these you would think that the Australia would be the fattest country in the world.

Red Spray

I’m sure that every graffiti artist gets jealous when they see this ad. Imagine if they could take their art off the walls and onto cars and the street!

Paint Spill

We’ve all see Nationwide Insurance’s TV commercials but who knew that they could make a billboard just as funny? Not sure how this pertains to most people because I personally have never been in a parking lot in fear of a giant paint can tipping over onto my car. It looks cool though!

Dropped Calls

As an AT&T (formerly Cingular) customer I see the irony in this ad as I know more people that have dropped calls with AT&T than any other carrier.

Slingshot

I think this is by far one of the coolest ads I’ve ever seen. Not for the advertisement but for the slingshot! Can you imagine what you could do with a slingshot that big?

In the vacuum before the next big holiday rush, Hollywood likes to drop in at least one big blockbuster that’s virtually guaranteed to blow up no matter when it’s released. We feel sorry for everybody else, but there’s always the crossover traffic from theater-goers who slip in to the other screens right after the previews. Too bad those numbers don’t count.

Still, movie makers make sure to fill up the freebies with plenty of boob shots, hoping for some word of mouth buzz that will bring in real, paying customers when the eagle-eyed Matinée manager is on duty. Thank goodness for the bean counters!

So here are the best bets for this week’s EgoTV BOOB Watch — our picks for Box Office Opening Babes.

The Blind Side: A few times a year we get a true story meant to instruct us on how lucky we are to have such a nice life. This time around it’s the homeless giant who turns out to be surprisingly good at knocking people on their asses. Sandra Bullock is our moral guide this time when we learn that all you have to do is feed a stray Right Tackle and all will be right with the world. SB is looking very Cougarish and still reasonably hot as a bleached blonde, but what’s with the phony southern drawl? Oh well, at least the backfield’s in motion.

Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans: We recently found out Nicholas Cage went bankrupt. Is he paying everybody back for all the time we’ve wasted watching his terrible movies? We figure he owes us at least 50 bucks. Luckily, Eva Mendes shows up as the GF who tries to set this rogue cop straight, while Katie Chonacas does her best to make sure he keeps walking crooked. Make that 60 bucks.

The Twilight Saga: New Moon: Girls are suckers for pasty faced vampires, that’s a given. But why do New Age vampires seem to prefer boob-challenged chicks? Doesn’t a big rack hold more life giving fluids? Kristen Stewart, Ashley Greene, Elizabeth Reaser and Nikki Reed are all captivating beauties in the face department, but they really should consider turning those hefty Hollywood paychecks over to a talented Dr. Milkwagon. In the old days,  victims had plenty of flesh to bite in case the Undead missed the neck on the first try. Where’s Peter Cushing when you need him?

That’s all for this week. Tune in next time for our EgoTV’s Boob Watch when we round up the weekly offering of Box Office Opening Babes. In the meantime… say thanks for the mammaries!

There is nothing quite like watching two hot chicks get it on.  You probably remember our recent post of the Top 10 Celebrity Lesbian Kisses. Well our friends over at Girl2Watch.com have put together their own list, this time complete with video.  Check out their countdown, and vote for your favorite -

Including this clip of this week’s Girl2Watch Christine Woods from ABC’s FlashForward:

This week we go south of the border to find our hump day hottie; WAAAY south. Not much is known about Ana Carolina Dias other than she hails from Brazil.  But honestly, what more do you really need to know about this beauty?  (besides maybe her measurements…)

For more photos check out Double Viking!

If you had spent a ton of money, 1.6 million dollars to be exact on a Bugatti Veyron, then you would probably make it a priority to be extremely careful driving it. Am I right? Some idiot in Texas was driving around looking at real estate when he was distracted by a pelican, yes you heard right, a freakin’ pelican, and drove his $1.6 million dollar Veyron right into a lake. Must have been one hell of a pelican. Maybe it had a hot naked girl flying on its back -- who knows. But what we do know is that he was distracted, and jerked the wheel, dropping his cell phone and drove the car right into the lagoon.

Man, I bet he stopped looking at real estate stat. There goes the down payment…. going towards another ridiculously expensive car? Or maybe he opted for a Hyundai this time around.

I don’t feel bad for people like this. Bad drivers should not be allowed to drive cars that cost more than the average person’s home. But then again, in Galveston, TX, that’s more than 99% of the homes, maybe even 100%!

Here’s a video of this poor car submerged in the lagoon. Do you think his insurance is going to pay for this? Eek!

Thanks to Just a Guy Thing for this one!

• Ringo is the coolest Beatle (AskMen)
• Rachel Bilson is officially super hot (Uncoached)
• 40 Hot Girls Dressed as Jessica Rabbit (Manofest)
• Enrique Santos’ Black Face vs. Sammy Sosa’s White Face (Busted Coverage)
• Amateur Photos. Big Boobs. (Spewf)

No, this incredible bike is not going to be available soon, or ever for that matter.  Looking like something straight out of Akira; the Suzuki Nuda concept made it’s debut at the 1986 Tokyo Motor show.  Details on this motorcycle are sketchy, reportedly is was powered by the DOHC in-line four GSX-R750 engine.  Over 20 years later the design still looks fresh.  This got me thinking, what else from 1986 is still this fresh?

visit Bikeexif for more about the Nuda Concept

Thanksgiving is the oldest American holiday and represents a long proud tradition of learning how to graciously accept offerings from your host, then driving them off their land onto reservations with the promise that one day they’ll be able to open up their own Casino.

Since virtually all the gambling licenses have been handed out by now, it’s time to update Thanksgiving. Here are some new ideas and inventions which will shake up the table on Turkey day in a way that hasn’t happened since the first electric knife was used to carve up the Boss’ family after dinner and WAY too many Egg Nogs.

Dress For Dinner Napkins

Since most Thanksgiving celebrations start on Wednesday about 5 minutes after you leave work  (hey… a 4 Day weekend… how often does that happen?) it might be a little rough to roll out of the sack when the dinner bell is rung on Thursday. Just tack one of these napkins under your unshaven chin and over your 2-Day Tee, pop on a Unabomber FBI custody sports jacket and you’re all set!

Plate For People Who Sit Between

Since you rolled out of bed drunk and slapped on that crappy tie, you’ll probably be rewarded with a seat at the awkward joining of mismatched tables. No worries! This plate automatically compensates for the difference in table height and gives you an edge over the other suckers who the host wishes would have stayed home… like the kids.

The Glass Tank

Now that you’re stuck in that awkward spot with no leg room and next to the kiddies, you won’t want to have to get up too often or reach to refill your drink. In fact, the less you have to interact with anyone, the better! That’s why this never ending wine glass comes in real handy. By the time you drain this beauty no one will even notice you haven’t asked for seconds. Because you won’t be able to form a coherent sentence anyway.

Finger Forks

Being squeezed in as an afterthought means you have to watch those elbows. Do you use the big fork? The little one on the left? Who cares? Now you can just reach across the table and stab at whatever dishes strike your drunken fancy. Have to scratch an itch? Your hostess’ itch? No problem! Finger forks come in handy UNDER the table too!

Thanksgiving Dinner Phone

In case you can still make intelligible conversation but have nobody grown up to talk to, you can make a call without insulting your host. Pretend to be munching on a delicious turkey leg as you’re really driving up their phone bill with calls to 900 numbers charging holiday rates!

Turkey In A Box

Just in case your host expected you to bring something (is Thanksgiving the new Christmas?) you’re sure to be a hit with this thoughtfully cheap piece of crap. This turkey decorating kit comes complete with tail feathers, wings and a Pilgrim’s hat. Beats bringing the bird itself!

Synthetic Wish Bones

As the dinner winds down it’s time for another age old tradition. But who says you only get one chance at the wish bone? Imagine the confusion you can cause when the kid’s get a second (even a third!) chance to steal a wish from Grandpa! Pass ‘em around the table and nobody goes home broken hearted.

The Ginnifer Goodwin Adopt-A-Turkey Campaign

If you’re fed up with phony Thanksgiving traditions you can strike a blow for next year by joining Ginnifer Goodwin and her quest to replace turkey with tofu as the main course at Thanksgiving dinners to come. Wow. It’s true. Who speaks up for turkeys? But wait…. tofu?  A Tofurkey??? Why be so radical?

We say, let’s ease in to the transition. And what better way to wean us off the bird than with a nice, healthy slice of juicy BACON! After all, nothing beats bacon like more bacon!

Gobble, Gobble!!!

Victoria’s Secret is smart. Very smart. We all know why they send out their catalogs -- not for the girls, but for their husbands, boyfriends and brothers (ew!). Most girls subscribe to the catalogs because they’ve bought something either online and in the store, but after the 100th catalog (because we all know that they send WAAAAY too many) of the month, it gets annoying. But, that’s when the guys swoop in and capitalize on the half naked super hot models. Hey, it’s like getting a free Playboy without all the articles. Here are some of our favorite VS videos that you must see… Talk about hot girl overload!

• NFL: Need a second chance? Call Mike Brown (Yep Yep)
• Victoria Beckham See Through Top (EpicCarnival)
• Carrie Prejean has 8 Sex Tapes (Just A Guy Thing)
• Things You Didn’t Know About Whiskey (MadeMan)
• Revolving Door Entry FAIL (Mr. Feature)

1. She moves fast

She insists that you meet her friends after your first date because they’re just dying to meet the new man in her life. By the third date she’s introducing you as her kinda-boyfriend, and by the time the fifth date rolls around she’s referring to your parents as her in-laws. She’ll deny it if you ask, but she’s on the hunt for a husband. Lose her now before she pulls the classic “I accidentally got pregnant because I accidentally poked holes in your condom and accidentally threw out my pill. LOL.”

2. She loves protests

It doesn’t matter what people are protesting against or how much blood they make her throw on people wearing fur – she’s just happy to be part of a crowd. That’s because crazy people like being around other crazy people, it’s simple science. Dump her now or risk spending every weekend marching in a save the ticks rally and every night having fights through a bullhorn.

3. She won’t invite you over

She refuses to take you to her home no matter how hard you hint that you want to see it. In fact, she won’t even tell you her address or the general direction of her house. Leave her ASAP or you’re asking to be questioned by police one day if you have any idea whose body parts are being stored in her fridge.

For the rest of the list, check out Guyism.

Check out College Humor for the full list.

But by the mid ’70s, filmmakers were advancing on every front. Story telling was grittier, acting was more realistic and special effects became just as important as character or storyline. Still, for a lot of movies, FX were the only reason to make it to the theater.

That’s why when all the elements come together, like a truly scary story, great acting, and even more importantly, a truly frightening monster, it’s a real pleasure to schlep out to the Cineplex to experience the chills with a full audience cheering and fearing all the way.

Here are some of our favorites.

T-Rex

The brilliant premise of this movie is the real-life scientific pursuit to clone dinosaurs for profit. But the movie magic was the first full length feature film that used CGI to depict a real monster from the past in Jurassic Park. The flawless technology that allowed a T-Rex to roam free and eat Patent Lawyers at will left an indelible imprint on our psyches that holds up even today.

Gollum

From the first time we read the books to the day we saw the characters brought to the screen, The Lord of the Rings has been our generation’s fairy tale myth that goes way beyond anything out of Grimm’s. Although Gollum ultimately turns out to be a tragic figure destroyed by fate, we agree with Samwise when he says “there’s naught left in him but lies and deceit. It’s the ring he wants; it’s all he cares about.” In the end, like us, Gollum gets what he deserved all along.

Bruce the Shark

Although computer generated imagery was just a gleam in the eye of Hollywood in 1975, not even a digital creature could have frightened us more than the shark from Jaws when the movie was released. Using all the old tricks like chilling music, scary pop-out moments and believable everyman characters, Steven Spielberg proved you don’t need a huge FX budget to scare the hell out of your audience.

Cloverfield

In the ’50s, audiences never got a glimpse of the movie monster until the very end since it was more likely to make them laugh rather than scare them. But that trick is used beautifully in Cloverfield where we don’t really need to see the monster to feel the horror and dread. Who can’t relate to the world being destroyed just as a great party is winding down and catching it all on video? It’s how we’d wanna go.

The Thing

It’s bad enough you gotta work at the North Pole. Now you have to deal with a creature that’s been dead for thousands of years, just waiting for some poor dumb schmuck to dig it up. Leave it to the Norwegians. Even though The Thing was little more than a Claymation lobster capable of biting your head off, the very idea that a monster could assume your best friend’s identity without a hint is enough to make us all think twice about who we get close to. We’ve never been able to look at Wilford Brimley the same way since.

Alien

Damn corporations! Although Alien is the monster in this movie, it’s the home office who’s responsible for all the carnage by making the crew wake up too early on the way home. This movie is filled with firsts. First monster jumping out of a guy’s chest. First believably scary monster in a rubber suit. And first look at Sigourney Weaver’s panties. Mission accomplished.

Judge Doom

There’s nothing worse than the villain in disguise. Only this creepy government official was a bad guy on the outside too. In Who Framed Roger Rabbit? we spend way too much time freeze framing Jessica to get a look at those animated jugs. When Judge Doom reveals his true nature and the depths of his treachery, it doesn’t ease the horror just because it’s all a cartoon. Evil ain’t pretty.

Predator

There’s nothing better than when the hunter becomes the hunted for turning the tables, especially in a scary movie. In Predator, Arnold finally uses his superior brain (and mud) to outsmart this visiting gamesman from another galaxy. And for the first time, the Govenator doesn’t have to wear any prosthetic makeup to scare the hell out of us. Good thing Predator does. Otherwise we’d never know just who the real villain is.

The Wicked Witch of the West

Since The Wizard of Oz was first released 70 YEARS AGO this character has been the first villain to truly scare the crap out of kids. Because the Munchkins, Dorothy and just about everybody else in this movie is so darn cute, it’s easy to forget that the WWOTW is truly frightening and probably shouldn’t be seen ’til you’re old enough to know better. Guess we’ll never learn.

Terminator

There have been robots from the future before. But never as scary as this one. The Terminator was so frightening, that not even crushing him like an old Buick could stop this juggernaut from making 2 great sequels, each representing the zenith in special effects of the time. But the scariest legacy of this movie is how many people decided to have an unlisted number in the phone book after seeing it. Just in case.

C’mon, admit it. At least once in your life you were dragged to a Chick Flick and ended up… loving it. Huh? What happened to my Full Metal Jacket, stainless steel ball bearings? Am I really falling for this crap? A little deep thought (do we HAVE to?) reveals that it wasn’t the fairy story that hooked us. It was the Chicks.

The Chicks in Flick Chicks fall into 2 distinct categories. Great Actress or Great Racktress. Our wives, girlfriends (and women we’re just trying to score with, by showing our “sensitive” side) invariably fall for the acting skills of the particular Flick Chick up on the screen that night (usually Friday for some reason.) Acting, Schmacting.  If that Flick Chick is hot, we’re secretly happy to go along for the ride.

So here are the Flick Chicks we pick when we’re tricked into picking a Chick Flick. Sorry. Couldn’t find any other words that rhyme with Chick. Well, at least words we can publish here…

he’s just not that into you

A cool ensemble piece that manages to avoid making the guys look like total douchebags for loving these Flick Chicks. Even Bennifer comes off looking human. Adapted from a popular Chick Book, the film has its own surprises that pleased even this secret Chick Flick lover. And the chicks (especially Scarlett Johansson skinny dipping) are totally sexy without losing that edge of approachability. This movie sets a trend that we can get behind. Everybody (including Chicks) acts like an A-Hole now and then.

Mean Girls

Wait. Is this a Chick Flick? Well, we don’t want to admit to knowing the formula well enough, but, yeah, it is. Lindsay Lohan doesn’t actually end up happily ever after, but we do. Because we get an unblinkingly smart and funny look at what girls go through snaking their way through High School. And it doesn’t hurt that Tina Fey does her best to look unattractive, failing miserably. Along the way we get some closeups of Senior Prom pajama parties and glimpses of barely legal booty not on display since Porky’s Revenge. We love being fooled.

Bride Wars

The reigning Queens of Chick Flicks do battle when their childhood wedding plans are ruined by a clerical error. Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway are all sweetness and light leading up to the fateful day when they’re accidentally double booked at The Plaza, ruining both their fairy tale wedding dreams. What makes this a sweet Chick Flick for us is the realistic way these two catfight for their territory. The guys look on helplessly as the Hellcats duke it out and what dude can’t relate to that? Plus, it’s fun to watch…

The Ugly Truth

The oldest Chick Flick format in the world rules this movie. Will they or Won’t They? We don’t know how Gerard Butler can resist Katherine Heigl from the start, but of course, the plot falls apart if he falls too soon. Just like real life. The latest Chick Flicks like this one do show one promising trend for the future of Flick Chick lovers… unblinkingly real orgasms (even if they’re simulated.) Couple that with an awesome balloon ride that ultimately brings Mr. and Mrs. Right together and there’s plenty of real on screen chemistry for us guys to at least sit through.  We can deal with slightly ugly… especially after a few beers.

Pretty Woman

How come we can’t meet girls like this? Oh, yeah. That’s right. We’re not filthy rich. This Chick Flick classic is a movie that somehow gets a moral pass. At it’s heart it’s a story about hookers and their rich Johns. It helps if the working girl is drop dead gorgeous with a heart of gold. But does Richard Gere always have to be the lucky bastard who ends up on top? As hot as Julia Roberts is, the secret to this movie’s appeal are the short drop ins by Laura San Giacomo, the BFF and a hot but honest hooker herself. We love Julia, but LSG is really the girl we went home with in our heads. Gotta get rich, quick.

So let that be a lesson to all of us secret Chick Flick lovers. Keep your eyes on the prize and let the ladies pick the movies on Friday night. But from now on, take a peek at the papers on Thursday. You might just like what you find.

Let me start off by saying I am a guys, guy. Don’t believe me fine I’ll prove it.

• My drink of choice – Jack Daniels on the rocks, I would drink Jameson, But that makes my night end up in a jail cell.
• My choice of food – steak, screw the earth, trees never got to taste a nice rib-eye medium rare that sooo god damn tender you think God prep it himself.
• Choice of Girl – Any, she’s got to have long legs, nice rack and butt that make Kim Kardashian hit the Stairmaster more.
• Video game – “Halo” maybe “Gears of War” when I’m done killing b&#@$%# with Master Chief.

Okay so there’s me.  A Red dread kid whose been living in LA long enough to know the rules but always break them. I wrote this blog cause even though I know jack shit about fashion, I’ve always had an eye about what looks good and what was cool on men. I’m an old school kind of kid. I love basic stuff that doesn’t “gay” us up too much but gives us that look like we know our stuff. Back when men really cared about what they wore and they all looked like G-men. That’s right; those “Mad Men” days.  Rat Pack ish.

And like some  – I too buy the occasional GQ, Vanity Affair, blah, blah blah to see the suits, and styles of what the women and gurus think are hot for guys. But to be honest any single guy should be up on his ish – Cause fellas women sure are.  Trust me it’s not about how much you spend on your look. It’s just about rocking your look with a little flare. Even in our dark economic times you can still find a way to look Bond without having to spend one.  Get what I’m saying…

So thanks to the lovely peeps of H&M, I fooled around on their site and came up with some inexpensive looks that would definitely get some turned heads looking your way.

Here are some great looks that’ll leave them wanting more:

The Sweet & Simple

It’s simple. Black T-shirt, jeans, some kicks, grey gloves  and a scarf to match.  * This look is a killer with ladies. Why? – it says f’ it. Yes I’m rocking a scarf with a T-shirt and gloves. You’re ready for the chilly but when you hit indoors you’re back to where we feel comfortable jeans and T-shirt.  The Outfit won’t break the bank either: mix and match with what you have at home.

The Grandpa

This next one is the same outfit above just when you step outside and you need a jacket, try to hit’em with plaid. I call this – “The Grandpa”. Except he won’t be getting as much ass as you will, with just a simple add of this jacket. It’s not too flashy. If you don’t want to buy this jacket, go to your dad’s closet if you fit it – rock it.

It’s Business Time

This look is more for dinner dates and nights you want to feel pimp but with a casual hit. You want to entice but not intimidate. Don’t give me crap about the bow tie – it’s so money! Why just rock a normal tie, when the bow tie will bring a instant conversation to your dinner date or to a company gathering. Everyone is going to notice that you take a step away from the norm and said Screw it! It’s a bow tie night!

Pimp in 60 Seconds

Just adding a black sports coat to the Sweater and bow-tie brings instant pimp. Even Quaker Oats couldn’t do this that fast.  It can keep the casualness of your look without losing the dressiness punch. This outfit is not too expensive, but like I said before mix and match from your own closet.

The Militant Man

Recently the Military coat has made Its mark on fashion. And you can see why. The coats are brilliant. In cut, design and statue. They make you feel like a man and it demands attention. This look below is a combination of the Military jacket with sweater and a tie to just give it one more pimp move. The pin stripe pants is like getting the code for “extra men” on Contra, it’s a must have.

Simple and Sweet Part Deux

You have a pair of black jeans somewhere. Good, okay now throw them in the washer till they shrink down to at least one size, and ‘boom’ their ready for wear. Add a blue shirt and black tie, and you’ll be ready to take the stage with the Killers. Just keep the mascara away. Get some fresh kicks to rock this look. I would even say add color. RED Vinyl, or Green. Air force ones or Adidas could also rock with this outfit.

The Mister Rogers

Since I have no idea what type of hell you’re going through this fall (Weather-wise) I say always be prepared. Taking the look above and adding a dark red cardigan could give the look a new spin without having to recreate from scratch. Change up the tie and add a hat, not one as stupid as the one in the picture, but maybe a skully hat, or rock your city like Jay-Z with a slight tilt or lean. Just sayin… call this “The Mr. Rogers”

Why is it that Celebrities feel the need to have to name their babies something so uncommon and horrible? Would you like to be named Influenze? Rumour? Apple? NO! So why make your baby go through the same? Oh, I know.. maybe because they are so rich and famous that they know their kids will be treated like royalty so they name them something so unGodly to offset the attention they’ll get?

Who knows! In any case, Manolith came up with 20 hilarious baby names that we can only hope future celebs will name their poor children. Here they are:

1. Dog Taco

2. Lil’ Splendid

3. Tard Legwork

4. Kevin Spacey’s Offspring

5. Kevin Spacey’s Offspring II

6. Chubbo-Claus

7. Jack Lemmon’s Ghost

8. Uuuuurp!

9. Considerate

10. Challenge Hammer

Check out Manolith for the rest…

If you want to see something amazing then watch the skies tonight because the annual Leonid Meteor Shower will be lighting up the sky. The meteor shower has actually been visible since November 13 but November 17-18 is actually the best time to view it. The peak time to view the shower would be between 2-4 am PST on the morning of November 17 and since the moon will be just past new, it shouldn’t interfere with viewing the shower. If predictions are correct, the shower will produce sprinklings of light over North America and much more intense burst over Asia.

“We’re predicting 20 to 30 meteors per hour over the Americas, and as many as 200 to 300 per hour over Asia,” says Bill Cooke of NASA’s Meteoroid Environment Office. “Our forecast is in good accord with independent theoretical work by other astronomers.”

Leonids are bits of debris from Comet Tempel-Tuttle and when the comet passes through the inner solar system, this debris field follows from out of the constellation Leo. This is truly a breathtaking scene so we strongly encourage you to drive out of the city a ways for a much clearer view of the sky and enjoy the beauty of the Leonid Meteor Shower.

If you’ve seen ABC’s new hit drama Flash Forward; I’m sure you have taken notice of  Christine Woods’ character- the sexy/ strong FBI Agent Janis Hawk.  Christine has been chosen by Girl2watch.com as this week’s Girl-2 -Watch.

Recently her character has been revealed as a lesbian in the form of a steamy Girl-on-Girl kiss.  In celebration, Girl2watch put together a collection of Famous Girl-on-Girl kisses in TV history. Don’t miss it!

Discover more about Christine on Girl2Watch.com

This coming weekend is the second annual Envy Expo and we are so stoked about it. This event features some of the coolest luxury items that we could only dream of having and some of the hottest models, performers and more! Check out our post last week for a full list of everything that will be there.

Now onto the fun part: YOUR CHANCE TO WIN FREE TICKETS!

Yep, that’s right, we’re giving away a pair of tickets to one lucky EgoTV reader. All you have to do to win is go to our other post and leave a comment telling us which featured item you’d like to have at the Envy Expo and why. The deadline to win is TOMORROW, so hurry up and get your comments in!

And for those of you who can’t make it, don’t worry – EgoTV will have a camera crew there filming all the highlights, so be sure to check back here to see what you missed! Good luck, everyone!

• Female Celebs Who Should Be Seen and Not Heard (Guyism)
• Sexy Gameshow Girls Do Stupid Stuff (Uncoached)
• Ashlee Simpson’s Sexy Stretchmarks (AskMen)
• Hottest International World Cup Fans (Big Smudge)
• The Skydiving Prank (College Humor)

June 12, 1970…

Dock Ellis, Pittsburgh Pirates ace pitcher, woke up in Los Angeles, at his childhood friend Al Rambo’s girlfriends’ house. He then took some acid.

No matter. The team had the day off, and he wasn’t scheduled to pitch till the next day.

Or so he thought.

“Hey,” his friend’s girlfriend shouted, after looking at the paper. You got 4 hours to get to San Diego and pitch!”

“What?!” Dock said. “I’m not pitching till Friday, tomorrow.”

“It is Friday.” she exclaimed. “You slept through Thursday.”

Dock, the militant, intimidating Pittsburgh hurler who admitted he used to drop acid and listen to Jimi Hendrix in his basement “for days,” immediately realized his pot, alcohol, amphetamine, and acid binge from 2 nights before, had, indeed, caused him to sleep through Thursday. He rushed off to the airport.

The rest of the day is major league history:

Sure, some Facebook games can teach us profound life lessons, like, what type of shoe are you? However, most Facebook quizzes are perhaps the biggest time-wasters and pointless activities on earth. And that’s why we do them… to slack off from work… unless of course, your work is to take these very quizzes (like mine! Suckas!)

And so, after extensive, tireless research, I now bring to you, the most pointless, mind-numbing, time-on-this-earth-wasting Facebook quizzes today! Some are just dumb concepts, while others, however, must be seen to be believed.

1.  What ethnicity are you, really? – Really? Really.

2. How Dumb are you, really? – No doubt, the definitive test.

3. How good are you in bed? – Right, because your computer will tell you in 6 simple (simple in the mentally challenged way, not the clear-cut, precise way) questions.

4. How perverted are you? – This one’s dumb because I took it and was deemed “completely un-perverted,” which is obviously false and testament to how inaccurate this quiz is.

5. The dumbest quiz you’ll eva take! – Witness, cringe, and learn. Or don’t.

6. The Dumbest Test Ever – (seriously, that’s what it’s called, and it’s not a lie)

7. What kind of word would you be, if you were a word? Ah yes, you’re whole totality of the person you are will no doubt be discovered by answering these random 6 questions that have no relationship to words or each other.

8. What famous woman will you marry? You won’t. This post sucks.

9. Top 10 reasons why you are your Zodiac sign Think about it…. wait for it… wait for it….

10. What will your daughter look like when she’s twelve? Who exactly is this post designed for? Women with severe baby fever or pedophiles?

11. What makes you special? – Are you serious? What if everyone takes this quiz? Is everyone special? Besides, look at these questions… seriously. I should probably lay off… I think the author of this quiz is about six years old. Great, now I feel bad.

12. Where is the best kissing spot? – This is stupid. We all know where the best kissing spot is. And I’ll bet its not ANY of the answers.

13. What are you hiding? – You can probably figure this out without this taking this.

14. Are you Gay? – See #13, although. Larry Craig ( Ted Haggert, Charlie Crist, and  probably half the Republican party) could use this quiz to obtain some deep self-knowldege.

15. Your Mom was here – This is probably the greatest of the dumbest!:

16.  What does your name mean? – This quiz has nothing to do with your name, at all.

17. Are you stupid? – No comment.

18. Are you as random as you think, and do you make yourself laugh? – Tiddly-winks. Yahtzee. Fried Yucca plant. Purple Monkey Dishwasher. Hahahahah! I am soooo random! Burp.

19. Can I trick you?

Getting…dumber…must…stop….playing…. facebook quizzes…. brain… melting….. doooooooowvn……..

I’m going to go add Sarah Palin as a friend!

WOW!

WADE WITH THE FACIAL!

YOU JUST GOT PLAYED, SON!

IN YO’ FACE, LEBRON!

These are some of the things that went through my head when I watched this ridiculous dunk by Dwayne Wade over Anderson Varejao… AND the foul! It was doubly awesome because it came right after the rebound that came after Lebron James tried unsuccessfully to jump over Jermaine O’Neal just seconds before. However, while Wade won the battle in supreme-macho fashion, he lost the war, as the Cavs beat the Heat, 111-104.

What are some of your all-time favorite dunks? Leave a comment below (with links, please!)

An important thing when it comes to training, especially resistance training, is your post-workout drink (”Magic Potion”)!

If you’re going to the gym and putting all this effort into your training, why not get the absolute most out of it?  That’s where this essential post-workout drink comes in! It refuels your depleted muscles and gives them the necessary nutrients and building blocks to refuel and recover.

I’m writing about post-workout drinks and not post-workout meals because we want something absorbed by the body FAST! For individuals out there that don’t like using supplements, have some lean meat and starchy fruit… BUT solids are slowly digested compared to fluids. By the time they have prepared, eaten and started to digest their food, they have missed their “Magic Window”, which I will get to soon. So, drinks it is.

Your drink should only have two things in it: 1) a high glycemic carbohydrate source (more commonly known as sugar), and  2) a fast-absorbed protein. Fats and fiber are great, but not right after your workout! They slow down your digestion.

The sugar is in your drink to spike your insulin, which is the gatekeeper to your muscle cells, and drives the glucose (blood sugar) into your cells by activating GLUT4, which is the cell’s glucose receptor. This leads the glucose into your muscle cells, which becomes muscle glycogen.

So now your muscle is refueled  and ready for more workouts! I would recommend maltodextrin as your source of sugar, glucose is fine too, but due to the very sweet taste of glucose (better known as dextrose in food products) it can be hard to consume, and it also binds water which will bloat you and slow down digestion a bit. Maltodextrin is glucose, but the molecular structure is a chain of glucose molecules 3 to 19 long… Ok, who cares about that, the bottom line is it is absorbed faster, bloats you less and tastes less sweet, hence making it easier to consume with greater benefits.

Now lets give your muscle cells something to repair and build with: Protein (amino acids)!

The protein should be taken at the same time as the carbs, to take advantage of the insulin circulating in your blood and to get it in your muscle cells. Maltodextrin and whey protein pretty much peak in your blood stream at the same time, approximately 20 minutes after consumption. Whey protein is the fastest digested protein of them all, and has the highest concentration of essential amino acids. The high concentration of essential amino acids also makes the protein synthesis greater, creating a more anabolic environment in your muscles, helping to rebuild the damaged cells and make them stronger to adapt to the strains you put them through.

“The Magic Window”: Timing is critical, the longer you wait, the less benefits you will have from your drink. Preferably it should be taken within 30 min of your workout, and no longer than an hour after. These 30min after is the so called “The Magic Window”. Your cells are more responsive to picking up the amino acids and glucose which you put in your body. By protein synthesis being started and GLUT4 (glucose receptor on your cell membrane “cell wall“) getting activated through your workout itself, your cells are pretty much screaming after glucose and amino acids to restore them. So the effect is doubled through your perfectly timed post-workout drink! Now go to the supplement store and get some drinks ready for your gymbag! Or be creative and take advantage of the time where you are actually meant to have something sweet! How about a regular soda or a small pack of red vines with a protein shake! You can even just down 2 pints of skim milk. Preferably, though, you should stick to maltodextrin and whey protein.

My recommendations are 20-50g of protein and 40-70g of sugar! The two supplements below are a perfect combo. Now get your butt to your closest supplement store! Refuel and recover!

Donnie Darko director, Richard Kelly unveiled his newest brain-buster this past weekend. His third feature film The Box has been marketed as a horror flick but the picture is more of a metaphysical maze than anything else. Cameron Diaz and James Marsden play a happy young couple who are presented with a button that, if pressed, will grant them a million dollars but kill one person they don’t know. After a day of anguished debate, the button is pressed. The drama that follows is zany and often inexplicable but the ambiguities and plot holes really don’t matter. Kelly’s oddball vision is so compelling that a desire for a clear narrative becomes secondary. Flying giraffes could appear without reason but you wouldn’t care, I guarantee.

The Box is rated PG-13 for thematic elements and (really awesome) disturbing images.

It’s that time of year. You know, when Japanese brassier company Triumph unveils their novelty bras? Over the past few years, they’ve thought of everything: putt-putt bras, solar-paneled bras, grocery-bag bras, baseball bras… what will they think of next?

Each year, the company makes two new novelty bras. Fortunately, The Huffington Post has done us a favor and compiled a catalogue of their present and past inventions. Here are our top 4 picks, but look at the rest and tell us which are your favs!

Oh, and for all you “experimental” guys (weirdos) out there, I hear their mailing policies are very discreet.

1. Katarina Van Derham lies in bed for you (Plunder Guide)
2. Who’s @$$ is the best? (Campus Gossip)
3. Half-Naked Hotties in the Wild (Double Viking)
4. Britney Spears is Lucifer (Guyism)
5. Pamela Anderson protests Whale Penis Leather SUV (Luxist)

Admit it. At least once in your life you picked a name out of the phone book and dialed the number for a harmless prank call that made you and your friends fall to the floor in fits of hilarity. (Mine was a guy named Weldon Rumproast -- a homerun in my first at bat.) Maybe you even had the presence of mind to record the call, for playback of a wild moment in youth, before moving on to more serious pursuits. Like your new job as receptionist for the Prince Albert Canned Tobacco Company.

But you’ll always remember the delicious thrill of that anonymous call on an unsuspecting (and hopefully funny sounding) victim of the oldest gag on the telephone. In fact, history recalls that the very first phone call was itself a prank, with Alexander Graham Bell buzzing his lab assistant and delivering the immortal line (sotto voce) “Mr. Watson. Come quick, I need you.” Later accounts of the tale included the convenient cover story that Bell had “spilled” acid on his pants. But the dial tone was set.

As technology progressed, so did the elaborate buildup to the joke. And one can argue that the art form has reached its zenith with the invention of the Celebrity Prank Call.

With the stunning array of inexpensive, high-tech digital editing tools now available to anyone with an Internet connection (and a high tolerance for profane cruelty) the old telephone prank call has risen to hilarious new levels. Any movie star who’s ever had a film released on DVD is fair game and devilish pranksters have gone to great lengths to update the old “running refrigerator” gag. Here are 10 of the best.

Arnold Interrogates Drunk Guy

Batman Cracks the Disappearance of Dr. Leslie Tompkins

Peter Griffin Books a Haircut

Ms. Cleo Gives a Free Psychic Reading

W.  Calls The Distributor About His Beer Delivery

Jack Knows She Can’t Handle the Truth

If Mr. Rogers Found Your Missing Cat

Jack Black Hits On the Hot Chick At the Front Desk

Radio Shack Guy Is Drilled By Sargent Hartman

Sulu Calls An Old Buddy Back In Arkansas

Homicide Detective Grills An Unlucky Telemarketer (a nod to the glories of good old fashioned analog)

Don’t Keep Al Pacino Waiting For His Limo

Hopefully we’ve given you a few ideas the next time a new phone book gets plopped on the doorstep. Oh, and by the way. Don’t bother trying. Weldon Rumproast changed his number. We already checked. Like, 14 times.

It’s as old as time. And true as the earth. Take a hot girl, put her on a pool table, and you get something truly fantastic. It’s like, chocolate and peanut butter, strawberries and whipped cream, Lennon and McCartney…

Fortunately, our friends at Uncoached also have a taste for this finest of things in life, and have compiled a gallery of hot girls on pool tables.

Let’s see how many cheezy “balls” puns I can use on these pics, shall we? Okay!

She’s putting her boobs where our balls are.

Careful not to crush our balls!

Nice racks!

Be careful you don’t catch a pair of balls to the face!

For more pics like these and much more, go here, and enjoy… I suddenly have an urge to hit up a pool hall later.

But whatever, perhaps missed connections works out sometimes? Maybe once? Or twice? Nah, that’s stretching it. But how romantic!

But out of the 50-100 posts everyday, there are some posts that just should not be posted ever because they’re just too funny, pathetic, or flat-out disturbing.

In case you’re new to “missed connections, ” there are a few distinct categories, the most basic are:

Horny dudes who see a hot girl but don’t muster the cojones to go say “hi,”… but think commenting on their “big, juicy” lady parts over the internet will make the hot ladies swoon:

Or this guy… possibly the same dude? Definitely a breast-man:

Ah, yes. nothing is as “hot” as talk of Canadian pension plans and massaging one’s friend’s calves!

Ew. Just… ew.

Ah, yes. The old “do you like my cologne? Cool, I’ll hit you up on missed connections” pick-up. Works every time!

Is this even a proposition, or just a “thank-you” note?

Then there are these wanna-be Casanovas make disturbing, stalker-ish, cryptic posts to women who they (probably?) don’t know that they think are romantic, but just, well, aren’t:

Or perhaps a completely over-thought post referencing the latest popular TV show with randomly capitalized words will work? Especially on the woman who is staying right across from you who you could talk to anytime since she’s staying at your hotel?

Then there’s guy’s who are just asking to become the victim of a story on the 11 o’ clock news:

Then there are the female posts on missed connections. No guys, sorry, most of these ladies are not the women you saw on the train and wondering about you in her bed at night while she touches herself…. No, these seem to be the venting of jilted lovers, bad romantic poetry, and definitely meant purely as the expulsion of built-up angst not meant to be seen by anyone in particular. But they do make for an interesting read!

Wow, that last girl was… wow.

Either that or they’re just trying to hook up with a doctor!

Inspired?… Well, happy trolling!

Check out this year’s feature exhibits! :

• Live tattooing by Richie the Barber, KG and Daniel from 264 customs.

• The rarest, and newest, sneakers at the Shoe Expo.
• Jason Giambi’s car, as well as those of several other celebrities
• Rare and cool dogs
• This hot chick:

• Ben Baller, Jeweler to the stars
• The new Lotus Evora

• Peter Gronquist, the artist who makes ridiculous art-guns like this:

• Motorart: a company makes specialized art from vintage airplane parts

… and much, much more! Plus:

EGOTV’S ENVY EXPO VIP CONTEST :

Here’s how to win the tickets!

Take a look at the website and leave a comment below by Wed Nov 18, telling us:

1. Which item would you most like to own?
2. Why?
3. What would you use it for?

Whoever writes back with the best answer will receive a pair of VIP tickets to the expo! These VIP tickets will get you:

• Entrance to ultra-exclusive Platinum VIP Lounge
• Access to high-end luxury brands, products & sponsors
• Refreshments, beverages & Hors d’oeuvres
• Access to Platinum VIP concert area, basketball area & fashion show area seating
• Limited Edition Envy Expo t-shirt
• Envy Platinum VIP Membership Card
• Additional gifts, upgrades & exclusive product samples onsite

So leave us your comments and win some VIP passes today! Good luck!

*Comments must be left on or before Wed Nov 18th for consideration

That means getting off of your computer, taking to the road and flying to other countries. What’s the best part of other cultures you might ask? Well, the GIRLS of course! But what about the language barrier? Or the cultural differences? How do you break the ice with international babes? Here’s a list of the Top 10 Best International Pick Up Lines that are sure to create some warmly welcomed detente all around the globe. And to help you practice, we’ve included a pic of that country’s Miss Universe contestant. Hey, for a shot at the title, you gotta go up against the best.

Editor’s note: This is assuming they can speak English. If not, well I guess you’ll have to try your luck on Google Translate.

10. Ireland

How’d you like to put the Irish Spring back into me Shillelagh?

9. Saudi Arabia

Do you like my raisins? No? How about a date?

8. Japan

Do you know karate? ‘Cause you’re body is kickin’ my ass!

7. Afghanistan

Is your Dad a terrorist? Because you are Da Bomb!

6. France

I’m writing a classic novel. Can you help me with the climax?

5. Holland

What’s better than roses on my piano? Your tulips on my organ!

4. Italy

I’ve got a boat so big that from space you can’t tell which is the boat and which is Sardinia.

3. Sweden

Congratulations! You just won my Nobel “Piece” Prize!

2. USA

I’ve just moved you to the top of my ‘To Do’ list

1. Israel

You Had Me At Shalom

There you have it guys. Go on out there and give her our best!

Here are our favorite picks from around the web today!

• The Funniest Videos of Tony Little (Uncoached)
• 10 Most Dangerous Toys from Your Childhood (Guyism)
• Amanda Gift: God’s Gift to Man (NextRound)
• Top 10 Best 80’s Comedy Movies (Muff Slap)
• 59 Year Old Woman Has Mind Blowing Sex…Literally (Just A Guy Thing)

So these pictures aren’t great quality – it’s obvious. But, hey! It’s Britney Spears in bikini! Can you imagine the perv who had to wait for hours in bushes just to get a glimpse of these photos?

Thanks to The Grumpiest for sharing these photos! And for some more Britney bikini pictures, because we know that you’ve all been waiting for them, here they are!

The chill in the air means one thing… asses in the hot seats at theaters all over the country. Hollywood loves a captive audience and ‘Tis the season, so for the next 2 months or so we can expect some big bombs dropping weekly.

Of course, that means there’s a chance for some heavy BOOB action and the opening salvo doesn’t disappoint. We’re finally getting to those warm cozies when there’s simply too much cleavage to cover with anything other than a string bikini. But we do soldier on.

So here are the best bets for this week’s EgoTV BOOB Watch — our picks for Box Office Opening Babes.

Women In Trouble:  To prove we’re not dreaming, Hollywood starts us off with not one, but EIGHT boob baring beauties dealing with the everyday problems that go along with being smoking hot. You know, Johns who want more from their hookers and husbands who want less from their wives. This movie deals honestly with what gorgeous women have to put up in the search for happiness. Luckily, we love to watch. Look for Carla Gugino, Adrianne Palicki, Marley Shelton, Cameron Richardson and Emmanuelle Chriqui to start off the season with a bang.

Love Hurts: What would any season be without the feel-good Chick Flick? Looks like this is one for the Guys. Some perennial favorites still warm the loins with hangin’-in-there hotties like Carrie-Anne Moss and an unusually frisky Jenna Elfman, plus up-and-coming boob babe Yvonne Zima. Love may hurt, but squirming in your seat for 2 hours rearranging the Christmas package is no bargain either. We’ll survive.

2012: What a week! Independent, brutally honest ensemble pieces, gooey Chick Flicks and even a Holiday Blockbuster! Too bad we’ve seen this one before. How many times can the Statue of Liberty have her head blown off? Still, the one thing about the end of the world? It’s a very convincing argument for some normally unthinkable sex with a doomed hottie. John Cusack plays it for all it’s worth and he’s still got enough juice to pull the wool sweater over Beatrice Rosen’s gullible head. Hey, we all need an exit strategy. Especially if it’s final.

That’s all for this week. Tune in next time for our EgoTV’s Boob Watch when we round up the weekly offering of Box Office Opening Babes. In the meantime… say thanks for the mammaries!

]]> http://egotvonline.com/2009/11/12/box-office-opening-babes-boob-watch-11132009/feed/ 0 http://egotvonline.com/2009/11/12/ambiguous-film-endings-resolved/ http://egotvonline.com/2009/11/12/ambiguous-film-endings-resolved/#comments Thu, 12 Nov 2009 13:00:06 +0000 billy http://egotvonline.com/?p=5987

Are you uncomfortable with ambiguity? Not like thinking for yourself? Do you need to have everything tied up at the end of every story, and be told exactly what things meant and what the exact message was?

Well screw you. I don’t care if you’re the majority of the general public, you’re responsible for all the crappy movies that come out of the studio system every year. I hate you!

But I digress, I’m sorry. You probably also have trouble understanding classics, Oscar winners, etc., and when these little-known films get all these awards, you feel, how do they say it…. “dumb.”

But fear not. College Humor has taken it upon themselves to  help you interpret the endings of these high-falutin’ “prestige” films that cause you to become frustrated, throw down your popcorn, and walk out to go catch Scary Movie 8.

Ever wondered what REALLY happened to Tony Soprano? OR if Anton Shagur was ever captured? Did Mickey O’Rourke die at the end of The Wrestler? Did Ben and Elaine really live happily ever after at the end of The Graduate?

The answers, finally, are here.

Check out our favorite hot links from around the web!

1. The 5 People You Should Not Be Friends With on Facebook (College Humor)
2. Top 10 Reasons to go to Happy Hour (AskMen)
3. Girlfriend Poisons Boyfriend with Ex-Lax (Break)
4. Play Poker Like a Professional (MadeMan)
5. 7 Greatest Lingerie Football Photos (Busted Coverage)

Bettina Acosta is our Hump Day Work Break Babe of the Day, for obvious reasons. She’s hot and you would probably like to take a minute out of your work day to stare at half-naked pictures of her. Despite how young she looks, you can rest assured that she is indeed 18 years of age. Whew! Bettina is no Ugly Betty, that’s for sure – and although she has appeared in Maxim, there isn’t much info on the web on her. That’s good news for you – less competition! What we do know is that she’s from the Philippines and you know how they do it over there. I bet you’d like to accost Ms. Acosta…

Head to Double Viking for more pics of this lovely lady.

Seinfeld on Flickr

Thank God for reruns. How else would I have found out that eating Mango is like getting a B12 shot if George Costanza hadn’t told me so in the episode where he can’t get it up for Karen? As it turns out, mangoes aren’t the only natural food that can save you thousands in Viagra bills.

Here’s a Top 10 list of other organics that will help you out if you’re struggling with an Old Wives Tail. Gotta make it quick, though. I’m in a hurry. I think it moved.

Watermelon

Mango is not the only citrulline-based fruit that Kramer could’ve got banned from Joe’s for. Watermelon is also high in the ingredient that makes this family of fruits (including Peaches and Pears… talk about sexy) so delectable and juicy. In fact, they may help with foreplay as well, being so sweet and lickable. Just watch out for the seeds.

Chile Peppers

If you like to swing the other way (we mean from fruity to hot and spicy…), chili peppers have been a libido jumper for thousands of years. It’s all due to the high levels of Capsaicin which increases blood flow and releases endorphins. Just make sure you keep a bottle of Scope handy. Preferably Mango flavored…

Bananas

What’s not to love ladies? There’s Potassium and Vitamin B. And if the Old Man conks out from a Bromelain overdose, they can come in very handy as a stunt double. Of course, we recommend washing all foods thoroughly before consuming them raw…

Garlic

Wait a minute. Garlic? So far we’re talking sexy foods. Fruits and veggies that make you think of sex just by looking at them. But don’t overlook Garlic. High levels of Allicin increase blood flow to the extremities. Just don’t expect him to stay all night. Gotta get home before sunup…

Chocolate

One for the Ladies. Aside from the delicious, sensual feel and taste of a rich chocolate on the tongue, high Magnesium levels do wonders for the heart. It looks like Hershey’s and Hallmark were really on to something all these years. And we thought it was all a scam for Mother’s Day.

Ginseng

The Chinese wouldn’t be around for 10,000 years if they hadn’t learned a thing or two about sexy foods. And let’s face it, 2 billion strong and growing makes for a pretty persuasive argument. Don’t try it whole though. Teabagging is the way to go on this one.

Cardamom

If we’re talking ancient tradition, India is no slouch either. This little known spice enjoys a reputation as robust as Ginseng in the home country. And the delicious, sensuous taste puts everybody in the mood. High levels of Cineole helps pump up blood flow, meaning you’ll never have to say you’re Sari.

Ginkgo Biloba

Science still doesn’t quite understand what makes this food work. It has something to do with improving brain function though. As the old saying goes, “A woman’s orgasm starts in her mind.” So THAT’S what I’m doing wrong. Maybe I can take a break from back rubs for a while…

Salmon

Wait. Now I know I love the smell… but I didn’t know the nose was a sexual organ too. Apparently, fatty acids help to raise Seratonin levels which improve the mood and help us to relax. Makes sense. It wouldn’t be the first time we’ve had to swim upstream to spawn.

Hemp

Boy, the Marijuana lobby will go to any lengths to get this stuff legalized. Good for everything from rope to paper, Hemp is on the rise as a natural aphrodisiac. But you’re preaching to the Choir, Reverend.

Light me up!

So here’s a list of Dumb Things Only Rich People Own. When you have more money than you can ever possibly spend in your lifetime, it seems there are a lot of pieces of crap nailed together out there.

Fool’s Gold Loaf

Elvis Presley once paid $50,000 for one of these PB&J sandwiches slathered with a pound of bacon. Why so much? He had it flown in to Graceland from his favorite Denver restaurant. Talk about constipation. But since The King had his very own throne toilet he could spend as much time as necessary to flush out the old plumbing system. Unfortunately, that last dump killed him.

Braselton, Georgia

In 1989 actress Kim Basinger bought THE WHOLE TOWN of Braselton, Georgia. 4 years later she filed for bankruptcy and had to sell off the property. Kim Basinger had 20 million bucks? Who knew making crappy movies paid so well? Oh wait. She was the hot chick in Wayne’s World, right? Still, no wonder Alec Baldwin felt like jumping out his luxury suite window.

The Statue of David

As the CEO of Tyco (before it blew up and went bankrupt), Dennis Kozlowski threw his wife a 40th birthday party that included a replica statue of The David urinating Stolichnaya vodka. He later was convicted of stealing 80 million dollars from the company. Guess some people don’t like being pissed on.

Kitty Wigs

You know. In case you cat has an inferiority complex. Or is forced to go into the Witness Protection Program. For being a Rat. Sorry. Couldn’t resist that. Technically, you don’t have to be rich to buy these at 50 bucks a pop, but you sure have to be dumb.

The GoldVish Le Million

A diamond encrusted cell phone? This model is billed as the most expensive in the world, coming in at $1.5 Million. Imagine the ring tones… hope texting isn’t too difficult.  LOL! ROTFLMAO… u r sch a dshbg!

The $1000 Dessert

After quaffing down a $10,000 filet mignon there’s only one way to cap off the meal. But a $1000 parfait? It better be topped with gold. Oh good. It is.

The World’s Most Expensive Vibrator

For $1,500 bucks this better be good. Luckily the specs are well detailed. Egg-shaped, gold plated and splash-proof this high end sex toy has been very thoughtfully designed. Still, for a G and a half can’t you hire like 3 guys for the evening instead? At least this is one item that will never be nailed together. You can only use it when you decide to get nailed alone.

The game was competitive and very physical already but it was New Mexico’s Elizabeth Lambert who made LeGarrett Blount’s sucker punch on Boise State’s Brandon Spike look like an undercard to this main event. Lambert  kidney-punched a BYU player in the back. She didn’t get a card for that little infraction. Then she took it up a notch by kicking a ball right into a fallen opponent’s grill from point-blank range. She got carded for that little stunt. She managed to get some cheap shots in around the field until she got in her final attack.  After a small bust up with BYU’s Kassidy Shumway, Lambert got up and viciously yanked Shumway to the ground by her ponytail. CAT FIGHT!

I’ve heard of physical play on the field but this girl had a mental breakdown and just lost control on the field. It’s all good to see a good scrap between women, but Lambert took it a little too far. Oh, by the way…she’s been suspended indefinitely by the NCAA and rightfully so.

We’ve all dreamed of getting even with that d-bag who gives college a bad name. If it weren’t for these dirtballs, Dad would never think twice about cutting a tuition check and Mom would happily slip us a Hundred at some point over the long Open Dorm Weekend.

But because of these A-holes there’s a report on the news at least once a month about binge drinking, Spring Break excesses and latent homosexual practical jokes that end in death. The solution?

Set up your own Saw-style torture chamber complete with junkyard Black & White TV sets, Russian military grade digital cameras and the obliging roommate who pissed himself silly after passing out on your recliner.  Make it a race to beat Jigsaw to the punch before uploading penis-face pics to your MySpace page and you’ve got the makings of a revenge project that not only creates another worthy dropout, but also ruins his chances of joining the Army (where he should’ve gone in the first place.)

Get the idea by viewing this video on College Humor. Then go out and find a moldy, abandoned basement, a pissy, passed-out roommate, a hand saw and some junky old closed circuit TVs. Maybe we’ll see YOU on the web! Wait… we mean your roommate. Yeah, that’s what we mean.

Enjoy!

[Source: College Humor]

10. PLASTIC MAN

Plastic Man is a former criminal who has turned to the side of good through his persistent yoga practice. Okay, maybe it wasn’t yoga. Plastic Man’s transformation came one night during his former life as Edward “The Eel” O’Brian, a petty criminal who decided to rob the Crawford Chemical Works with his gang one fateful eve. During the robbery, O’Brian was shot by a guard and fell into a vat of chemicals. He escaped to the nearby mountains, where he came upon a monks retreat, who nursed him back to health, both in body and mind. Upon recovery, he discovered that he could twist and alter his skinny frame into any shape. The shape-shifting Plastic Man soon rounded up his old gang (literally), and after feeling the rush of doing a good deed, he became a full-time superhero. Now he can twist, turn, and alter himself to fight whatever comes his way, along with his bumbling, bufoonish overweight sidekick, the escaped mental patient Woozy Winks. Plastic man has the power to slip under doorways, instantly regenerate damaged or lost tissue, is ageless, and his mind is impervious to telekinesis by foes who seek to use mind-control! Moreover, he has complete control over his molecular structure, which he can switch to solid or liquid depending on the need. He can also shrink or elongate his appendages to whatever length necessary, which the ladies no doubt appreciate very much!

9. THE HULK

Do you ever get pissed off? So pissed of that you want to crush something to pieces, but, alas, you can’t? You might be like mild-mannered scientist Bruce Banner, a nerdy, emotionally withdrawn genius, who is always worried that his passions will get the best of him. But one day, when Bruce was testing his latest invention, the Gamma bomb, he noticed a teenager who had ridden his bike onto the testing field. When Banner tried to rush to save the boy, the bomb exploded. Banner awoke in the infirmary, apparently unscathed. But that night, Bruce transformed into a gigantic grey behemoth (yes, he was gray in the original comic before difficulties with the printer made the creators switch to green) and blasted through the hospital walls. Now, whenever Bruce gets angry or fearful, “the Hulk” emerges demolishing everything in sight. His power, durability and agility increase in proportion to his anger. You could spend all year in the gym following every fitness article in Men’s health, but there’s no way you could achieve those arms!

8. THE FLASH

Ever been late? Were you one of the slow kids in school, always finishing at the back of the pack during gym? One thing about the flash: His red tights and yellow lightning bolt are awesome. Oh, and he’s the fastest superhero around. With superhuman speed, agility, and physics-defying athleticism, The Flash has had not one, but four alter-egos since his induction in 1940. They are Jay Garrick, the original flash, who became the flash as a college student in 1940 when he inhaled “heavy water vapors” in a science lab when he fell asleep while he was smoking (smoking what, we don’t know). When Garrick woke up, he could run at superhuman speed, and soon, after being a lazy, smoking, science student, he became a college football star before going onto a life of fighting crime using his golden legs. Years later, Garrick inspired the second “Flash,” Barry Allen: a police scientist who was also slow, perpetually late, and deliberate, which greatly frustrated his fiancee, Iris West. Allen was transformed into the flash when a lightning bolt hit a vat of chemicals in his lab, granting him, yes, superhuman speed. What’s cool about Allen is that during the day he stored his “Flash” uniform in his RING. How did he do this? Back off man, he’s a scientist. He obviously used a “special gas” which compressed fibers to just a fraction of their normal size. Allen himself read old “Flash” comics of Jay Garrick, and also spawned future flashes: The next “Flash” was Willy West, Allen’s nephew, and the “Flash” after that was Bart Allen, Barry and Iris’ grandson. Even more characters have assumed the mantle of the Flash. Why do they all want to reclaim the mantle? Well, like Ricky Bobby said, people “want to go fast!”

7. SPEED RACER

Ah, Speed Racer, the Japanese, overdubbed import who strangely looks strikingly American. Speed, whose original Japanese name was Go Mifune, which in turn, was an homage to Japanese film star Toshiro Mifune, is waaay cool. Why’s he cool? Well, for one, he has a sa-weeeeet ride, the MACH 5, and always sports the cool Elvis pompadour hairstyle to go along with his perpetually-stylish outfit:  a blue shirt with a yellow “G” (standing for his Japanese first name, Gō) with a white collar, a red racing bandanna around his neck, white pants, red socks, brown loafers and yellow gloves. When he races, he wears a white open-face helmet with an M (representing Mifune Motors) flashed on top. Pimp!  Along the way, Speed battles gangs, thugs, and race-fixers looking for trouble in order to scam money. But Speed, a good, upstanding family man, does battle with them with the help of his younger brother Spritle, his pet monkey Chim-Chim, and his hot girlfriend Trixie, who is not only good-lookin’ but also a real firecracker (especially when she’s in trouble with the bad guys). She also serves as his navigator for certain races. Speed also may have an estranged older brother, who wears a disguise as Racer X.

Speed is, above all, heroic and courageous. His story begins when he tried to help his father, Pops, get some money for his revolutionary engine design after his father was fired from a big corporation. Speed assembled his car (with Pops’ plans for the new engine hidden IN the windshield) and entered a race to win prize money for Pops to start his own business. Pops has never wanted Speed to race because of the danger, but Speed didn’t care. He’s going to win that money, no matter what… However, a corporate gang found Speed out and rigged the race, trying to obtain Speeds windshield, but Speed figured their scheme out and broke the windshield with HIS HEAD so that no one could get the plans. To be even more badass, he won the race anyway… only to be denied the prize money because the race was rigged. Speed returns and apologized to pops, who yelled at him and again told him to quit racing… but you can’t keep Speed from racing. That much is for sure! He’s going to pursue his dreams and do what’s right, naysayers be damned! So, after the argument with Pops, Speed drove off to have lots of adventures for him and his friends.

6. SPACE GHOST

Space Ghost is on the list because he not only has a cool black mask,  white outifit, yellow cape, and a sweet red belt, but because he fights crime… in spaaaaace! Along with his teenaged sidekicks Jan and Jace and their monkey sidekick Blip (another monkey sidekick… those are popular for some reason), Spaceghost operates the spaceship The Phantom Cruiser and has the ability to fly, display considerable strength when he beats up inter-gallactic villains, and can shoot them with his ray-gun  located on his wrist. Usually, one of these villains Moltar, Zorak, Spider Woman, Metallus, Brak or Creature King kidnap one of Spaceghosts’ helpers, and Spaceghost has to go rescue them.

What makes Spaceghost extra cool is that even though the series ended in 1968 (with a small resurgence in 1981), Spaceghost re-emerged to have a second career: as a late-night talk show host on “Spaceghost Coast to Coast” on the Cartoon Network. The new show debuted in 1994 as a spoof of late-night talk shows with Spaceghost as the Letterman-Leno-O’Brian style host, along with sidekicks (one-time villains int he old cartoon) Zorak and Molatar, with occasional appearances by Brak. The show features absurd, dada-ist humor and provides lots of laughs for stoned college nerds everywhere… like us. Guests have included: Beck, Bill Nye the Science Guy, Magicians Penn and Teller, Elvira, Carrot Top, Jim Carrey, Jon Benjamin, Conan O’Brian, Thurston Moore, Thom Yorke, and Mark Hamill.

5. HE-MAN

“By the power of Grayskull…I have the power!” This command allows mild-mannered Prince Adam of Eternia to transform into He-Man, who is a Schwartzenegger-esque muscle-clad, sword-wielding badass. He-Man’s true identity is Prince Adam, son of King Randor and Queen Marlena, who rule the planet of Eternia along with Adam and the rest of their inner circle. The Sorceress of Castle Grayskull endowed Prince Adam with the power to transform into He-Man,  a secret identity he only shares with a few. Even his lady friend, Teela, the adoptive daughter of He-Man’s mentor Duncan who’s entrusted with protecting the Prince, thinks he’s lazy and cowardly. Despite this, Teela’s father, Duncan, is the Man-at-Arms and the Eternian royal family’s developer of technology and weapons, which He-Man uses to defeat Skeletor and other evil-doers. However, He-Man’s primary weapon is his good ol’ Power Sword, which he also needs to transform into He-Man. He-Man has a trusty sidekick, his pet tiger Cringer, a cowardly yet loveable pet by day, who, when Adam turns into He-Man, becomes BattleCat, He-Man’s heroic steed and fighting companion. He-Man  receives telekinetic messages from the Sorceress of Castle Grayskull in order to get helpful information to defeat his enemies. All told, He-Man is both a prince and a secret soldier, endowed with powers, both magical and technological, to defeat Skeletor and other enemies seeking to do harm to his home of Eternia.

4. WOLVERINE

Wolverine is one of the toughest superheroes ever. He’s a leader of the X-Men, and has one of the longer lists of supernatural abilities. 1) He doesn’t age 2) He can regenrate, and his woulds heal incredibly quickly. 3) He has super-strength and agility 4) He can block out traumatic memories. 5) He has bad-ass retractable claws 6) He’s Canadian…. Okay so 6 might not be the best feature. Wolverine is also a secret agent and a human mutant cyborg born to human parents, although his mutation (the claws are real, and they’re spectacular) also occasionally causes him to become more “animal” than man.

As cool as Wolvie is, his early childhood was not so rosy. Several traumatic events, including the accidental impaling of his caring governess with the retractable bone-claws attached to his wrists, lead the boy Wolverine, named James Howlett but who later went by the name Logan (after his wealthy parents’ farmhand who he also killed as a boy), to flee to the woods to live like an animal. Fortunately, Wolverine has the ability to block out traumatic memories, and who of us wouldn’t love to do that? Wolverine (Logan) later became involved in espionage as a secret agent for team X, who tried to breed a race of supersoldiers. They attempted to line his skeleton with a material called Adamantium, but the pain from the procedure caused him to display his claws once more, and also to (temporarily) lose his humanity. He soon escaped from the secret lair of Team X (again) and into the wilderness. Later, he was rescued by James MacDonald Hudson and his new wife Heather, who were on their honeymoon in Wood Buffalo National Park. They managed to subdue Wolverine when he attacked them, and nursed him back to health, helping him find his humanity once more. Hudson worked for Department H, a section of the Canadian government which was trying to recruit a team of superhumans to defend Canada in the wake of all the other superhuman threats arising around the globe. He recruited Logan to become a member of Department H, and Logan was soon was tipped to lead the team of superhumans codenamed Alpha Flight. They gave him the title Weapon X, though the amnesiac Logan preferred to be called Wolverine, subconsciously recalling his former codename as a spy. While Alpha Flight was still in formation, Logan was sent out solo to deal with the Hulk, who had strayed into Canada. Wolverine ended up fighting both the Hulk and the Wendigo, and it was likely this scrap which brought him to the attention of Professor Charles Xavier, founder of the X-Men. When the original team of X-Men went missing during a mission, Wolverine was one of a number of mutants Professor X approached  to form a new team to rescue their predecessors. Eager to be freed from the bureaucratic constraints of working for a government bureaucracy, Logan accepted.

Although his argumentative personality and animalistic side initially caused problems within the ranks of the team, Wolverine soon became a valued member and good friend of the other X-Men, even being seen as something of a mentor by some of the younger members who later joined. Mentor, father-figure, and total bad-ass, Wolverine is definitely the toughest of the tough on this list.

3. SPIDERMAN

Were you a geek in high school? Of course you were, otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this article. So was Peter Parker, the mild-mannered but incredibly smart science whiz living with his Aunt in Forest Hills, but who was also shy, and had trouble talking to girls.He was also beat up by the bully  Eugene “Flash” Thompson, who would call him “Puny Parker” and humiliate him daily.

That is, until he got bit by a radioactive spider.

Once bitten, Peter acquires super skills:  super-strength, the ability to climb walls, phenomenal jumping skill, a sixth sense (”spider-sense”) that alerts him to danger, perfect balance and equilibrium, as well as superhuman speed and agility. Plus, he can shoot webs from his wrists and this web-like stuff serves a variety of functions:  a single rope-like strand to swing from, a net to bind enemies, a single strand for yanking opponents into objects, strands for whipping foreign objects at enemies, and a simple glob to foul machinery or blind an opponent. He can also weave the web material into simple forms like a shield, a spherical protection or hemispherical barrier, a club, or a hang-glider wing. Other equipment include spider-tracers (spider-shaped adhesive homing beacons keyed to his own spider-sense), a light beacon which can either be used as a flashlight or project a “Spider-Signal” design, and a specially modified camera that can take pictures automatically.  As Spider-Man, he becomes a successful TV star, but soon learns a painful lesson. One day at a studio, Spidderman refuses to stop a thief, saying that it is the job of the police, not that of a number one star. Minutes later, his beloved guardian, Uncle Ben, is murdered, and an angry Spider-Man sets off to capture the killer. When he does, he is horrified to find that the man is none other than the burglar he refused to subdue. Thus, Spiderman learns that with great power comes great responsibility. Meanwhile, his aunt is desperate for money, so Peter takes a job as a photographer at the New York Daily Bugle selling photos to J Jonah Jameson, who proves to be jealous of Spider-Man and has begun to vilify Spider-Man in the paper. So, Peter has to balance all of his personal trials and tribulations with his crime-fighting, which proves exhausting. Good thing Peter’s been able to find love from some fine women over the course of the cartoon, including Betty Brant in high school, college girlfriend Gwen Stacy, who he meets while attending Empire State University but who is killed by the Green Goblin, and then later, his wife, Mary Jane Watson, portrayed by Kirsten Dunst in the movie.

2. SUPERMAN

Yep. He’s number 2, due to the particular predjudices of this office, and by virtue of the fact that while Superman seems to be the all-American, perfectly heroic human archetype, he really gets his powers by virtue of the fact that he, unlike all these other superheroes, is from another planet, Krypton, and thus, an extra-terrestrial.  His birthname? The very un-American Kal-El. Shortly after his birth, Kal-El is rocketed to earth by his father Jor-El right before Krpton is about ot explode. He lands in Kansas, where he is found and raised by hardy midwestern farmers. Talk about your illegal aliens! Nevetheless, Kal-El soon took on the persona of mild-mannered reporter Clark Kent, who works for the Daily Planet newspaper (remember those?) in the city of Metropolis alongside romantic interest Lois Lane, a hot brunette reporter.

But when danger rears its ugly head, Clark  hops into the nearest phone-booth and becomes Superman, whose powers exceed those of any other Superhero. They include: flight,  super-strength, invulnerability to non-magical attacks, super-speed, vision powers (including x-ray, heat-emitting, telescopic, infra-red, and microscopic vision), super-hearing, and super-breath, which enables him to blow out air at freezing temperatures, as well as exert the propulsive force of high-speed winds! That’s quite an arsenal to have at your disposal. Some attribute his powers to the fact that Krypton has a more powerful gravitational pull that earth, but that still doesn’t explain every single one of the powers in his golf-bag. Others say that Krypton had a red sun, and the yellow sun of earth grants Superman all his powers. The causes are never quite explained, but who cares? Superman is Superman.

Superman adheres to a strict moral code, often attributed to the Midwestern values with which he was raised by his adoptive parents in Kansas. His commitment to operating within the law and to never take human life has been an example to many other heroes, but has stirred resentment among others, who refer to him as the “big blue boy scout.”  As Batman observed in the Batman/Superman (2003) comic:  “It is a remarkable dichotomy. In many ways, Clark is the most human of us all. Then…he shoots fire from the skies, and it is difficult not to think of him as a god. And how fortunate we all are that it does not occur to him.” Damn straight. If Superman turned on us we’d all be soooo screwed.

1. BATMAN

Batman is, simply put, the ultimate badass. Playboy billionaire industrialist and philanthropist Bruce Wayne by day, Batman roams the night fighting crime with no superpowers whatsoever… Now that takes cojones. No, Batman relies purely on his wealth, physical prowess, deductive abilities and obsession to fight crime and bring justice to the lawless Gotham City, which stemmed from the murder of his parents by criminals when Bruce was a child. Not to mention perhaps the coolest stash of gadgets and toys of any Superhero ever, courtesy of Wayne Enterprises’ subsidiary Wayne Technologies. These include his Batsuit, which is equipped with a large amount of built-in gadgets, including his utility belt…  Over the years it is shown to contain a virtually limitless variety of crime fighting guns, ropes, knives, grenades, etc. Different versions of the belt have these items stored in either pouches or hard cylinders attached evenly around it. Batman’s primary vehicle is the Batmobile, which is usually depicted as an imposing black car with large tailfins that suggest a bat’s wings.

Batman’s other vehicles include the Batplane (aka the Batwing), Batboat, Bat-Sub, and Batcycle. The Batcave is Batman’s secret headquarters, consisting of a series of subterranean caves beneath his mansion, Wayne Manor. It serves as his command center for both local and global surveillance, as well as housing his vehicles and equipment for his war on crime. It also is a storeroom for Batman’s memorabilia. In both the comic Batman: Shadow of the Bat (issue #45) and the 2005 film Batman Begins, the cave is said to have been part of the Underground Railroad. Batman has an array of partners who help him with his endeavors to fight crime: His butler, Alfred, his business manager and armorer, Lucius Fox, and his protege-sidekick Robin. Batman also has no singular love interest, but is romantically involved with many different women during his adventures, including society women such as Julie Madison, Vicki Vale, and Silver St. Cloud, to Allies in crime-fighting such as Wonder Woman and Sasha Bordeaux, and even enemy villainesses like Catwoman and Talia al Ghu.  But the ladies can’t pin Bruce Wayne down! He’s got too much crime-fighting to do and secrets to keep… along with Robin (not that there’s anything going on there… at least, the writers say no).

And if that’s not enough to prove Batman’s eternal coolness, just check out the box office returns for last year’s “The Dark Knight.” It made over a billion dollars at the box office. That’s right. A BILLION.

1. 5 Useful New Photoshop Filters (Vol.2 ) (College Humor)
2. Signs That You Drink Too Much (AskMen)
3. 9 Athletes Who Desperately Need a Trip to Jenny Craig (Guyism)
4. Ridiculous Fitness Infomercials (Uncoached)
5. 20 of The Worst Men’s Hairstyles (Manolith)

Ryan Leaf: San Diego Chargers/1st Pick-1998

Leaf is perhaps the biggest flop in NFL history, Ryan Leaf was the #2 overall pick by the San Diego Chargers in 1998. the only player picked in front of Leaf was Peyton Manning, and the Colts (who selected Manning) considered taking Leaf until just before draft day. Needless to say, the Colts were wise to take Peyton! When you look up “bust” in the dictionary, Leaf should be in there. He’s also given us one of the best rants ever!! Ryan Leaf

Kwame Brown:Washington Wizards/1st Pick-Overall 02′

When Kwame Brown was picked first overall in the 2002 NBA Draft by the Washington Wizards, expectations were high. After all, the great Michael Jordan was the one who wanted Brown. People were wondering if Brown would be the second coming of Kevin Garnett…he’ wasn’t! I think the pressure from being “Michael Jordan’s pick” got to Brown and he never recovered.

Lawrence Phillips:Rams/6th overall 96′

The former Cornhusker was extremely talented but was a controversial choice to begin with. He would flash his promise on occasion but simply couldn’t stay out of trouble off the field. Phillips has been arrested for domestic abuse, running over 3 teenagers with a car….hmmm…what else? I guess that’s enough…BUST!

Michael Olowakandi-Los Angeles Clippers/1st Pick 98′

You knew the Clippers would be on this list somewhere…well, here they are with Micheal Olowakandi. Olowokandi is considered by many to be one of the biggest busts in NBA history because he was taken 1st overall in the ‘98 draft, because he was taken ahead of star players such as Vince Carter, Antawn Jamison, Dirk Nowitzki, Paul Pierce, Mike Bibby, and Rashard Lewis!! That’s a list on NBA stars to be taken in front of…he could be the biggest bust in NBA history.

Charles Rodgers- Detriot Lions/2nd Overall 03′

This guy loved to smoke marijuana!! This guy loved to smoke marijuana so much he ruined his career to smoke. I think he loved weed more than Ricky Willams. Leave it up to the Detroit Lions, possibly the worst Pro Club in the world,  to choose a guy who cares more for drugs than a sport that every kid would love to play as a pro when they grew up. Rogers’ demise can be and has been blamed on a number of things, including injuries, drug abuse, a lack of discipline, immaturity. But it boils down to one thing: Charles Rogers didn’t know how to cope with failure. BUST!

Have some of professional athlete busts that you think should be on the list? Let us know in the comments below!

George Lopez on TBS

Kudos to George Lopez. Tonight his talk show debuts on TBS and it’s significant for more than a few reasons. Forget that he’s the first Hispanic to hold the position. Or that his sitcom is still popular in syndication. The best reason to look forward to this debut is the rarest: he’s freakin’ funny.

For years George Lopez has been a hilarious guest on every talk show out there. Most notably he played 18 times on Arsenio. Fans noticed something strange though. Why was he so funny without a script and absolutely lame when his jokes were written out? Anyone who’s seen his standup routine witnesses the obvious schism. The problem is, this big dog needs to lose the muzzle.

George Lopez knows the score. In an interview with The Boston Herald, he puts it this way. “I don’t just want to do good. I really want to wreck it every night. I want to destroy it. I think there is a place to be inclusive, a place to be relaxed, a place to be funny and a place to be spontaneous.”

So Lopez has decided to lose the desk and the pre-interview, two staples of Late Night. He promises fresh spontaneity and a party atmosphere approach to this great opportunity to show us what he’s really made of.  Here’s to hoping he succeeds for a long time to come.

Break a leg, Amigo!

Tune in weeknights at 11 for Lopez Tonight on TBS and help a brother out.

You’ve been there before. You’re drunk, but not nearly drunk enough. You’ve been thrown out of the club you were in because of disorderly conduct, and you tried to bring your own bottle of wine in. Happens every time. But now you have no cork-screw, and you’re out on the cold street!  Blast!

Fear not, for this drunken savant leads us to wine-drinking enlightenment:

Don’t you love it when you reach your hand in your pocket and happen to find a $20 bill? Well, then you can imagine how ecstatic these people were when they found a huge fortune when they were least expecting. I think I better start shopping in thrift stores more often…

1. The man who bought an official copy of the Declaration of Independence for $4

2. The old lady who found a 140 year-old baseball card in her basement

Bernice Gallego, a 72-year-old California woman found a rare baseball card of the first professional team in the United States in her home. And if it weren’t for the intervention of a friend, she would have sold the 1869 Cincinnati Red Stockings card on eBay for $10. The front of the card features a sepia-toned, gelatin-silver photographic print of the entire team. The reverse, a red-and-white advertisement for Peck & Snyder, a New York sports equipment manufacturer. The card has since been authenticated by PSA. The team photo is relatively unscathed.

The 19th century baseball card was sold on the auction block for $75,285.

3. The contractor who found $182,000 in a bathroom

Apparently, bathrooms can be pretty useful spots to hide your money, as contractor Bob Kitts from Cleveland, Ohio discovered. Kitts found $182,000 of Depression-era money hidden in a bathroom wall. Kitts was tearing the bathroom walls out of an 83-year-old home near Lake Erie in 2006 when he discovered two green metal lock boxes suspended inside a wall below the medicine chest, hanging from a wire. Inside were white envelopes with the return address for “P. Dunne News Agency.” He told the homeowner about the money; arguments broke out quickly on how to repartition the findings. This led to a legal battle between the homeowner and the contractor, and eventually between the found money’s family descendants who had been traced back from the return address on the envelope the money was found in. The contractor would have done well to keep his mouth shut.

4. The woman who found a Pollock worth millions, paid $5 for it

If you’re not an art connoisseur, it looks a lot like a bunch of squiggly lines on a page. But to an expert, it’s a stunning find – an original Jackson Pollock, an American painter and an artist considered a master of abstract expressionism.

How this painting came to be on display and up for sale in a local Toronto gallery is the stuff of legend. You may remember the unbelievable story surrounding a woman named Teri Horton, a retired truck driver who loved to frequent thrift shops around North America. When she entered one of them in California in the 1990s, she spotted a picture lying unused in a corner, a piece of artwork that no one seemed to want.

She hated it but thought it was funny. And she was going to buy it for her depressed friend. And she brought it to the counter and the lady said it was $8 and Teri said she’s willing to pay $5, she doesn’t love her friend that much. They were planning on drinking some beers and throwing darts at it. But a friend of hers was dating an art teacher and he looked at it and said ‘you very well may have a Jackson Pollock on your hands.’

And she came back with the statement ‘Who the F is Jackson Pollock?’ And it all began from there. That statement became the name of a 2006 documentary featuring her story, including her struggles to prove her five buckpainting was really the masterpiece many claimed it was. It was finally authenticated and now there’s no doubt about its value.The painting has since been assessed as being worth a stunning $50 million, surely the greatest flea market bargain in history.

5. The collector who found $200,000 in coins after cleaning out an abandoned house

Jeff Bidelman, a Johnstown Rare Collectibles owner, was helping a family clean out the house their relative had abandoned over twenty years ago. As he was dragging a bag of old coins downstairs, he noticed a hole in an upstairs wall. When the first floor got torn down, a mounting pile of gold coins was found. In total, Bidelman found at least $8,500 of coins at face value. He estimates the actual value of the coins could be as high as $200,000. Apparently, they had been thrown down the hole Bidelman had noticed earlier.

For the rest of the lucky people who stumbled upon huge fortunes, check out Oddee.

Nature! Goulet! Yes, I know you normally use this machine to look up naked pictures of Stephanie Seymour or Janine Lindemulder, but how about broadening your Internet browsing to take in some culture? Like, naked wildebeests! Getting eaten by fierce (and naked) crocodiles! Yeah! Or two lions, their faces drenched with the blood of their departed enemies, fighting over the pickins of the latest kill?! Or a Great White (also naked) jumping 15 feet out of the water with its prey in its jaws? Yeah, that’s much more high class, especially when captured on the today’s most advanced Zeiss zoom lenses and digital cameras. So check the finalists for this year’s International National Geographic Photography contest! Here’s some samples:

To check out all the other pics among the three categories “extreme,“predator vs. prey,” and “cute,” go here and browse. Which picture do you think is the best? Leave us a comment below!

The weekend is here, which means for many of us, we’re going to the nearest bar. Despite the consequences come Sunday morning, we still don’t even think twice when downing that 6^th beer, or even participating in the 3^rd game of beer pong. If this sounds like your regular weekend, then you may need to follow these simple steps. Don’t worry; you’ll thank me in the morning.

1. Don’t drink on an empty stomach: This is possibly the worst thing that you can do. And don’t tell me that you just didn’t have time to eat. A piece of bread, a sandwich – ANYTHING. Just make sure you eat something. Carbs, especially help to slow down the alcohol from getting ingested into your blood stream, so something with high fat content will slow the absorption. The best scenario is actually to eat small snacks while you drink.
2. Drink Plenty of Water: One of the causes of a hangover is dehydration. Alcohol dehydrates you and if you keep drinking without water, you’ll definitely be feeling it the next day. Remember to alternate water in between drinks and keep a bottle by your bed so you can sip it all night long.
3. Take a multi-vitamins: Provided you didn’t take your daily dose of vitamins, it’s really important to take one before you go out. Alcohol depletes the vitamins in your body, so you’ll need to replenish them.
4. Stick to one type of alcohol: Ok, so drinking a ton of one type of alcohol will not prevent you from getting a hangover, but you can lower your chances if you stick to one kind. Oh, and don’t drink the cheap stuff – that’s just asking for trouble.
5. Pace yourself with 1 drink per hour: Your live can only ingest 1 drink per hour, so if you drink more than 1, by the time your body catches up with you, it will be too late. Drink slow and pace yourself.

We know how it is. You make a quick stop to load up on brewskies, Cristal and mega munchies but you gotta make sure you don’t go over the 10 item limit. So what if you take up BOTH Handicapped spots? There’s only like, 3 pricks in this town who have those fake license plates anyway. 5… maybe 10 minutes in and out… tops.

Unfortunately, this first guy forgot he was parking at the Wal-Mart in the Bay Of Fundy. Mother Nature can be so cruel. Of course, he’s not the only selfish slob out there who should only be allowed to have a Non-Driver ID. Here are the worst parking jobs we could find. Where’s a Meter Maid when you NEED one?

What? I AM Handicapped!

Can’t you tell? I’m legally blind…

Now you know why I went with The Crown Vic…

It’s all that extra power under the hood.

Figures… the house is never anything like the AD…

FOR SALE: 2 BR Ranch with 1 1/2 Baths, Driveway, 2 Car Garage AND Rooftop Parking! A real Handyman Fixer-Upper!

Oh, Come On Dude!

What are the chances of a fire in this neighborhood? Take a walk on the wild side for once in your pathetic life. Oops! You f*#*ed up. You trusted me…

Excuse me Guys! You can’t park here…

What’s this look like? A tree house garage?

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking…

For those of you on the right side of the aircraft, you might wanna take a look out your window and get a closeup view of the famous L.A. River. Just a reminder. Please keep your seat belts tightly fastened. Landing may be a little bumpy…

Pardon me…..

Mind if we split the meter?

I’m telling you! We can do this!

We just build a ramp out of scrap wood and cinder blocks out in the parking lot where nobody will bother us. What’s the worst that can happen? We’ll use your car…

Stuck….

Between a rock and a hard place.

There you have it. Some of the worst parking jobs ever caught on film. Luckily, these examples are the exceptions to the rule. Thankfully, we can count on a vigilant police force looking out for us honest folks.

Or not…

Looking for more examples of the Worst Parking Jobs Ever? Check out the gallery for a few more shots that earned “Honorable Mention.”

And keep an eye out for that Meter Maid… Huh? Wait a minute… Who’s head IS that bobbing up and down in the passenger seat of that cop car?

Dude! Nice meal break…

COCKTAIL OF THE WEEK: “The Panty-Dropper”

We’re going to start off with a very simple drink where you can order at any bar hopefully helping you get laid. Let’s face it guys, what you order at the bar tells a lot about  you to the opposite sex. I love beer just as much as the next guy but when you’re out at a classy place with the intentions of picking up a girl, your drink order is very important. It says a lot about you. Ordering a beer tells the girl at the other end of the bar that you’re just like every other guy out there. She’s looking for a confident man, not a guy who still drinks the cheap beer he drank when he was in college. The days of buying cheap keg beer are over. This week it’s a simple change to one of the most popular drinks out there, the Red Bull/Vodka.

Everybody loves some Red Bull and Vodka, but it’s gotten kind of old so what we’ve done is give it a splash of cran and give it a controversial name. The name is the key because it’s a talking point guys, it will allow some conversation to start when you order it.

• 1 Part Vodka

• 1 Part Red Bull

• Splash of Cranberry Juice

Now when you live somewhere like LA or NYC these drinks will probably cost at least double of a beer but it’s worth it. Your vodka selection is just important as the Red Bull. You wouldn’t ask the bartender for a cheap energy drink from the local 7-Eleven so why would go ask for a cheap vodka? Step it up a notch and the typical day-after hangover will be a thing of the past (assuming you don’t drink yourself into oblivion). I would recommend either Kettle One or Grey Goose. There are plenty of quality vodkas available now so stay clear of whatever the house has on ’special’ and she will definitely notice.

It’s easy to love a great movie. What’s not to like? When all the elements come together like a great story, terrific acting, mind blowing imagery and a feeling of being suspended in time for 2 hours or so, you leave the theater with a satisfied feeling of actually having achieved something. Instead of just sitting on your ass and staring at a giant screen.

The best movies in history have been based on an existing story. Gone With The Wind, The Godfather, Full Metal Jacket, 2001… Capote. Wait! What? Who let that bone smuggler into my post? I meant In Cold Blood. The point is, a great movie is easier to make when you start with a great story. And some of the greatest stories told in the last 20 odd years have come from video games. The Legend of Zelda, Grand Theft Auto and now Call of Duty have started to replace the movie going experience for those of us hungry for a great story but unwilling to get off the couch and shell out 10 bucks for a piece of crap.

So why do so many movies based on video games suck donkey d***? 3 words: Cross Promotion.

Virtually every movie based on a video game has been timed to release when the anticipation for that game is at its highest. This way the greedy bloodsuckers in Hollywood are assured that no matter what kind of crap they dash together, it’s certain to make a killing. Because, as we all know, the American Public is nothing more than a bunch of mindless lambs with ATMs for wallets.

You know, that’s actually true. Way to go bloodsucking Hollywood creeps! Maybe you should run the banks… oh wait. You do.

Anyway, the point is, movies that are based on video games have the potential for so much more than has been realized to date and blah, blah, blah… here’s our list of the Worst Movies Based on the Best Video Games.  Please read, click on our sponsors and move on to the next article. This all costs money you know… do we look like a freaking charity? Cha-Ching!

Next!

Lara Croft Tomb Raider

Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001)  At the time this move was made Angelina Jolie was barely a blip on the radar screen. But a 50 foot billboard at Hollywood & Vine magnifying her 25 foot jugs made her the hottest no-name in Tinseltown. Unfortunately the movie made no sense, the action was worse than a Charlie’s Angels workout video and the story had nothing to do with the game. AJ went on to greater fortune and fame though in her new role: Angelina Jolie: Womb Raider.

Wing Commander

Wing Commander (1999) Wing Commander was an exciting video game that made us feel as close to being Luke Skywalker as was possible before the Internet bubble burst. When this movie was released another bubble burst… the idea that a great game makes for a great movie. At the time Freddie Prinze, Jr. was looking for a vehicle that would stop casting directors from sending him cheesy teen romance scripts. Taking this role was tantamount to shooting himself in the head. Like father, like son.

Street Fighter

Street Fighter (1994) It wasn’t until last year that Jean-Claude Van Damme realized the only way an audience would like him in a role was if he made fun of himself. Too bad the formula didn’t exist when Hollywood blew the greatest fight game video franchise of all time by casting him as the lead.  The best thing about this movie is JCVD’s funny French “American” accent. Otherwise, we’d love to give the schmucks who greenlighted this mess a good roundhouse kick to ze balls.

Doom

Doom (2005) When Doom was released in 1993 it was basically a nod to one overwhelming fact of the time: gamers were saying “forget back story, gimme a gun and let me shoot the hell out of anything that moves.”  The howls of protest from parents, police and anybody who’s never felt the thrill of blasting away at a scumbag until you’re covered in a fine, blood-red mist led to this movie which tried to put a friendly face on friendly fire. Not even “The Rock” (who’s a good actor and a decent action hero) could lift this piece of sh!t above what it shoulda been called: Dumb.

Super Mario Bros.

Super Mario Bros. (1993) The dream game that started the whole movie nightmare scenario. SMB is arguably the greatest video game franchise of all time. My thumbs still hurt from playing the many permutations way past my bedtime, and now I can look forward to Wii elbow when the Bros. are released next week.  This movie was so dumb that even the stars who played the characters looked ashamed to be in it. Of course, that didn’t stop them from mopping up at the Box Office.  There were more leaks in this story than a hot sheet hotel across from the Watergate. Where’s a GOOD plumber when you need one?

All Images From Movies.com

• The 7 Levels of a Bar Hook Up (Guyism)
• Vaccinations: 5 Things You Didn’t Know (AskMen)
• Anny Vyalitsyna: The Real Barbie (The Plunder Guide)
• Man Food: Bacon Wrapped Meatloaf (PlanetZMan)
• How To Deal When Dating a Mooch (MadeMan)

He is wearing… a trash bag… as a skirt. I can’t even fathom a reason why! – “Well maybe it was some sort of an emergency.” Who knows what he is going to use the Tupperware for.
Oklahoma

Its not her fault; that guy’s fabulous rat tail makes all the girls pull their skirts up.
California

I’ve got 4 to 1 odds saying she smelled her hand after she pulled it back out.
Utah

Oh, It’s like a garbage bag filled with creamed corn.
Georgia

C’mon now. This brings a whole new meaning to the term ‘half-assed’.
California

I wonder if this guy wears those jeans with any other shirt. It’s too bad that they don’t make jeans with a giant douche on them, then he would be set for any shirt.
Tennessee

Is it just me, or do mullets look 10x better with camo? These two are like the Mario and Luigi of Walmart.
Texas and California

This is either the ugliest woman ever, the worst cross-dresser ever, or a guy that is really bad at choosing gender appropriate clothes. Maybe it’s all three – an ugly woman, cross-dressing as a man, who can’t pick out manly clothes.
Texas

You are not a ballerina so don’t dress like one! That shirt manages to give your side boobs back boobs…..I’m not even sure how that’s possible, but you accomplished it.
New Hampshire

Either that kid looks exactly like him, or believe it or not, Mr. Superbad himself is shopping at the Wal.
Colorado

I guess he thought he could roll his underwear over his pants and use them as a belt…didn’t work.
Utah

I’m still trying to figure out if that outfit is made like that on purpose or if its just trying to tear itself away from her body.
Texas

“What is Walmart gay?” – great question; Walmart gay is extra flamboyant attire like this, that is still rooted in Walmartness. For example, tying your shirt up like so is very flamboyant, however it is also flannel. Pink shorts –> big belt buckle. Big goofy hat –> doesnt match a thing. I think you get the idea.
Florida

“Hey, PoWM, this is probably staged to get on your website!” – Well, if this guy grew that enchanting Ponytail for 11 years so he could one day squeeze into his tightest shirt, Lt. Dangle shorts and Goth boots for the purpose of taking a picture at Walmart and getting his 15 minutes of fame on our website…….then i guess he got one over on us.
Texas

This lady looks like she woke up in an alley somewhere in Mexico and had the urge to get to a Walmart inmediatamente.
South Carolina

My man looks like a walking, talking, pimping Neapolitan Ice Cream. I bet that pimp hand is cold ladies.
Ohio

Create your own caption.  I’m in the middle of pouring bleach into my eyes.
West Virginia

Well the bleach from earlier obviously didn’t do the trick because I still see this…. I’m switching to Drano.
Texas

Fashion tip: Your house arrest ankle bracelet is not an accessory, so you probably don’t want to go all LL Cool J with your sweatpants.
Unknown

I bet this guy is wearing a condom just so everything is tight and snug….come to think of it, this guy kind of looks like a big condom but I don’t have the balls to tell him that.
Georgia

Dear Skeezy McSkeezerson, thanks for moving your nightie so we could get a nice glance at whatever it is you inked above your crack to thwart off potential suitors.
Oklahoma

Hell no we ain’t got no gays down here in Texas !…..Whats that? Oh, yeah, I made this vest myself. Looks good don’t it?
Texas

Courtesy of People of Walmart. Check out their site for more interesting photos!

When you think of The Simpsons, you don’t really think of hot women. However, once you can get past the stupidity of Homer Simpson, you may notice that the women are actually pretty good looking. Double Viking has a great list so head on over there to see it, but for now, here’s a sneak peek!

Check out Guyism for the complete list.

1. Hilarious Sports Moment Photos (Uncoached)
2. How To Ruin a Relationship in 3 Easy Steps (HolyTaco)
3. Reebok Commercial – So Bad, It’s Good (TastyBooze)
4. 15 Best Stacy Keibler Videos of All Time (Epic Carnival)
5. A Flowchart to Determine How Your Should Spend Your Last $20 (NextRound)

Apparently Veggie Cookie Monster couldn’t handle Big Bird getting all of the attention yesterday for Seseme Street’s 40th anniversary. And who could blame him? He’s definitely the coolest Sesame Street character. Today he took over Skynet Internet giant Google’s home page. Over the last 40 years Cookie Monster has always been a favorite for children with his obsession over his favorite food, cookies. In recent years many bad parents have kept a constant pressure on the show to have Cookie Monster promote healthier food choices. I mean of course it’s the television show’s fault that you go to the store, buy your child bad food, and shove it down their throats till they get fat.

Cookie Monster technically doesn’t even eat cookies. He simply crumbles them up into his mouth and makes a complete mess all over the floor so I’m not sure what all the fuss is about. To appease the many parents in our over-fed country however, the producers of Sesame Street started having Cookie Monster promote healthier foods to the viewing children. Now he considers cookies to be his “sometimes” food.

Personally I want to see Snuffleupagus get in on this action and be on the home page.

Watch Cookie Monster on Colbert.

The Deep Freeze has begun. That’s the time frame between Fall / Winter Holiday weekends where movie makers scramble to get as much screen time for films they’ve got great hopes for since they perfectly fit the season. Then there are these 3.

Why drop Horror movies AFTER Halloween? Why extend the shelf life of a dusty TV remake? And a movie about psychic goat killers? At least we know that no matter what, Hollywood will drop some first class boobage into even the silliest piece of crap any giant bloated ego can throw millions of bucks at. Thank God for that!

So here are the best bets for this week’s EgoTV BOOB Watch — our picks for Box Office Opening Babes.

The Box: Not satisfied with a crummy Twilight Zone entry (and not the cool Twilight Zone) this movie has been floating around Hollywood for years, just waiting for a washed up Broadway star and an aging Ingenue to give it a boost.  Luckily, Cameron Diaz still looks delicious in a bikini and Gillian Jacobs is just starting to pose for the sexy IMDB shots. Still, we’ll be thinking outside this box.

The Fourth Kind: Any movie that shows the best FX in the trailer has given up before it hits the screen. Unless those FX look like ghosts having a really mind-blowing orgasm before they pass over to the other side. Or Alien sex. Whatever. At least we get to see Milla Jovovich practice her “I’m determined to get to the bottom of this” look and Tyne Rafaeli takes a non-speaking role to show off her bod. Cool. We don’t need funny accents to make things even more illegal alien-y anyway. Just a great rack of lambs. Which brings us to…

Men Who Stare At Goats: Finally. George Clooney is tired looking and not cute anymore. Does he slip into the Jimmy Stewart folksy Western stage of his career? Noooo… he makes a movie about guys who can kill goats just by thinking about them. The cast list for this mess includes just ONE woman! Fortunately, out of the whole world, that one Box Office Opening Babe is Vietnamese Beauty Queen Minh Tu Van. Unfortunately, there’s way too much staring at goats and not enough staring at her. Maybe we can join the Army and learn how to stare at over the hill movie stars until they keel over. Oh wait. We already do.

That’s all for this week. Tune in next time for our EgoTV Boob Watch when we round up the weekly offering of Box Office Opening Babes. In the meantime… say thanks for the mammaries!

Wow what a guy. According to ESPN, New York Yankees Manager Joe Girardi stopped along a suburban roadway to assist a woman who had just gotten into a car accident only hours after winning the World Series. Apparently while passing through a sobriety checkpoint Girardi was congratulated on the Yankees victory by Westchester police officer Kathleen Cristiano. Shortly thereafter Cristiano was one of the first people on the scene of the accident where 27 year old Marie Henry of Stratford, CT had crashed her car into a wall. According to the report Girardi was flagging for help when officer Cristiano arrived on scene.

“The guy wins the World Series, what does he do? He stops to help. It was totally surreal.” — Westchester officer Kathleen Cristiano

I have to say, this is a very classy move on Mr. Girardi’s part. I mean every single day we pass stranded and sometimes hurt motorists along the road without hesitation. Here’s a guy who just won the biggest accomplishment in all of baseball and was probably on his way to celebrate, yet he still manages to stop to help a fellow citizen. People should take a lesson from this.

[Source: ESPN]

Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus stars; “DEBRA” Gibon, Lorenzo Lamas, and about 68 other actors I feel sorry for to have this credit on their IMDB page. Right off the bat this movie sucks monkey balls with Debra Gibson, formerly known as “Debbie” Gibson. You all remember her right?

I guess when you grow up and you want to act in bad movies you have to change your name to “Debra” to sound more adult. It still can’t change the fact that you have zero talent. Ohhh…I think that was a little harsh? Sorry, I’ll give her credit for getting in front of the camera and giving it a go…just take a class or something next time Debra.

So now that we know that the acting is terrible and the CGI looks like it was done with crayon. Why did I enjoy it so much? Well, I’ll tell you…It was so bad that it actually turned into being on of the funniest movies I’ve ever seen. Some of the most ridiculous things happened in this movie…it just had to be funny. For example, and I can’t even write this without laughing my ass off, a shark flew out the ocean and attacked a commercial aircraft! You think I’m joking…

If you think it can’t get anymore ridiculous…shame on you…the shark also takes out the Golden Gate Bridge. Of course it does…anything less would be ridiculous!

All this movie needed was Samuel Jackson and it would have made this movie a perfect mess. Look how much fun we all had with Snakes On a Plane!!

Sam Jackson will do anything if you give him a few million. As for the millions that it cost to make Mega Shark V Giant Octopus…they can never make that money back. But I recommend renting the movie if you want to a have a good laugh and have 2 hours to waste…I did. I found some of the greatest hits for you on YouTube. Here’s a few of my favorites for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy!

Last night the New York Yankees won their 27th World Series Title in style, by shutting down a dangerous and resilient Philadelphia Phillies team. The only way I can describe this series is by quoting Apollo Creed, “You fight great…but I’m a great fighter.” Both teams were talented enough to be crowned Champions, but the Yankees just had that extra edge.

This title was definitely a team effort, much like the ones in the 90’s. On any given night a different Yankee would come through and deliver in the clutch. Last night that person was Hideki Matsui, who drove in a record tying 6 runs in clinching game six. Matsui was awarded the MVP of the series going 8-12 and hitting 3 home runs…Godzilla delivered!

This team worked hard all year and deserved to win the title, but I’ve got to admit the team is full of jokers. Alex Rodriguez sounded like a 16 year old on stage holding up the trophy when he shouted, “We’re gonna paaaarrrrttttty!”. What a mess. Guys like Nick Swisher, Derek Jeter, and Mark Teixeira were bouncing around Yankee stadium like children wearing ski goggles to keep champagne out of their eyes. Well I guess they did just win the World Series sooo….I guess we’ll let it slide this time.

As a Yankee fan I’m over the moon that the Yankees finally got back on top. By Yankee standards it’s been a long time since the city of New York has been able to celebrate a title. The parade through Manhattan is set for Friday and no doubt New Yorkers will be celebrating through the weekend.

Let’s just hope that they don’t celebrate like the Phillie fans did when they realized they were going to the World Series. I wonder what Susan Finkelstein is going to celebrate the victory?

According to Just A Guy Thing and a recent Swedish study, men who marry educated women will actually live longer. This is great advice to men who don’t want to go to college and get a higher education – little do they know that they could actually be saving their own lives! The education factor is more important for his wife that himself!

I mean, when you really look at this logic, it makes total sense. Researchers Robert Erikson and Jenny Torssander of Stockholm’s Swedish Institute for Social Research found that women take a lead role in the home. (We’ll that’s a no-brainer, ain’t it, Women!) So according to that logic, a women who is more educated can lead their family and very happy (and lucky) husband to making better and healthier choices.

The study looked at 1990 census data of more than 1.5 million men and women, ages 30 to 59, along with cause of death data for the period 1991–2003. They found that men who live with a women with no high school diploma are 1.25 times more likely to die than men living with a college graduate. The study was published in the October Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health.

So men, make sure that you ask for a diploma before you decide to date… this could save your life!

Division 2 Le Moyne beat cross town rival #25 ranked Syracuse in a glorified pick up game last night 82-79. Christopher Johnson hit his 6th 3-pointer of the game with 8.3 seconds left for Le Moyne to seal the victory against the 25th ranked Syracuse Orangemen. Le Moyne celebrated on their coach Jim Boeheim at the end of the game as if they won the National Title. And why not right?

I get that the kids will remember this moment for the rest of their life. I get that you beat one of the most celebrated basketball teams in NCAA history, but it still doesn’t mean anything. I take that back…it’s pride! I’m sure the Syracuse Orangemen didn’t take this game seriously until the final 10 minutes when they looked up at the scoreboard and saw that they had a chance to lose.

Eventhough, this game didn’t mean anything it shows what college sports is all about. School pride, great competition, and a s*** ton of drama. Last night was a good moment for college sports, and the Le Moyne basketball players will remember it for the rest of their lives.

Tragedy marred the 40th anniversary of the Children’s Television Workshop celebration when it was announced that Sesame Street has been closed due to a massive Avian Flu strike. The origin? Big Bird of course.

It turns out the giant yellow bird of dubious origin has never had a flu shot and put the cast and crew into mortal danger by refusing one earlier this season. Mumbling excuses about the “old guy who lives inside me blowing massive chunks” and complaining of yellow feather fever symptoms, the kid’s favorite bumbling game hen kept putting off taking the shot even though it recently became eligible for a free dose.

You see, 40 years to a bird is like 80 years to a dog, which is like a death sentence to a douchey action figure,  so the Health Department felt BB was now part of a group at greatest risk: marginalized TV “Stars” who have outgrown their usefulness and minuscule educational value.

Plans to reopen Sesame Street have been put on hold until 9-foot dog catcher nets can be constructed by Frank Oz and George Lucas’ Dry Cleaning Guy in hopes of luring the huge fairy godfather down from his 40 foot nest high atop Mr. Hooper’s mausoleum / candy store.

Hey! Just kidding of course! Happy 40th Birthday Big Bird! You Rock! Now go get that shot!

There are many things a man can do with his time. This is better than those things.

So utters Pete (Mark Duplass), the lead character in “The League,” a new FX comedy that premiered last Thursday after “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.” The show capitalizes on the fantasy football craze which roughly 27 million Americans play each year, and it’s also pretty damn funny, a worthy companion to its hysterical lead-in.

The show centers on a group of five old college buddies in suburban Chicago who are all grown up, but still just a bunch of immature boys at heart. Paul is the three-time and defending league champion, and doesn’t hesitate to rub it in his friends’ faces. They include Kevin (Stephen Rannazzisi), a lawyer who is married to his wife Jenny (Katie Aselton) who is just as competitve as Kevin, and runs his team as a backseat driver — er — fantasy football player.  A third friend, Ruxin (Nick Kroll), is, like Kevin, a lawyer, and also desperate to win this year and shut Paul up. Ruxin spends basically the entire pilot episode stalking a nine-year-old kid for advice that he calls “The Oracle”… a fantasy football guru (much to the chagrin of “the Oracle’s” parents).  In one hilarious exchange, Ruxin, a defending lawyer for an armed-robbery suspect, makes a plea deal with opposing prosecutor, Kevin,  in exchange for the number one pick in the upcoming fantasy draft.

Jon Layoie plays Taco

Paul Scheer plays Andre

Their other friend, Andre (Paul Scheer), best known for his days on Human Giant,  is some kind of doctor and extremely rich, but even his bad-ass downtown bachelor pad, where the guys  hold their draft, is not enough to cover up his absolute social awkwardness and his being, as Paul puts it, a “gullible little sucktard.” Andre still is, and forever shall be, it seems, the butt of the group’s jokes. Finally, their last friend, Taco (Canadian comedian Jon Lajoie)  is their stoner-slacker buddy who still manages to get laid all the time, despite being an absolute space cadet and apparently jobless (or at least we don’t know what he does yet). One thing Taco does do is write songs, and he composes a hilarious ditty for Kevin and Jenny’s daughter on her birthday, which quickly takes an X-rated turn as her “day of birth” turns into a musical recounting of the night of her conception, in lurid detail.

Leslie Bibb

Though the show is very funny, Paul’s life seems to be spinning out of control. Even though he’s the three-time champ, his wife (Leslie Bibb) doesn’t want him to play this year. To make it even worse, she’s pressuring him to have a child, and she likes to stick her finger up his ass during sex (which he does NOT condone). At the end of the episode, Paul declares they’re getting separated. What will happen to this gang of arrested-developed men and their relationships? More importantly, who will win the league this year?

One thing’s for sure: I’ll be tuning in to find out.

Poop. Dung. S***. The Brown squeeze. We all do it (except me, of course, I never ever do it, because I’m superhuman and it’s gross) everyday, and yet we know so little. Like, how many different kinds of poop are there (answer: 7, with 2 sub-categories) ? What’s a no-wiper? A shart? A clig-on?….. Okay, you could probably guess. But still, you want to know this s*** for sure. And what about poop-euphamisms? Do you know them all?

Our friend Jillian (yes, a woman wrote this article) breaks down the human internal combustion engine output here.

Do you know all the activities you can do while on the can? Besides, texting, tweeting, reading, and flossing?

Do you know all the different types of flushes? Besides “the triple flush,” and “revolving the beavers?”

Check ‘em out!

Oh, and this:

Emma Frain is today’s International Babe of the Day for obvious reasons. First off, she’s from the UK so she has that cute British accent that no guy can really turn down. Even when she’s pissed off, it sounds like is asking to bake you an apple pie. How adorable. Not to mention, her website states that she loves going to the pub, pole dancing and takeaway, so you can imagine what a date with Ms. Frain would be like. Pretty much any guys dream. Oh an yes, she’s legal – double whammy!

For more pics of hottie, Emma Frain, check out Double Viking.

Check out these awesome links from some of the EgoTV partners:

1. A Shitty Subject: Types of Poop (Muff Slap)
2. 25 Amazing Optical Illusions (Big Smudge)
3. 10 Funniest Blonde Moments in TV History (Manofest)
4. Sexy Sweater Kittens (COED Magazine)
5. 23 Awesome Toilets (Maxim)

Gina Carano – MMA

Gina Carano started her career on American Gladiators as “Crush.”  She has since moved into the MMA world and has become the face of women’s fighting. Let’s “face” it…none of the other girls look like her!

Kelly Kelly – WWE

Barbar Blank or better known as “Kelly Kelly,” her ring name on WWE’s Raw started out as a model when she got a phone call from her agent from Vince McMahon, the owner of WWE, to come join the Raw cast. Kelly made her debut in 2006 as one of the youngest girls ever in the WWE.

Malia Jones – Pro Surfer

Malia Jones is a professional surfer born in California. She moved to Hawaii at age two, began to surf competitively

in her early teens, and at age 15, won the girls division of the United States Amateur Surfing Championship. Oh, and she

also models on the side…SHOCKER!

Kristi Leskinen – Freestyle Skiing

Kristi is a ridiculous athlete who defies gravity like you can’t believe. She has never won a major prize in the X-Games but always puts in a good showing. Her highest was 3rd place at the World Championships in 2005. It doesn’t matter, though, she’s a 10!

Danica Patrick – Indy Driver

I’m actually not a big fan a Mrs. Patrick, mainly because I think she has zero personality and she seems like a bitch. She’s one of those people that takes herself too seriously. Now, that doesn’t change the way I feel about her physical appearance… which is why she is on this list.

Andrea Fountain/Wakeboarder

Andrea is from Aukland, New Zealand and started riding waves at the age of 17. She claims that whatever trick she loves to do it has to be BIG!! Fear isn’t in this girls vocabulary and has been tearing up the wake-boarding circuit around the world for the past 10 years. She also snowboards and plays ping pong. What a first date that would be – ping pong and some Chinese take out…sold!

The Crucial Man Suit Basics On College Humor

It had to happen. College Humor finally realized they’re starting to outgrow their demographic base. Does that stop them from poking fun at everything college-y and ridiculous? Hell No! They just roll with the punches and get a real job: role model for the under grad generation entering the work force for the first time as a professional. Real life sucks for 25 year olds!

In a funny spin on GQ and Esquire, College Humor takes up the mantle of dropping the torch for the next generation of slackers likely to ruin, er… uh “run” the world soon. The vehicle is a video series called “The Crucial Man” that calls on experts to tell us why we don’t know our ass from our elbow macaroni. Yet.

The first installment? “Suit Basics.”

If you’re like host John Gabrus, you need lotsa help with suits. John Wilcox, a professional suit guy pops in to straighten John out. Seems John’s only suit in the closet was bought by his mom in 1999.  Just like his education. There’s plenty of  ”dressing to the left, to the left jokes” and Alex takes John’s off the rack Wedding / Funeral suit and switches him out to a James Bond street gray number that manages to match the cuff and the sleeve. But will it guarantee success?

Of course not! That’s what the world is all about when you land that first big job interview. Confidence is the key. Wow. College Humor is getting old. It was so much better when they stuck to Beer Pong triple dunking tips and cool ways to videotape your roommate’s first kegger Magic Marker face painting.

Oh well. Life moves on. CH will probably have to take that mail room job for a while. You know, until they get a feel for the place and learn how to unintentionally inflict emotional damage on the loser who’s been there for the last 14 years. That’s management potential. Uh-oh! What’s next?

Not… (Gulp!) The Serious Girlfriend! We’re all doomed…

Watch the whole video here and get ready to grow up. And throw up…

See ya soon Dad!

[Source: CollegeHumor]

Do you guys ever wonder what it takes to be a boxer’s trainer? Or the member of a pit crew? Or a professional caddie? Well, look no further. On Wednesday, December 2nd, 19-year NFL veteran Junior Seau will show you all of those odd sports jobs you’ve wondered about over the years on the premier of his new show “Sports Jobs with Junior Seau.” The show will run on the “Versus” network, and should provide you a lot of useful information about pursuing your dream career as a ball-boy.

Guess he didn’t really like this gig as much as football because he re-signed with the New England Patriots on October 15. Just another football player with a reality show.

Source: Autoblog

Ken Block does it again…but this time it wasn’t on the road. The ridiculously skilled driver and founder of DC Shoes did not think that his fast-as-hell Subaru WRX STI was good enough. No he couldn’t just leave all that is good alone. He decided that he wanted to play with the snow bunnies and outfitted his Subaru with a new TRAX system. The guys from Vermont SportsCar took the Subbie and put EXE-TC Group N competition dampers, a sick set of tracks, and a 400HP 2.5 liter 4 cylinder boxer engine.

Want to see what this beast can do on the snow? Check out the video we found on DC’s YouTube Channel:

[Source: Autoblog]

Kanye West and Taylor Swift on the VMAs

According to Anything Hollywood Country Music Superstar Taylor Swift is shaking in her cowgirl boots about her upcoming hosting appearance on this weekend’s Saturday Night Live. Apparently she’s worried that her acceptance speech stalker Kayne West will show up unexpectedly and grab the microphone away to babble on about Beyonce.

Is it possible?

We all know SNL loves a juicy controversy. Even if Kanye obeys the order of protection and stays at least 3 floors away from Swift, Kenan Thompson (hey, he’s the only choice…) can be counted on to put on some KW makeup and start up some deliciously funny trash talking from the audience during the monologue. In the hopes that SNL writers are reading this and want to fill some vacancies, here are some likely scenarios:

Kanye formally apologizes: Although he’s done so in media interviews and appearances he’s never actually been face to face. It would probably go something like this. “Yo Taylor, I just wanna say I’m really sorry about interpreting your award. It was wrong of me. I’m a let you finish, but if Beyonce hadn’t had one of the best videos of all time, none of this would’ve happened.”

Kanye takes back his apology: “Yo Telly. First of all, the Cristal in the Green Room is da bomb! And I should never have apologized to you at the DMV awards. Country music sucks and your video was shot on the A train! I had buddies in the hood who got shot on the A train all the time and they never won no awards from the VFW. Next time you should fatten up the booty shots like Beyonce. She had one of the best videos of all time!”

Kanye joins Taylor in a joint statement: Taylor: “First I’d like to thank Kenya West for coming on and clearing up this mess about his interrupting my speech. Second my name is not Telly. Third…” Kanye: “Tilly, hold up! I’m a let you finish but first I wanna say I think you should have some plastic surgery to make you look more like Beyonce. I know a guy who does great work, if you can make it out of the waiting room alive. And for the last time, my name is not Kenya. And oh yeah, Beyonce made one of the best videos of all time.”

You know what? Screw all this. SNL should just have Taylor, Kanye and Beyonce do a new musical version of 2 Chicks and A Dick…

Now THAT would be one of the best videos of all time.

1. Ask A Hot Chick – Female Nipple Hair (Muff Slap)
2. 15 Hottest Fembots of All Time (Manolith)
3. 5 Unintentionally Dissturbing Viagara Ads (Gunaxin)
4. Plastic Surgeon Gives Wife 8 Surgeries to Pretty Her Up (Guyism)
5. Choosing the Perfect Running Show (MadeMan)

We’ve all seen them. You know what I’m talking about. We all have Facebook friends that have profile pictures that are borderline creepy or of something we simply don’t give a s*** about. Guyism takes a look at 7 of the most annoying types of profile pictures on Facebook. Nothing tells you more about the kind of person you are than your profile picture. Bad profile pictures can get you kicked off my friend list very quickly.

Check out the FULL list HERE.

Here are a few other things that will get you De-Friended.

• Trying to get me to join your Mafia 8 times a week. If I haven’t responded, doesn’t that give you the hint that I don’t want to be in your Mafia because it’s a stupid Facebook game? If I really wanted to play video games there are these magical inventions called the PS3 and XBOX 360 for that! I’ll even throw in the Wii and I’m not even a fan of it but I would much rather play that then waste time on a Facebook game.
• Asking me to join Farmville
• Using Twitter to update your Facebook only to get people to Tweet you. WTF?! Seriously, how many social networks do you really need to use? I still haven’t figured out the point of Twitter. I guess the blokes that put $100 million in it know something that we don’t.
• Sending me quizzes to see how well I know you. All I have to do is go through your profile to find everything out about you so It’s quite easy because you put everything short of your credit card numbers on your profile!
• Putting a quote from the Bible in every status update.

Source: NextRound

Sometimes when you’re new on Facebook and you don’t really know how to use it, you should stay away from writing comments that divulge too much information. In this case, poor Tracy had her sex life on display and it gave us a good laugh. Oops!

Tiffany Thornton, the girl of Sonny With a Chance leaves you hoping you are that chance. Rocking the world of Disney for many years this beauty makes you wish she were legal… In fact, she’s so nice that she may just give you that chance. We’re definitely keeping an out for this hottie! Check out Girl2Watch for more pictures of Tiffany.

So Manu Ginobili can play basketball, but did you know he also is an exterminator? Saturday night, coincidentally Halloween, a bat decided it wanted to make its NBA debut. Well, it did and Ginobili wasn’t having it. The bat ran the court and almost got an assist on a Sacramento fast break, but he wasn’t on the game sheet and couldn’t get the dime. Ginobili on the other hand got credited for a block and a assist for this move…

Seeing Ginobili bitch slap a bat made me think about other animal incidents in sports.

Remember when Randy Johnson, “The Big Unit”, literally making a bird disappear with a 97 mph fastball??!?!

Going…going…GONE!!!

But once in a while you get stopped behind someone with a great sense of humor. And hopefully smoking hot. Suddenly all your problems and worries evaporate into a general sense of well-being and you find the strength to go on with your crappy life for one more day. Or not. Who cares… here’s some frickin’ funny bumper stickers. The light just turned green and we’ve already gone on WAY too long…

By now you’re probably thinking:

We couldn’t agree more…

1. Most Hilarious Vintage Smoking Ads (Manolith)
2. 14 Most Awesome Fake Products From The Simpsons (Guyism)
3. Chad Ochocinco’s 10 Most Entertaining Bengals Moments (YepYep)
4. 14 Lessons, Signs Taught Guys About Getting Married (Top Cultured)
5. Homes The Size of Islands (Mademan)

Here are just a few candidates:

Here’s the complete list. Who’s the hottest? Let us know below!

Everyone knows I’ve been very critical of Brett Favre and his on/off retirement over the past few years, but after watching the Packers vs. Vikings this past weekend I think I’ve come to a conclusion on my feelings for #4. This guy just wants to play football and now I’ve got a mantastic crush on him.

I guess my view of Farve has been skewed by ESPN’s constant bombardment of ‘The Brett Favre Watch’. I got to the point where I would mute the channel whenever a story about him came on TV.  I asked myself why do I hate this guy so much? I needed answers…

Being so annoyed with Favre’s presence I decided to look at this situation from the viewpoint of…What if  Favre is your freind or even YOUR FATHER? Imagine that…Brett Favre is your father…kind of cool, huh? Wouldn’t you want to see your Old Man get out there every Sunday and play professional football  as long as possible? Maybe win a Superbowl in the twilight of his career! It would be amazing! I watched him over the weekend playing with and against guys who are 10-15 years younger than him and compete to win. Who says you have to retire at 30 or 31 from the NFL? Most of the guys that do are usually pushed out of the league and get a commentary job on Fox, or playing in pick up games with friends wishing they were on the field. Not Brett Favre…he is still playing Sundays!

It’s like this guy is trying to prove to himself and everyone else who’s following his career, “I’m still a franchise quarterback”. And so far this season…he is! The Vikings will make the playoffs this season mainly because of Favre and the great young talent around him. If he still wants to play and the teams still want him…WHY NOT?! I honestly believe now that I’ve been so annoyed by this Brett Favre flip flop situation because of the media. The truth is I had a great time watching Brett and his Minnesota Vikings beat the Green Bay Packers because, regardless of his age, he is still one of the best on the field.

Usually video games cause controversy AFTER they’re released. That’s when parents and the straights on TV catch a glimpse of the fun, er, uh violence streaming from the tube, laptop, hand-held or PC. Rarely has a game caused such a stir BEFORE it drops like Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. The lucky few who have seen previews (thanks to a mysterious insider who leaked the opening boards) explain why:

“Played from the first-person, the player apparently takes control of a terrorist gunning down innocent civilians in an indiscriminate attack on a public airport. As the footage continues, the player joins in the attack, turning his machine gun on civilians attempting to pull other injured people away from the carnage and even propelling grenades across the airport concourse.” -UK Telegraph.

Huh? Who the hell are the good guys here? As it turns out COD MW2 takes an entirely new approach to the first person game and the reason is made clear after the opening battle concludes. Sorry. You’re gonna have to pick up your own copy.

Not that the most popular game in the universe needs a new twist. COD fanatics are well aware of the intensely satisfying feeling of winning WWII practically unassisted. With Modern Warfare 2 the creators promise much more of the same, but with the added pleasure of hooking up with a diverse collection of Allies. All with a driving thirst to vengefully crush the latest threats to freedom by forces whose seeds were planted at the end of the last World War. These ain’t your Granddaddy’s bad guys.

Here’s a taste of what’s causing all the fuss:

Get ready. Oil up the carbines, grease up the AKs and prep the RPGs… the game drops on Veteran’s Day Eve, November 10th. Very appropriate considering it’ll take a whole world of good guys to beat back the evil-doers.

And this time, we’re one of them.

1. PHONE

• The Motorola Droid

We all know that the iPhone is cool and its features are awesome…when you can get quality service with AT&T (which is about 50 percent of the time). Bottom line is nowadays we have two brains: the one inside our head and the one inside our phone. If your a savvy businessman or just the average guy who wants to stay in contact with his friends or the ladies, it is annoying to lose contact with the world.  The Droid brings together Verizon’s superior service with the most high tech Google Android yet (and the first to hit Verizon). A screen bigger than the iPhone and data capabilities equaling Blackberry’s (email, calendar, and contacts including Microsoft exchange server capabilities). This phone is the only way to go if you want to impress the ladies.

2. HOME AUDIO

• The Pioneer VSX-1019AH-K

For the price, there probably is not a better receiver out there. Price maxed out at $599.00, this receiver offers 4 HDMI inputs, direct connection for ipod through usb port (also allowing scrolling through music with graphical onscreen interface). Up-conversion for 1080p video and up-conversion for audio. If you want sick audio and full technological capabilities nothing is better for the price.

• Aperion Intimus 4T Hybrid

A sleek looking Wooden 6 speaker set with two tall towers that will deafen you for sure; a 10 year warranty and a sub-woofer to send a certified earthquake through your house. This cherry wood finish will make her move all night to “My Humps.” And don’t worry, we’re pretty sure that these speakers are so loud, the neighbors won’t hear anything.

3. HOME VIDEO

• Oppo BDP-83

Not only does this player include an HDMI cable, but it is also the top of the line for both DVD and Blu Ray quality. It includes two USB ports and an efficient back lit controller. Although it does not offer streaming media sources like Netflix or Pandora it is the best quality out there.

• Panasonic TC P50V10

The Panasonic TC P50V10 is one of the top plasmas in black level performance, and the 200,000:1 contrast ratio doesn’t hurt its HD quality either. This TV also isn’t outrageously expensive like top of the line LED’s. It also boasts 4 HDMI and one PC input. Selective Internet connectivity is another cool aspect to add onto the things I like about this TV.

4. GAMING

• Xbox 360 Elite

This black console includes 120 GB memory, HDMI cords, component cords and a controller making you game ready right away. It does not hurt that this will blend in perfectly with your TV and receiver, leaving your room, or mancave, with a sleek black look that will definitely scream BACHELOR.

• Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2

With how realistic these games are getting, you’ll be as good as a trained soldier after beating Modern Warfare 2 on hard. Call of Duty returns with its amazingly original and thrilling game. Beat the game – don’t worry, you can fight infinitely online either in cooperative mode or against your cronies.

• FIFA 2010 World Cup Edition

FIFA World Cup 2006 has to be one of the greatest games of all time. After playing FIFA 2010 there is no way the World Cup Edition will fail to continue the legacy of this excellent game. I’m already heating up for my trip to south Africa this summer on my Xbox 360.

5. COMPUTER

• The New Apple iMac

An awesome 27 inch screen, a sleek metallic and black front, dual core Intel processors running a 3.06 GHz. Enough said…sexy.

6. HOME ACCESSORIES

• Dyson Air Multiplier
  

Think of a fan that had no blades and took air and made double. This is exactly what the Dyson Air Multiplier does. No more choppy air; it gives your a stream of refreshing flow. If only a girl were so reliable and sleek looking!

• Cuisinart Griddler

Cook burgers or Panini’s and everything in between. Hangovers, munchies or late night snacks will no longer be challenging with The Griddler. Invite her over for a date and make gourmet sandwiches she’ll like it and think your a pro.

2. Tyreke Evans/SG-Sacramento Kings

Evans is a guard who the Kings will be relying heavily on this season to help turn around the franchise. His versatility and ability to handle the rock is something that will get him minutes on the floor early as a rookie. This guy is big for a guard which allows him to post up and finish in the paint as well as out power many of his unlucky defenders. Once his outside shot develops he’s going to be one of the key players to help the future of Sacramento.

3. Dejuan Blair/PF-San Antonio Spurs

Dejuan Blair, who fell to the 37th pick in the draft because he basically doesn’t have any ACL tissue in his knees, could be the biggest steal of the draft. During an eye-opening preseason, the 6-foot-7 forward-center averaged 14.7 points and 8.2 rebounds in only 18.0 minutes of play. This former PITT star destroyed the Big East last year and looks to be on a mission to make his mark in a verteran Spurs squad whose age is starting to show. This could the be youthful power that the Spurs needs to get them back to the NBA Finals.

4. Johnny Flynn/PG-Minnesota Timberwolves

Johnny Flynn started all of the pre-season for the Timberwolves and looks to already have made an impact at the point proving there might be life after Kevin Garnett. They’ll be expecting good things from this rookie out of Syracuse. His teammate Al Jefferson has said: “He could be as good as Chris Paul.” That has yet to be seen but look out for the dynamic point guard.

5. Stephen Curry/PG-Golden State Warriors

The 21 year-old Curry may look like he is 16 years old, but don’t let the baby face fool you because this kid can play. In Golden State this young rookie will get the opportunity from Don Nelson to get on the floor and make things happen. Curry is a pure shooter, already you have to rank him up near the top next to Ray Allen and Richard Hamilton. In the preseason he has proved to be a playmaker too, averaging close to five assists a game. Keep you eye on this kid, he’s a player.

6. James Harden/PG- Oklahoma City Thunder

Harden has been battling for the starting point guard position in Oklahoma City since he put on the jersey this summer and looks like he might have won it. Even if he ends up coming off the bench his scoring ability will be needed for Oklahoma City get some wins this season. The Thunder have a good young squad with superstar in the making, Kevin Durant, leading the way. Harden dishing him the rock and scoring a few on his own will get this young team out of the basement.

7. Brandon Jennings/PG-Milwaukee Bucks

This young 20 year-old rookie has struggled a bit in the preseason with his jump-shot but Scott Skiles has ruled out starting him for the opening of the season. Jennings can distribute the rock well, and has an electric energy on the floor. Look out for this kid later in the season when he wraps his head around how he’s made it to the show and gets in the rhythm of the Milwaukee Bucks offense.

8. Jeff Teague/PG-Atlanta Hawks

Jeff Teague is averaging almost 14 points  in only 27 minutes a game and is battling for minutes in an already stacked backcourt of Mike Bibby, Joe Johnson, and Jamal Crawford. Teague probably won’t be starting on a regular basis, but he’ll for sure be first off the bench if he keeps up his good run of form.

9. Hasheem Thabeet/C-Memphis Grizzlies

At UCONN Thabeet was an absolute beast blocking shots and looks to be doing the same early on in the season. His big knock is that he is almost useless on the offensive end of  the floor. If he can figure out how to score some points in the paint from offensive rebounds then expect Thabeet to get some good time on the floor.

10. Taj Gibson/PR-Chicago Bulls

Gibson was impressive during the preseason and  is putting pressure on Tyrus Thomas and odd ball Joakim Noah. Gibson was the Pac-10 Defensive Player of the Year at USC last season and has averaged 12.3 points and 5.9 rebounds in the pre season. He’ll be taking minutes away form Thomas and Noah for sure once the season starts get rolling in Chicago. A hard defensive presence is what the Bulls need to balance out their soft guards and small forwards.

Handler is currently dating Comcast CEO Ted Harbert, a man 20 years older than she is, and she and Jay actually got into it a bit in the extended interview here, with some pretty funny jabs flying back and forth. Jay chided Chelsea about the older boyfriend, saying, “they went to the same high school, right? He was a senior when Hef was a Freshman,” and told he that “she needs a man to tell her what to do” because “she’s used to get what she wants all the time.”

Zing! Wow, Jay that’s pretty racy for 10 pm.  Chelsea added, “I knew you were just like David Letterman.” I think Leno may have the hots for her, but hey, that’s just me.

Here’s the cover:

Of course, this isn’t the first time the funny, borderline alcoholic, late-night comedienne has stripped down, as she posed in the “Naked” issue of Allure Magazine earlier this year.

Plus, I heard  she has a rep for (faux) sexually harrassing her staff: