Humor
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Top 5 Other Ways to Spend the $120 Million Someone Used To Buy “The Scream”
1. Reanimate Thomas Kincaid as a cyborg that does nothing but crank out paintings of warm, glowing cottages 2. Buy and consume enough LSD to the point where your life is actually exactly like The Scream 3. Hire a team of international supervillains to steal The Scream plus rob some of the nearby patrons...
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We’re Having a Sale on Useless Video Game Items
We’re having a sale on useless video game items! As EgoTV’s videogame writers, we are privvy to obtaining tons of items ahead of time. As such, we have developed an entire warehouse full of the crappiest items in videogame history. We’d love to sell these useless videogame items to...
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Giant Vortex Cannon
This thing uses science to devastate nature. It’s about time we accelerated the pace of our battle against the planet Earth.
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Top 5 Ways Octomom Will Raise $1,000,000 to Recover from Bankruptcy
1. At $7740 per kid for welfare each year, all she has to do is have 130 more kids 2. Alternately, she got paid $4,000 for each breast she showed for a British tabloid, so she could show 250 more breasts (provided she has them) 3. Sign a lucrative contract to have her kids face off against Jon &...
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Kickstart Our Horrible Projects
Kickstarter is a brand new way for useless people to give money to other useless people who can pretend to have ideas. The idea is basic: You detail a project that needs funding, and people give you free money. Seriously, though, these ideas suck. One of the most popular got $7 million and its just a...
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Top 5 Places Escaped Chinese Activist Chen Guangcheng Is Hiding Out
1. Inside fake North Korean missile 2. In an empty movie theater that is either abandoned or showing The Five Year Engagement. 3. On an asteroid, or at the bottom of the ocean… pretty much wherever James Cameron currently is. 4. Window-washing platform outside the World Trade Center’s 90th...
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Man Gets Arrested for Interrupting Newscast
Newscasters make the most humorless assault victims.
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Four types of businesses that make horrible profits from their main product
At first thought, the notion that a store or business named for a product would make money off that product seems universal. If I’m running a store called “Evan’s warm melons with pre-drilled holes,” you’d think for sure that I’d hit upon some insanely awesome product...
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Top 5 North Korean Plans for Reducing South Korea “to Ashes in Three or Four Minutes”
1. Dear Leader descends over South Korea. Begins rocking out a 3-4 minute cover of “Wake Me Up (Before You Go-Go) on a variety of instruments, all of South Korea gathers to groove. Then, for the finale, Dear Leader explodes. 2. North Korea sends a box of its missiles to South Korea. South Korea...
