Humor
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Top 5 Ways to Make the Empire State Building Earth-Friendly
Because it’s happening. 1. Flagpole on top no longer depresses to dispense hairspray 2. Building surrounded by compost heaps to catch King Kong’s enormous droppings 3. Entire building now powered by the screaming rants of nearby homeless 4. Energy-wasting elevators replaced with giant trampolines 5....
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Top 5 Best Kentucky Derby Horse Names
1. “Tripping Over My Junk” 2. “Enjoy Refreshing Pepsi Cola” 3. “Sir Shits-A-Lot” 4. “Carne Asada” 5. ”My Jockey’s Other Horse Is a BMW with a Booster Seat”
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Politician Makes Weird Lego Star Wars Campaign Ad
This person is running for judge, which is always that last election question towards the back of the booklet. For us, these decisions are easy: We vote for whomever supports an ultra-right new world order, and then get back to our daily drug and alcohol binge. However, this commercial would make us...
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First 5 Things the New President of France Will Do Upon Taking Office
1. Raise the age for mandatory sex education from four years old to a much more sensible six. 2. Switch national currency from the Euro to blades of grass from his backyard. 3. Execute job growth plan to create CSI: Paris and hire all of France’s unemployed as extras 4. Commission plans for a...
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Top 5 Exciting Features Jay-Z Put in the Brooklyn Nets Logo
Full story here 1. “B” in “Brooklyn” made from overhead shot of Beyonce’s cleavage 2. Logo is security hologram that becomes Jay-Z rapping if you hold it at the right angle 3. Basketball in logo now wearing leather jacket for completely no reason 4. Color scheme changed...
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Top 5 Ways the Dead Michael Jackson Will Be Used To Sell Pepsi
Yes, this is really happening 1. Remake “Thriller” starring a real corpse 2. Instead of his hair catching fire on-camera, they just cremate him 3. Holographic duet with Tupac at next Coachella 4. Declare his bid for U.S. President as a member of the Refreshmocrat political party 5. Pepsi...
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I HATE THIS FILM: An Avengers Movie Review by Bizarro Superman
I recently went to the Avengers with the intent of writing a movie review. But I already knew I was going to hate this movie before I even walked into the theater. I was standing in line, and some punk teens started making fun of me for my out-of-place Superman costume. I tried to explain that it wasn’t...
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20 Huge Storm Pictures that Make Us Thankful El Nina Is Over
For the last two years, natural devastation has come forth from the Pacific Ocean, and it wasn’t Godzilla this time. The weather phenomenon known as El Nina has behaved like a horrible accountant, giving some places too much water and some not nearly enough. But, thankfully, this weather pattern...
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Hair Washing Robot
If you’ve got a hair washing fetish, Japan has some great robots for you. We always went with the old Flintstones standby of holding an octopus on our scalp. This hair washing robot will free up our hands for much more important things (texting, of course).
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Japanese Precision Walking Competition
Leave it to the Japanese to be this insanely talented at something so insanely useless
