If you shoot a vampire dear, it might just be playing dead  

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We’re hoping this Christmas tree breaking through the roof is a prank, or else that’s going to be a monster heating bill

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This wheel of fortune fail is brought to you by Wheel of Fortune’s raw hatred for contractions

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We were hoping this crane loses its wheel on the freeway due to some sick drifting, but no

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We’re guessing this guy in underwear is doing chores at -22 degrees because there’s nothing else to do and he’s bored

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Which is probably a demotion in the world of pets

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Dropping your cell phone in the toilet is inevitable, partially due to cell phone usage in restrooms. The other reason is that, as we simultaneously get fatter and more technological, cell phones get smaller while toilet seats get wider. Check out this exciting infographic about the usage of cell phones...

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For some, having cats and dogs gift-wrapped for Christmas is a hilarious way to get the pets in on the spirit. But for others, having cats and dogs gift-wrapped for Christmas is simply a sign that they can no longer live on their own. 

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Okay, now that we have your attention, let us amend that to “ahoy, none of us be slaves.” But all of us face severe thought imprisonment without even knowing it, in the form of convoluted insurance, tax, and debt laws, and isn’t that a form of slavery? Again, the answer is, “no.” 

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Bears usually maul their way out of a tough situation, perhaps that would work in this instance

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