2. Meet Satan

3. How To Give A Good Toast

4. Michelle “Bombshell” McGhee

5. Bollywood’s Hottest Leading Ladies

6. 15 Awesome Venn Diagrams

7. White Castle Madness

Some guys love comics…. but some guys love them waaaaaayyyyy too much. I mean geez, dude, are you really that dissatisfied with reality that you have to go to such lengths to become somebody else? Sure, “The Punisher” is a total bad-ass in the unreality of comic books, but you dressed as “The Punisher” in this reality, you come off like a guy who probably lives in his mother’s basement…

2. 9 Bizarre Green Foods to Try On St. Patrick’s Day

3. Funny Notes From The Wife

4. How To Drink With Dignity

5. “Other Guys” Teaser Trailer

6. Bianca Smith gallery

7. 15 Creative Beer Can Statues

“I’m on a boat, I’m on a boat, Everybody look at me, ‘Cause I’m sailing on a boat, I’m on a boat, I’m on a boat, Take a good hard look, I’m on a motherfucking boat.” — Lonely Island

Boats are cool. that much is a cold, hard fact of life. “I’m floating on a boat, motherfucker!” I shout at anyone who will listen, when I’m on a boat. You know what’s also awesome? Having an iced-cold brewsy on a boat! Now if only there was one more magical piece ready to the puzzle… oh, yeah, HOT CHICKS!!!

Hot Chicks on a boat, mo’ fo!

“I’m on a boat and it’s going fast, and I got a nautical-themed pashmina Afghan, I’m the king of the world, on a boat like Leo, If yu’re on the shore, then you’re sure not me-oh.”

2. Female Upskirt Moments

3. 7 Mafia Badasses You’ve Probably Never Heard Of

4. Catch Her Cheating

5. Gary Busey Is Crazy

6. Michael Bay Wants You For Transformers 3

7. Green Healing In California Wine Country

So! Witness the glorious, killer streams of electricity coming from the sky! Or Zeus, if you’re into the whole pagan God worship thing.

Enjoy!

1. Alexandra Kosteniuk

Alexandra Kosteniuk is a Russian chess grandmaster (that’s right, Grandmaster, bitches!) who  won the 2008 World Women’s Championship title in Nalchik, Russia. Alexandra has been in the finals of 2001 Championships also at the age of just 17, but she lost on that occasion. She was the European champion in 2004 and the Chess960 (Fischer Random) world champion in 2006 which she defended this year also. Kosteniuk also won the 2005 Russian Women’s Championship which were held in Samara.

Besides chess, Alexandra also hosts a popular podcast Chess is Cool, which keeps its listeners up to date with all the chess events. In her personal life, she is married to Diego Garces of Switzerland and has a daughter. Which is unfortunate, if you’ve ever seen her whoop some ass on the chess board all while wearing a sexy loud dress.

2. Sanja Dedijer

Dedijer hails from Bosnia-Herzegovina and is only 24 years old. Therefore, she has very little biographical information (I don’t believe she has won any titles) other than the fact that she is damn hot. Look at the concentration.

3. Regina Pokorna

Vladislav Tkachiev, talking about beauty in chess, called the 27-year-old Slovakian beauty Pokorno “a child-woman, an eternal girl”. It’s probably those incredible blue eyes, though you can never ignore her beautiful games and 2400+ rating. (Apparently that’s pretty darn good in pro chess… I wouldn’t know).

4. Valquira Rocha

I can’t find much info on Valquiria, except that she hails from Angola, she plays professional chess, and she is daaaaaamn hawt! A traditional Angolese expression for “hot.”

5. Anna Sharevich

Anna a Belarusian chessmaster, having achieved the required norms for the title Woman Grandmaster in 2006. She won the Ladies’ Belarusian Chess Championship in 2002, 2005 and 2007 and played for Belarus in the Woman’s Chess Olympiad of 2002 to 2008 (four times). She’s smart, blonde, sultry, and can kick your sub-mental ass!

6. Arianne Caoili

Arianne Caoili began playing chess at the age of six. At one point during 2002, she achieved a FIDE rating in excess of 2300, but this has been in decline since she scaled down her chess activities to concentrate on her studies, as she is still only 23! Nevertheless, she remains one of Australia’s leading women players and played top board for the national team at the Dresden Olympiad in 2008.

She’s has her share of scandals (for a chess player), though! In June 2006 it was reported that the British Granmaster Danny Gormally had thrown a punch at Armenian Grandmaster Levon Aronian (who was at the time the number three on the FIDE world ranking) in a Turin nightclub during the chess Olympiad. Gormally apparently became jealous when he saw Aronian dancing with Caoili. In 09, Aronian and Caoili were reported to be in a relationship…. Sorry Danny.

Caoili has also been on Dancing With The Stars, so she’s got that goin’ for her, too… which is nice.

7. Eva Repkova

Eva is a Slovakian-born chessmaster who once had a relationship with fellow chess champion Vladimir Kramnik. Eva, as you can see is incredibly hot. And she’s recently divorced from a Lebanese businessman, so all you chess fanboys still have a shot!… No, not really. It’s nice to dream, though.

So remember… if you want to impress these ladies, stop hitting the gym and start hitting the boards! The chess boards, that is.

But you’ve never done it like this. Witness, the combination of extreme freestyle walking, hackey-sack, soccer, and beer pong. Sit back and marvel at today’s Viral Video Of The Day!

It’s a magical day. Of love. Of bonding. Two families, coming together to celebrate that timeless human virtue: Lovc.

So let’s screw it all up by wearing something F-ING RIDICULOUS!! Or getting some totally INAPPROPRIATE WEDDING CAKE!

Or grab the bridesmaid’s ass during the ceremony, when you’re the groom. All this and much, much more in our gallery of weirdest wedding photos from around the web.

2. 14 Necessary Items For Any Cross-Country Roadtrip

3. The Definitive Guide To Single-Serve Awesomeness

4. Caitlin Hixx Pics

5. How To Drive In Bad Weather

6. 9 Real-Life Levels of Hell

7. 12 Best South Park Parodies

2. 9 Comedy Movie Quotes That Need To Be Retired

3. 8 Missing Dog Sign That Won’t Piss All Over Your Day

4. Own A Jetpack

5. Amy Victoria Beck — It Just Got Weird In My Social Circle

6. Beatriz Ricari Is One Hot Golfer

7. Colorado Whiskey Joins Scotland And Kentucky For Malt’s Best

Feeling a bit… pasty, lately? That’s okay dude. Vampires are soooo in these days. Don’t make the same mistake these people did. When tans go wrong, boy do they go wrong. Seriously.

What strikes me about all these are the amount of people involved in fashion or PR…. Don’t they KNOW how ridiculous they look? I guess not…. unless they’re standing next to Anne Hathaway.

7. Girl’s Life

Girl’s life is supposed to be geared to all teenaged girls. Real life stories, from real teenaged girls. Real… Black White, Latino, braces, freckled and all… articles about the everyday struggles of teen girls and ways they overcome them with positive stories. And these real stories are given lip-service in tiny, tiny print in the beginning of the magazine, only to give way to… the BIG, BOLD articles about the latest makeup and how to skank it up so the quarterback of the football team will want to feel you up after 3rd period. ALso, the cover-girls are are rail-thin, whiter than white, and blonde. Don’t pretend to be family-friendly, Girl’s Life! You’re in the gutter just like all the rest of them, like “Seventeen” and whatnot… therefore, you do not need to exist.

6. Men’s Fitness

“Men’s Fitness” is kind of like “Men’s Health,” but with shallower articles, more ads (it’s 47% ads), and every article/page is promoting some freaking exercise gizmo or supplement. Seriously, after blazing through an article, your eyes will glaze over from all the protein bars, “get ripped” pills, weight loss drinks, and “ab rolling piece of plastic that will cause you to have a six-pack just by buying it.” This world has room for Men’s Health, but not this cheaper knock-off.

6. OK

Hey, are you so insecure and self-hating that you have to read trashy magazines about celebs gone bad in order to feel better about yourself, but you STILL want to do their”diet” so you can look as skinny as your anorexic crushes? Well, there’s only aboout a hundred of these staring at you in every grocery check-out line in the country. Magazines that give you not only the trash, the superficial comparisons, but also horrible diet tips (with little to no basis in reality) to go with it. Wanna hear about how J-Lo trimmed 15 pounds for her film shoot? She stopped eating and got a personal trainer. Doesn’t take a genius…

What’s the least good of these dozens of trash magazines? OK.

4. Flex

Instead of reading this magazine, you should just get a few shots of anabolic steroids in the mail. If you want to look like these unreal-looking guys and think you can get there just by doing the new “peck workout,” you are sadly misinformed. Just head down to you local professional baseball stadium’s trainer’s room, ask for “Canseco,” and you’ll be golden.

3. Southern Living

Hey, want to learn how to make heart-attack inducing food? Try “southern” cuisine. Want to learn how to eat like the fattest friggin people on earth? Just grab some “fried pie” recipes from this dandy with cream and rich sauces. Wann know why healthcare is so expensive in this country? I blame “Southern Living.”

2. Playgirl

I know we’re supposed to be all equal-opportunity here, but while Playboy is a great magazine. Playgirl is not. First, Playboy actually does have decent articles, naked celebrities, and well, men like to look at naked women. Whereas Playgirl magazine does not have any decent articles, and women would rather see Clooney in a suit than naked, I think… Well, maybe not, but you get the idea. I’m guessing the gay population digs Playgirl a lot more than your sister does. Oh, and celebrities? Well, if Levi Johnston counts…

1. Variety

Okay, so Variety covers vital entertainment info. So does the Hollywood Reporter, but without the cheesy article titles. I mean, does EVERY article have to include some pun on the name of the movie/TV Show/ Web Series that they’re doing? Like “Bale Swoops Into Batman Role,” or “Duo Pass Into Farrelly Film” (this is a real one for the upcoming Farrelly Brothers film, “Hall Pass”… get it? “Pass” into film? Hall Pass? See?… ugh.) I mean, how much time do they spend coming up with these puns rather than reporting?? Oh, that’s right. Probably not much.

2. 7 Signs You’re Whipped

3. Hot yet Strangely-Named XTina McHawaii

4. 20 Phrases To Make You Sound Brainier

5. Is That A Penis On Your Sign?

6. Telestrator Dong Gets Its Companion

7. Forehead Tittaes w/ Marion Cotillard

2. 10 Children’s Characters Who Were Definitely On Drugs

3. 10 Things You Don’t Want To Hear From Your Bride On Your Wedding Day

4. Little Dude Gets Crushed By Hoop

5. News Reporter Rage!

6. “She’s Out of My League” Actress Jasika Nicole

7. How Not To Be Boring

Don’t you know the dog park is where all of the hot girls and, not to mention, celebrities, are??? That’s right. Put down the video game controllers. Drop the bong. Put away the cheetos. Get yourself a cool hoodie and some spandex and get out there and power-walk!

Okay, maybe no spandex or power-walking, but you get the point. And if you have a vast knowledge of breeds and dogs, don’t be shy to show them off. And here’s a tip, hit on the dog, not the owner. If you’re as infatuated with little Mitsy as she is, then you’re golden.

And with that…. Enjoy.

Baseball. As simple as a ball and a bat. Yet as complicated as the American spirit it symbolizes. A sport, a business, and sometimes, a religion.

And like this great country of ours, baseball continues to emerge and evolve. Heck it even originated in a primitive form in Britain before coming over and metastasizing into the billion-dollar entertainment industry it is today.  And since I know, well, everything, I’d like to inform you all of where the game is heading in the future… 5, 10, 20 years. But in order to make my predictions, let m first delve into baseball’s past, so we may see into its future.

Origins

Bat and ball games go back longer than you might think, played by people you might not expect. A manuscript from 1344 France shows an illustration of clerics (that’s right, priests, and that’s right, France) playing a bat-and ball game called La Soule. Other French games include theque, la balle au baton, and la balle empoisonee.

However, modern baseball’s closest relative appears to be the game Rounders, popular in England and Ireland in the 18^th century.

The earliest known reference to baseball is in a 1744 British publication, A “Little Pretty Pocket-Book”, by John Newberry. It contains a rhymed description of “base-ball” and a woodcut of a field set-up somewhat similar to the modern game—though in a triangle, rather than a diamond, and with posts instead, of ground-level bases. This early form of the game was apparently brought to North America by English immigrants; Rounders was also brought to the continent by both British and Irish immigrants.

The first known American reference to baseball appears in a 1791 Pittsfield, Massachusetts, town by-law prohibiting the playing of the game near the town’s new meeting house. By 1796, a version of the game was well-known enough to earn a mention in a German scholar’s book on popular pastimes. Johann Gutsmuths described “englische Base-ball,” which involved a contest between two teams, in which “the batter has three attempts to hit the ball while at the home plate”; only one out was required to retire a side.

By the early 1830s, bat-and-ball games recognizable as early forms of baseball were being played around North America. These games were often referred to locally as “town ball”, though other names such as “round-ball” and “base-ball” were also used.

In 1838,  a game was documented in Ontario, Canada. There were many similarities to modern baseball, and some crucial differences: 5 bases (or byes); the first bye being just 6 yards (10 m) from the home bye; the batter was out if a hit ball was caught after the first bounce… Sissies.

The Birth of Modern Baseball

In 1845, Alexander Cartwright, a member of New York City’s Knickerbockers club, led the codification of the so-called Knickerbocker Rules. The practice of making an out by hitting a runner with a thrown ball (like in kickball) was barred, paving the way for a smaller, harder ball. Several other rules also brought the Knickerbockers’ game close to the modern one, though a ball caught on the first bounce was, again, an out and only underhand pitching was allowed.

The first officially recorded baseball game in U.S. history took place on June 19, 1846, in Hoboken, New Jersey: the “New York Nine” defeated the Knickerbockers, 23–1, in four innings. YEESH. What a blowout. With the Knickerbocker code as the basis, the rules of modern baseball continued to evolve over the next half-century.

In 1856, the baseball “craze” was catching on, and was soon declared the “national pastime.” A year later, sixteen area clubs formed the sport’s first governing body, the National Association of Base Ball Players. In 1863, the organization disallowed putouts made by catching a fair ball on the first bounce. Thus, another element of sissisness was eliminated.

Then more sissiness was eliminated in 1884, when they finally legalized overhand pitching. Most of the other rules were in place by 1893, and finally the final rule – counting foul balls as strikes – was implemented in 1901, the year the American League was formed.

The first World Series between the two champions of each league was played in 1903. The next year, the series was not held, as the National League champion New York Giants, under manager John McGraw, refused to recognize the major league status of the American League and its champion (who won the first series in ’03). In 1905, the Giants won the National League again, so they relented an the World series has gone forward ever since.

Professional baseball in the early twentieth century was lower-scoring and pitchers such as Cy Young, Walter Johnson, and Christy Mathewson, were more dominant. Thus, “small-ball” was the name of the game: bunting, stealing,…. SPIKING. The game, not having to depend on the long ball, was played much more aggressively than it is today; the violent, thuggish Ty Cobb epitomized this style.

Strict new regulations governing the ball’s size, shape and composition, coupled with superior materials available after World War I, resulted in a ball that traveled farther when hit. The construction of additional seating to accommodate the rising popularity of the game often had the effect of bringing the outfield fences closer in, making home runs more common. Enter Babe Ruth, whose power changed the game forever.

In the 30’s, St. Louis Cardinals owner Branch Rickey invested in the minor league farm system and created the beginning of today’s minor leagues. Also at this time, the Negro Leagues were gaining size and popularity among African-Americans.

Integration, Free Agency, and Steroids

In 1947, under Branch Rickey, again, now GM of the Brooklyn Dodgers, Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier, integrating the leagues. All the teams were eventually integrated by 1959 (the Boston Red Sox were the last to do so).  In 1958, the first teams West of St. Louis were formed, as the Dodgers moved to Los Angeles and the Giants to San Francisco.

In 1968, under a stronger players’ union leadership., the strike zone was shrunk, the pitchers’ mound lowered, and the leagues were split into two different divisions each, the AL and NL East and West.

In 1975, the reserve clause was struck down and the free agency system was formed, allowing all teams to bid on a player who’s contract was up. This lead to ballooning salaries and what some began to call “the end of baseball as we know it.”

After two strikes in ’81 and ’94, baseball added two more expansion teams in the ’93 season, the Diamondbacks and Devil Rays, as well as further dividing the leagues into 3 divisions, the Al and NL East, Central, and West… as well as adding a Wildcard and another round of playoffs. Regular season interleague play came into being in ’97, and the following year in ’98 both Mark McGuire and Sammy Sosa broke Roger Maris’ home-run record during what is now known as the “steroids” era. Barry Bonds broke their records in 2001, and still holds the record for most home runs in a season with 73. In ’07, he became the all-time Home Run leader, passing Hank Aaron. In 2007, the Mitchell Report came out, detailing the widespread use of steroids and regulations on how to stop it.

My predictions for Baseball’s future

Since I’ve gone over the sober history of baseball’s evolution, I will now make some tongue-in-cheek predictions! Hey, it’s a game, folks.

In 2015, phenom player Jason Heyward (a rookie this year)  will hit 85 home runs. When they test him for steroids immediately after the season and the tests come out negative, he is later elected President of the United States in 2016.

During his term, Heyward selects Rickey Henderson as VP, who declares the Heyward presidency as “the best Presidency ever,” also declaring, “Rickey Henderson is the Greatest VP in History. of All-Time”

There will be more and more expansion until there is an AL and NL north, south, east, and west. When a fifth regional division forms, a debate emerges about whether to call the new division the AL North-North-West or the “AL Fourth Dimension.”

Tim Lincecum refuses to cut his hair for 10 years. He uses his long mane to deceive hitters. He pitches a perfect game on acid (like Doc Ellis’ no-hitter in the ’70s) in 2020.

Prince Fielder and Pablo Sandoval engage in a hot-dog eating contest in 2020. Tragedy ensues when Sandoval eats Fielder by mistake. That year Sandoval hits .400 for the first time since Ted Williams, claiming that he now has the power and skill of both hitters combined.

In 2030, Jamie Moyer still pitches in the majors, even if he needs a walker to get from the mound to the dugout.

The Yankee right-field wall continues to shorten until it is just 100 feet away by 2030, just beyond first base.

Ya’ heard in here, first, folks!

2. 7 Ways We’ve Tried To Quit Smoking That Haven’t Worked

3. Animals Humping The Wrong Animal

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6. Lesser-Known Sisters Who Are Hotter Than Their Celeb Siblings

7. Ask A Hot Chick: Dating Two Guys?

Why is my furniture so… plain, and unexciting? Oh that’s right, because I don’t want it to be freakishly strange, causing my guests to run away, screaming in fear. But hey, it’s nice to look at the forbidden, isn’t it? Here’s a bunch of items that are cool to look at at, but I wouldn’t want to live with them. Let them be that pretentious performance artist who lives down the hall’s problem.

So, without further adieu, here’s a gallery of really cool furniture I would never buy! But then again, I’m not nearly cool enough to own these.

1. A Wicked Gallery of Alien Chest-Busting Action

2. The Babes of The 82nd Academy Awards

3. 7 people You Meet At The Gym

4. How To Dress For The Occasion

5. Ursula Vargues

6. Cougar Tales Episode 2: “Safari”

7. Best Picture 2010 – The Hurt Locker

Peanut butter and jelly. Laurel and Hardy. Abbot and Costello. Weed and “The Big Lebowski.” Chicken wings and bleu cheese dressing. Hot dogs and baseball. Whipped cream and strawberries. Popcorn and movies. Tiger Woods and blonde strippers.

There are some things in this world that just go together, but nothing can equal the dynamic duo of:

Hot girls and beer pong.

Enjoy.

1. Sexy Bartenders

2. 19 Year-Old Cop Fired For Wanting To Bone Anyone

3. Things You Do Better With a Drink

4. Making The First Move And More

5. Hot Chick On Motorcycles

6. Miss Sprint Cup Paige Duke

7. Francoise Boufhal Pictures

That’s what you and many college students around the country might be shouting these days. Ah, college. I wish I were back. I remember one roadtrip I made down to Savannah over spring break that ended up with me making out with some random chick in a green dress.

I was the one wearing the dress.

Anyway, the point is, there are many places to choose from to go and let loose. How to decide? Here are some hotspots I’d like to visit, with some unique choices you may not expect, and not including the cliché Cancun, because I know you all know about that one already. I’ve inserted a different Mexico alternative, though!

9. The Dominican Republic

The Dominican has all of the hallmarks of spring break: beaches, babes, and booze…. It is, however, also pretty cheap, even if you book late,  and has a number of cool features. As the second largest country in the Carribbean, The Dominican republic features Vegas-style casinos, nightclubs, and all-inclusive resorts, to horseback riding, golf, surfing, diving, and hundreds of miles of white-sand beaches. Punta Cana, on the island’s eastern coast, is the island’s top draw, with the Caribbean’s longest stretch of sand, while Puerto Plata, in the northwest, is a solid secondary consideration. Both are prime party spots and are also great for late planners, with a broad range of reasonably priced hotels that make a beer-budget trip a snap.

8 Puerto Vallarta

Puerto Vallarta combines a raging nightlife scene with a colorful colonial village imbued with old-world ambiance.  The city proper, a fabled hillside hamlet, brims with muddled alleyways, red-tiled roofs, and balconies draped in bougainvillea. Miles of golden seafront, dotted with newer towns and resorts, stretch to its north and south, while the local color of an old Mexican fishing village mingles with modern upscale influences. The famed malecón – a waterfront boardwalk that stretches from the center of town towards the Hotel Zone – is dotted with shops, restaurants, cafés, bars, and street artists. The lively promenade is always hopping and perfect for grabbing a drink or a bite during the day and after sunset. Plus, come nightfall, you can revel in trendy lounges, rowdy pubs, surf-side watering holes, and romantic taverns. Most of the worthy nightlife is located along a three-block stretch of Calle Ignatio L. Vallarta, on the south side of the river, where everything from mariachi music and sports bars to salsa clubs and discos is found.

7. Montreal

While spring break has long signaled a south-of-the-border migration for some guaranteed Mexican mayhem, those with a nose for the north will find all of the essential ingredients for a bit of debauchery à la française. Sure it’s cold, but alcohol consumption and casino gambling (check out the chic Casino de Montréal) are all open to the 18-and-over crowd. Scintillating nightlife (try Boulevard St-Laurent or Crescent Street for the best action), strip clubs galore, and a certain je ne sais quoi, Montreal’s appeal reels in its fair share of spring breakers all the same. It’s about 375 miles from Manhattan or 310 miles from Boston, so the city has often been popular for the northeastern collegians. Bargains abound on everything from lap-dancing strippers to nightclub covers. For the more sophisticated of you (crickets…), check out the historic center of Vieux-Montréal, take in a view from the summit of Montreal’s emblematic Mont-Royal, or catch the last of ski season at several prime resorts within an hour’s drive.

South Padre, TX

Somewhere between Texas and Mexico,  150,000 sun-seeking spring breakers sprawled head to the 34 miles of beach area spring break madness, Texas-style. South Padre is a popular spring break destination partially because the border town of Matamoros is only a half-hour away, and the drinking age, well, is pretty much irrelevant. There’s body shots, bikini contests and bungee jumps.  South Padre offers “anything goes” partying in the Texan sun. Moreover, there’s no private beaches, so you’re allowed anywhere up and down the sandy gulf coastline.

5. Lake Havasu, Arizona

Hey, I thought that Spring Break was supposed ot be about beaches or skiing? So, why go to the middle of the desert? For the floating drinking parties, and the water sports. Nestled amidst craggy mountain peaks alongside the Colorado River, and dubbed the “personal watercraft capital of the world,” Lake Havasu boasts over 400 miles of coastline and water sports galore – think fishing, skiing, kayaking, and boating (lots of boat and Jet Ski rentals are also available for those of you without your own vessels). Havasu’s on-land activities span from beach-bumming, off-roading desert treks, and golfing, to horseback riding, hot-air ballooning, rock climbing, and biking. There’s plenty of nighttime action to keep spring breakers playing long after dark, too: Several clubs and bars boast killer views of the Colorado River and some even offer outdoor parties on the river itself. And if it gets boring for some reason, Vegas is only 3 hours away.

4. Koh Phangan, Thailand

The lush, beach-trimmed island of Koh Phangan, in the Gulf of Thailand has since gained its own spring break destination notoriety thanks to its monthly all-night beach parties, held on the Haad Rin peninsula in honor of the full moon. These “Full Moon Parties” have become legendary, attracting as many as 10,000 moon-worshippers and party-goers to the two sandy stretches that frame the cape, to dance to trance and techno barefoot on the sand, glow-sticks in hand. Even if your travel dates don’t coincide with the party, you can still create your own bit of “hippie nirvana” on this bit of sand by spending your days at New Age cafés, drinking cheap beer, and having inexpensive massages. Happy endings?… I’m not sure. Come nightfall, crash on the beach or in a $5 bungalow – that’s right… 5$, that is if you even sleep!

3. Jackson Hole

The Jackson Hole Mountain Festival March 26 through March 28 – a weekend of free-style skiing and snowboarding events, accompanied by live music acts. When you’re not on the slopes, you can saddle up and test your rodeo skills on the mechanical bull located just outside the ever-popular Mangy Moose Saloon. Don’t forget to allow yourself a couple days of pampering at one of several Jackson Hole spas – it’s the perfect remedy for tired ski legs. Sure, the obvious thing to do would be to go someplace warm and beach-like… but never underestimate the dry mountain air of the Rockies, and what it does to the “party-receptors” in the brain. Maybe you’ll run into Shaun White. Who knows?

2. Amsterdam

Drinking age: 16. Weed: Legal. ‘Shrooms?: Legal. Prostitution: Legal. Heineken Brewery: Check. Ah yes, but the Venice of the north of Europe isn’t just known JUST for its, um,  legalized perversions. No, its also home to over 160 canals, crossed by over 1,000 bridges, beautiful architecture, the tulips around the city in Spring,  as well as the Rijksmuseum and the Van Gogh Museum. For history buffs, you could also check out the Anne Frank House… of course then you’ll probably get just depressed enough to get back out there and party. Cozy cafes, “brown” pubs, and trendy nightclubs with world-class DJs, and much much more add to the city’s “live and let live” mantra.

1. Daytona Beach

Yeah. It’s a cliché, but Daytona Beach has gotta be the cheapest, number-one, redneck, couple-splittin’ Spring Break destination around!  This amazing 23-mile stretch of wide, white sand beach has long been one of the hottest spring break destinations in Florida. Spring breakers can take a drive down 16 miles of this world famous beach, catch some rays, or ride the waves in the Atlantic surf.

Daytona Beach offers some of the wildest nightlife with nightclubs like the “Ocean Deck,” “Razzles,” and many more. Other than the beach and sponsored activities planned around spring break, there are few entertainment choices. Daytona Lagoon is a popular water and amusement park and the Daytona 500 Experience located adjacent to the Daytona International Speedway are the most popular. Other activities include water tours and water craft rentals… but you’ll probably never get off that beach.

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You’ve dreamed of it for years…. A relationship with an older, confident woman who will give you mind-blowing sex without the expectation of a long-term relationship. That’s right… you want to snag yourself a cougar. I mean, Ashton Kutcher could probably get his fair share of young starlets in Hollywood, yet he opts for Demi Moore. The proof is in the pudding.

But how to go about it? After all, if it was this easy to do, you’d see more of it around. After all, there are so few Madonna’s, Demi’s, and “Samantha’s” (from Sex & The City).  Want ot become the envy of your friends? Here are some tips:

Where To Meet A Cougar

There are only a couple ways to (safely) meet a cougar.

1) Bars

That’s right, when a prospective cougar is hungry for boy-toy prey, she’s looking for a bit of a thrill, which usually involves alcohol and music….Most likely, white wine and 80s rock… That’s right, these ladies were teenagers in the early 80s, so also remember to stock up on your U2, Journey, and Motley Crue CDs at your bachelor pad. Oh, and plenty of Pinot Grigio. But though they may be out “hunting,” you’ll actually have to do the actual hunting. So go up to her, crack a joke (but don’t make fun of her age), maybe even use a pickup line. Flirt, have fun, and relax. At the very least, a cougar will appreciate the confident attempt.

2) Cougar Dating Sites

Cougar Dating Sites have a number of advantages and disadvantages, really the same advantages or disadvantages as all dating sites. First, you can search a large number of potential mates, as well as get a sense of their personality, likes and dislikes, if they’re possibly crazy, religious, our a transvestite, whatever.  Also, you know that if these brave, intrepid ladies have put themselves out there, that not only are they cougars…. they’re hungry cougars… which will make the “meal” all the more exciting.

Want specifics? Just google “Cougar Dating Sites” and about 50 of them come up. icougardating.com, gocougar.com, and many many others.

The only downside to these sites? Obvious. If older woman are posting their “best” pictures, there’s a good shot they might look well… a bit more “experienced”  in person.

How To Act and Pick Up A Cougar

1) Be Fun, But Not Immature

Let’s be clear, a cougar will date you to either feel good about herself, to get back at her husband or ex, or to refresh her “zest” for life after rejecting these couch-potato boring-ass professional types. So, take her dancing, be fun, energetic, and ebullient. That’s right, ebullient. Just don’t use the word “ebullient” around her unless your using to describe your style in bed. She might find it intriguing.

2) Offer To Pay For At Least Your Half

Yes, this older cougar of yours, especially if she has a good divorce lawyer, will probably have much more money than you. But at least ATTEMPT to show that you’re not a gold-digger. That’s what girls your age do. These older gals are much more hip to this. Make a move for the wallet. However you DON’T have to spend a ton on her or show off a cool car. She ’s dated more “finacially secure” men than you, and obviously found them lacking in the romance/sex department. So make sure you take care of her other (non-monetary) needs.

3) Give her Attention

But don’t smother. Odds are, these cougars are a bit self-centered, as are older men who date much younger women. That’s okay. Give compliments, tell her she’s gorgeous and sexy… but don’t become a needy, whiny bitch. Odds are, she’s dealt with a few of these obsessive needy men in her many past relationships, so you’ll be gone in about three seconds if you start to demand attention of your own.

This shouldn’t be a trial. Here’s what you do: Flirty emails, phone calls asking what she’s wearing… cougars love that, and that’s why we love them… us young studs and older cougars are in the same place sexually.

4) Be Prepared To Be A Boy-Toy Trophy Man

This means you’ll have to play the part. Work out. Stay in good shape… after all, this is why they’re dating you. But also have a good sense of style. Groom yourself. Keep your place clean. Wear Marc Jacobs cologne. Do the things that, say, Anna Nicole Smith did for that decrepit oil tycoon… just don’t go after someone that old. She’s probably going to want to show you off, so dust of your shoes and put your best physical self forward.

5) Be Adult in Every Way

Don’t blow off your cougar to go out with friends or to take bong hits and watch South Park. If you made plans with a cougar, keep them. A cougar wants you active, out and about, not sitting on your couch with your buddies and potato chip crumbs on your stomach. And they have no patience for flakes.

6) Let Her Lead In The Bedroom

Cougars know what they want. They’re not insecure about their looks or size  or any of the b.s. complaints and insecurities that comes with girls in their twenties. The Cougs have gotten over it and know their strengths, wants, and desires. In the bedroom, THEY are the hunters. Let them hunt you, impart their erotic wisdom, and trust me, you will not have a problem. Sit back and enjoy.

7) Go after the alpha cougars

There are two types of cougars: Alpha and Beta. Alphas are intelligent, sophisticated, and out for sexual empowerment to compliment their already-awesome lives. The Betas are out there to make them feel better about themselves because they’re insecure and fearsome about aging. Make sure you go after the alphas…. betas are probably more trouble than their worth… like cougars with rabies.

If I’ve missed anything…

There are many cougar dating advice forums online, like the one here.

Adhere to these tenets, ye followers of EgoTV, and good luck cougar hunting!

2. Chickipedia: Scarlett Johannson

3. I Hope My Daughter Is A Slut Someday

4. Mad Men Pop Art Prints

5. Estate of the Day: Palms Place Penthouse

6. Anna Kendrick Interview

7. Ursula Vargas

“In man’s evolution he created the city an

The motor traffic rumble, but give me half a chance,

and I’d be taking off my clothes and living in the jungle.”

- The Kinks

Consciousness and intelligence can be a cruel curse. Civilization and modern tools can wear you down. There’s a reason that people go to tropical locales, strip off their clothes, and make love like gorillas whenever they get a chance to go off work. Because being a gorilla or ape is in many ways, superior to being human. In fact, in almost every way. Here are some reasons why:

1) Personalized Grooming

As humans, when we want to be groomed, we can either go to an expensive salon or luxury day spa, or, if we don’t have the cash, we have to undergo the grueling task of grooming ourselves. Ugh. Wouldn’t it be nice to have your loving partner groom you grubs and lice out of your fur for you? Wouldn’t it be great if she wasn’t grossed out by this? And that she would do it for free? Yeah…. In the world of grooming, beauty, and hygiene, I’d rather be an ape.

2) Fling feces at your enemies

Don’t you ever feel just like… throwing feces at someone when they piss you off? As a devout Mets fan, I’ve been wishing I could fling poo at my TV screen fro the past few years. Or, when I’m watching politicians give interviews on  Meet The Press… or when that freecreditreport.com guy comes on  with some incredibly annoying song of his, blaring at the too-loud volume of commercials. Of course, then I’d have to scrub my flat-screen, but the satisfaction would be well worth it. Flinging feces? Definitely preferable, if it were socially acceptable. I f I were an ape, it would be.

3) Walk around naked all day

When I’m alone in my apartment, I’m pretty much naked all the time. If I were a gorilla, I’d not only be able to lumber around the jungle naked all the time, but it would be considered normal, nay… encouraged. Like one big nude colony…. awesome.

4) No sunburns

I have pasty white skin. If I were a gorilla, I could frolic about the tropical forest and grasslands with no need for SPF 80, like I do now. No more embarrassing red splotches on the places that I miss, no threat of skin cancer, and no vampiric skin tone like I have now. Just a nice, deep, mocha tone… aw, yeah.

5) Potential job as an actor in 2020… the sequel to 2001 and 2010.

I still have no idea how they got those gorillas to take direction in the film 2001… Then again, it’s Stanley Kubrick, and he could pretty much get anyone to do whatever he wants. All I know is that in the third installment, I would dominate the Oscars for my performance as “Gorilla #3.” I would also demand a trailer full of bananas.

6) The mane of thick, black hair

Ladies love a guy with thick, black hair…. Gorillas have that in spades. Plus, gals think that apes are cute for some reason…. Don’t ask me why. Maybe I could be a shampoo model.

7) Banana obsession leads to a healthier lifestyle

That’s right, I would no longer crave pizza, red meat, and alcohol… all substances that pack on the pounds, which my doctor so kindly reminded me last week (thanks Doc), but if I were a Gorilla, I wouldn’t crave junk, but bananas and bananas…. Potassium and vitamins galore! I’d be trim, svelte, and dead sexy as an ape, that’s for  sure… well, at least more svelte than I am now. Gorillas are mostly herbivorous, so veggies and fruits do dominate their menu, anyway.

I could learn Sign Language

Apes have shown the ability to use tools and learn sign language. Specifically, the trained gorilla Koko was able to learn a subset of sign language, meaning that as a gorilla, I would probably have a better chance of learning to sign than I do now.

I’ll leave you with this kindred sentiment from the most underrated band from the 60s, The Kinks!

1. Sexy Tall Girls

2. Things Women Are Worried About On A First Date

3. Google Wave Cyber Sex

4. How To Survive An Earthquake

5. Don’t Mess With The Cookie Monster

6. 15 Additions To Oscar Categories For 2010

7. Beer Bong Babes

2. Isabella Fontana is Amazing As Usual In Harper’s Bazaar

3. The Best Of Playboy’s Lab Rat, Daring Freelance Journalist

4. Drive A Tank

5. World’s Funniest Kung-Fu Auditions

6. What You’ll Be Driving in 2040

7. 8 Ugliest Vampires of All Time

Let’s say you have a girlfriend or wife. Congratulations! Now the hard part: What do you do when your lovely significant other is trying on a dress at some local shi-shi stor, turns to you, and says, “Does this make me look fat?” I think just about every guy who’s ever been in a significant relationship has encountered this question. And if you haven’t been asked, you will be, college-boy.

It may seem like just a simple question, but oh,  there’s so much tied up in it.

What does she REALLY mean?

The aforementioned question could mean a few things.

The first, is that she’s having a “fat day” and wants you to tell her she’s still the smokin’-hot gal you asked out in the first place.

The second is that she likes this particular piece of clothing, but may be looking for an excuse to not buy it and expend a few hundred unnecessary dollars.

So what do you do? If you say that she doesn’t look fat in the dress, she might love you for the day (until she asks you another no-win question tomorrow). However, she’ll then get out that credit card  and cha- cha- ching! You’re buying her dinner for the next montha and a half because she has no money left. How much was that dress again?! Women’s clothing, especially cool-lookin’ clothing = not cheap.

So, what do you say? “Yes, you look fat in it?” Well… that seems impossible.

You could, however, pull out this gem: “Well I don’t like the dress on you…You’re way to good-looking for it.” This is one possible out, but then, your girl will spend the next month and a half trying to interpret that statement, especially when you lie down together at night. You’ll want to get on with the relationship-sustaining “relations,” while she’ll say, “I’m sorry, I’m just not in the mood/ have a headache/ too tired.” Meanwhile, she’ll be thinking, “Oh my God, what did he mean, that dress didn’t look good on me? It looked fantastic on the headless and limbless size-zero mannequin int he store! Am I not as attractive as that headless, limbless, sexy piece of plastic?!”

Then you’re really in trouble, because you’ll probably have no idea she’s actually thinking this, and no clue why the “marital relations” have dried up… and you’ll start to wonder if you yourself look fat in… well, your own body.

Your Answer

So… what can you say, so that she

A) Isn’t insecure and

B) Doesn’t by the dress?

There are several options. You could say:

1. “The dress looks absolutely fantastic on you, but the designer is notorious for employing under-aged kids in south Asian Sweatshops. Every dress of hers means that 10 kids will be deprived of their childhood and will be forced to work twelve hours a day in inhuman conditions. They’ve probably seated all over that material as they were sewing.”

2. “I heard that designer makes her dress out of puppies” (I’m cringing just writing this, let alone saying it with a straight face)

3. “It looks great… Too bad your friend Sharon wore the exact same one at that party we were at last week.”

4. “That’s Sarah Palin’s favorite dress, I heard.”

Sure, these COULD get you out, but your girl will probably sense that you’re lying, and will press you for details, go home, and fact-check all these sociological and political excuses for not purchasing the darn dress. Once she finds out about your lying, she’ll berate you: “Why did you lie?! You think I’m fat, don’t you? I saw your face when I ordered the ribs with mac & cheese the other night! I’d had a really stressful day that day, okay?! I can’t have a nice rack of ribs every once in a while?!!”

Then the tantrum ensues.

So what’s your only option? This answer:

“Yeah, it makes you look fat… Good thing I LOVE fat chicks!”

And she’ll be yours forever…Until she goes shopping again.

1. The Hooter Meter at Mardis Gras Is A Must

2. The Underground Tunnels of Vegas Are Inhabited

3. Justin Theroux To Write Zoolander 2

4. The Unemployment Bingo Drinking Game

5. The 8 Stages of Beer Drinking

6. The Best Stadiums In America

7. The Most Distracting Fan Ever

1. Galactic City

Galactic City is the official name of the planet-wide city of Coruscant. During the Galactic Empire, it was called the Imperial City. It’s home to many super-cool tourist attractions, like the The Imperial Palace the massive fortress that served as the headquarters of the Emperor, which is in the heart of the city. Also, there’s the Imperial Senate building, and the Jedi Temple where the Jedi Knights convene and pray to “the force.” What’s also cool? Flying cars and cabs. Now traffic isn’t just horizontal, it’s stacked on top of each other. And with a city that spans an entire planet, you know there’s going to be some awesome space-bars and strip clubs with crazy alien-chick strippers! Hopefully they still allow lap dances…. unlike Detroit.

2. Munchkinland

You might think the most desirable city from The Wizard of Oz  would be the Emerald City, that grand gleaming destination where Dorothy, The Scarecrow, The Tin Man, and The Cowardly Lion aspire to reach. But remember, that place is filled with murderous flying monkeys and a phony “Wizard” who’s really no wizard as all. But in Munchkinland? That’s where the good, hardworking little people of the lollipop guild and others give the visiting Dorothy all the best “small-town” (pardon the pun) hospitality you’d ever need. They welcome her with a pageant of singing, dancing, weirdly colorful clothing, and all the pomp of a homecoming parade. Plus, Glenda the (hot) good witch  is there, a welcome sight in this small little hamlet. And the candy… so much candy! I mean, they have a union exclusively for the guys who make lollipops for God’s sake.

3. The Shire in Middle Earth

Okay, is Bilbo Baggins’ house not the coolest thing ever? The good Hobbits of the Shire, not unlike the Munchkins of Munchkinland, are a peace-loving small town of small people. An agrarian society where hobbits farm, socialize, and smoke their pipes, The Shire is a pastoral Eden for these little Hobbits…. and they build their homes into the grassy hills, which is a freakin’ cool architectural feat. If only that darned ring hadn’t made its way into Biblo’s hands and turned him all nuts-o.

4. Gotham City

Sure, Gotham maybe riddled with crime, corruption and violence…. but at least the villains plaguing your town wouldn’t be your typical fat cat mafia bosses or corrupt politician, they’d be some dude with a painted face and purple jumpsuit like the Joker, a hunchback like The Penguin, or a hot chick in a skin-tight black leather suit like The Catwoman. Also, if you happen to be the victim of a typical crime, there’s a good chance so guy in a batsuit will swoop in and rescue you. Nice.

5. Laputa

Laputa is the city from Gulliver’s Travels that flies… literally. Yes, the flying island city is full of egg-head intellectuals, who, for all their ponderous philosophizing and theorizing, don’t actually make much sense or get anything done. So why would anyone want to live there? Well…. you’re reading this site, aren’t ya? Plus, I mean…. it’s a freaking flying city. The views must be amazing.

6. Bedrock

Bedrock home of the “Honeymooner-esque” couple of Fred and Wilma Flintsone. You, know, I’ve always wanted a pet dinosaur, and in Bedrock, I could have it. Also, they all have hybrid cars in bedrock… they’re powered by the feet of their drivers and their dino-pets. No carbon footprint! Plus, those Brontosaurus ribs Fred orders in the opening credits look absolutely delicious.

7. Sky-High Orbit City

Sky-High Orbit City is where the Jetsons live. The Jetsons are pretty much the Flintstones, but in the future. And their future city is in the clouds, held up on pedestals that we assume must connect to some sort of ground that we never see. The cars are super-cool flying pods, and the houses are great circular structures with windows all around, so you can see 360 degrees of sky. Add that to the cool hairstyles and clothes (although George still looks a bit frumpy for some reason, what family Dads can’t have style in the future?), and the robot maids who still understand sarcasm, and you’ve got a real cool place to live… just don’t get drunk and fall off your porch… it looks like a loooooong way down.

8. El Dorado

El Dorado… a city believed to be made entirely of gold, where the roads were made of  gold and emeralds, and where, because they existed in such abundance, were of no real value to its inhabitants. The failed destination of many Spanish explorers, El Dorado was often scene as a mythical Utopia…. which none of these explorers ever found. The city was also depicted in Voltaire’s satire Candide. The benefits of El Dorado are obvious… the city is literally made of money. Also, there are no priests there in Candide, and best of all… All the King’s jokes are funny. If you ever decide to leave, although I can’t imagine why you’d want to, just pick up some stones from the street and you’ll be a rich man wherever you go…. Bling!

1. How To Drink Like An Italian Movie Star

2. Detroit Bans Lap Dances In Strip Clubs, The Exodus Begins

3. Interview With Cobie Smulders

4. Sexy Limares Rodriguez

5. A reminder of How Funny Jim Carrey Used To Be

6. “The Crazies” Actress Radha Mitchell

7. What Your Car Really Says About You

We all have our favorite shows… but usually, there’s really just one character that we tune in to watch every week. We have no idea what they’ll do next, but whatever he or she does, we know it’ll always be worth watching. Sometimes these characters are so good they just leave their poor fellow cast-mates in their dust. Here’s the list of the 10 Best Genius TV Characters Who Outshone Their Cast.

10. Niles Crane (David Hyde Pierce) on Frasier

Originally, dilettante Frasier Krane’s even more effeminate brother, Niles, was only supposed to be a small part of the show… But once the producers got a load of David Hyde Pierce’s “Niles”in the pilot, they knew he was to be a lead fixture. The result? Only a whole bunch of Emmys for Pierce, and a few for the show too.

Niles has his own psychiatric practice,  thinks his older brothers’ radio show is the psychological equivalent of fast-food, and crushes hard on his father’s British nanny Daphne. With these still hoity-toity waters running deep, Niles is a simmering pot of comedy gold.

9. Urkel (Jaleel White) from Family Matters

TGIF…. You watched it, I watched, everybody watched it. What else were 10-year-olds supposed to do with ourselves after a long, arduous school-week? And the centerpiece of TGIF’s lineup?  Family Matters. Now let me ask you this… can you name another character from that show BESIDES Urkel?…. I thought so. Yes, Urkel epitomized geek-hood and stole every scene he was in, whether it was with his crush Laura or her father, Carl…  I can still hear that snort in my nightmares.

8. Latka Gravas (Andy Kaufman) from Taxi

In this late 70s-early 80s sitcom, the late Andy Kaufman took all the other fairly “normal” cast members (if you can count Danny Devito as that) to task, with the exception maybe of Christopher Lloyd’s Jim (who came on the show the second season, and who almost made this list.) There was the aging wiseguy (Judd Hirsch), the dumb Italian (Tony Danza), the hot redhead (Marilu Henner), the rude boss (Danny Devito), and the handsome guy (Jeff Conaway)… all of whom were cab drivers. Curiously, no Arabs on this show, which, if you go to New York City now, is pretty unrealistic. But there was one foreigner…. Latka Gravas, the garage mechanic, who hailed from some sort of non-descript Mediterranean Island. Besides fixing cars, this naive quirky mechanic also unwittingly got himself into all sorts of trouble as he tried to adapt to American life. RIP Andy Kaufman!

7. Eric Cartman (Trey Parker) on South Park

Cartman is the driving force behind South Park. Psychologically scarred by the lack of a father figure, and a nymphomaniac mother who smothers him, Cartman projects his psychological trauma by being the most bigoted, racist, greedy, gluttonous, right-wing blowhard of an 8-year old you’ll ever meet. From the first-season alien anal probe to the “Kyle’s Mom is a Bitch” song in the movie, Cartman is the main reason we all watch this show.

6. Dwight Shrute (Rainn Wilson) on The Office

In an office full of “everymen” and “everywomen,” Dwight is anything but normal. Actually he’s relatively normal, except for the fact that he takes his job about 800 times more seriously than everybody else. He also grew up on a Pennsylvania beet farm and…may be Amish? We never really know. What we do know is that he’s the wackiest character on this show by a mile, even making Steve Carrell’s brilliant Michael Scott look almost like the “straight” man.

5. Samantha (Kim Cattrall) on Sex and the City

Samantha made it cool for middle-aged women to be unmarried children-hating potty-mouthed nymphomaniacs on TV.  She also happened to be the funniest broad on this show, that even us guys watch ( even though we’ll never admit it), and Samantha’s the big reason why. I mean, sure, we liked to hear  Carrie’s neurotic obsessions over whether she’ll ever find true love, but c’mon… Sam’s like a frat dude in a hot, well-dressed, blonde chick’s body…

4. Stewie (Seth Macfarlane) from Family Guy

Stewie: Seth Macfarlane’s greatest creation. That’s not hyperbole, and I think you would agree. A demonic, possibly gay child with a football-shaped head and British accent, Stewie seeks to 1: Dominate the world and 2: Kill his mother…. kind of like a strange combo of both sides of the Oedipus complex. And though his vocabulary is excellent, only Brian the dog can understand him.

3. GOB (Will Arnett) from “Arrested Development”

Okay, so Arrested Development, perhaps the best sitcom of the last decade, was full of quirky characters and all the actors were awesome…. but I just still had to put GOB Bluth on the list. A thirty-something spoiled rich kid, GOB is a proud member of the Magician’s Association that vows to black-ball anyone who gives away a magician’s secrets. His antics, hilariously played by Will Arnett, must be seen to be believed… And his tricks… the chicken dance, the segway, the — oh wait, they’re illusions… A trick is something a whore does for money… or candy!

2. Ari Gold (Jeremy Piven)

To say that Jeremy Piven has more acting ability than his four  co-stars combined might seem like a stretch… unless they’ve actually seen “Entourage.” Yep, I think that the four relatively “normal” (= boring) best friends in movie-star Vinny Chase’s entourage would get old real quick if it weren’t for the force of nature that is Piven’s Ari Gold. Foul-mouthed, power-hungry, aggressive and brash, yet a family man all at once, Vince’s super-agent Ari must be seen to be truly appreciated. And Piven’s won the Emmys to prove it.

1. Kramer (Michael Richards)

Sure, Michael Richards’ rep might have taken a beating in recent years due to a single improved slip-up at a comedy club, but don’t forget…. he was Kramer. And Kramer….. was…. AWESOME. Though Jason Alexander was also incredibly good as George, Larry David’s alter-ego on Seinfeld, no one stole the scenes on this “show about nothing” more than Kramer. Cosmo Kramer.

Humpday hotlinks, courtesy of EgoTV!

1. Slutty Outfits On ESPN Sets

2. 7 Things In Your Apartment That Will Scare A Woman Away

3. How To Build An Iron Back

4. Lindsey Lohan Sun Magazine Layout

5. What Easy Mac Instructions Look Like Under The Influence Of Drugs

6. Celebs With The Highest IQs

7. 10 Best Movies That Didn’t Win Best Oscar

Twilight. It’s a cultural watershed, earning a ba-gillion dollars in both book and movie sales. It’s fans range from 12 year-old teenaged girls to… 14-year old teenaged girls. That, and adult women who suffering from severe cases of arrested development, and closeted gay men sprinkled throughout rural America. And somehow, once something hits as big as this, even with such a small demographic, it catches on, and many others, even us guys with a Y chromosome, will check it out.

But I’m convinced there’s another group. That is, people who think that it’s actually a spoof.

What’s that you say? Yes, a spoof. Kind of like “Jennifer’s Body,” or “Shaun of the Dead.” “What? How’s that?,” you ask. Well… here are a few reasons.

1. Vampires Who Sparkle

Consider this conversation from would-be fans:

“Hey, you should check out this cool new vampire movie.”

“Cool what’s it about?”

“It’s about this girl who goes to high school and falls for a dude in her biology class who’s actually a vampire.”

“Wait, how does he go to high school during the day? I thought that vampires burst into flames in sunlight.”

“No, these vampires SPARKLE in the sun.”

“Ha! That’s hilarious! The movie must be hysterical… like Mel Brook’s Young Frankenstein, right?”

“No, it’s dreamy.”

You see?

2. Vampires Who Play Baseball

There’s a crucial scene in Twilight, when Bella, who has begun dating the vampire Edward Cullen, goes to his home to meet Edwards vampire family. They’re “vampire vegetarians,” which means they only eat animals, not humans. They’re good vampires…. the father is even a doctor, respected in the community, and I think Edward’s sister is even a hot lesbian.

But I digress… The important thing here is what they do to bond with their son’s new girlfriend, Bella: They take her to play…. baseball? That’s right. Vampires… playing baseball.

Are you done laughing yet?

Bella’s Speech Impediment

After watching Twilight, you might also come to the conclusion that the main character Bella has some sort of speech impediment. It’s funny, you know, it’s like Forrest Gump!… Little do you know, those awkward breaths and eye flutters were not intentionally funny, like, say, the verbal tics of  Jon Heder in Napoleon Dynamite.

No, those breaths were meant to depict the stuttering of an “everygirl” that Bella’s supposed to be. She’s not retarded, people!

Vampires Go To High School

Okay, consider this… Bella meets Edward in Biology class, yet apparently, Edward is like 108 years old… Why the hell does he need to go to high school? Hasn’t he already passed the ninth through twelfth grades like, ninety -- three times? Surely he doesn’t go to learn, or to socialize. In the beginning of the film, he and his vampire brothers and sisters go to school, but they’re “mysterious” and “keep to themselves.”

So let me get this straight… these vampires are repeating school over and over again, so that they’re constantly around young high school humans, who they desire to eat but can’t because of their “vow,” and only to  keep to themselves. Oh, the irony! Surely this nonsensical setup is the idea for a dumb spoof, right?

There Are Some Actual Jokes and Cool Lines… Just not From The Main Characters

Okay, enough sarcasm for now. The truth of the matter is, there are actually some funny lines in Twilight and cool characters…. It’s just that none of these lines are spoken by the main couple, and the main couple is the least interesting part of the story. There’s the sarcastic divorced father of Bella, the wise-cracking Indian dude in the wheelchair, and other non-vampire high school kids who actually say some witty lines, like when Anna Kendrick says that she likes her prom dress, “because her boobs look awesome.” We agree.

And finally… the ultimate reason Twilight is a comedy is…

…  it made 3 ga-zillion dollars. Ah, America. No one ever went poor underestimating your intelligence.

]]> http://egotvonline.com/2010/02/24/why-twilight-is-actually-a-comedy-not-a-love-story/feed/ 0 http://egotvonline.com/2010/02/23/hot-links-2-23-10/ http://egotvonline.com/2010/02/23/hot-links-2-23-10/#comments Tue, 23 Feb 2010 21:39:55 +0000 Billy D http://egotvonline.com/?p=13516

Happy Tuesday hot links!

1. Nylons and Garters Were Fantastic Inventions

2. 9 Stupidest Ways To Accessorize Your Car

3. Last Ditch Efforts To Save Your Relationship

4. 25 Bad Athletes

5. Dolph Lundgren Does Elvis, Karate

6. 10 Reasons To Avoid Talking On The Phone

7. 10 Best Poker Players of All Time

A cure for your case of the “Mondays?”…. Hot links!

1. Interview with Shaun White

2. Death Bed Subtext w/ Topher Grace and Kate Bosworth

3. Aleida Nunez is a Mexican Actress, Therefore Hot

4. Why Wii Fit is Awesome

5. White Translations of Famous Blaxploitation Quotes

6. David Lynch’s Thoughts

7. 20 Sexiest Videos by complex Magazine

Every little boy dreams of becoming an astronaut and going to the moon. But so few children consider the consequences. No, I’m not talking about aliens blasting your head off with a ray-gun, I’m talking about being exposed to the vacuum of deep space. You’ve heard all the speculations before: That you explode…. that you freeze to death…. that your blood boils!

Well, to set the record straight, I’ve looked into what will actually happen to you if you find yourself in Frank’s situation here:

The First 10 Seconds

The first thing to immediately happen to your sorry ass when you’re caught in space is that the vacuum all around you causes all the air in your body to expand. Contrary to popular belief, trying to hold your breath will actually hurt you in this instance. Why? Oh, no reason, just that your lungs would rupture. Ouch. So first, don’t hold your breath.

Next, your blood starts to boil… Not from heat, but from the low pressure. This process is called ebullism. The vapor will actually cause the condensation in your mouth and nose to freeze, and the water in your respiratory tract to freeze.

the further expansion of water into vapor in the body will cause the organs and other body parts to expand to up to twice their normal size. They won’t however, explode, thank god… even though that would be extremely cool… but the swelling can cause some freaky temporary deformities. A man named Joseph Kittinger once experienced localized ebullism during a 31 kilometers (19 mi) ascent in a helium- driven gondola. His right-hand glove failed to pressurize and his hand expanded to roughly twice its normal volume accompanied by disabling pain. His hand took about 3 hours to recover after his return to the ground, and he and his giant hand did not suffer from any long-term effects.

And if this wasn’t bad enough, you alsp get sunburned to boot. Yes, any exposed skin will get zapped by the ultraviolet rays from the sun, but without the friendly filtering mechanism of our ozone. So now, your organs are expanding, vapor in the the body is starting to boil, and your sunburned.

Next, you can get the bends, which is something that also happens to scuba divers when they come up too fast. This is when nitrogen bubbles form in the blood, which can further lead to organ disfunction and decompression sickness. But here’s the bright side: The bends in Space is actually LESS sever than underwater! Isn’t that nice?

But oh wait. You’re still totally screwed. What happens next is the most dangerous. That’s the oxygen in the blood emptying back into the lungs and out into the vacuum. That’s right, your lungs start to work the wrong way, in reverse. Not good. The deoxygenated blood will induce a state called hypoxia.

After The First 10 Seconds

Well, now you have to deal with hypoxia. At about fourteen second, this will cause you to pretty much lose conscioussness. You’ll go blind, become disoriented, and will eventually just pass out. Though your body can still be saved from death, you will now be dependent on others for your rescue.

After the First Minute

How long due your space-traveling cohorts have to help a brotha out? Well, you’ve got about 90 seconds before you need to be re-compressed,  until you die officially.

Only a couple people have undergone such an ordeal and lived to tell about it: Two U.S. astronauts were  were decompressed accidentally during space mission training programs on the ground, but both incidents were less than 5 minutes in duration, and both victims survived.

If you do get out there and are rescued, the primary concern long-term may actually be that nasty sunburn. The exposure to the high-energy photons (ultra-violet, X-Ray, and Gamma) can permanently denature your DNA. These rays penetrating your body can cause long-term damage and perhaps cause cancer.

Conclusions

So remember, if you wind up in a situation like Frank, don’t hold your breath. Pay no attention to your boiling saliva,  and try to get back to your space station within 14 seconds, or else, hope your buddies rescue you within a minute and a half.

That’s pretty much all you can hope for.

]]> http://egotvonline.com/2010/02/22/the-perils-of-deep-space-travel/feed/ 0 http://egotvonline.com/2010/02/19/hot-links-2-19-10/ http://egotvonline.com/2010/02/19/hot-links-2-19-10/#comments Fri, 19 Feb 2010 22:05:33 +0000 Billy D http://egotvonline.com/?p=13397

Thank Gawd it’s Friday! here are some juicy hot links to send you off to the weekend.

1. Former Basketballer Tries to Swim From Police

2. Madison Welsch: Playboy UK Cyber Girl for February

3. Figure Skater Falling Compilation

4. Why Chicks Like Guys With Money

5. Nerd Gives Campaign Speech Declaring Megan Fox Day

6. Random Party Girls

7. 10 Things Not To Say To Your Bride On Your Wedding Day

“There is nothing new under the sun,” someone just said. Well, maybe, but that doesn’t necessarily they have to just churn out bad facsimiles of what they’ve done before. But they do, and they have every right to. After all, if you’re some studio exec who’s worked his ass off for 12 hours a day for 20 years, enduring abuses from former bosses, reading dozens of specs scripts every weekend instead of being able to party, and now that you’re finally in a position of power, and you STILL have to worry about being axed if you produce a “bomb.” Hey, they have a right to remake what’s worked…. but I still have a right to be pissed of about it. So here’s 9 Remakes In The Works That Piss Me Off.

1. Arthur

Russell Brand is reportedly in the early stages of developing a remake of Dudley Moore’s famous, and Oscar-winning, comedy. Thus far, he’s believed to be meeting with writers on the project, and Larry Brezner is attached to produce (produced Good Morning Vietnam, and the US take on Little Britain).

This is awful. Just awful. The original “Arthur” is probably in the the top 5 funniest movies of all time, and frankly, it’s not dated at all, except for the Burt Bacharach score that reeks with early 80’s-ism. Dudley Moore gives possibly the greatest comedic performance of all time as a depressed yet hysterical alcoholic millionaire. And this is going to be duplicated by… Russell Brand?? No offense to Russell Brand, but  being an actual degenerate alcoholic comedian is not the same as being an Oscar-caliber actor playing one. Trust me, just go see the original.

2. Romancing The Stone

Fox has raided its back catalogue and chosen the cracking Michael Douglas-Kathleen Turner adventure for the remake treatment. Thus far, it’s found a writer for the project, with Eagle Eye scribe Daniel McDermott hauled in to pen a script. No news yet on casting, director (although it’s safe to say that original director Robert Zemeckis wouldn’t give it another go) or release date…

You’re going to try and duplicate the sexual alchemy between Michael Douglass and Kathleen Turner in their prime? Yeah, I don’t think so.

3.Back To School

The original was a hit for the late Rodney Dangerfield. But the 80s comedy is now in development again as a vehicle for Cedric The Entertainer.

Noooooo!!!!!! Rodney lives! I guess this remake might bring in the “urban” demographic though, and our Nubian brothers probably haven’t rented too many Rodney Dangerfield classics. Ah, well.

David Ronn and Jay Scherick are penning the new script, and the project is currently stuck in development pending a formal green light. That may be in time to get it to the screen in 2010, though.

4. Conan

It looks like the third big screen Conan adventure will be heading back to the source material and doing a bit of a ‘reimagining’. And while I’m not averse to the idea of Conan coming back – with Arnie apparently having his arm twisted to try and get him to do a cameo – the likelihood is that Mr Brett Ratner will be directing, once he’s done with Beverly Hills Cop 4. A 2010/11 release window is likely.

Oh great, a Conan remake without Arnie in the lead role and with Brett Ratner directing? Excuse me while I shake my head in sadness.

5. The Karate Kid

The 80s classic is heading back to cinemas, possibly as early as the end of next year, with Will Smith’s son Jaden Smith attached to the film in the title role. Stephen Chow, the original director linked with the project, is likely to find his Green Hornet commitments count him out, so expect news on a helmer shortly. In the meantime, the script is being polished off, and filming is set for next year.

Jaden Smith… Let’s see, he was decent in The Pursuit of Happyness, horribly annoying in The Day The Earth Stood Still, and is most likely be horrible in a remake of The Karate Kid. I mean, who does he think he is? Ralph Maccio? That guy was an acting genius! Waxing off on this one.

6. Short Circuit

This one’s still on for 2010, although a director and cast are still to be announced. David Foster is producing though, and he was one of the string-pullers behind the 2005 remake of The Fog. He also produced the original Short Circuit.

Okay, I guess if the same producer is attached it might be alright… but isn’t the charm of eighties tech movies the blissfully outdated, clunky robots??

7. The Birds

The Hitchcock classic is up to be remade, and Casino Royale director Martin Campbell is still believed to be involved. A 2011 release date is mooted, and both Naomi Watts and George Clooney have been linked to the project. No word on a filming start date, though.

I’ve actually read this script when I was an intern at a company… It takes place in Texas, not California. And George Clooney does not play a Texan! And please, just… don’t remake Hitchcock… just don’t. Remember the remake of Psycho with Anne Heche and Vince Vaughn?…. Yeah, neither do I.

8. Oldboy

Steven Spielberg is bringing a new take to Oldboy than the 2003 Korean corker, with Will Smith attached to the project too. Smith has said that the film will be based on the original manga, rather than the film itself. Not strictly a remake, then, but you can bet that the overlap will be noticeable…

Okay, I saw Oldboy in 2005 and I thought it was visually stunning and waaaaaay too explicit and dark for a mass American audience. So, when I heard they were remaking it with Steven Spielberg at the helm, I was like whaaaa??? Then I realized, they’ll probably cut all the gory and disturbing parts out to make it more palatable, thus making it waaaaaayyyyy less cool…. and I appear to be right. Ugh.

9. Rosemary’s Baby

The original: a 70s classic, that still pulls its punches now. Directed by Roman Polanski, it’s regarded as one of the best movies of that decade. The remake? It’s being produced by Michael Bay. It’s due out in 2010.

Someone kill me now, before Michael Bay impregnates me by raping the greatest psychological thriller of all time. This must be stopped.  Let’s get a petition going.

So feast your eyes on these punchy and upbeat signs designed to rake in the cash — er change. Any ad execs reading this? You might find your next big copywriter here. You didn’t even have to look too far outside your local coffees hop!

Here’s some haaaaaaaaaawtlinks for Thursday!

1. Girls On Dating Sites: Not As Hot As You Wished

2. Gangsta Gangsta

3. Scrawny Superhero Owns Two Gangstas on the Streets of Brazil

4. How To Party For Free In NYC

5. Dominique Piek Gallery

6. 20 Awesome Photobombed Movie Stills

7. Cute Model Falls Through Stage

Abandon hope, all ye who enter here!

Bored? Does the regular old news not excite you anymore, even with the theme music and increasingly model-ish reporters? How about cringing at something? Look no further, for thanks to the wonders of the internet, now even though most cracked-out-of-their mind people, mentally unstable, and/or future felons have the opportuity to spread their word across the inter-web. What are some of them, you say? Well, there certainly is a fair amount off strange porn, but the people who populate these servers are sure to make your hair on the back of your neck stand on end.

1. Bestgore.com

Do you want to view people with they’re head’s busted open? Live deaths and accidents caught on video? Yeah, I thought so, you freak. Seriously though, after you enter this site, you’ll be a different person in about 10 seconds.  Vomit.

2. Liveleak.com

This site specializes like the previous entry not so much on gore but on that uncensored video from those grisly news reports that you see on your local news. The cringe-worthy stuff behind the story. Not all the vids are disturbing per se… but a bunch are. See a newscaster confess to a mercy killing, some teens get pepper-sprayed, plane crashes, etc. If you’re into that, this site is for you. Lots of vids.

3. Rotten.com

Rotten.com is a United States-hosted shock site with a slogan of “An archive of disturbing illustration” operated by Soylent Communications. It is devoted to morbid curiosities, primarily pictures of gruesome fatalities, deformities, autopsy or forensic photographs, depictions of perverse sex acts, and historical curios that are disturbing or misanthropic in nature. The site was founded in 1996, and its format has changed very little since that time.

This site seems to be the staple by which all other disturbing sites are matched up against… kind of like the Tiger Woods of disturbing websites…. In fact, does Tiger have a website? It might show up here.

4. www.nambla.org

There is a movement to legalize and encourage consensual sexual relationships between adults and “consenting” minors. They have gained legitimacy in recent years and have garnered support from the likes of Allen Ginsberg. The most prominent of these sites (NAMBLA) has been parodied in South Park and other comedy movies… Also Steve Colbert mentions them fairly often.

Although I’m guessing if you’re on our site, you’re probably not gonna go to this one…. or maybe!

5. Crime Scene Photos.com

Exactly what it says. Now, the moderator of the site says that this site is “important”to “understand” the impact of heinous crimes on human beings… but you know it’s probably to peddle grisly photos for cash. See the photos from various killings with bodies blood-soaked walls, floors… I’m just guessing because I couldn’t bring myself ot actually click any of the numerous links they have on the home page.

6. Magibon.com

This is a FICTIONAL video about an obsessed stalker of a girl on youtube. Good thng its fictional, because this thing is not for the faint of heart.I lasted about 15 seconds. The “discussion forum” seems to be down right now, I’m guessing because anyone who had anything constructive to say about this video is probably in jail or wanted for something.

7. Thisiswhyyourefat.com

This site is dedicated to showing  pictures of the most greasy, fat-heavy, heart-attack-inducing foods. Looking at the first few pages almost made me spew all over my keyboard. You can imagine what types of commenters flock to this site to stare at food for hours a day.Mmmm…. sausage dipped in caramel and deep fried in bacon….. wuuuuuhhhhhh…..

So, there you have it. There were a lot more links on vrious message boards, but fortunately, a lot of the sites have been taken down… Can’t imagine why…. Yeesh!

1. Robin Hood Arrested

2. How To Have A Bromance

3. 10 Worst Best Picture Oscars of All Time

4. Kara Traa Gallery

5. 7 Manly Mixed Drinks

6. 6 Absurd Plot Twists That Actually Happened

7. Magic Johnson: What’s To Learn From This Picture?

Happy Humpday y’all! Here are some hot links to get you over the hump.

1. Sarah Palin Smacked Down by a Girl With Down Syndrome

2. How To Still Have A Night With The Boys

3. Squeeze Me

4. Jake and Amir: Thighs

5. Estate of the Day

Happy President’s Day, all! In honor of the day set aside to recognize the great leader’s of our nation’s past, we give you hot chicks, sports, and funny videos. Enjoy.

1. A Boombox You Could Wear On Your Sleeve

2. Inner Monologue of A Guy On A Blind Date

3. How To Talk To A New Woman

4. Moran Atias

5. Anti-Terrorism Honor System

6. Christina Hendricks Wishes We Would Stop Focusing On Her Breasts

7. Canadian Politician Gives Legislature The Finger

]]> http://egotvonline.com/2010/02/15/gallery-duct-tape-fashion/feed/ 2 http://egotvonline.com/2010/02/15/how-fantasy-baseball-saved-my-marriage/ http://egotvonline.com/2010/02/15/how-fantasy-baseball-saved-my-marriage/#comments Mon, 15 Feb 2010 16:00:10 +0000 Billy D http://egotvonline.com/?p=13051

I’m in a fantasy baseball league with some of my best childhood friends. If you think Facebook is a good way to stay in touch with people, you’ve clearly never played fantasy baseball. The “smack talk” boards, the trades, the daily obsession over all the major league games… it’s a deep, deep bond. So I was interested when I got a letter from my  married buddy and fellow league-mate Jarrod on how Fantasy Baseball Saved My Marriage.

Dear Bill,

Remember a couple years ago when I got married? Probably not. You were black-out drunk the entire reception. You actually made that horrible toast that really pissed off my father-in-law…

But I digress. Despite your horrible behavior, the honeymoon was orgiastic. Noelle’s and my married life was great to start, the passion was strong, the sex amazing, we didn’t even fight over the remote. But then, well, Noelle and I eventually fell into a bit of a rut. Things became routine, the sex slackened, and the spark went away during that second winter. I began looking at every other woman I saw with guilty lust…. Sometimes, I would go out, saying I was running an errand, just to stop by the local bar and scope out the local talent. Soon, I was afraid that I might slip.

But then, Spring hit.

Soon, I couldn’t care less about other women. I was glued to my computer and TV. No longer was I pining for the busty redhead that lives next door, I was pining for Peter Gammons’ distinguished journalistic visage and the nuggets of info he would bestow me. Other women couldn’t be the further from my mind; I was way too into Albert Pujols and Hanley Ramirez and Ryan Braun and A-Rod. Soon, all life outside of baseball ceased. At the end of the day, when Noelle and I got ready for bed, I was so taken aback by the sight of a beautiful woman and appreciative to be in one’s presence, she knew she was the only one for me.

Moreover, Noelle saw the passion rise inside of me again. By day, I was rifling through pages and pages of stats and personal histories, trying to decipher whether or not to start Jason Kubel that night against a lefty at home. “I’ve never seen you so motivated and goal-oriented! It’s such a turn on… Ambitious men are sexy.”

That night I was yelling at the TV “Yes! Yes! Kubel goes deep! I knew I his rep for not hitting lefties was overrated!” To which Noelle said, “I’ve never seen you so fired up! So passionate!”

“If I don’t defeat Bill, Dave, Ethan, and Al and win the league, I’m going to smash my fist through the window!” I yelled.

“That so f-ing hot,” Noelle responded. “Who’s that guy?”

“Oh him? that’s Derek Jeter.”

“Mind if I watch the game with you?”

To think! This lady who had never been interested in sports was now watching along with me! After she and I engaged in mindblowing sexual C-4 that left her staring at the ceiling, twirling her hair and wondering how the Olympian bacchanal fireworks  she’d just been subjected to could have been delivered by the same poor schlub she married (at least I thiink that’s what she was thinking about), I was back on the computer, trying to project the amount of steals Rajai Davis would have in the second half of the season. Or if Erik Bedard would ever return to true form.

Eventually she joined in the ups and downs of my team. Sure, she never cared about baseball before,but now that there was some money and prestige involved for me, her husband, we began watching the games every night that summer, rising in elation or slinking back in defeat with each at bat. The drama shared by us brought us closer together. Soon, our dirty pillow-talk began to sound like the ESPN fantasy podcast, or conversations from the series “The League.”

She even came to a few baseball games with me. Today we went, sat field level, and Noelle was invited to even meet some of the players after the game. I guess they saw that she was a such a big fan and wanted to give her the thrill of meeting some of the them. I’m actually writing this on my laptop in the stadium parking lot. She’s been back there in the locker room for about 30 minutes. I guess they’re really hitting it off!

Thanks, fantasy baseball.

]]> http://egotvonline.com/2010/02/15/how-fantasy-baseball-saved-my-marriage/feed/ 0 http://egotvonline.com/2010/02/12/viral-video-of-the-day-megan-fox-is-the-new-face-of-armani-underwear/ http://egotvonline.com/2010/02/12/viral-video-of-the-day-megan-fox-is-the-new-face-of-armani-underwear/#comments Fri, 12 Feb 2010 23:00:34 +0000 Billy D http://egotvonline.com/?p=13016

It’s here. You might have heard recently that Megan Fox had signed on to be the face of Armani underwear. Well, now the first 30-second spot is here. I’m going to stop talking now, to let you watch today’s Viral Video Of The Day!:

Here are Friday’s Hotlinks. Good luck on Valentine’s Day, everybody. In case you don’t have good luck. These should tide you over.

1. 20 Hot Cowgirl Pictures

2. Japan has invented the perfect fauxgina

3. Best Actress Showdown

4. Hotties of the Wild

5. Hierarchy of Male’s Attention Span

6. Ladies, Your Valentine’s Day Loneliness is About to Be Solved

7. Is She Good In Bed? How You Can Tell Right away

Whoever said politics was boring? Not when freshman congressman Alan Grayson steps to the floor. Elected to Florida’s 8th District in 2008, the Democratic Congressman has only been in the U.S. House of Representatives for a little over a year, but has made quite an impression. What impression you say? Well, let’s take a look at some of his quotations over the past year.

On the House Floor: “You know what the Republican health care plan is? It’s this: Don’t get sick. And if you do, die quickly.”

After that zinger, Grayson was asked to apologize… and this happened on the house floor.

Grayson: “My Republican colleagues would like me to apologize. I would now like to apologize… to the dead.” … He later added, “America doesn’t care about your feelings.”

Grayson also then had an opinion on Republican obstructionism to all of Obama’s ideas:

Grayson: “The American people understand that if President Obama had a BLT for lunch tomorrow, the Republicans will try to find away to ban bacon.”

Grayson: “These Republicans are foot-dragging, knuckle-dragging neanderthals who think they can get what they want by being stubborn.”

Grayson: “We can’t run this country based on Republican hissy fits.”

Grayson, on Dick Cheney: “On the internet, there’s an acronym that seems appropriate for my response to Dick Cheney: STFU.”

Grayson, on Dick Cheney again:”I have trouble listening to what he says because of the blood that drips from his face. I think he’s just angry because the President doesn’t shoot old men in the face. Did he just turn into a bat and fly away?

Grayson, on Dick Cheney, a third time: “Who wrote the intro to Cheney’s book? Satan?

Grayson on Republican criticism of Obama’s Nobel Prize: “Republicans probably wish there was a Nobel Prize for fear.”

Grayson on The Republican Party: “Their party is composed of two factions: the liars, and the gullible. The politicians lie and the gullible just suck it up. It’s a symbiotic relationship”

“Republicans hate government because they’re so bad at it.”

“Republicans are a wholly-owned subsidiary of corporate America.”

Grayson on his lack of challengers: “The Republican Party are bullies. It’s always the case, you stand up to the bully, and the bully backs down.”

Grayson, on whether Wall St. CEOs have the same right to make huge bonuses as so do baseball players: “Sure they’re similar. One group entertains us, the other steals from us.”

You might think that all of these quotations means that Grayson is some un-serious firebrand who’s going to get booted out of office in November.

Well, think again.

On substance, Grayson is no lightweight. He was born in the the Bronx. He grew up in the tenements there. He graduated from Bronx High School of Science and worked his way through Harvard, graduating summa cum laude in three years. He was also a member of Phi Beta Kappa. He worked as an economist for two years and returned to Harvard for graduate studies. Within four years, he earned a law degree with honors from Harvard Law School, a masters in public policy from the John F. Kennedy School of Government and completed the course work and passed the general exams for a Ph.D. in government.

After his studies, Grayson worked for a DC law firm for five years, working on the DC court of appeals. Later he wrote his masters thesis on Gerontology, the process of aging. He later became the attorney for plaintiffs prosecuting fraud and abuse of Iraq War contractors. The Wall Street Journal described him as waging a “one man war against contractor fraud in Iraq.”

In 2008, he was elected to Congress, the only Democrat to be elected in his Republican-leaning district since 1970, where he has authored or sponsored many important bills and is Vice Chair of the House Progressive Caucus. He has recently gained the reputation of being the Republicans’ number one target in the November elections… So, how’s Grayson doing? Well, he recently wrote this article on the Huffington Post:

“The story that everyone wants to tell is that the Democratic Party is disheartened and disintegrating. Teabagger Republicans are juiced up and on top. Or so the media says, over and over again…. But the House candidate who raised the most money in the entire country during the last FEC reporting period — $860,000 in three months — is not a teabagger. He is not boosted relentlessly by Fox News. He’s not even a Republican. He doesn’t think that the Earth was created 6000 years ago, that President Obama was born in Kenya, or that global warming is a hoax. This House candidate also, remarkably, had the largest number of contributors. Over 15,000 individuals contributed, many of whom have given time after time, whatever they could. The House candidate who raised the most money did so without French-kissing lobbyists, without flattering the idle rich, and without reaching into his own pocket.The House candidate who raised the most money, from the most people, is an outspoken populist who tells it like it is on the war, on jobs, and on health care. His website is called CongressmanWithGuts.com. In the 100,000 e-mails that he has received this year, the most common refrain is, “You are saying what I’ve been thinking….I know who he is. Because he’s me. “

Yep Grayson is awash in campaign donations. People love this guy, for saying the things they’re thinking in their heads. So, who are all these challengers on the Republican side waiting to attack?

…. crickets…

Politico recently reported in an article titled “Rivals Shy Away From Grayson” :

“As a polarizing freshman from a competitive House seat, one with a habit of making provocative comments, Rep. Alan Grayson (D-Fla.) would appear to rank among the most vulnerable Democratic incumbents. Yet Republican after Republican keeps backing away from challenging him, enough to raise the question: Are prospective candidates scared of Grayson?”

]]> http://egotvonline.com/2010/02/12/alan-grayson-congressional-smackdown-artist/feed/ 1 http://egotvonline.com/2010/02/12/funniest-anime-demotivational-posters/ http://egotvonline.com/2010/02/12/funniest-anime-demotivational-posters/#comments Fri, 12 Feb 2010 14:00:24 +0000 Billy D http://egotvonline.com/?p=12939 You love anime. You love motivational posters. You love funniness. (Technically, who doesn’t?) Well, here’s the opportunity to have all three! We’ve gone ahead and compiled some of the funniest anime demotivational posters the Internet has to offer. Enjoy!

Here today’s smokin white-hot links for ye!

1. Ahead of the Curve With Betty White

2. 12 Crucial Sex Lessons From Movies

3. Best of the 2010 Bikini Calendars

4. Guide to Sexy Olympians in Vancouver

5. Why I Love To Be Hit By Women

6. Jake and Amir : Blowing Up

7. Australia Bans Small Boobs and Female Ejaculation From Porn

FX, home to subversive comedies like “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” and “The League” has added another hit. “Archer” is an animated series about a dysfunctional secret spy agency ISIS, whose employees are supposed to be battling foreign spies, but usually wind up battling (or screwing) each other. “Archer”’s animation looks just like Lichtenstein pop art paintings (which is incredibly cool), as it spoofs other spy stories originating from the 50s and 60s, such as James Bond. The comedy is dirty, wrong, and irreverent, in the vein of Adult Swim cartoons.  This all means one thing:  You should definitely check this show out.

H. John Benjamin is the voice of Sterling Archer (code name “The Duchess”) the deadliest secret agent at ISIS… though you’d never know it from his behavior, which mostly includes getting drunk, screwing prostitutes, and arguing with his mother/boss Malory (Jessica Walter, of Arrested Development fame), for whom he seems to have some sort of latent Oedipal attraction/revulsion. Malory herself runs ISIS, though her day usually consists of popping various types of pills and yelling. Also occupying the ISIS headquarters are Lana Kane (Aisha Taylor), the other top secret agent, who is also Archer’s sexy, curvacious ex-girlfriend. Lana has a penchant for interracial porn, being generally pissed off, and rescuing Archer’s ass. Though she dumped Archer because of his weird relationship with his mother, there seems to be a hint of lingering attraction, even though she’s taken up with the nerdy ISIS comptroller Cyril Figgis (SNL’s Chris Parnell)… though apparently Cyril has a large secret weapon of his own. Rounding out the cast is Carol (Judy Greer), Malory’s secretary who has a huge crush on Archer, so much so that she changes her name all the time to something she thinks he’ll like better. Woodhouse (George Coe) is Sterling’s elderly butler, who is frequently the target of Sterling’s verbal abuse. Pam (Amber Nash) is the portly HR woman who has a lesbian attraction to Lana, and is the object of a string of fat jokes from Archer.

Each episode in “Archer” usually revolves around some sort of mission or event, in which foreign (usually Russian) spies seek to kill ISIS members or undermine one of its missions, yet these storylines are usually secondary to the bickering amongst the ISIS members, usually involving sex, drugs, jealousy, or some combination. The pilot episode revolves around Malory’s admonition of Archer, who has been using his ISIS expense account to go on all sorts of bacchanal vacations to exotic locales. As Archer tries to cajole and seduce Carol and Pam into helping him break into the mainframe and fudge the numbers to cover his ass, Lana discovers that there might be a mole infiltrating the ISIS network. Absurdity (and some cool comic book action) ensues.

Definitely check out Archer, especially if you’re into It’s Always Sunny, The League, Adult Swim, Family Guy, South Park, Arrested Development, etc. “Archer” is on Thursday nights at 10 pm on FX. Tune in! You don’t want this show to be prematurely cancelled (like “Arrested” and the first round of “Family Guy,” before its resurrection.)

Most World Series victories?    Whitey Ford

The only two brothers to both win a Cy Young Award?  Jim & Gaylord Perry (Jim in 1970 and Gaylord in ‘72 and ‘78)

What brothers have the most wins? Phil and Joe Niekro with 539

The only pitcher with over 3,000 strikeouts and less than 1,000 walks?  Ferguson Jenkins

What pitcher won the most games without ever playing in a World Series?  Phil Niekro, 318 wins

Who are the six pitchers to win the Cy Young and MVP in the same year? Denny McClain (1968, Tigers), Vida Blue (1971, Oakland), Rollie Fingers (Milwaukee, 1981), Willie Hernandez (Tigers, 1984), Roger Clemens (1986, Red Sox), Dennis Eckersley (Oakland, 1992).

Who’s the only pitcher to win 3 consecutive All-Star games.   Dennis Eckersley

Who are the only two pitchers to have more than 300 strikeouts 2 consecutive years? Nolan Ryan (‘72-’74) and Randy Johnson (‘98-’02).

The only pitcher to win Rookie of the Year, Cy Young, and MVP : Don Newcombe (Dodgers)

Who had his number retired on three different teams? Nolan Ryan (Angels, Astros, and Rangers)

Who’s the only pitcher to win the MVP 2 years in a row? Hal Newhouser (1944-45)

Which pitchers won the pitching triple crown (wins, strikeouts, ERA) two consecutive years? Roger Clemens, Sandy Koufax, Lefty Grove, Grover Alexander

What pitcher wan the ERA title the most times? Lefty Grove with 9

Who has the most career losses? Cy Young! (He also has the most wins — he pitches 7,377 innings in his career)

Who has the most walks? Nolan Ryan – 2,795

What pitcher gave up the most home runs in his career? Robin Roberts — 505 in 21 years of pitching

What is the longest combined names for two starting pitchers in any game? Jason Isringhausen vs. William Van Landingham (May 29, 1996)

Who are the three pitchers to strike out four batters in one inning? Darren Dreifort (May 22nd, 2003) Don Drysdale (April 17, 1965),  and Pete Richert (1962)

Who are two pitchers who gave up 7 runs in the first inning yet still went on to get the win? Mark Buehrle in 2006 and Jack Powell against the Chicago Orphans in 1900… that’s 106 years!

What is the longest drought in no hitters in MLB history?  6,364 games, when Anibal Sanchez threw a no-hitter on September 6, 2006. The previous no-hitter was thrown by Randy Johnson on May 18, 2004.

On October 6th, 2006, Randy Johnson of the New York Yankees faced Kenny Rogers of the Detroit Tigers in game 3 of the American League Divisional Series. It marked the first time ever that both starting pitchers in a post season game had previously thrown a perfect game in their career.

This month, “Shutter Island,” the latest addition to the Scorsese ouevre, will be released in theaters. Here is the trailer:

As you can see, the movie looks… totally bad-ass. So in gearing up for the premiere, I thought I’d run through my list of the Top Ten Scorsese Movies. For the record, I didn’t include any short films (like his awesome installment in “New York Stories”) or documentaries/music videos (“The Last Waltz” is one of the coolest music docs ever). Here’s the definitive (aka — my personal) list.

10. The King Of Comedy

This is is an oft-overlooked gem in the Scorsese (as well as the De Niro) catalogue. This dark comedy depicts the cringe-worthy quest of Rupert Pupkin (De Niro), a thirty-something aspiring comedian who lives with his mother, who embarks on a journey to perform on Jerry Langford’s (played by Jerry Lewis) late-night talk show. As his tapes get rejected, he receives lip-service from the executive assistants at the show, and his dream seems to be withering before his eyes, Rupert teams up with the obsessive Langford fan Masha (Sandra Bernhardt), to kidnap Langford, the ransom being letting Rupert perform his routine before a national audience.

Scorsese uses a masterful interweaving of Rupert’s fantasies and harsh reality, until Rupert’s absurd actions begin to become fantastical themselves… with the hope that reality begins to bend to his desires. Will it work out? Watch the film and find out.

Here’s a clip from early in the film in which Rupert fantasizes about his future fame in his Mom’s basement.

9. The Departed

Wait, the only Scorsese film to win an Oscar for Best Picture is 9th on my list? Yep. Don’t get me wrong, the film was awesome and fun to watch (as are several Scorsese films that didn’t even make the list), and yet, the film seems to lack the same cohesive vision shared by the Scorsese masterworks. At times, it seems sometimes that The Departed is weighed down by the number of stars in the cast. Not that their performances aren’t terrific, but the most memorable films seem to be those where Scorsese himself is the star. This studio-financed film seems to have so many funny “lines” that have been added to suit the stars’ presence in the story that it kind of makes for a meandering, inconsistent (albeit fun) ride. I heard the first cut of the film was about 4 hours long at that several story-lines had to be cut in the editing room, and I think that shows, as the plot, which relies on a huge number of reversals, seems to suffer from a lack of the setting up of the surprises, as one by one people die, cops and criminals alike, in a tragic web of moral ambiguity.

Though overrated, the film is still excellent. The stars are great, fun to watch, and there are lots of funny lines, and complex plot of the film has a tragic quality, almost nihilistic, as the sides of the law become so blurred that you realize nobody is really good or evil. The last man righteous man standing (I won’t give away who), even he must lose his identity (and job), and engage in a crime himself, in order to deliver final justice.

8. Gangs of New York

I admit, I’m a sucker for historical epics, especially when Scorsese’s at the helm and a ga-zillion dollars are invested in the project. “Gangs of New York” was, I think, underrated due to the fact that some balked at Leonardo Di Caprio and Cameron Diaz being the leads of a Scorsese film (by now, Di Caprio is a staple of every Scorsese film, and Diaz was forced on him by the studio over Sarah Michelle Gellar and Sarah Polley), and due to the somewhat unsatisfying quasi-deus-ex-machina ending (which I won’t give away right now) to the three-hour epic.

However, the film is incredibly cinematic, looks fantastic, is bloody, gory, and tough. It also contains an terrifying performance by Daniel Day-Lewis (who should have won an Oscar), as the scary-as-Hades gang boss Bill “the Butcher,” who wages war against Irish immigrants in favor of “real” American New Yorkers (even though Bill himself is the descendant of Irish immigrants). DiCaprio is good as Amsterdam Vallon, who’s father was killed by Bill in a knife-fight when he was a child, as he returns to the city to exact his revenge. Yet as Amsterdam infiltrates Bill’s gang (Bill has risen to some prominence in New York society by now), he comes to both fear and even respect Bill, and we’re unsure when he will act, and how. This may be a bit of a spoiler from about halfway through the film, but when Amsterdam decides to act, things don’t quite work out as planned:

7. The Aviator

In general, I was not a huge fan of biopics before I saw this: As a film buff, I felt that the necessary adhesion to “real events” sometimes makes the director have to alter from a crisp sequence that would normally be present in a fictionalized account of a similar person. For instance, “Citizen Kane” was not about William Randolph Hearst exactly, but a fictional man nearly identical to him. However, Scorsese’s biopic of Howard Hughes made me realize that a biopic can still blow you the f--k away. Though it lost out to “Million Dollar Baby,” I thought “The Aviator” provided the best film of 2004. In it, we see Hughes’  production of the most expensive movie ever for the times “Hell’s Angels,” his development of TWA airlines, taking on the giant monopolistic PAN-AM and the U.S. Senate, womanizing his way through the most beautiful starlets of Hollywood, yet “The Aviator” remains, at its core, a character study of one of the most eccentric billionaires in history. A man who reached the heights of success and fame, yet ultimately unraveled due to paranoia, germaphobia, and neurotic psychosis.

The incredible direction, costumes, music, and performances (Cate Blanchett won the Oscar for her portrayal of Catherine Hepburn, and there are terrific turns by John C. Reilly, Kate Beckinsdale, Alan Alda, and Alec Baldwin, as well as Di Caprio) make this a film a feast for the eyes, even if the events are seen through the eyes of a mentally disturbed person.

Here’s the incredible plane-crash-scene halfway through the movie.

6. Casino

Aka, “Goodfellas in Vegas” this is the second Nicolas Pileggi-Scorsese ( and third De Niro-Pesci) collaboration, after the success of “Goodfellas.” Casino is the real-life story of the Midwestern mob figures who made Vegas into what it was in the 70’s and 80’s. De Niro plays Sam “Ace” Rothstein, who is the world’s greatest handicapper and gambler. “Ace” is put in charge of the Tangiers Casino, owned by the St. Louis mob. Ace takes the helm, and things go great, until he marries a hustler named Ginger (Sharon Stone) who’s still hung up on her sleazy ex (James Woods), and his mobster friend Mickey Santoro (Joe Pesci) comes out to the Vegas sun for a piece of the action.

The three-hour epic is tied together by an incredible score of 60s and 70’s classic rock, so the long running time doesn’t feel like three hours. Even so, it’s terrific to watch. The costumes, the Vegas scenery, Don Rickles’ cameo… all fantastic. Take a look at this otherwise simple scene, and how Scorsese directs it to perfection. The pacing, the anticipation, the visuals, and the acting, all show us why a Scorsese-directed scene is just that much better than that by the average Hollywood director.

5. Mean Streets

“You don’t make up for your sins in church. You do it in the streets. You do it at home. The rest is bullshit and you know it.”

This small independent film about a group of 4 small-time downtown Little Italy hoods is the film that put the 31-year-old Scorsese on the map. Both co-written and directed by Scorsese, this is the first film to really have that “Scorsese stamp” — rock songs set to a slow-motion camera, Italian-American traditions, culture, and songs, home-movie documentary-esque footage, loads of dark, sarcastic comedy, a main character with a Jesus complex, tough, dramatic moments between friends, and a virtuoso performance by a young De Niro.

Made in 1973, Mean Streets features the trials and tribulations of Charlie (played by Harvey Keitel), a small-time hood who makes collections for his Uncle, a local wealthy mob figure in the community. However, Charlie is probably too nice to really succeed. His friends Tony (David Proval — aka Richie Aprile from The Sopranos) and Michael (Richard Romano) run a local bar (mostly Tony) and make deals int he local community (Michael), but Charlie has problems: namely his borderline-psychotic best friend Johnny Boy, played by Robert De Niro, as well as his epileptic girlfriend Teresa (Amy Robinson), who his rich Uncle disapproves of as “sick in the head.”

As Charlie tries to please everyone in his life, he’s constantly caught in between friends and family,  and his believing that he has the ability to make all things right for all people ultimately leads to the dramatic yet seemingly inevitable violent ending.

Here’s a hilarious scene in which Johnny Boy, in typical Johnny-Boy fashion, makes a calm situation descend into chaos and violence, completely unnecessarily.

4. After Hours

“After Hours” in another overlooked Scorsese masterpiece, perhaps due to the fact that it is a low-budget, small movie that Scorsese made in the mid-eighties, and the fact that it’s the closest thing to a “pure” comedy that Scorsese’s made. However, it did win for Best Director at the Cannes Film festival that year. And you know what? It’s friggin’ hystercial. Though Scorsese’s not know for comedies, this film is much funnier than what passes for most “comedy” these days. Written by Columbia screenwriting student Joseph Minion, Scorsese came on to direct when the studios initially backed out of his big budget “Last Temptation of Christ.”

The film stars Griffin Dunne as Paul, a sex-starved uptown yuppie, who meets a troubled yet beautiful young woman Marcie (Rosanna Arquette), who invites him downtown for a late-night date in Soho, the land of artists, punk-rockers, and insane people. When the date goes terribly, terribly awry, Paul is stranded in the absurd world of Soho, and soon finds himself public enemy number one, with an angry mob of artists, homosexuals, and strange women chasing him, demanding blood. The plot, as Scorsese said, is “like a Rubik’s cube,” and the comedy is clever, hysterical,  farcical, and at times, disturbing. Though it has no A-list stars, there’s a long list of comedically-gifted character actors to round out the cast: Linda Fiorentino, Terri Garr, John Heard, Catherine O’Hara, Bronson Pinchot, and, yes, a cameo by Cheech & Chong as hapless stoner thieves.

3. Raging Bull

Raging Bull is yet another Best Picture runner-up from Scorsese, having lost out to Robert Redford’s “Ordinary People” in 1980. And yet, it was later rated as the best movie of the 80’s in a more recent poll. At least Robert De Niro won an Oscar for his performance as Jake La Motta, in one of the most virtuoso performances of all time. According to acting legend, De Niro went through extensive training (he also was the original one to find the book, and spent 4 years pushing Scorsese and others to get it made), actually fought in some three local Brooklyn boxing matches, of which he won two. After the fight scenes (which took 6 weeks to shoot, even though they only make up about 10 minutes in the film)  and the early scenes, the crew took 13 months off so De Niro could gain some sixty pounds, to portray the later Jake La Motta.

The story follows the life of the fighter Jake La Motta, a man who’s violent temperament was an asset  in the ring, yet destructive in his personal life. Another classic neo-realist rise and fall story from Scorsese, another (the first) De Niro-Pesci collaboration, and another classic. The film also features the film debut by Cathy Moriarty, playing De Niro’s wife Vicki. Here’s two classic shots from the film, which was shot in beautiful black & white, and put to the music of Italian composer Pietro Mascagi.

2. Taxi Driver

1976 was a fantastic year for movies. It was the year of “Rocky,” “All The President’s Men,” “Network,” and Taxi Driver, a nightmare depiction of 70’s New York as a decaying metropolis, seen through the eyes of a troubled Vietnam Vet who works nights as a Taxi Driver. De Niro plays Travis Bickle, the man who witnesses the sleaze of the decadent city as its worst, as the urge to lash out violently builds in a slow boil throughout the film. During the course of the film, Travis attempts to rescue a teenaged prostitute Iris (a young Jodie Foster ) from a sleazy pimp (Harvey Keitel), while he also tries to romance Betsy (Cybil Shepherd), a campaign worker for the handsome Senate candidate Charles Palantine, whose slogan is “Let The People Rule.” When Travis’ attempts to right the fallen world  go wrong, he unravels, and his rage builds to a bloody, violent conclusion. Impressionist camerawork and Bernard Hermann’s (of Hitchcock fame… notably “Psycho”) final score of his life makes  Travis’ world terrifying yet exhilarating, where things are bad, horrible even, yet you can’t look away.

Quentin Tarantino called this one of his top 5 films of all time, and it ain’t hard to see why. Here’s his comments on the film, as well as a famous scene from this classic.

1. Goodfellas

Goodfellas is an absolute masterpiece. An alternate title could be: “Everything you wanted to know (and probably more) on how to be a mobster, and how the mafia works.” This 1990 film, like Raging Bull, Taxi Driver, The Aviator, was a runner-up for Oscar, yet I think by now we can all agree it has more staying power than “Dances with Wolves.” Goodfellas has all the hallmarks of a Scorsese film and then some. Based on the book by Nicolas Pileggi (who also wrote “Casino”), the film portrays the rise and fall of real-life mobster Henry Hill, played by Ray Liotta, who admits in the opening frame that “all I ever wanted to do was be was a gangster.” Showing his rise in the Italian mob in the Queens area of New York, the film is the closest thing to a precursor to the greatest TV show of all time, The Sopranos. Yet as Henry achieves the success, prestige, and respect he’s always coveted ever since he was a boy, the party doesn’t last for long, as greed, anger, and recklessness leads to his and his entire crew’s downfall, including his buddies Jimmy Conaway (De Niro), Tommy (Joe Pesci), and boss Paul Cicero (Paul Sorvino).

There are tons of memorable moments, dramatic, comedic, and cinematic. Here’s both the classic “Funny how?” bit as well as perhaps the most famous long-take steadi-cam shot in film history, as Henry takes his future wife Karen (Lorraine Bracco) on their first date. We see the glamorous mobster world through her eyes, as he takes her through the kitchen of the Copa Cabana and is given a prime seat for a show by Henny Youngman. And of course, I haven’t even included the opening “explosion” shot of Henry as a kid, as well as a Rolling-Stones-scored “day from hell” montage in the second part of the film. Just go rent it if you haven’t yet. Or tune into the “Spike” channel… I think they play this film every three days or so.

]]> http://egotvonline.com/2010/02/03/the-ten-best-martin-scorsese-films/feed/ 2 http://egotvonline.com/2010/02/02/viral-video-of-the-day-kick-ass-extended-movie-trailer/ http://egotvonline.com/2010/02/02/viral-video-of-the-day-kick-ass-extended-movie-trailer/#comments Tue, 02 Feb 2010 23:30:28 +0000 Billy D http://egotvonline.com/?p=12292

McLovin’ as a Super Hero? You betcha! You know, I’ve been waiting a long time for a McLovin-Nicolas Cage  collaboration on a movie, and I’ve also been waiting a long time for a kids movie with a curse word in the title, and now, well, it seems it’s finally here! Here’s the HD trailer for the new movie “Kick Ass.” Enjoy today’s Viral Video of the Day!

Some call them modern-day prophets. Artists. Powerful voices of the generation. And when I say “some,” I mean 13-year-old fans, and themselves. The truth is, Kanye West and John Mayer, have been hugely popular modern-day musicians and public personalities… but are now revealing the magnitude of their douchbaggery. Not satisfied to merely happily take their celebrity, success,  — 90 percent of which is probably undeserved — say “thank you” and shut up, Kanye and John reached new heights of douchiness this year: Kanye, when he interrupted Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech at the MTV video awards to say she should not have won the award, and John Mayer, in a recent article full of ridiculous stream-of-consciousness-no-internal-filter-most-likely-weed-induced quotations in the most recent issue of Rolling Stone.

And yet, with these two gigantic, enormous examples of douchebags, it begs the question: Who’s the bigger douche? In order to determine the winner, let’s dissect their past statements, philosophical musings, and actions, to settle this once and for all. I now give you….

KANYE vs. JOHN MAYER

ON THEIR MUSIC

Kanye

• “My music isn’t just music- it’s medicine.”
• “I’m going to go down as a legend whether you like me or not. I am the new Jim Morrison. I am the new Kurt Cobain.”
• “I realize that my place in history is that I will go down as the voice of this generation, of this decade.”
• “The bible has 20, 30, 40, 50 people in it. You don’t think that I would be one of the characters of the modern bible?”

John Mayer

• “I don’t know if you know, but I’m not exactly Bob Dylan – I’m already a pop musician…I want to reach as many people as possible…I don’t mind compromising.”

Who’s the bigger douchebag?: TIE

Why? : Is it better to (incorrectly) think you’re music is the greatest thing since the invention of the wheel, or the polio vaccine, or the theory of relativity (which it’s not: Jay-Z and Mos Def and Talib Kwali kick Kanye’s ass, imho), or to be a knowing, deliberate, sell-out fame-whore? I still can’t tell. I’m actually inclined to think Kanye is the lesser of two evils, but I can’t say for sure because of the torrent of self-congratulatory douchiness he spews from his mouth… and that quote about the bible.

ON WOMEN

John Mayer

• “Aren’t we talking about a matrix of a couple of different things here? Like, you need to have them be able to go toe-to-toe with you intellectually. But don’t they also have to have a vagina you could pitch a tent on and just camp out on for, like, a weekend? Doesn’t that have to be there, too? The Joshua Tree of vaginas? …I’ll be happy when I close out this life-partner thing. Think of how much mental capacity I’m using to meet the right person so I can stop giving a fuck about it.”
• “All I want to do now is f**k the girls I’ve already f**ked, because I can’t fathom explaining myself to somebody who can’t believe I’d be interested in them,  and they’re going, ‘But you’re John Mayer!’ So I’m going backwards to move forward. I’m too freaked out to be with anyone else.”
• “I met a girl one time in Vegas. Her name was Dimples, and the ‘s’ in Dimples was a dollar sign. I have this weird feeling, a pride thing, for the people I’ve had relationships with. I still feel like I’m with them, in the sense that if I f**ked Dimples, what does that say about someone like Jen? I feel like it’s all connected. How could I ever cosmically relate these two people? What would I be saying to Jen, who I think is f**king fantastic, if I said to her, ‘I don’t dislike you. In fact, I like you extremely well. But I have to back out of this because it doesn’t arc over the horizon. This is not where I see myself for the rest of my life, this is not my ideal destiny,’ and then I see myself f**king Dimples? What does that say for my case?”
• Regarding Jennifer Aniston: “Breaking up with her was one of the worst times of my life. The way people were talking about it, you’d think I’d just burned the American flag. Like, no offense, but you don’t exactly have the Joshua Tree of vaginas.”
• On his inexplicable recent rejection by women: “Blowing me off is the new sucking me off.”

Kanye

• “I have liked big t*ts ever since I was a kid. I was breastfed for too long I think. It messed me up.”
• “I like sex but I like fashion too. How many girls have a hot body and great fashion sense too? The pursuit of p**** can see you in scary situations. A girl might say, ‘Oh he raped me.’ Then you’d have to fight to get your name back.”
• “Can’t we give Chris Brown a break? I knows I makes mistakes in life.”

Who’s the bigger douchebag? John Mayer

Why? : John Mayer hands down, because it seems his entire reason for living and being a musician was to screw as many women as possible, basing his inability to commit to Jen Aniston on the fact that she did not have “the Joshua Tree” of vaginas. That’s nice, insulting your ex’s vagina, one of America’s most beloved actresses, to the mass public without her being able to defend herself…. whereas Kanye isn’t interested in women so much as he is with himself. I think if Kanye could be asexual he would,  and he likes fashion a little bit too much for us to take his heterosexuality for granted. And his love for big breasts? Well, that doesn’t exactly make him unique. And being a Chris Brown apologist? Well… now he’s actually getting close to Mayer-territory here, but John  has such a higher volume of female-related douche quotes, he still wins.

ON SELF-LOVE

Kanye

• “We all self-conscious. I’m just the first to admit it.”
• “Come on now! How could you be me and want to be someone else?!”
• “I was definitely the best. I was the best new artist this year.  I don’t know if I’ll be back at this awards show next year.”
• Referring to his line of shoes: “When the red shoes hit the runway…I was forced to change my name to Martin Louis the King Jr. Address me as such.”

John Mayer

• “I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life. The phone doesn’t pick up because I’m masturbating. And I have excused myself at the oddest times so as to not make mistakes. If Tiger Woods only knew when to jerk off. It has a true market value, like gold bullion. First of all, I don’t jerk off because I’m horny. I’m sort of half-chick. It’s like District 9. I can fire alien weapons. I can insert a tampon. No, I do it because I want to take a brain bath. It’s like a hot whirlpool for my brain, in a brain space that is 100 percent agreeable with itself.”
• “Sometimes I wish that I was the weather, you’d bring me up in conversation forever. And when it rained, I’d be the talk of the day.”

Who’s the bigger douchebag?“: John Mayer

Why?: For admitting that “I don’t jerk off because I’m horny,” and for portraying it as some sort of intellectual exercise. And for being so desperate for attention,  he wants to be “the weather.”

ON HATERS

Kanye

• Read this.

John Mayer

• “What if I had a booth on the street and I said, ‘Attention, everybody who hates me: If you have a problem with me, I’m ready to hear your gripes! I will be outside the Barneys store on 60th Street from two to four this afternoon. [...]“How many people do you think would be standing there? I’m talking about people getting the chance to tell me directly, ‘I think you’re a douchebag.’ You know how many people would do it? Ze-ro.”

Who’s the bigger douche? Kanye.

Why? Again, the sheer volume reveals the douche-iness. John Mayer’s attempt to be “hard” is ridiculous enough, but Kanye’s caps-loc-laden rant on his own blog reveals the borderline psychotic, paranoid, dramatic idiot that he really is.

ON THE FACT THAT THEY ARE CONSIDERED DOUCHEBAGS

Kanye

• “In America, they want you to accomplish these great feats, to pull off these David Copperfield-type stunts. You want me to be great, but you don’t ever want me to say I’m great?”
• “Imagine being my publicist, how hard that’s gotta be?”

John Mayer

• “I went on the internet and I googled myself… and I kind of had to kind of put it all together at once, to realize, at the end of it all…I’m kind of a douchebag.”
• “Just read my Rolling Stone cover article. I’m still not sure if I would want to hang out with me… after 30 minutes of twirling my hair into a knot, I say “fuck it.” You can’t go wrong if you tell the truth.”

Who’s the bigger douchebag?: Kanye

Why?: At least John Mayer seems to realize the sad truth of his douchiness… though, tragically, he doesn’t seem to be able to do anything about it. Since the three years since his first admission of douchebaggery in 2007, the douchiness has only increased, many times over.

ON… HUH?

Kanye

• Michael Jackson, amazing. Michael Phelps, amazing. O.J Simpson, amazing… Is he not, what he did, was he not amazing though…

John Mayer

• “Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you’re really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I’ve got a few missing. It’s ok though, because I’ve got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8-color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation.. so when I meet someone who’s an 8-color type.. I’m like, “hey girl, magenta!” and she’s like, “oh, you mean purple!” and she goes off on her purple thing, and I’m like, “no -- I want magenta!””

Who’s the bigger douchebag?: Kanye

Why?: O.J. defense beats out pretentious rambling metaphors… but just barely.

… and the winner of the biggest douchebag award is…..

Kanye by a hair! 3-2. Congrats, John Mayer, you’re only the second-biggest douchebag in pop culture. To confirm my conclusion, I give you the President of the United States to back me up:

1) Bad Facebook Advertisements (Uncoached)

2) Man Attempts To Rob Gas Station With A Fork (Guyism)

3) Definitely The Best T-Shirt Of The Week (Unreality)

4) Hot Girls Playing In Sand (Muffslap)

5) Odds For Who Will Land On The Cover Of Sports Illustrated’s Swimsuit Issue (YepYep)

1) Lindsay Lohan Won’t Let Fat People Help Haiti (Anything Hollywood)

2) Hot Tub Time Machine Movie: Yes, It’s a Real Movie (Big Smudge)

3) Models Falling On The Runway (Uncoached)

4) 10 Must-Have Bachelor Foods (Frigginrandom)

5) The Totally Awesome Marvin Malton 160 Watch (Askmen)

Sometimes going to the gym just isn’t in the cards. You have so many other errands, chores and obligations. And did we mention, it’s cold outside? If only you could have a personal trainer at home.. But, of course, you can’t afford that kind of luxury. Or could you?

Introducing Your Shape. It’s a completely customized workout for the Nintendo Wii. There are over 400 workouts to choose from that are tailored to your level and needs. And with actress Jenny McCarthy acting as your workout buddy and guide, you’ll never get bored or lose motivation.We talked to Your Shape fitness expert, Laurel House, about how to get fit and fab with this awesome program. We’re thinking it’s time to cancel that pricey gym membership.

HOW IS YOUR SHAPE DIFFERENT FROM OTHER EXERCISE PROGRAMS?

Your Shape isn’t just a game or another workout program. Your Shape promotes a fitness lifestyle. Unlike other fitness “games.” Your Shape doesn’t use hand-operated controllers, allowing you to exercise freely; more like a real exercise class.  And because there are over 400 completely personalized workouts,  you’ll never get bored. The workout routines change based on your specific short and long term goals, energy level, and mood. Each time you exercise you can challenge your muscles in different ways, so you really can replace your old fitness regimen.

HOW DOES THE YOUR SHAPE CAMERA WORK?

The Your Shape camera simply plugs into the Wii and projects your image onto the TV. The camera detects your body and tracks your moves. The technology is so advanced that the camera can tell whether or not you’re doing the moves correctly and the game is able to give you suggestions on how to improve your position in order to minimize your risk of injury and make every move most effective.

IN YOUR SHAPE, JENNY MCCARTHY ACTS AS THE PLAYER’S WORKOUT BUDDY AND GUIDE. WHAT KIND OF THINGS DOES JENNY MCCARTHY DO TO KEEP THE PLAYER MOTIVATED AND HAVING FUN?

Having Jenny working out next to you is almost motivation enough. I mean really, if you’re feeling unmotivated and have the inclination to quit, take a look at Jenny’s body and think, “hmm, maybe I will work out just a bit longer so that I can start to perfect my shape too.” But more than just being there beside you, Jenny says things like “great job!” , “I admire your dedication” and “amazing!”

WHO IS YOUR SHAPE IDEAL FOR?

Really, anyone can do Your Shape. The game puts you through a comprehensive fitness assessment before beginning the program (just as a trainer would do during your first session), so it knows your fitness level and helps you to improve from there. Young, old, pregnant, mom, sedentary, Your Shape is for everyone.

WHAT ARE YOUR TOP THREE FITNESS TIPS FOR BEGINNERS?

1. Set realistic and attainable long term goals such as losing 10 pounds, fitting into your skinny jeans, or running a marathon in a year.

2. Set realistic short term goals that support the long term goals. Short term goals are a great way to experience a lot of little success, keeping you motivated and engaged. They’re like stepping stones along the path to your long term goal.

3. Remember that a fitness program needs to go hand-in-hand with a healthy diet. Just because you burned 350 calories during a workout doesn’t mean that you’ve earned an entire pizza or you should “reward” yourself with an extra large slice of cake. The calories don’t balance out and you could end up gaining weight instead of losing it. It’s a very common mistake that even experienced exercisers fall prey to.

In December, amidst the wintry snow-drifts of Indianapolis, baseball held its winter meetings. What are the winter meetings, you say? It’s where all the major league GMs, agents, and others gather to wheel, deal, sign and scour the market for the hottest off-season pickups. Moreover, a baseball trade show occurs there, as well as many job interviews, as many ex-players, recent college grads, and others look to sweet-talk executives into giving them their dream jobs.

Most of the deals take place in the GM’s suites, where they and their statisticians, scouts, and consiglieres huddle together, look at their budgets, rosters, and probably the hotel mini-bar, to figure out how best to compete in 2010. So if you’re looking to get a jump-start on your fantasy draft notes, check out all the action that’s gone on this winter.

Yanks-Tigers-D-Backs Three-way

This three way trade was good deal for all involved. The Yankees acquired the 5-tool outfielder Curtis Granderson, adding some much-needed youth to their outfield. Add that to the fact that the left-handed Granderson could make great use of the short porch in right field of Yankee Stadium, and he’s probably in for his best season yet. He’s also going to be the 11th highest paid player on the team, so that’s quite a bargain.  However, they did deal their best minor league prospect, Austin Jackson, and Phil Coke, a decent middle reliever, to the Tigers, who also acquired promising young pitcher Max Scherzer and Danny Schlereth, another hard-throwing lefty reliever, so the Tigers freed up some cash and got more young players. Arizona got Edwin Jackson from Detroit to help their disappointing pitching performance from last year, as well as Ian Kennedy from the Yankees. The only loser here? Johnny Damon. Granderson is essentially a younger, faster, better fielding Damon  (but with a lower BA). the Yankees also signed left-handed 1B and DH Nick Johnson. The Yanks fans might like Damon, but they sure don’t need him anymore, and certainly not for what he wants to be paid.

Yanks Re-Sign Andy Pettite

No big deal here. Expect similar decent numbers from the 37-year-old workhorse in the win category, but with an ERA over 4, thanks to age and a hitter-friendly Yankee Stadium.

Randy Wolf Signs with the Brewers

Did the Brewers over-pay for the 33-year-old Randy Wolf? Probably, but they needed to, as the offensively-minded Brewers had some of the worst pitching in the majors last year. Wolf was occasionally brilliant but inconsistent in Los Angeles, posting a low 3.23 ERA last year, but in a better-hitting division and more hitter-friendly ballpark, the 30-million-dollar acquisition of a 33-year old seems a bit expensive for results that are far from guaranteed.

Baltimore trades for Kevin Millwood

Good move by Baltimore. An innings-eating solid starting pitcher with experience pitching in the tough American League is exactly what they need. The problem? In a division that includes the Yankees, Rays, and Red Sox, they need more of it. They also acquired Mike Gonzalez to fill in their closer role… another improvement. Sure, they may not be able to defeat their division rival heavyweights, but at least they’re making good moves.

Texas Rangers Sign Rich Harden

Hard to gauge anything about Rich Harden. First, is he going to be able to stay healthy? And if he does, how many innings can he give you? Will he be dominant, posting a ERA in the low-2’s as he has in the past, or disappoint like last year, when he posted a 4.09 ERA with the cursed Cubs?

Astros Acquire Brandon Lyon and Matt Lidstrom

15 million for Brandon Lyon? The guy who lost the closer job in Detroit at the start of the season last year? Sure, he rebounded and pitched fairly well in the set-up role, but with the Astros getting Lyon and the disaster-prone Lidstrom to replace Jose Valverde and Latroy Hawkins… Oy, not so great.

The Astros also acquired decent hitting 3rd baseman Pedro Feliz for $4.5 million, but with an aging lineup, it’s gonna be hard for them to rebound.

Mets Offer Jason Bay 65 Million for 4 Years

The Mets seem to have outbid the Red Sox for Jason Bay, though there’s no final word as of yet. Jason Bay would certainly be a boost for the Mets, who can only hope that he, like all of their star players, don’t get injured next year.

They’ve also apparently signed veteran catcher Bengie Molina, who is widely know for being the worst hitter to hit cleanup last year for the Giants. Maybe an improvement, but this being my beloved Mets, I’m sure these moves wil somehow turn out to be disasters. I’m so optimistic, aren’t I?

Rafael Soriano To The Tampa Bay Rays

Big move for the Rays, who have stuck to a revolving-door closer role for the past few years. Soriano was lights out last year, posting 27 saves, lots of K’s, and a tiny WHIP, and should give the Rays some  worry-free ninth innings. Good move for the Rays.

Brad Penny signs with the Cardinals

The Cardinals, who still hope to reclaim Matt Holiday, have gone ahead and added pitching enigma Brad Penny, who was terrible in Boston last year, before being brilliant in San Francisco after he was traded. One thing the Cards have to help is pitching coach extraordinaire Dave Duncan, who is the guy to bring out the best in any pitcher. Penny might not be an ace like new teammates Carpenter and Wainright, but he could be a solid mid-to-bottom of the rotation guy.

White Sox Get Juan Pierre and pay J.J. Putz 3 Million Dollars — Huh?

What is going on with the White Sox? They acquire mediocre Alex Rios for 60 Million from the Jays last year, and now they pay 3 million for a guy who used to be a good closer 3 years ago but who now is terrible and who’s coming off shoulder surgery,  and they get veteran Juan Pierre, who, while fast, has a lifetime OBP of .348… no great shakes for a lead-off guy.

John Lackey Signs With Boston

5 Years, 82.5 million. Wow. The Red Sox Rotation is now probably the best and deepest in baseball. Becket, Lester, Matsuzaka, Clay Buchholz/Time Wakefield, and now Lackey. Whoo! If the Red Sox also somehow manage to get Adrian Gonzalez from San Diego, which they’re trying to do, they should be able to give the Yankees a run for their money.

The Red Sox have also apparently gone out to get veteran mediocre-hitter and decent outfielder Mike Cameron, and traded back-up first baseman Casey Kotchman to the Mariners for Bill Hall, and also traded for Boof Bonser, a mediocre pitcher coming off shoulder surgery, whom they apparently see potential in.

Mariners Rule The Offseason: Cliff Lee, Chone Figgins, others

Figgins and Ichiro at the top of a lineup? that’s one speedy, explosive duo of table-setters. Look for Franklin Guittierrez (whose contract they just extended — a great move)  and co. to surprise and finish at the top of the AL West this year, if King Felix and the rest of the rotation can hang.

Angels Sign Hideki Matsui for One Year, 6.5 Million Dollar Deal

Not looking good for the Angels. They lose Lackey and Figgins, and get a guy who can hit okay but can’t run or field. Expect the Angels’ dominance in the AL West to wane this year to the up and coming Mariners and Rangers.

The Cubs, Oh Dear, The Cubs (and Milton Bradley)

Last year, the Cubs Spent 30 Million Dollars on crybaby slugger Milton Bradley. He responded in Chicago by throwing a live ball into the stands, hitting .257 (after hitting .321 in Texas), and throwing so many tantrums the Cubs sent him home 2 weeks early. The Cubs dislike Bradley so much now that they traded him this offseason to the Mariners for the horrible Carlos Silva, who posted a god-awful 6.46 ERA in 2008 and 8.40 in 8 games (he was hurt a lot of the year) in 2009.  What’s more? Silva is actually owed more than Bradley on their respective contracts. Wow, as if the Cubbies couldn’t sink any lower. What’s in the water there in Chi-town?

Oh, and of course, the Phillies won the Roy Halladay sweepstakes before the meetings, but you already knew that.

Other moves include the Nats signing Jason Marquis, coming off his best year ever with the Rockies, Coco Crisp signing with the A’s, Scott Podsednik to the Royals, I’m sure I’m missing some, but keep an eye and an ear out till spring!

Unless you’re a Cubs fan. Then, just cover your eyes and ears and go to the beach.

Remember, fantasy baseball isn’t a game, it’s a way of life!

1. P90X Workout Program Will Get You Ripped in 90 Days (Just A Guy Thing)

2. 10 Most Valuable Sports Franchises (Moondog Sports)

3. 25 Hot Trekkies (Holy Taco)

4. 141 Best “Guess” Print Ads (Guyism)

5. 10 of History’s Unknown Badasses (Made Man)

1) Peaches Geldoff

“They’re my new addiction,” said twenty-year-old writer, broadcaster, and socialite Peaches Geldoff. And she wasn’t lying. At twenty years old, she already has — count ‘em — twenty tattoos, most of which are dedicated to ex-boyfriends, friends, and her estranged husband Max Drummey. I shudder at what she might look like at age 60. The tats are:

• A “Daisy Chain” which stretches from her knee to her chest
• “Ex Valentine” around the top of her left arm (a reference to ‘Horrors’ frontman Faris Badwan)
• Another reference to Badwan is an open book with a noose hanging over the page. ‘It’s to symbolize me being owned by him,’ she once said. Yikes.
• On her back are four lines of lyrics from Nick Cave’s song “Into My Arms,” which she had tattooed as a tribute to ex-rock star boyfriend Frederick Macpherson.
• Doves above her hips
• An ace of spades on her right hand.
• Angel wings
• A unicorn on her left thigh
• Initials of her best friend, in a ’secret place.’
• The name of friend Fifi Brown on her right ankle.
• ‘Max’ on her left wrist
• The letter ‘P’ on her neck accompanied by angel wings and bow.
• A line drawing of a heart on her right forearm
• A line drawing of a broken heart on her left arm.
• The name ‘Jordan Bunney Kinney’, a musician under her left arm.
• A heart on her right buttock.
• Rosary beads and a crucifix on her left forearm
• A snake on her left shin.

2) Danica Patrick

Danica the speed freak has one notable tattoo:

• A half-American flag and half-checkered flag.
• She also has a couple new ones, which she says are “some angel wings and stars and some stuff.”

3) Alyssa Milano

Alyssa Milano’s vast tattoo collection is very much tied to religion. Here are some symbols to be found on that bodacious bod:

• Rosary beads on her right shoulder blade.
• A variation of the Buddhist symbol for HUM, which can be interpreted as a symbol for depth of wisdom and unity, is on her neck.
• Another Buddhist symbol OM on her left wrist which  symbolizes the essence of the universe.
• The right wrist contains a tattoo of an ouroboros, a snake biting it’s own tale that represents the circular flow of things including death and rebirth.
• She has an angel on her left ankle
• She has the initials of an ex-boyfriend on the same ankle.
• She has a wrap-around chain of roses, rose petals, and green leaves on her right ankle.
• She has another kneeling fairy with grass and flowers on her lower stomach.
• She has a sacred heart (a symbol for life and love) on her lower back.

4) Drew Barrymore

Drew’s no slouch when it comes ot tattoos. Like Alyssa Milano, she was a child star, and like Alyssa, she’s not shy about getting permanent body art to mark her life’s journey. The tattoos are on Drew:

• Hip – Drew’s hip tattoo is of a bouquet of flowers, on her left side.
  
• Stomach – The tattoo on Drew’s stomach is of a butterfly, and it is perhaps her most well known tattoo. Done in simple black, it helps to accentuate her curves.
  
• Toe – The smallest of Drew Barrymore’s tattoos is on her toe, a small black crescent moon.
  
• Lower Right Leg – Cross tattoos are extremely popular, and Drew’s version is unique – it is a cross done in a very stylized way, along with vines surrounding the image.
  
• Lower Back – this is the location of two angels – one with Drew’s mother’s name, “Jaid”, and one with her former boyfriend’s name tattooed underneath.

5) Cheryl Cole

For those of you Yanks who aren’t familiar, Cheryl Cole is a British singer and member of the band Girls Aloud. In 2008, Cole became a judge on the British reality TV show The X Factor. She’s also a WAG, married to the Chelsea and England football player Ashley Cole. Cole was voted “World’s Sexiest Woman 2009″ by the readers of men’s magazine FHM.

Cheryl has a few tattoos, but is getting one removed with laser surgery: A treble clef and vine wrapped around her leg. She claims she’s outgrown it and that it no longer fits her image (although she is a musician… hmmm).

Along with her leg tattoo she has:

• a Polynesian Maori piece on her hand
• a tribal butterfly on her lower back
• un unknown (unfortunately) piece on her bum.

For more celeb tattoos on Egotv, check out Part 1 and Part 2!

Ever wondered  your sister/girlfriend/mom/grand-aunt just aren’t as into video games as you are? Daniel Floyd gives us an animated video to explain why the gaming industry is so, well, unexciting to the female gender, and what gaming companies can and are doing to tap that untapped market!

Check out Unreality Magazine’s video, learn, and get in touch with you feminine side. Play on!

Not much survived this week’s devastating earthquake in Haiti… We all wonder what it must have been like, especially those of us who have never lived through and real-life earthquake. How could the ground moving up and down a few times cause such widespread destruction? Well, one surveillance video seemed to have made it out of the rubble and on “the youtube.” Check out this rollercoaster.

You can donate 10$ to help Haiti by texting “Hait” to the number 90999. Please help out and have a great weekend!

1) What if Spam Ruled The World? (Muffslap)

2) Mail-Order Brides Who Look Like Celebrities (Uncoached)

3) Girls Are Bad At Sound Effects (College Humor)

4) 42 Fears and Phobias Guys Should Never Admit To Having (The Bachelor Guy)

5) Worst Goalkeeper Ever (Manolith)

I don’t know who this guy is, but I’m sure it’s how he’d like to be remembered.

Better than the original?

You knew there was going to be a Hello Kitty in here.

Good thing they established that perimeter to protect pedestrians.

Awwwwwwww. Email this to a girl you like and she’ll love you long time.

Henry Winkler modeled for this.

Shark Car…. Yep. It’s a shark car.

Dirty-road-slush Buddha! Now that’s holy.

Don’t let this guy intimidate you, he’s a big softie! Waaa waaa waaaaa……

These guys are named Xi-Yang Yang, apparently they have a cartoon show in China. They look like a deranged version of “The Honeymooners.”

Well, at least the Chinese are just as immature as we are!

Snow-Mao!

I’m melting! I’m melting!

Hot… I mean, cold… Are those real?

Aliens leave the darndest things in Chinese snow.

In case you’re walking by and can’t make it to a coffeeshop.

I still can’t tell if there is a real car underneath this or not.

The title of this post pretty much says it all. Aziz Ansari, of “Parks & Recreation” and “Funny People” fame, was on Jimmy Kimmel last night to recount and act out the R. Kelly concert he attended. So funny, even Kate Walsh Walsh looked amused.

With the raging internal war going on between Jay Leno, Conan O’Brien, and NBC, funnyordie.com has managed to somehow get its hands on the voicemails on Conan’s answering machine from NBC CEO, Jeff Zucker. The messages reveal several interesting compromises to the month-long feud. Personally, I’d like to see some of the proposals in action myself.

Check it out!

Today we give you, well, the weirdest f-ing sh$% we’ve ever f^$%ing seen, y’all! If you are not disturbed, transformed, enlightened, or strangely aroused (you perv), then there is something wrong with you. Enjoy, and don’t say I didn’t warn you!

1. Best Man FAIL (Frigginrandom)

2. Woman Fired For Showing Off Breast Implants at Work (Guysim)

3. What You Need In Your Home Bar (Made Man)

4. 10 Reasons Why That Girl Hates Your Guts (Just A Guy Thing)

5. Fat Guys With Hot Chicks (Manofest)

“Fighters would hit me in the jaw and I’d just look at them. You couldn’t knock me out,” — Joe Rollino.

Joe Rollino’s life was truly badass. Claiming he was “born strong,” Rollino was a a lifetime boxer and was part of the Oldetime Barbell and Strongmen Association, an organization of men composed of, well, old-time strongmen. He was also an athletic and life mentor to hundreds of young New York kids and fellow boxers, who worshipped him as a real “athlete’s athlete.”

On Monday, Rollino was hit by a minivan when crossing the Bay Ridge Parkway in Brooklyn during his routine morning walk. The driver was going the speed limit and was not drunk, apparently, and Rollino was struck 40 feet from the nearest crosswalk. He died a few hours later at the ripe old age of 104 (he was to turn 105 on March 19).

A sad end to a great life. Now why was Rollino such a bad-ass? Here’s a few points on interest:

At the height of his career, he was only 5′ 5″ and weighed between 125 and 150 pounds.

And yet…

• He once lifted 3,200 pounds over his head with his back on Coney Island in its hey-day in the 1920’s.

• He  once lifted 475 pounds… with his teeth.

• He once lifted 635 pounds… with one finger.

• He hobnobbed with Harry Houdini, Mario Lanza, and saw Jack Dempsey knock out Jess Willard.

• He had a bit part in the classic film “On The Waterfront.”

• He was a decorated World War II veteran.

• After the war, he later made a living as a traveling boxer under the name Kid Dundee and fought in armories in cities around the country where boxing was forbidden.

• He was a vegetarian for life, didn’t drink or smoke, and exercised every day.

• On a 6-degree day in January 1974, Mr. Rollino and six other members of the Iceberg Athletic Club swam into the waters off Coney Island.

• At Rollino’s birthday party in 2008, Retired NYPD detective Arthur Perry said, ” “It was astonishing, how he was smiled upon by nature… If you would’ve said to me he was 80, I’d have said he looked younger.”

• At that birthday party, he bent a quarter between his fingers. In his prime, he used to be able to bend a dime.

RIP Joe. You put all us pansy whisppersnappers to shame!

//

Did you already forget the movies you saw? Well 1 year, 342 movies, and 12 months of cinema is cut down to 7 minutes. All the coolest shots, most gorgeous ingenues, cutest kids, baddest villains, and coolest movie cars edited together by ambitious editor Kees Von Dijkhuizen. Enjoy!

Man, if only I’d bought stock in_______ way back in _____, I’d be a millionaire…How many times have you, your parents, or someone you know, uttered these words? Hey, this is America, how else are we going to profit? By working for a living?

Well, since the decade just ended, I thought it’d be time to look at some of the companies you wish you’d bought back in 2000.

1) Medifast (MED)

Medifast develops, manufactures, and markets health and diet products under its Medifast brand name. The products, which are manufactured by Medifast subsidiary Jason Pharmaceuticals, include food and beverages (meal replacement shakes, bars), as well as disease management products for diabetics. They market online, through doctors’ offices, and through independent sales reps (who are usually successful Medifast customers themselves). In 2000, the stock was at $0.19. At the end of ‘09, the price was $30.58. That’s a return of  16,029%. Apparently, people have confidence in doctor -approved food.

2) Green Mountain Coffee Roasters (GMCR)

People love good coffee, but Starbucks was already a behemoth when the decade began. The most successful coffee company in the aughts was Green Mountain Coffee Roasters. It’s is recognized as a leader in the specialty coffee industry for its award-winning coffees, innovative brewing technology and socially responsible business practices. GMCR maintains two business units: the Specialty Coffee Business Unit, which includes the Green Mountain Coffee and Tully’s Coffee brands, and the Keurig Business Unit. Keurig sells its single-cup brewers in domestic wholesale and retail markets and directly to end consumers. So what do fancy gourmet coffee, single-cup brewer, and good business citizens awards get you? A 9,210% return (0.88 to 81.47) if you’d invested January 1, 2000. Suck it, Starbucks!

3) Hansen Naturals (HANS)

In the 1930’s, Hubert Hansen and his three sons began selling fresh, non-pasteurized juices to film studios and retailers in Southern California under the Hansen’s name. In the 1970’s, Tim Hansen, the grandson of Hubert, developed and marketed a variety of Natural sodas and pasteurized shelf stable, 100% juices. I guess companies may come and go, but juice is eternal. They recently put out “Monster” brand-name energy drinks, and the stock went from 0.54 in 2000 to 38.40 as of January 1st, an increase of 7,023%.

4) Bally Technologies Inc. (BYI)

You might know Bally’s as the fitness company constantly advertising on your TV, but did you know Bally was originally a maker of pinball machines and slot machines? Only later, much after its inception in 1932, did it start doing workout gyms and resorts.

Still, a return to its gambling roots has caused the stock to enjoy incredible success over the last decade. Acquisitions of such companies as Casino Marketplace, MindPlay and Advanced Casino Systems Corporation (ACSC) have allowed the Bally Systems division to dominate the rapidly expanding slot accounting market. In 2004, Bally acquired Sierra Design Group (SDG), a Reno, Nevada developer of gaming devices and systems, primarily for the expanding Class II Native American and government-run central-determination video lottery businesses. In 2008, Bally Technologies acquired CoolSign, a multi-media management tool, from Planar. And, in 2009, the Company’s iVIEW Display Manager, won Casino Journal Magazine’s Platinum Award for the “Top 20 Most Innovative Gaming Technology Products of 2008.”

The result? Bally went from 0.68 to 41.29 over the past 10 years. An increase of 5,974 %. Cha-ching!

5) Southwestern Energy (SWN)

Well, you know there had to be an energy company in here somewhere. Southwestern Energy drills for both crude oil and natural gas. With today’s wariness about carbon emissions, natural gas, which is much cleaner than crude oil, is a hot commodity.

Fortunately for Southwestern Energy, they pretty much “struck gold” this decade… and by gold, I mean natural gas, when they discovered and bought about a million acres of land in Arkansas above what is known as the Fayetteville Shale — an enormous deposit of natural gas — in 2003. By July 2009, Southwestern Energy’s gross operated production exceeded 1 Bcf per day from the Fayetteville Shale play. For those of you who aren’t experts in gas drilling… that’s a lot.

The stock followed suit, going from 0.82 to 48.20 in the past ten years.

What will be the biggest gainers in the next decade? If you know, tell me. If this list is any indication, look for the cheap stuff — the  penny stocks — with good management, that are ready to break out!

For the rest of the list of the top 40 stocks of the last decade, click here.

This week’s Girl 2 Watch is Erin Cummings. Cummings is a native of Huntsville Texas, and went to the high school on which the film “Dazed And Confused” is about. She’s currently on the upcoming Starz series “Spartacus: Blood and Sand,” on which she plays Sura, Spartacus’ (hot) wife:

For more info, fun facts, biographical details and pictures of Erin, check out Girl2Watch!

Have any of you bought Phil Mickelson’s Instructional Video? In it, he teaches how to lose major championships due to incredibly dumb “Tin Cup” types of Machismo golf shots. Also, he teaches us how to hit those incredibly awesome “Tin Cup” machismo shots. Save it for the vids, Phil! Here’s how to hit a shot backwards over your head. However, you know that if you tried this, you’d probably kill someone.

Ever wonder what the world would be like if Marijuana finally became legal? Out friends at Guysim peered into their crystal balls, and found 20 such results. Here’s a few tidbits:

1) Honey Baked Hams changes its slogan to “Dude, we should get a ham. Like a whole ham. Totally.”

2) Little Debbie will be voted first female President of the United States - The first time a president has ever been elected for their propensity for appeasing the masses with her affordable, yet delicious baked snack cakes.

3) People will start eating Dominoes pizza again - That’s right. People will forget about how terribly atrocious the food at Dominoes Pizza is because of their own overwhelming urge of not wanting to leave their domicile to procure sustenance. That’s right, people will start eating the worst food in the history of the world simply because they don’t want to leave their house . It’ll be like anti-Darwinism for food, except their will be more Noid than your probably comfortable with.

4) Youtube searches for “cute” and “nut shot” will cripple the internet - Sneezing Panda video will jump to over 150 million views and earn him a post on President Debbie’s cabinet as Secretary of Eating Bamboo and Maulings. Humans will giggle, as bears lie in wait for their eventual coup d’etat.

For the rest of the Top 20, check out Guysim!

Ever wonder what Modern Warfare  can teach you about life? Well, not life, per se, but, maybe guns, bombs, drugs, and killing. Heck, maybe some life lessons, too.

For the full list, check out Unrealitymag.com!

So, you’re not a professional athlete. This, as you know, sucks. But think of the upside: Sure you’ll never bang a Victoria’s Secret model, but you’ll never have a chance to embarrass yourself in from of millions of people, either.

In 2009, perhaps the most boneheaded play was this gem from the Redskins against the Giants on December 21st:

In light of the Redskins’ “creativity,” we thought we’d make you all feel better by showing professionals doing really, really stupid things.

Here’s the Detroit Lions being… well, the Detroit Lions.

Here’s the “worst play action ever.”

The legendary Leon Lett:

and again…

A misguided celebration:

A premature celebration from Deshaun Jackson:

An almost-disaster, in the playoffs, no less:

Wrong Way!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IBkQoXNvbA&feature=related

And finally… Ted Ginn Jr.

Did I leave out any of your favorites? Link to them below!

Good: Mariah Carey recently won an award for best supporting actress.

Bad: Giving an acceptance speech while wasted.

Ah well, made for great you-tubing!

1) 20 Things Worth Knowing About Beer (Uncoached)

2) Hidden Symbolism (Frigginrandom)

3) Why We Don’t Stick Our Genitals In A Metal Pipe (Guysim)

4) Megan Fox Stupidly Promotes Bogus Vinegar Diet (Lemon Drop)

5) Hottest NFL Wildcard Weekend WAGS (Manofest)

NSFW? Wtf does that mean? Well, in case you’ve never worked in an office, cursing your “Office Space” type of existence, it means “Not Safe For Work.” You know, in case your company monitors your internet use, or you happen to have stick-in-the-mud managers pacing the floor behind you. So without further adieu, here are 5 of the best NSFW sites. Oh, and all porn sites are NSFW, so those will be excluded (kind of) from the list.

By the way, if you’re at work, don’t open these links. Duh.

Ah well, you’ll probably do it anyway.

1) Fleshbot.com — is to porn what Rolling Stone is to music. Complete with pictures, surveys on favorite stars, porn reviews, all you could want to know about the world of porn… and perhaps more than that.

2) Cannabis.com — Um, pretty self-explanatory. Answers to your questions, product reviews, etc… after visiting this site, you’ll know more about Mary Jane than Cheech and Chong.

3) Literotica — Reading for pleasure on the job is a big no no. Reading erotic literature is also a no-no, but may get you in good with the perpetually-single receptionist at work.

4) Nothing Toxic – Real violent fights, accidents, and other bad behavior caught on tape. Oh, and some nudity, too. Basically anything tawdry, you’ll find here.

5) tinynibbles.com — Useful tidbits from sex-positive-tech-futurist Violet Blue. Hey, boss, she works from the San Francisco Chronicle! This is educational! Maybe, but not on the job.

Did we miss any? Let us know your own favs in the Comments section!

1) Go For A Walk or Hike

Nearly every city or town has a scenic place where people can go walk or hike. Not only does it get the blood flowing, releasing endorphins in your date’s head while she’s with you, but it also shows you to be an athletic, fun guy… which translates to her mind as good in the sack. A beach-side walk or a hillside hike will also yield spectacular views, romantic settings ripe for a romantic kiss. Just make sure you don’t sweat all over her.

2) Fro-Yo!

Here’s a secret. Girls love frozen yogurt. Okay, judging from the line outside Pinkberry, it’s not that much of a secret. A great after-work or after-dinner snack, frozen yogurt will satisfy her sweet tooth, touching on the same pleasure centers as love and arousal, all while costing you far less than a full dinner out at some shi-shi restaurant.

3) Pool Halls

Do you ever run into the problem of not having enough interesting things to say on a date? Well, problem solved. If you’re playing a game, not only does it give you a topic to concentrate on, but it also gives you a lot of flirtation “ins” such as making fun of your date’s pool form (casually teasing is a great first date technique, and sucking at pool is a harmless thing to make fun of her for), while also giving her ample opportunity to bend over in your purview. Also, if you happen to be great at pool, this is a great way for you to show off. Just make sure she isn’t better than you… If she wins, it doesn’t speak well to your masculinity. Maybe she’ll take pity.

4) Get Some Culture

Go to a museum. The benefits here are obvious: Many museums are free or relatively cheap, and all the art and sculpture give your date a chance to realize how smart, cultured, and sophisticated you are…. or, if you’re not, you’ll at least seem interested in learning how to be smart, cultured, and sophisticated. Plus, a lot of highbrow art depicts contains a lot of nudity, sex, and war to get the blood boiling. Just stay out of the Medieval Jesus-only art section.

5) Cook

What date wouldn’t be impressed by a dinner you cooked yourself? Better yet, make it a shared activity and cook together. If you don’t know your way around the kitchen, the meal needn’t be fancy. For instance, you could make your own pizzas or an inexpensive pasta dish, or cozy up together to roast hot dogs and marshmallows in your fireplace. Or, just buy “cooking for dummies.” The upside of this strategy is that she’s already in your apartment or house, so you needn’t worry about asking her “inside,” and you guys can playfully banter back and forth as you make egg rolls or toss a salad… literally, you perv.

Today’s Viral Video of the day comes courtesy of Fail Blog. The video shows a bystander witnessing a crime committed by two petty thieves, who then try to escape via scooter. The heroic bystander then uses the only weapon he has handy to thwart the two scooter-thieves and save the day!

Here are the day’s hotlinks! Comedy, Sports, and an interview with model Amy Weigman.

1) Top 10 Players You’ll Know in 2010 (Askmen)

2) Randy Couture: Divorce Attorney (Big smudge)

3) Animal Attaction (college humor)

4) Why Avatar Will Not Dethrone Titanic (Manolith)

5) Model Amy Weigman interview (Muffslap)

This week, despite their downward-spiraling economy, the Middle-Eastern city-state of Dubai opened the tallest skyscraper on earth. Formerly known as Burj Dubai, the building is know called the Burj Khalifa in honor of Sheik Khalifa of Abu Dhabi, who has recently had to bail out Dubai after the city’s financial collapse. Now that’s an expensive naming-rights deal.

Hopefully, this kick-ass behemoth will reinvigorate the place! Here’s some cool stats the tower:

How tall is it?

- 2,717 feet

How much taller is it than the next tallest building?

- over 1,000 feet! The Taipei 101 is a mere 1,667 feet tall.

How far can you see from the top?

- 60 miles

The view from the top!

What types of functions and rooms does it provide?

- nightclubs, mosques, luxury suites and corporate boardrooms

How much did it cost?

- 1.5 billion dollars (insert Dr. Evil pinkie-to-lips movement here)

How long did it take to build?

- 5 years

How many square feet?

- 6 million

How big is the occupancy?

- 12,000 people

I hope there’s elevators?

- Oh yeah. 54 of them, each capable of hitting 40 miles per hour.

Who designed it?

- Skidmore, Owings & Merrill in Chicago

How can I rent space there?

- Call the developer, Emaar Properties

Did anyone die building the Burj?

- 3 workers

What are some of its unique features?

- The first ever Armani Hotel

- The highest swimming pool on earth (the 76th floor rooftop)

- The world’s highest observation deck (124th floor)

- The world’s highest mosque (158th floor!… close to Allah)

Check out the opening ceremonies:

This week’s international babe is none other than Natali Thanou. She’s the hottest Greek singer around right now. In fact, she just might be the hottest singer, period.

For the rest of her picture gallery, check out Double Viking today, or if you’re actually interested in her music, here’s her website.

Happy hump-day!

10) Gummi Bears

Bouncing here and there and everywhere… What’s cooler than a bunch of fa furry bears getting drunk on gummiberry juice? If it takes place in medieval times, and the bears dress in funny outfits. Yes, fitting into the “drunk pets” category of cartoons, the Gummi Bears, when high on “gummiberry juice” have magical powers… like the power of bounciness. But their secret stash is sought-after by the evil Duke Igthom, a renegade noble, who seeks to obtain the gummijuice to acquire superhuman strength and to power machinery in order to take over Dunwyn castle, which the gummiberry juice apparently does.

The gummies of the Gummi gang are (per wikipedia):

• Gruffi Gummi (Bill Scott (Season 1), Corey Burton (Seasons 2-6)) – The no-nonsense, perfectionist and conservative every-job-Gummi. He is the technician of the group, and has a running feud with Grammi; their banter suggests that he is very conscious about his height. Gruffi also can be viewed as the de facto leader of Gummi Glen. His stubbornness, conservatism and use of pure muscle could be counterproductive to the Gummis at times, but beneficial other times. However, Gruffi is respected as a source of stability with his practical nature that saved the day numerous times, such as convincing Zummi he could defeat an evil wizard without magic, or rebuilding an old mechanical knight to help Princess Calla save her father.
• Zummi Gummi (Paul Winchell (Seasons 1–5), Jim Cummings (Season 6)) – The colony’s “keeper of Gummi wisdom” turned magician with unreliable skill. Largely due to mild cases of nervousness and lacking self-confidence, Zummi forgets important things, including spells, at the worst possible moment and does spoonerisms when stressed. He is also very helpless when he loses his glasses and suffers from acute acrophobia (fear of heights), which troubled the Gummi Bears frequently. Zummi is one of the oldest Gummies of the group, the other being Grammi.
• Grammi Gummi (June Foray) – The matriarch of the Gummi clan, she cooks and cleans and prepares the gummiberry juice, a skill that is privileged to a select few among the Gummies themselves. Her cooking – which is sometimes purely experimental – is not always appreciated by the others. In her arguments with Gruffi she is just as hot-headed as he is, but when defending the other Gummies from his ravings she takes the maternal, moderating role.
• Tummi Gummi (Lorenzo Music) – The gluttonous teenaged Gummi who is seemingly slow in thinking and action, but has shown extreme courage in tough situations. He has a sweet tooth, is a talented planter and loves building model boats. Tummi also has excellent skills at seamanship when he is on a real boat.
• Sunni Gummi (Katie Leigh) – The preteen of the bunch who often rebels against the clan but learns her lessons eventually. Sunni is quite fond of rather ‘radical’ fashions, and her dream, with an overactive romanticism, is to one day be a princess. Sunni is Calla’s best friend. Other male Gummi bears have often paid Sunni compliments to her attractiveness. She has a crush on Gusto, but in his obsession for art he doesn’t take much notice of her.
• Cubbi Gummi (Noelle North) – The youngest Gummi. An aspiring knight, he is always looking for adventure and often finds it. Because of his youth, he is often not taken seriously by the others, which is frequently a mistake. When fighting crime at Dunwyn, he uses the masked identity of the Crimson Avenger, which he assumed soon after Calla dubbed him “the unseen defender of Dunwyn” for saving her from Igthorn

Together, they fight the Duke, wizards and a host of other antagonists to try to remain anonymous to preserve their ancient bear culture.

9) The Smurfs

The smurfs are a bunch of commies! At least that’s the ginned-up controversy purported by paranoid nut-jobs. No, really, the smurfs are the incredibly cool, little blue guys who impart to us the moral good in sharing. They are a collective of 99 smurfs. Each smurf is the same height, they live in the same size house, and each one of the smurfs has a special skill that they use to contribute for the betterment of the group, and to outwit Gargamel, the the sorcerer who’s their sworn enemy. Gargamel is an evil wizard, though his powers appear very limited; he actually seems to be more of an alchemist, as his main ability is to create magic potions. His main goal in life is to destroy the Smurfs and/or capture enough of them to create a potion to turn base matter into gold… which apparently smurfs can do?

Papa Smurf is the leader of the community. Other smurfs generally named after their personal characters, for example, Brainy, Greedy, Vanity, Lazy, Clumsy, Hefty, Jokey, Dreamy, or their profession, like Poet, Actor, Handy, Grouchy, Harmony, Farmer, Clockwork, Painter, Tailor, Miner, Architect, Reporter, Timber, Barber, Doctor Smurf.

Can 99 little blue guys outsmart one greedy, cowardly, not-so-bright alchemist?… Yes, every episode. See! that’s the magic of sharing, kids!

GI Joe

Ah yes, a kid show about bad-ass special ops forces trying to disarm and dismantle COBRA, a group of terrorists who are bent on world domination. Relevant, no? Appropriate for children? Well, bullets were a no-no for the Joes, lead by the fearless Hawk and Sergent Slaughter. Instead the guys feature high-tech weapons and hand-to-hand combat in order to defeat COBRA, lead by the Cobra Commando, who’s head is almost always covered by a hood or helmet. Curiously, some of the Cobras like Destro and Baronness are European. Destro, for instance, is a Scot. Interesting for a terrorist, no?

These cartoons were flashy, loud, in your face, and all around dominating. GI Joe’s strength and rigor were consistently tested by Cobra who was always stealing things like teleportation units and weapons that could manipulate weather. These were certainly large tasks for the GI Joe team all bundled up in half an hour segments.

At the end of each segment was a PSA, so as not to unduly influence kids to go around attacking people after they watched their heroes blow sh*t up for the last half-hour. At the end of every PSA was the slogan “now you know, and knowing’s half the battle.” The other half is blowing your enemy to smithereens!

7) He-Man

“By the power of Grayskull…I have the power!” This command allows mild-mannered Prince Adam of Eternia to transform into He-Man, who is a Schwartzenegger-esque muscle-clad, sword-wielding badass. He-Man’s true identity is Prince Adam, son of King Randor and Queen Marlena. They rule the planet of Eternia along with Adam and the rest of their inner circle. The Sorceress of Castle Grayskull endowed Prince Adam with the power to transform into He-Man,  a secret identity he only shares with a few. Even his lady friend, Teela thinks he’s lazy and cowardly. Ha! Little does she know… Despite this, Teela’s father, Duncan, is the Man-at-Arms and the Eternian royal family’s developer of technology and weapons, which He-Man uses to defeat Skeletor and other evil-doers. However, He-Man’s primary weapon is his good ol’ Power Sword, which he also needs to transform into He-Man. He-Man has a trusty sidekick, his pet tiger Cringer, a cowardly yet loveable pet by day, who also transforms into BattleCat, He-Man’s heroic steed and fighting companion. He-Man  receives telekinetic messages from the Sorceress of Castle Grayskull in order to get helpful information to defeat his enemies. All told, He-Man is both a prince and a secret soldier, endowed with powers, both magical and technological, to defeat Skeletor and other enemies seeking to do harm to his home of Eternia. F-in’ cool, man.

6) Transformers

“More than Meets The Eye!” The transformers are good, peace-loving robots who fight evil robots. Occasionally, they combine to form even bigger robots, when their enemies combine to form even bigger robots. Yeah. That’s cool. The good robots were the Autobots, headed by their savvy leader Optimus Prime. They do battle with the Evil Deceptacons, headed by Megatron. They’re competing for the world’s resources, in an epic battle for survival. That’s right… there series was cool even before Megan Fox was in the movie.

5) Chip & Dale’s Rescue Rangers

After school, Chip & Dale were the coolest friends to have. Together, they teamed up with Montgomery Jack, Zipper, and Gadget, to form a detective agency, handling the cases that were “too small” for human detectives… namely those involving animals, who were their main clients. The cases usually lead the gang into a confrontation with either the Mafia-style tabby cat, Fat Cat and mad scientist Norton Nimnul.

Chip was the serious one. Dale was the fun-loving slacker with and a chocolate addict. They were both attracted to Gadget Hackwrench, who looked damned fine for a little pale rodent. She also was completely oblivious to Chip and Dale’s feelings, so she usually just invented stuff out of everyday substances (a la a cartoon female rodent MacGyver). Complementing this love triangle was the big, fat, Australian Monty, as well as his tiny sidekick, green housefly Zipper, who talks in unintelligible squeaks only comprehensible to Monty.

4) Duck Tales

A woo-ooo! Everyone watched every episode of this show. After school at 4:00, you know where you were: Watching Huey, Duey, and Louie, along with their Uncle Scrooge McDuck cause and/or prevent trouble (their other uncle Donald left them in his charge when he joined the Navy… no kidding). Their adventures usually consisted of thwarting attempts to steal from their rich Uncle Scrooge, the richest Duck in the World, usually by the villainous Beagle Boys, Magica de Spell, or Flintheart Glomgold, who seeks to dethrone Scrooge as the richest duck in the world.

And they would go on hunts for more riches as well, helping to aid their businessman Uncle reach even greater heights of wealth.  The adventures that the three of them would go on would be epic. They went through Amazon rain forests, go back in time to ancient Greece, and even deep underwater looking for a fortune for their rapacious uncle.

Yeah, it was cool.

3) Thundercats

Thundercats had a similar plot to Superman, their planet Thundera blew up, and they had to flee, so they ended up crashing on a planet called Third Earth. What happened to the first two we’ll never know, since that was never addressed in the plot. They also fought a demonic, evil mummy creatively named was Mum-ra and his mutant cohorts. Bottom line: The Thundercats ruled. Their leader was Lion-o, the leader, Cheetara, the “hot cheetah chick”… I think we all had weird infant sex dreams about her… as well as Panthro, Tygra, WilyKit and WilyKat, and Snarf.

2) Ghostbusters

The Ghostbuster were awesome. The 1984 movie ruled, and the cartoon series that followed continued the legacy. There was the over-enthusiastic Ray Stantz, the brainy Egon Spengler, “token black dude” Winston Zedmore, and the sarcastic misanthropic star, Peter Venkman. Together with their receptionist Janine and their mascot ghost, the gluttonous Slimer, the Ghostbusters were a force to be reckoned with if you were a ghost. This motley crew of ghost-hunters were out to defend New York City from terrifying paranormal creatures, and they made you laugh all through their adventures as well.

1) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Four giant, mutant rats live in the sewers below New York City. There, they are brought up by a mutant talking rat named Splinter, a ninjutsu master. The de facto father of the turtles, Splinter, named them after his favorite Renaissance artists: There was Leonardo, the leader (blue headband), Michelangelo, the creative-stoner- fun-lover (orange headband), Donatello, the technical genius (purple headband), and Raphael, the aggressive and sarcastic turtle (red headband). Together, these ninjutsu-trained turtles teamed up to fight crime and the evil lord Shredder, the leader of the nefarious foot clan.

The guys also team up with a fine-lookin’ human woman April O’Neil, who helps the turtles in the public sphere, where the turtles don’t like to go. In the films, she is a news reporter. Her love interest is Casey Jones, who helps the turtles fight crime with a variety of sports equipment. He also wears a hockey mask when doing so, making him look scary like Jason from the Friday the 13th movies. why the animators chose this getup, we don’t know.

The comic started as a one-issue comic in New Hampshire in 1984, meant to parody other comics like Marvel Comics “Daredevil,” and “New Mutants,” Dave Sims’ “Cerebus,” nd Frank Miller’s “Ronin,” but after being picked up and developed by various comic companies, the ingenious cartoon and  “Turtle Power!” as we know it came to be.

It starts off so innocently… A group of adorable young Japanese girls fawn over an even more adorable chipmunk, which runs around a glass cage on a children’s television show hosted by a kindly adult zoologist or veteranarian or something.

Then, all hell breaks loose. Enjoy!

]]> http://egotvonline.com/2010/01/05/viral-video-of-the-day-dramatic-chipmunk-breaks-out/feed/ 0 http://egotvonline.com/2010/01/05/the-10-best-sushi-restaurants-on-the-planet/ http://egotvonline.com/2010/01/05/the-10-best-sushi-restaurants-on-the-planet/#comments Tue, 05 Jan 2010 20:30:09 +0000 Billy D http://egotvonline.com/?p=10686

All sushi is not created equal, and the difference can be huge. For every hundred supermarkets out there with 3-day old synthetic crab California rolls, there are only a handful of fresh, gourmet, professionally-crafted raw fish joints. And if you’re one for the chopsticks, the wasabi, the soy sauce, and the ginger, behold this treasured list from Mademan. Hint: All of these places are in major metropolitan cities, so for you country folk, stick to poultry.

10. Asanebo, Los Angeles

Don’t let the Studio City address scare you away; honored with a Michelin one-star rating, Asanebo is a no-frills, straight up sushi joint that serves the best of Japanese pub food in a low-key atmosphere. Although it’s on the pricier side of the menu, take the guess-work out of ordering and go for the omakase (chef’s choice menu), which demonstrates the full range of Asanebo’s tasty treats, from sashimi (a house specialty) to cooked fusion dishes. If you’re tired of the same-old, then take a chance on the Monkfish Liver with Caviar, a rich dish that’ll propel you out of your comfort zone and into the world of authentic Japanese cuisine.

For the rest of the top 10, click here.

Some people have a compulsion to talk. A lot. About one topic in particular. Themselves. Yes, it seems as though some people like to use facebook or twitter as their own personal psychiatrist. But if you want to hold on to your friends and any particular ladies you might be friending/stalking, there are some topics that you should stay away from entirely. Guyism shows us what they are.

1. Sicknesses

It sucks that it happened to you, but no one wants to hear about your recurring psoriasis or festering foot wound. And if you want to keep any friends, do not even think about mentioning that you had swine flu at any point. If you’re just dying to talk about health, bring up the health insurance industry. It’s a pretty neutral topic that won’t offend anybody.

For the rest of the list, click here!

Julia left the cold and snow behind and moved to Japan to pursue a successful modeling career. There she appeared in numerous campaigns, and was chosen to be the face of Jill Valentine in the Resident Evil video game series. After a move LA, Julia soon landed her first acting role as Trixie, a down on her luck stripper in Bitch Slap, a “post-modern, thinking man’s” throwback to exploitation films that opens this Friday. Still not content, Julia is also about to publish her first book of poetry. Yes, poetry. Model, actress, poet, this Girl2Watch contains multitudes, and does the prairie proud.

Check out the rest of her stats or connect with Julia at Girl2Watch!

Are you a Washington Capitals fan? Have you ever wondered why the music industry hadn’t tackled the Caps as a subject, especially in rap form? Well, your wait is over. Andrew Bowser directs the video all you puck-crazy Washingtonians have longed for for so long. Enjoy, eh?

She was still good-looking. Really, really, ridiculously good looking.

Life isn’t fair.

Here’s Megan experimenting with the” blonde.”

“Cheering” in pigtails…

Standing next to her girlfriends, we can sense the seething jealousy boiling beneath the surface…

Auditioning for the high school production of “Charlie’s Angels.”

Vogue-ing in a field hockey outfit…

Wow, Brian Austin Green looked different back then…

So, without further adieu, here are, in no particular order, the hottest, most consequential political mistresses of American History!

MARGARET (PEGGY) EATON

Flirty, vivacious Peggy Eaton, born Margaret O’Neal, nearly took down the Presidency of Andrew Jackson, by causing a rift amongst the wives (and their bitches — aka politician husbands) in the Washington social circles of the 1820’s. The young Margaret perfected her flirtation skills growing up in her father’s DC boarding house, home to many politicians of the day, where she lived since her birth in 1799. She listened to the talk amongst the boarders, and soon began voicing her own opinions.

At the age of fifteen, she almost eloped with Major Francis Smith Belton, an attempt that was foiled when she accidentally knocked a plant off the roof while escaping. However, a year later, her father consented to having her marry John Timberlake (a relative of Justin?), but after they had two kids, Timberlake had to go back to sea in order to make a living. Margaret started again working in her father’s tavern, and word soon got around town that in his absence, perhaps Margaret was doing more than pouring drinks… during this time, she was escorted around town by John Henry Eaton, a Senator. Rumors around town suggested an affair was going on. Sometime later, word got back to Margaret that her husband had committed suicide at sea, and after less than a year of mourning, as was customary, she married Senator Eaton, then selected to be Andrew Jackson’s Secretary of War.

When they returned from their honeymoon, the other ladies in Washington, led by Vice President John Calhoun’s wife, Floride, snubbed her. The refusal of the cabinet wives to accept the forward, brash, hot Margaret was seen as a conspiracy by Andrew Jackson, who also had had his wife, Rachel, slandered during his presidential campaign (they were married before she divorced her first husband). This internal feud almost brought down the Jackson Presidency and eventually was a factor in John Calhoun being replaced by Martin Van Buren, who would later become our next President.

After Eaton’s death in 1856, Margaret married an Italian dancing master named Antonio Buchignani who was… nineteen years old! That’s right, nineteen…. only about forty years her junior. Madonna, at your heart out.  She had been convinced by her own mother that marrying him would be good for the sake of her four grandchildren…. but some years later, Antonio convinced her to sign her fortune over to him or he would leave, and she did, only to have him run off with her 17-year-old granddaughter anyway… ouch.

RIELLE HUNTER

Ah, fair Rielle… What are we to do with you? You may all know Rielle as recent Presidential nominee and Prell Shampoo model John Edwards’ recent mistress and (perhaps? maybe?) the mother of his illegitimate son,  but did you know that naughty Rielle has had quite the fabulous, torrid,  scandalous life even before the Edwards affair? Rielle was born Lisa Druck in Fort Lauderdale, FL. She dropped out of The university of Tampa and moved to New York City in 1984, where she dated novelist Jay McInerney. McInerney says he based the character Allison Poole in his 1988 novel Story of My Life on “Lisa,” who he described as “an ostensibly jaded, sexually voracious 20-year-old,”who hung with a group of friends that displayed “intriguing and appalling” behavior.  The Allison Poole character also appears in the Bret Easton Ellis books “American Psycho” and “Glamorama.”

‘Lisa’ soon settled down and married attorney Alexander “Kip” Hunter, changed her name to “Rielle,” and soon moved to Beverly Hills, CA. They divorced in 1999, after Hunter had spent some years acting small parts and producing short films no one’s ever heard of.

Then, in 2006, she was in a bar in New york, where she met John Edwards. The Edwards campaign soon hired her company to shoot 4 behind-the-scenes videos of Edwards on the campaign trail, for which she  was paid $100,000. Apparently, she was quite gracious, and awarded him with tawdry sex for the next two years, until she got pregnant while Edwards wife Elizabeth, was battling cancer.

Did you hear that thud? That’s the sound of a political career crashing to the ground.

JERI RYAN

Okay, so she’s not exactly a mistress. But Ryan was a political wife and one of the hotter aliens to ever grace the screen on “Star Trek: Voyager,” as evidenced by this photo:

Jeri was also married to investment banker and Republican candidate for the 2004 Illinois Senate seat, Jack Ryan. They divorced in 1999, and refused to let the details of the reasons for their split be made public. Why? Well, we found out in 2004, when Jack Ryan was slated to run for the senate against some guy named Barack Obama.

But on June 22, 2004, Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Robert Schnider agreed to release the custody files, which showed that Jack asked Jeri to perform sex in public and accompany him to sex clubs in New York, New Orleans, and Paris, places that Jeri described in the files as having  “cages, whips and other apparatus hanging from the ceiling.”

Ryan soon withdrew from the race, leaving Obama to run against insane person Alan Keyes, clearing Obama’s path to the Senate… and the rest is history.

JESSICA CUTLER

aka, “Washingtonienne.” The sprightly Jessica Cutler went by this pen-name on her short-lived blog, in which she wrote about the details of her sex life in Washington while working on the staff of Senator Mike Dewine (R-Ohio), in which she detailed her active sex life and the money she made from it… I think there’s a word for that. Anyway, the novelization of her blog reportedly sold for $300,000 and got very good reviews, so I guess being labelled the “DC slut” has its advantages! HBO is also developing her story for a TV series.

Cutler, however has encountered some opposition along the way. She was questioned for her connection to the Manhattan call-girl inner circle run by Kristin “Billie” Davis, whom she lived with for a time and on whose website she “modeled.” Davis’ call-girl ring is the prostitution ring of which Elliot Spitzer was a client.

DONNA RICE

Donna Rice began modeling at age 13, and soon this  overachiever was also a University of South Carolina cheerleader. She entered and won the Miss South Carolina World beauty pageant, after which she moved to New York to compete in the national pageant, but didn’t win, and after a relative lack of success in New York City modeling and acting, Donna moved to Miami, where she worked as a television commercial actress for a pharmaceutical company and a small marketing business. In March 1987, she met former Senator Gary Hart at a Miami fundraiser.

Later that year, Gary Hart was considered a front-runner for the 1988 Democratic nomination… until rumors started circulating about his having an extra-marital affair. Hart then issued a challenge to reporters to surveill him, saying that they would be “very bored.” Of course, the same day his challenge appeared in the papers, so did photos: of Donna Rice coming out of his Washington D.C. townhouse.  Two days after that, the above photo of Rice and Hart appeared, showing Rice sitting on Hart’s lap in Bimini on a motor yacht named…. get this… “Monkey Business.” I kid you not.

Hart dropped out of the ‘88 race five days later.

NAN BRITTON

The sweet, teenaged Nan Britton concealed a (not-so) secret passion: she had a huge crush on her father’s friend, then-editor of the Marion Daily Star Newspaper Warren G. Harding. For those of you who don’t know anything about American history, he was also our 29th president, serving from 1921 until his untimely death in 1923. The young Nan would even loiter outside Harding’s office daily, waiting for him to come out. I guess the young Nan had an “kingmaker’s eye” for successful men.

When her father asked Harding to talk with her, the elder Harding took the young Nan on his knee and told her to forget about him, that she would surely find the man of her dreams. Very convenient for Harding, since he happened to be that person… Naughty Warren also happened to be having another affair at the time with another woman,  Carrie Fulton Phillips.

But later, once young Nan grew into a wholesome young woman, and Harding grew into a fairly corrupt Republican President (see Teapot Dome Scandal and The Roaring Twenties)… Harding totally tapped that. According to Nan’s racy tell-all book which came out in 1927, 3 years after Harding’s death, they once made love inside a closet in the executive office of the White House. (Monica, eat your heart out). Britton wrote the book to raise money to help her raise her illegitimate daughter, Elizabeth Ann, who she claimed Harding had fathered in 1919 while a U.S. Senator. In other words, she was 1920’s version of Rielle Hunter. Kinda.

It’s also been rumored that Harding’s sudden death while in office in 1923 was caused by his wife poisoning him, however, these accusations have mostly been discredited, as there is a broad consensus it was heart failure. However, Harding did die in mid-conversation with his wife, and she refused to have an autopsy done… hmmm…

PAULA PARKINSON

“Washington is basically a very horny city,” this quick-witted Playboy Playmate once quipped. “For one thing, there are more women here than men. And men can be jerks with women and get away with it, because men are so scarce around here.” Maybe that’s because Paula only hung out around Republicans. Lots of them.

You see, Parkinson not only graced Playboy’s pages, but was also a Washington insurance lobbyist in the 1980’s. One weekend, she took at trip with three Republicans down to Florida for a golfing trip. They were Republican Congressmen Thomas Evans, Jr., Tom Railsback, and Dan Quayle. That’s right. Our future Vice President Dan Quayle.  Parkinson later strongly implied that there was much more than golf going on, and a a Justice Department investigation was launched but stopped due to a lack of evidence. Parkinson has said that she’d carried on sexual flings with “fewer than a dozen” Republican congressmen during her stint in DC.

Railsback and Evans went on to lose their re-election, but Dan Quayle went on to become our Vice President. Why? Perhaps he was saved by this statement from his wife, Marilyn, who claimed, “Anybody who knows Dan Quayle, knows he’d rather play golf than have sex any day.” Umm, sure Marilyn. Sure.

But why just Republicans, Paula?

“I don’t do Democrats!” she replied.

TAI COLLINS

Also known as Miss Virginia, 1983. Also known as the lady whom Senator and former Governor of Virginia Chuck Robb (D-VA), had “champagne and a nude massage” with in a hotel room during Robb’s term as Governor. Seriously, that’s what Robb admitted to. Really? Just champagne and a nude massage? Then what? You said, “Thank you,” and went on your way?

Unsurprisingly, Collins remembered things a bit differently, and claimed that there was yes, a full-contact sexual affair that lasted 18 months with Robb. Collins told this to Playboy Magazine, for whom she graciously posed.

Robb was also accused of cocaine use, but denied these vehemently, claiming he “didn’t even know what cocaine looks like.” This, from the lead law-enforcement official in Virginia. A man in his fifties.

Miraculously, even after these scandals, Robb was reelected to the U.S. Senate in 1994… I’ll bet Bill Clinton campaigned a lot  for him down in there in good ol’ Virginy!

RUBY RIPPEY-TOURK

On January 31, 2007, Newsom’s long-time friend, campaign manager and deputy chief of staff Alex Tourk visited the mayor’s office at City Hall. The two had a “pointed” conversation according to an unnamed source,  and when Tourk left the building, he left his old friend to his own devices.

You see, the reason his buddy, the man who helped him get into office, abandoned the poor, poor, handsome Gov’nuh, is that Newsom, well… schtupped his wife. Yes, Tourk’s wife Ruby Rippey-Tourk, who was a radio personality and appointments secretary to the mayor, had slept with Newsom when Newsom himself was going through his divorce to his first wife (and now Fox News Correspondent) Kimberly Gulifoyle. in 2005.

Ruby had told her husband about the affair as part of a rehab program she had been going through for substance abuse. That substance apparently being Gavin’s “bully pulpit” … sorry, that was bad. No matter to Newsom, he was reelected as San Francisco mayor with 72% of the vote.

ELIZABETH RAY

“I can’t type, I can’t file, I can’t even answer the phone.” This was Elizabeth Ray on her secretarial skills. Then why was she secretary to Congressman Wayne Hays (D-Ohio) in the mid-seventies? Why do you think?

But when Wayne Hays married his home office secretary in 1976, Ray was pissed… Not because he married someone else, but because he didn’t invite her to the wedding: “I was good enough to be his mistress for two years but not good enough to be invited to his wedding,” she said.

Ray spilled everything to the Washington Post, and even let them tape their phone conversations. Here’s how one went:

“I ought to be good for one week since I’m getting married.”

“What about after?” asked Ray.

“If you behave yourself, we’ll see,” said Hays.

“Well,” said Ray, “what about my job?”

“Well, if you come in a little . . .” said Hays.

“Do I still have to s—- you?” asked Ray.

“Well, that never mattered,” said Hays.

“Oh, I thought it did,” said Ray.

Hays issued a rare public apology from the House floor, then resigned from Congress Sept. 1, 1976.

FANNE FOX

Fanne Fox was an Argentine  featured dancer at DC’s seedy Silver Slipper strip club, who took up with the most unlikely of lovers: Wilbur Mills. And yes, Wilbur looked like his name sounds. You see, ol’ Wilbur was the chair of the house Ways and Means Committee, a friendly, likeable guy who was also regarded as a super-smart whiz at legislating. Legend has it that he went home at night to study the IRS code.

Well, turns out Wilbur wasn’t doing that at night. Wilbur was at The Silver Slipper, throwing money around with Foxe, who referred to him as “Mr. Mills.” He even appeared with her onstage and freely introduced himself as Wilbur Mills. I wonder why he got into trouble?

Moreover, Mills and Foxe, both married to other people, had a notoriously rocky relationship, often getting into loud arguments in public places.

How did it end? Well…. not prettily. I guess all those hours going over tax code has a way of driving people to drink. At 2 a.m. Oct. 9, 1974, Mills was driving home from a party with Foxe and two friends. He was pulled over with his headlights out in West Potomac Park, and the police found Mills with his glasses broken and his face bleeding, after he’d gotten into a scuffle with Foxe. Foxe then burst from the car and threw herself in the Tidal Basin in the park. Police pulled her out and sent her to the hospital, where doctors called it an insincere suicide attempt.

Despite all this, Mills won reelection the next month with 60% of the vote. Wow, how badly was that district gerrymandered? However, Wilbur wouldn’t quit. He continued to appear with Foxe, and then even held a drunken press conference in her dressing room at one point. Only then did Mills lose his powerful chairmanship of the Ways and Means Committee.

Mills finally admitted his problems, joined Alcoholics Anonymous, and did not seek reelection in 1976.

MONICA LEWINSKY / GENNIFER FLOWERS / PAULA JONES / COUNTLESS OTHERS

Ahhhh, the obligatory Monica Lewinsky section. After all, she is the only woman to almost get a President impeached. And all because of an Oval Office BJ… To provide a bit extra on a story you already know so much about, I’ve included two other of the prominent Clinton mistresses, Gennifer Flowers and Paula Jones. Big Dawg’s gotta eat!…. and boy did he.

ASHLEY ALEXANDRA DUPRE

Recently voicing her expert opinions on the Tiger Woods scandal  on daytime talk shows that the mistresses were “only helping him stay married,” you might forget when we knew Ashley Alexandra Dupre just as a young, innocent, doe-eyed prostitute. We all know Ashley by now… after all, she released her second song on amiestreet.com around 2 a.m. March 13… has anybody heard it? Probably not, but I bet you’ve seen her photos.

Ashley reportedly charged (or, at least, Spitzer paid) $4,300 for 2 1/2 hours. The “then” Governor apparently liked to get rough with the girls and do things they wouldn’t want to do, like have sex without a condom. But Ashley was his favorite, and apparently know how to handle “James” (that was his codename).

After the scandal, Girl Gone Wild guru Joe Francis wanted to pay Ashley $1 million for an interview for his new magazine, and not even have to take her clothes off. Then he discovered that he had 7 hours of Ashley doing just about everything on an old GGW spring break video and rescinded the offer. However, Dupre  happened to be 17 at the time, so we won’t be seeing that video any time soon.

MIRTHALA SALINAS

“The rumors were true,” read Spanish anchor Mirthala Salinas on NBC-Telemundo Channel 52, in Spanish on June 8, 2007. “Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa confirmed today that he is separating from his wife, Corina, after more than 20 years of marriage.”

What Salinas wasn’t saying that day was that she was the other woman. Nice, Mirthala. You see, the governor, when he first got married, combined the names of his and his wife’s names in an incredibly romantic gesture, but now, well, he’s in the less-than romantic position of being separated. He is however, re-elected even after the affairs, and show no signs of getting out of politics. Still our mayor.

And finally….

MARILYN MONROE

Did she, with JFK? Ohhhhh yeah. With Bobby Kennedy, too.

In fact, some suspect that because she was going to expose the affairs, that the Kennedy’s were involved in her alleged “suicide.” But that’s stil a matter of conjecture.  In any case, Marilyn wasn’t the only one, but she was definitely the hottest/most famous of JFK’s mistresses, so she gets top billing here. I’ll leave you with Marilyn wishing ol’ Jack a happy birthday.. Enjoy!

]]> http://egotvonline.com/2010/01/03/hottest-political-mistresses-of-american-history/feed/ 1 http://egotvonline.com/2010/01/01/social-media-fad-or-revolution/ http://egotvonline.com/2010/01/01/social-media-fad-or-revolution/#comments Fri, 01 Jan 2010 16:00:13 +0000 Billy D http://egotvonline.com/?p=9963

Did you know that we are in the midst of a digital revolution? For instance:

• Did you know Ashton Kutcher and Ellen Degeneres have more Twitter followers than the populations of Ireland, Norway, and Panama?
• 70% of consumers trust user-generated opinion and recommendation sites while only 18% trust advertisements?
• 1 of 8 couples married last year met through social media?

How things are done in the new economy will be determined in an entirely new way in the coming years. For instance, secrets are no longer able to be kept. By putting us in contact with virtually everyone else on the planet, new alliances, groups, and power-structures will be formed. To see more staggering statistics on social media, check out this video.

How are you going to take advantage? Have a comment? Let us know your thoughts below.

]]> http://egotvonline.com/2010/01/01/social-media-fad-or-revolution/feed/ 0 http://egotvonline.com/2009/12/31/redneck-christmas-photos/ http://egotvonline.com/2009/12/31/redneck-christmas-photos/#comments Thu, 31 Dec 2009 16:00:11 +0000 Billy D http://egotvonline.com/?p=10298 Christmas is a time for family, for celebrating togetherness and good will towards men.To buy gorgeous, evergreen Christmas trees, beautiful hand-crafted decorations, give useful and trendy gifts to loved ones, and to celebrate the day with class, humility, and our best human qualities.

Then, there are the rednecks… who ruin and desecrate everything:

“Thanks, Ma! This was at the top of my list!”

The future head of the RNC

Santa’s old hog

Ah yes, the beautiful evergreen Mountain Dew Tree of Northwest Alabama

To Hell with Santa. Cleetus Is fillin’ ma’ stockin’ with Pabst Blue Ribbon

Okay, then!

For more Redneck Christmas photos, check out the full gallery at Uncoached.