Secrets to Escaping a Timeshare Presentation Unscathed

 
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    October 23, 2013 at 10:00 am
    Here is how to get out of a timeshare sales presentation unscathed
    Attending a timeshare presentation is a self inflicted waste of your time.  This is no secret.  Generally the smart money is to avoid timeshare presentations altogether.  Sometimes, however, its hard to resist the lavish gifts for attending one.  Caveat emptor.  Here are some tips to get you out of a time share sales presentation unscathed.
    Get Free Therapy
    In order to sell you something, a sales person needs to know about you.  Often, at time share presentations, you will be asked certain open-ended questions to get you used to opening up about yourself as well as sying, “yes”. Here is where you should embrace your narcissistic ways and be as obnoxious as possible.  Feel free to start every sentence with a personal pronoun and dissertate about yourself as long as you would like.   Here, the time share presenter is a captive and engaged audience.  Or you can make things up and tell them everything you’re not. Like for instance you just found out you have terminal cancer since you signed up for the presentation and it is a complete waste of your time to be there.  The point is to throw them off their game by making them listen to all your problems.

    Lets talk about me. I like to eat ice cream. Blue is my favorite color. I am the most awesomest bestest.

    Don’t Attend With Your Spouse
    Attending with your spouse will make them invariably hate you and probably want to break up with you. Time share presentations depend on couples because the easiest retort to a high pressure sales tactic is, “this sounds great, let me talk it over with my spouse”.  With gay rights being all the rage these days, find a friend to go with you and split the gift.  There are plenty of non-union actors willing to do method acting exercises for cheap. Or you can find someone willing to do gay for pay.
    SAY NO TO BRINGING YOUR SPOUSE
    SAY YES TO BRINGING YOUR SASSY GAY FRIEND
    Lie
    If you don’t have major problems, lie and make them up.  Make up believable fibs that border between eccentricity and pathetic.   Inevitably, with their information about you, you should be able to stump the salesperson.  Try not to crack up as they tailor their sales presentation to your cosplay fetish.  Then, whereever they ask you where you want to go in the world, be sure to tell them somewhere exotic and impossible. Good places to suggest are anywhere where there is political instability,  or countries where the United States office of foreign assets control has created economic sanctions ( i.e. Iraq, Sudan, Iran, Liberia, Cuba), or even outer space.

    Pakistan

    I’ve always wanted to go to Pakistan!

    Use a Scheme
    To obfuscate the price of the time share, the time share presenter will use a system of points.  Be sure to tell them that you don’t understand how points work, and that your mechanism for survival has been to avoid things with points. Stay firm and tell them you don’t do points.  Because the time share presenter cannot legally talk about price, they may get you to a real estate agent to skip part of the process and get you along in your way in escaping the time share presentation unscathed.

    A time share presenter will have you believe that any investment with arrows pointing up are worthwhile

    Balk at Price
    When the real estate agent starts talking price, mention to them that you have a hardline stance on not spending over 200 dollars without sleeping on it.  The real estate agent will do two things. They will drop the price to something relatively reasonable, and they will also mention that it’s a take it or leave it offer that won’t be available tomorrow if you sleep on it.  Just tell them you’re sorry and stay firm.  Smiling makes things fun. So does shaking your head uncontrollably.
    Reverse Indian Give
    If for whatever reason the prospect of pleasantness and champagne corks makes you decide to purchase a time share presentation, some states, like California , have specific laws that allow a time share purchaser up to 72 hours to rescind the transaction. So yes, you can technically purchase the time share during the presentation, keep the gifts and then return the time share.

    hehehe, thats enough!

    Using this guide to escape a timeshare presentation is a surefire way to get you out of one unscathed and back along on your merry way.  For some people, time share presentations are a great investment vehicle.  These people are non-existent.  Don’t purchase time share presentations.
     
    About the Author
    During the day, Maximus teaches third grade in the Los Angeles Unified School District. With his tenure, students have been exposed to a wide range of subversive age-inapprorpriate literature and experimental lessons that shatter last century's pedagogical ideas. His students are high achieving and score well on standardized tests. He has been known to angrily berate and degrade parents during parent-teacher meetings. Follow him on Twitter @MaximusFish, Facebook at MaximusFish or check out his blog at www.whatsupwithcapitalism.blogspot.com
     
     
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