How to Turn Gift Cards Into Cash

 
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    October 18, 2013 at 4:00 am

    Many people think that giftcards are a great way to tell people they like them enough to give them something, but would rather see this goodwill serviced by large rationalistic enterprises. Giving a gift card emanates the message:

    “yes, you’re important, but I didn’t have time to purchase a thoughtful and conscientious gift, so I’m doing all I can to help the economy by shipping my money elsewhere so that way I can support the good peoples around the world and simultaneously fund lavish executive expense accounts and their children’s private school tuition, pension funds, and perks for members of the board.  So instead of giving you something useful like cash, I’m going to make a contribution to a complex treasury management vehicle that allows millions of consumers like me the opportunity to part with our hard earned money, all so that with inflation and predictive spending cycles and other analytics, each dollar spent will have a diminishing marginal return on its utility for you.”reaction

    In other words, giving someone a gift card basically tells the other person you got a deal on it at the supermarket and you want them to buy some overpriced mass produced crap.

    The problem however, is that anybody that has ever tried to get money for their giftcards has either encumbered a fuckshow of retards on Craigslist skeptically lowballing them on the fair market value of the card, or had to sell it as a discount with some online retailer nickel and diming its actual value further.  So, here at EGOTV we’ve come up with a way to turn your gift cards into cash that spares a little dignity, but reaps a tangible cash reward.

    Selling some gift cards for cash returns an infinite return on investment!

    The secret is to go through trash looking for receipts with purchases made with cash.  The trick to maximize value is to put these receipts away in a book, or some other place for safe keeping-then wait.  Be sure you know your retailers return policy.  As the product cycle expires, stores will often adjust prices on merchandise because consumers are no longer subjugated to marketing blitzes and they are trying to clear inventory.  With a little time, many items will go down more in price than whats listed on “your” receipt.

    trash stealer

    sophisticated gift card rings employ robots to search through "trash"

    However, since you have a receipt for an item paid for in cash, you are entitled to the full value that was spent on the item.  When the magic point on the timeline between the retailers return policy and the product cycle nears expiration,  purchase the item on your gift card for a reduced price, then go to a different store and return the item with  “your” receipt that indicates the item was paid with in cash. Use the following formula to maximize your returns.

    Congratulations, you’ve netted 7 dollars!

    Walmart Return

    Now, be sure to spend it before you lose it to inactivity fees.

     

     
     
     
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