For Virgin Boys Only: How to Date a Non-Virgin

 
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    August 12, 2013 at 1:29 am

    If you’re a prematurely ejaculating virgin sperglord but have somehow landed a third date with a totally hot girl who seems inexplicably and overly into you, don’t panic. Here’s what to do if you’re worried about screwing up the whole thing just because you’re inexperienced.

    Here, have an irrelevent picture of me.

    Don’t jump right into it and say any dumb shit like “Ohmygod I’m a virgin and I’ve never done any of this before I hope that’s okay is that okay can I kiss you do you want me to kiss you sorry in advance if it’s bad haha I’m so new at this oh god I think I just came.”

    Let the first kiss happen naturally without saying anything. Then, if things are progressing further than that, think about bringing it up in a sort of cutely nervous way — maybe laugh it off a little — “I dunno if this is weird for you but I have to be honest; this is my first time doing this and I hope you’re cool with that.” And maybe let her know that it’s more than okay for her to tell you what she likes (“don’t be afraid to tell me what to do/what you like” type of thing). If she really likes you, she won’t care at all.

    It’s unnecessary to tell her everything before anything has even happened, and doing so might put bit of a damper on the excitement and spontaneity of the first kiss. You don’t need to preface that part, which is still pretty innocent, with any sort of disclaimer. But if you’re moving past the kiss onto fooling around and eventually sex, you will probably want to mention it so you aren’t having a secret nervous breakdown about trying to impress her. Even if you aren’t going to fuck right away, telling her it was your first time kissing after you have already engaged in the first kiss is totally acceptable. There’s just no need to set up the kiss with the knowledge that you’ve never done it before. Just go for it.

    Don’t be scared. Any girl who genuinely likes you for who you are absolutely does not give a shit about the amount of experience you do not have. If anything, girls dislike guys who are total sluts more because of the risk of STDs or the boy being a serial cheater.

    As a virgin, you are in rare form and can be molded to suit any girl’s needs as long as you’re open, receptive and eager to learn about her. Pay attention to how she responds to the things you do (physically), move slowly, and be gentle. No eating her face off or jamming your thumb into her pussy like a mini jackhammer. Do not smash your face into her pussy like you’re in an eating competition. Be gentle.

    And some girls are shy, so try to make sure you know where the clitoris is. That’s pretty important. It’s okay to ask “do you like that?” or “is that okay” when you’re trying something new. Again: be gentle. If she doesn’t want you to be gentle, she will let you know. Those girls are not shy.

    Lastly but MOST IMPORTANTLY: If you guys do bang, the first few times will probably be pretty quick for you since you’re new at this. That is totally fine. It’s okay to apologize, but don’t get embarrassed. But once your virgin dick explodes after ten seconds of penetration, hop off and get to eating; eat that shit until she makes you stop. And by ‘that shit’ I mean her pussy. It is IMPERATIVE that you make the girl cum, even and especially if you cum first. This can seriously make or break your thing you have going on with her. We live in a world of selfish lovers and many girls literally stop seeing boys entirely because once they finish, they’re done and ready to watch television or go to sleep. They don’t even try. And that’s no way to treat a girl. Always make sure she’s taken care of and your inexperience will be even more insignificant. In fact, she will probably do whatever the hell you want her to as long as you satisfy her every time. It’s as simple as finishing what you started.

    Good luck and have fun. Don’t worry so much, jeez.

    YOU BETTER EAT THAT SHIT

     
     
     
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