The 4 Weirdest Strip Clubs, Ever

 
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    July 22, 2013 at 4:00 am

    Why do the 4 weirdest strip clubs, ever, even exist? If getting your awkward boner rubbed up on by someone who totally doesn’t want to do it and has to go home to her kids later that night isn’t weird enough for you, here are some oddly themed strip clubs to give your night some extra spice.

    Casa Diablo Vegan Strip Club

    Vegan themed strip club

    Of course this weird strip club is in Portland, the city parodied by the hipster-hating comedy show Portlandia. It might sound pretentious to you, but at least you know you won’t get slobbered on by some cellulite-riddled meth addict whose had three c-sections. The girls at Casa Diablo will most likely be both shapely and in shape. That being said, I have never ordered weird strip club food but would probably be more tempted to dine on their meatless dishes over salmonella chicken wings and greasy McRibs at any other place.

     

    Climax, the Drive-Thru Strip Club

    Climax drive-thru strip club

    If this weird strip club were still open, you’d be hearing a first-hand report on it in about a week from yours truly. It was in Pennsylvania, and operated out of a tiny shack on US22 in Congruity, PA. A diamond-shaped window at its side allowed drive-thru patrons to glare creepily through the dirty glass while jerking it from the comfort of their own vehicles.

    Rates were $20 a minute for two or more people and $10 a minute for those riding solo. The owner, Nick Climax, said that more people listened to a radio interview about his club in 2000 than the Olympics of that year, and that he turned down the opportunity to be on the cover of Time magazine because he “didn’t want his picture taken.”

     

    Silver Dollar Club

    Silver Dollar Strip Club

    Unfortunately a normal strip club during most of the year, the Silver Dollar Club transforms into a haunted titty bar around Halloween. The haunted house will lead you throughout the bar, champagne room and around three stages to try and scare the boner out of you. Although the festivities end along with Halloween, this place has a “shower stage” for your gawking pleasure during the rest of the year.

     

    The Clermont Lounge

    Clermont Strip Club

    The Clermont Lounge doesn’t seem to have a distinguishable theme besides “sad,” but can be a lot of fun if you’re looking for a novelty club and a kitschy good time. The women at this weird strip club are mostly (a lot) older, and the club has been described as “where strippers go to die.” It boasts Blondie, a woman who can crush beer cans by punching them with her weeping, gelatinous breasts, and another senior citizen named Baby (I think; she’s also blonde). One by one, the women climb onto a stage safely (probably for you more than them) behind the bar and jiggle it around to a song of their choice. The place is crowded with those looking to get extra weird, and everyone seems to be in good spirits at all times. I say “seems” because when I told Baby that it seemed like a fun place to work as a debaucherous hobby for an old woman, her demeanor grew immediately somber. “Don’t ever say that,” she said gravely, “This place is a hell hole.”

     
     
     
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