4 Ways to Make Your Life Seem More Exciting Than it Really Is

 
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    February 20, 2013 at 4:00 am

    Have a boring life? Want to convince others that you’re cool when you’re actually a basement-dwelling Brony? Here are five ways to make your life seem more exciting than it really is.

    Lie


    This is the most obvious way to make your life seem more exciting than it really is. Lie to people. Tell them things that never happened. Steal exciting stories from your friends and then re-tell them as your own to other friends (but make sure you have no mutual connections through which this kind of lie may be discovered).

    Try not to embellish your life too extravagantly, or people will know your fairytales of meeting Justin Timberlake and getting groped by Eliza Dushku are total bullshit. Don’t be a Shirley Hornstein. She did exactly this, photoshopping herself into pictures with celebrities she had never met and making bogus claims about investing large amounts of money into up-and-coming companies.

     

    Exaggerate


    Another form of lying, exaggerating can be very useful when telling people about things that did actually happen. Did you go to a shitty party attended by all of ten people? Pick out the one funny or amusing thing that happened during the entire night and tell it as a really long, exciting story. Make sure to throw in some information about how wasted everyone is and how hot that one girl was.

    I know this works because I have a few friends who do this all the time, and their talented storytelling skills and semi-realistic tales make it hard to discern fact from fiction. I only learned this about these friends from attending events with them and later hearing them rehash those events to other people, somewhat inaccurately. A crazy party? Not really. Fireworks being shot off the roof while people were smashing forties and taking off their clothes? Maybe, if you consider a handful of tiny M80s ‘fireworks’ and ‘smashing forties’ the smashing of a single beer. And the only person taking their clothes off was some weird smelly guy who wasn’t even supposed to be there.

    Take Exciting Pictures

    Everyone went home immediately after this was taken

    Take pictures that make you look like you’re having fun even when you’re on a boring outing with one other person you don’t even really care about. A tiresome trip to some stupid tourist trap in an overpriced town you have never visited before and don’t ever want to return to again? Strike some outlandish poses in front of a statue. Snap pictures just when you and your friend laugh at some marginally funny joke; make it look like a party. Then spread the pictures around on Facebook with captions like “Luv dis crazy bitch!” and “Having a wild night out on the town!” By doing this, people will be convinced that your boring life is way more exciting than it really is.

     

    Write Misleading Facebook Statuses


    If you want to seem cool, you have to have a Facebook. Come on. Everyone has a Facebook. And an Instagram. And a Twitter. And a Vine. Have all of these things and edit your life to appear thrilling and interesting.

    Post about how crazy and awesome your life is. Take a picture of a movie cover and make something up about having a slumber party with your cute neighbors. Write posts requesting that anyone living in Florida, or Texas, or Philly, or any number of places you have no plans to visit, contact you ASAP because you’ll probably be traveling down there soon and will want to meet up. Of course, this won’t pan out — but not because you never planned to go. Because you had something better and more exciting to do. Duh.

     
    About the Author
    I started writing when I was .05. I have a dog named Cody. And a cat named Catty. I have other cats but they aren't important. I run www.ForkParty.com. Follow me on Twitter @Important
     
     
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