Top 5 Ways 5-Hour Energy Drink Can Kill You
1. Due to E=mc squared, drinking too many causes your weight to skyrocket until you become a black hole
2. Getting gunned down by police by going on an extra-strength 5-hour rampage after downing half a bottle
3. You light yourself on fire trying to freebase and smoke 5-Hour Energy Drink
4. Someone slips a knockout pill in your shot, and your brain explodes from simultaneously being energized and de-energized
5. The bull run you are taking part in somehow lasts 6 hours
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