Top 5 Little-Known Side Effects of the Starbucks Diet
1. Most of the calories are burned by your colon
2. Weakens immune system, leaving you vulnerable to the contaminating air of unwashed hipsters
3. Any attractiveness gained by weight loss is offset by increased pretentiousness
4. Not as effective as the Denny’s Diet, where you burn calories by fleeing from homicidal customers
5. That much stimulant inevitably leads to invisible snake attacks
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