Top 5 Surprising Features of the New Madden 13 Football Game
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1. Difficulty level determined by pre-game drug test
2. “Coma mode” blurs screen for several hours after a hard hit
3. As part of their bounty system, if a player somehow injures their opponent during online play, John Madden will send that player cash
4. New “realism mode” punches player in their face every time they are sacked
5. Dozens of new button commands, including “headbutt,” “Tweet,” and “execute meaningless holdout that drags on until eventually the player realizes the new CBA give them no leverage, then show up to training camp four weeks late with a beer gut.”
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