Top 5 Reasons the King of Sweden Is Obsessed with Handball
1. Hand-propelled ball is his country’s preferred method of subduing dangerous criminals
2. Obsessive teasing as a youth left him with hatred for any sport that a gangly-limbed beanpole can’t excel at
3. Hoping to star in the Swedish “Jackass” by having men punch him really hard in the balls
4. Wants to avenge soccer loss by touching the ball with as many hands as possible
5. It’s pretty safe to get in a loud, drunken brawl with handball spectators and emerge uninjured
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