• by Evan Hoovler
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August 6, 2012 at 1:37 pm

1. Having screened every American, she is no longer convinced they have any talent

2. Suddenly realized the deep irony of starring on a show about talent

3. Censors wouldn’t let her drunkenly cuss out bad contestants

4. Wants to devote more time to winning the Activa Competitive Yogurt Eating/Pooping championships

5. Investigators discovered the shocking truth that she is not American

Full story, here

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