Top 5 Things We’d Like to See Olympians Do on a Drunken Bender
1. See if the Queen’s tongue is really as velvety-smooth as people say it is
2. Cannonball into a tiny heating pool filled with divers
3. Find explosive constipation relief
4. Extinguish the Olympic flame with vomit
5. Refuse to leave the medal podium until they play “Love in an Elevator”
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