Top 5 Reasons a Bunch of Olympic Badminton Teams Tried To Lose
1. Did not realize they would bring such shame to the dignified sport of “hitting a children’s toy over a tiny net with a teeny-weeny racket”
2. Thought they were having a horrible drug trip while playing real tennis
3. Did not want to dishonor their country by making it appear good at badminton
4. Wanted to avoid winning gold, to prevent the subsequent drug test from revealing they had tried to injure themselves with cyanide while high on oven cleaner
5. Opening Ceremonies left competitors completely depressed about all things British
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