Top 5 Reasons Mariah Carey Is Replacing J. Lo on “American Idol”
1. Every time American Idol tried to scout talent in Phoenix, J. Lo would spend days being interrogated by local law enforcement
2. Contestants tired of J. Lo complaining that “their auto-tuner didn’t sound right”
3. Most audience members think J. Lo got her big break in a biopic about Selena Gomez
4. Mariah more likely to goose the ratings with a semi-coherent rant
5. No one liked J. Lo’s suggestion that she slap losing contestants in the face, then run them over in her mediocre car
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