7 Totally Awesome and Totally True Ways People Quit Their Jobs

 
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    July 20, 2012 at 4:45 am

    As those hot summer months make your temperatures broil at work, we decided to revisit a classic EgoTV article about awesome quitters: So, you think that time you took a dump in the garbage can at work and then quit is pretty bad ass, don’t you. Well think again. The following seven stories will put that to shame. When it comes to quitting, these guys don’t screw around. Well, a few of them do. Just read it and see for yourself.

    Andrew Lahde – “So Long, Suckers”

    Andrew Lahde

    With the financial crisis in full swing, late 2008 was not the time to be a hedge fund manager. That is, of course, unless you were Andrew Lahde of Lahde Capital Management. Lahde and his Santa Monica-based firm bet heavily against the sub-prime housing market, a risk that paid off big when that market collapsed. With a boatload of money and the satisfaction of guessing right when most of the financial world had guessed wrong, Lahde decided to quit while he was on top, but not before writing a scathing letter describing his fellow businessmen as “idiots whose parents paid for prep school” and mocking them for being “stupid enough to take the other side of (his) trades.” The letter went on to decry the state of the financial industry as well as corruption in government, before ending with a tirade calling for the legalization of industrial hemp.

     

    Jack Paar – “We’re Live”

    There’s nothing like live television. Just ask former “Tonight Show” host Jack Paar. Well, you can’t ask him, because he’s dead. But if you could, he’d probably tell you about how in 1960, he walked off the set halfway through a live broadcast after stating that “there must be a better way to make a living than this.” Sure, he returned a month later, but still. Quitting on the air takes some balls.

     

    Conan O’Brien – “Make Them Pay”

    When it was announced that Jay Leno would be returning to the 11:30 PM time slot, NBC gave Conan the option to keep the “Tonight Show,” but with a later start time. Rather than agree to a humiliating demotion, O’Brien decided to quit. But before he left, he made NBC pay out the ass. Not only did O’Brien end up with a hefty severance package worth upwards of $45 million, but during the last few episodes, he launched a series of sketches that weren’t so much funny as they were expensive. The bits included a Bugatti Veyron, the world’s most expensive car, decorated as a mouse and a Kentucky Derby winner watching restricted NFL playoff footage. At one point, the band also played a Beatles tune that reportedly cost the network half-a-million dollars.

     

    Per Yngve Ohlin – “Sorry About the Mess”

    Musicians are a finicky lot by nature, and lead singers can be notoriously prissy. Per Yngve Ohlin was no different, except for one small detail: he was clinically insane. Better known by his stage name, “Dead,” Ohlin was the vocalist for the Norwegian black metal band Mayhem. When he wasn’t sniffing dead birds or intentionally rotting his clothes, Ohlin was busy starving himself for no apparent reason. When tension arose between Ohlin and his band mates, he decided to quit the band…and to quit breathing altogether. While the rest of the band was out pissing on bibles, Ohlin slit his wrists and blew his brains out with a shotgun. In his suicide note, Ohlin apologized for the mess he had left, proving he was a class act ‘til the very end.

     

    Ernest Hemingway – “Read It and Weep”

    Early in his career, Ernest Hemingway found himself unhappily locked into a three–book deal with his publisher, Boni and Liveright. However, a loophole in the contract allowed Hemingway to walk away from the deal if his first manuscript was rejected. Inspired, Hemingway set out to write a story that would be rejected. The result was The Torrents of Spring, a satirical look at writers of the time. Dealing with taboo topics such as impotence and interracial relationships, the story was quickly rejected, and Hemingway was free to take his work elsewhere.

     

    Larry David – “On Second Thought”

    While a writer for “Saturday Night Live” in the mid-1980s, comedian Larry David continually found his sketches on the chopping block. Fed up with his lack of input, David launched into a foul-mouthed tirade aimed at the show’s producer, Dick Ebersol, resigning in disgust ten minutes before airtime. While that in itself is a pretty impressive resignation, what came next is the stuff of comedy legend. After spending the weekend lamenting his hasty decision, David returned to work on Monday as if nothing had happened. While his fellow writers were confused as to what he was doing there, Ebersol let David off the hook, and he kept his job. The incident later became the basis for an episode of Seinfeld.

     
     
     
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