• by Evan Hoovler
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July 12, 2012 at 9:56 am

1. Homosexual Hair Care: Mitt Romney personally cuts every gay person’s hair

2. Amateur Universal Healthcare: The person sitting in the cubicle to your right will be your free doctor

3. All Placebo Healthcare: Convincing actors dressed as doctors give everyone treatments

4. Bill Clinton Healthcare: If you’re feeling ill, a homely lady will give you a lapdance

5. Emergency Room Universal Health Care: Treatment is available for all, but patients must sit for 16 hours in a waiting room to prove they really want it

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