• by Evan Hoovler
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May 30, 2012 at 5:30 am

1. No longer needs scores of sweatshops to make her eight-foot-long hair weaves

2. Is not allowed to fly because her voice counts as a weapon

3. Annoyed that Indonesian concert attendees keep holding up signs begging for food

4. Indonesians angry over suspicions she caused Cher to stop touring

5. Last time, concert officials insisted upon paying her in male slaves, despite her insistence that she had plenty

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