• by Evan Hoovler
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May 9, 2012 at 7:30 am

1. Emits a contraceptive force field around Biel

2. Constantly projects Jessica Biel movies so people remember who she is

3. Gleam is bright enough to blind pilots of low-flying aircraft

4. Instead of her finger, ring is wrapped around Timberlake’s waist

5. When ring is shone into sky, entire cast of Seventh Heaven reunites on the spot

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