• by Evan Hoovler
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May 7, 2012 at 4:30 am

1. Raise the age for mandatory sex education from four years old to a much more sensible six.

2. Switch national currency from the Euro to blades of grass from his backyard.

3. Execute job growth plan to create CSI: Paris and hire all of France’s unemployed as extras

4. Commission plans for a line of vehicles that run on disdain and body odor

5. Pass that wicked gas he’s been holding in for six months

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