• by Evan Hoovler
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April 23, 2012 at 6:30 am

Top 5 Secret Service Excuses for Hiring Colombian Prostitutes

1. Impossible to pick up women in bars when you cannot tell them your name or answer any personal questions

2. Lack of sexual contact means a presidential handshake could spring an erection

3. Botched attempts to severely shortchange prostitutes can be blamed on exchange rate misunderstandings

4. Most agents fall in love with and blab secrets to the first non-whore who will have sex with them

5. Zero chance that the hooker turns out to be the down-and-out daughter of George W. Bush

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