The Best Video Game Fat Guys of All Time

 
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    June 7, 2011 at 6:00 am

    If there’s one place where fat people are celebrated for their immense obesity, it’s at a Sumo Wrestling match in Japan. If there’s another place where fat people are lauded and praised, it’s in video games. The history of video games has welcomed a massive collection of fat guys throughout the years. Some are beloved, and others are hated by every single gamer who encounters them on the screen. Here are the 10 Best Video Game Fat Guys of All Time:

    Jinborov Karnovsky

    from Karnov

    karnovKarnov was a big fat Russian(ish) fatso who had his own game, Karnov. The game was pretty standard: Karnov, the big fat circus strongman, has to go through 9 levels fighting all kinds of weird bad guys (like Ostrich-riding skeleton warriors) and collecting treasures along the way, and then in the end he has to beat the last bad guy, “The Wizard”, to win the game. Sure, only old school gamers know who Karnov is, but his game was a quirky NES classic and Karnov was the face of game publisher Data East for a while. Does anyone else smell a reboot?

    Dr. Ivan “Eggman” Robotnik

    from the Sonic the Hedgehog Series

    dr. robotnikYou could make the argument that Dr. Eggman isn’t fat, he’s egg-shaped. That might be true, but everyone can agree that he’s let himself go in the exercise department. I mean, if your arch-enemy is named “Sonic”, you should really try to work some gym time into your rigorous schedule. I understand he’s a doctor and all, but if he has enough time to create a bunch of levitating machines and robots, surely he’s got a few spare hours a week to hop on a treadmill. He’s got a doctorate, so we know he can’t be a complete idiot, right?

    Earthquake

    from the Samurai Shodown Series

    samurai-shodown-earthquakeEarthquake might be the most stereotypical video game fat guy ever. He’s American, he’s fat and slow, and his special move includes the stereotypical “big fat character in a fighting game” staple: burping and farting in your opponent’s face. You gotta love this tub of lard though, for his psychadelic K.I.S.S.-inspired make-up  if for nothing else.

    John Madden

    from the Madden Football Series

    john madden turducken funnyThat’s right: the face behind the most successful football video game franchise ever is also the inventor of the Turducken (which is a chicken stuffed inside of a duck stuffed inside of a turkey), making him the only character on this list who invented a real-life remedy for being alive and healthy. John Madden is so fat that another fat guy, Frank Caliendo, had a short-lived career based solely on a decent impersonation of John Madden’s fat face. Fortunately, Madden Football is consistently awesome, so John Madden is cool with us. Also, like it or not, Turduckens are delicious.

    Rufus

    from the Street Fighter Series

    street fighter rufus

    Rufus is kind of a perfect storm: he’s a big, flabby, pony-tailed, mustachioed mess who dresses kind of like a clown. He made his first appearance in the Street Fighter universe in Street Fighter IV, and like many other fat characters in Japanese-born video games, Rufus is American. According to his back story, Rufus was upset when he heard that Ken was pronounced the best fighter in America, so Rufus decided to track Ken down and defeat him. Unfortunately, Rufus must be kind of an idiot, because he frequently mistakes other people for Ken based on their clothes or hair color and pretty much ends up fighting everyone. However, the character has received nothing but praise since his introduction to the gaming world, so I guess in this case slow and heavy can win the race.

    Fat Guy

    from Ice Hockey for NES

    nes ice hockeyUsually, the fat guy gets picked last in sports. In Ice Hockey for NES, everyone wanted the fat guy. His powerful shots and inability to be knocked down more than made up for his crippling lack of speed. Just make sure that you have one normal or skinny guy, or else you’ll never be able to get the puck down the ice. But as soon as your out of your zone, just give it to a fat guy and let him do his thing.

    Earl

    from the Toejam and Earl Series

    toejam and earlBy far the funkiest tubby on this list, Earl crash-landed on Earth from his home planet of Funkotron, and he’s been stuck in the hearts of gamers ever since. He’s also the only fat guy on this list who’s actually eating on the cover of his game. Eat that hot dog, you fat amorphous blob of orange alien blubber! Also, I’m glad that gold chains and backwards baseball caps are the universal symbol for cool. For a while, I was afraid that was only indicative of coolness on Earth. Thank goodness that’s a galactic rule.

    King Hippo

    from the Punch Out! Series

    king hippoWeighing in at ??? pounds, King Hippo seems like an insurmountable foe at first. Then you realize that all you have to do is punch him on the largest part of his enormous body: his bulbous, gigantic stomach. King Hippo is the dumbest fat guy in the video game universe, and I’m sure all of his loyal subjects on Hippo Island hate his fat, bloated guts. Plus, who wears a crown when they’re boxing? Seriously. Get over yourself, Hippo.

    Wario

    from the Mario/Wario Series

    Take all of the charming, loveable characteristics of the most famous and recognizable video game character of all time and reverse them. That’s Wario. He’s bulbous and rude, and his purple and yellow outfit is just annoying. His laugh is like a cheese grater grinding on your cochlea, and nobody can deny his obvious obesity problem. Wario is a fatty. And he’s not just a fatty in one video game, either. He’s a fat, obnoxious punk in a ton of video games. Screw this tub of lard. I hate his guts.

    E. Honda

    from the Street Fighter Series

    e-hondaE. Honda from Street Fighter is the quintessential video game big boy. As one of the “Original 8″ Street Fighter II characters, E. Honda could fly across the screen as easily as he could bear hug you. He had lightning quick hands, but could also do a flying “sit on you” move. Don’t get me wrong: E. Honda is definitely a fat guy, but he’s easily the most versatile fat guy in all of the video game universe.

     

     
    About the Author
    I like to find cool things on the internet, and I managed to get a job where I get paid to find cool things on the internet all day. Things are looking up!
     
     
    4 Comments
    1. Guts says:

      Metal Gear Solid 2 Fatman! How coud you forget him on those rollerblades.

    2. abner says:

      what? no bob from tekken 6?

    3. H. Eonda says:

      Look at E Honda in all of Street fighter the games. He doesn’t jiggle, he’s actually huge because he’s pure muscle. that’s why he hits so hard in SF4.

     
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