How To Get Stuff For Free

 
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    May 23, 2011 at 6:00 am

    Abraham Lincoln once declared that “all men should be free”. Doesn’t that mean that we all have a right to know how to get stuff for free? For those living on a budget, sometimes half-off just isn’t enough. Fortunately, our free society is full of wonderful gratuities just waiting to be uncovered. We’ve discovered a few valuable tips that will help you learn how to get stuff for free.

    How To Get Free Internet

    funny computer nerd internet

    Why pay $15 a month to an Internet service provider when you could enjoy the World Wide Web for free? Luckily for you, complimentary Internet “work” stations are available in nearly all hotel lobbies and public libraries. Libraries tend to offer more computer terminals but often limit your time online to 30 minutes a session. Hotels, on the other hand, tend to have more secluded terminals, allowing you to explore your walrus fetish in relative privacy. Oh, what a web you’ll weave!

    How To Get Free Hair Cuts

    funny hair cutAssuming you’re not in a rock band or Steven Seagal’s stunt double, you’ll need to get your hair cut eventually. When that time comes, bypass your barber and head on down to your local hair college instead. These institutes of “hair learning” are full of neophyte stylists who are desperate to have real life victims to practice their skills on. Granted, you might come out looking like the lead singer from A Flock of Seagulls, but hey, beggars can’t be choosers. Besides, hats are really coming back in style.

    How to Get Free Telephone Long Distance

    funny telephone mask costume vintageDespite the existence of multiple long distance plans, reaching out and touching someone is as expensive as ever (just ask David Boreanaz). Fortunately for you, there’s an easy solution. When calling an out of town friend, call the toll free business number of another buddy that lives in the same area code instead, then have him patch you through locally for free. Staying connected has never been easier… as long as you have two out of town friends who live in the same area and one of them has a business line you can call.

    How to Get Free Printing

    funny mouse in printerPrinting personal documents can be expensive, especially if you have a big job to do. Why feed the meter at a professional operation when you could be making Xeroxes for free? Next time you need to keep your expenses down just drop by the storeroom of your nearest Office Depot or Staples store and ask for a live demonstration of their products. Better yet, just help yourself as the employees tend to the enormous mess you made in aisle four.

     

    How to Get Free Accommodations

    funny hotel room flying jumping bed Save like Uncle Scrooge the next time you go on vacation by staying in a swanky timeshare condo. Sound too good to be true? It isn’t. Most realtors are so desperate to sell timeshares that they’ll gladly give you up to three nights of free accommodation in the city of your choice so long as you listen to a 90 minute presentation. Granted, those are 90 minutes you’ll never have back but it certainly beats having to sleep in the backseat of your ’87 Datsun… again.

     

    How to Get Free Cookies

    funny cookiesThe only thing better than cookies is free cookies, and we know where you can find an endless supply. Simply meander over to the bakery in your local supermarket and ask for two cookies for your children. Most bakeries have samples put aside for just this reason and are generally quite happy to share them with their younger customers. Naturally it helps if you have two children in tow, but even childless freeloaders can enjoy this delicious scam by casually pointing to any children in the store and claiming them as your own. Given your disdain for condoms, they might just be!

     

    How to Get Free Posters

    funny posters prank dorm roomTired of having guests make fun of your drab décor? Add some much needed color to your walls with a free Space Camp poster courtesy of the eggheads at the U.S. Space & Rocket Center. Simply visit this website and enter your mailing information to receive your free wall hanging today. It will look great right next to your beer pyramid!

     

     
    About the Author
    An award-winning writer and comedian, Ryan Murphy has written for HBO, A&E, Walt Disney, and FOX. He presently lives in Vancouver, British Columbia.
     
     
    Comments
    1. That free accomodations one sounds like a pretty good idea!

     
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