The Best Shaving Cream Alternatives

 
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    March 30, 2011 at 10:00 am

    man shaving mirror bathroom whiteKnowing the best shaving cream alternatives available is as important as knowing how to knock out a stairwell in the event of a zombie apocalypse. You’ll always run out of shaving cream at the most inopportune time. So what do you do when disaster strikes? Should you roll up the sleeves of your blazer and try to pass it off as the beginning of your “Don Johnson circa 1987” phase? Face it: you’re a slave to your shaving cream. Break free from your shackles, sissyboy! There are shaving cream alternatives! Sure, none of them work as good as actual shaving cream (which is why they make shaving cream to begin with) but there are many household items that will get the same job done in a pinch:

    Soap

    Funny Soap Fairy SoapTrusty ol’ soap. It’s always there when you need it. If you’re using soap as a shaving cream alternative, be prepared for the rough shave that’s to come. It’s not going to be nearly as smooth and comfortable as your normal shaving cream, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Dish soap works much better than bar or hand soap, and be sure to mix it with water so it gets nice and lathery. Stay close to water, too, because you’ll need to clean your razor frequently to keep gunk from building up and cramping your desperate shaving style.

    Conditioner

    Conditioner is one of the best shaving cream alternatives that you have at your disposal. Unlike shampoo (which will also work in a pinch), conditioner is already thick and creamy, and that’s exactly what you want in a good shaving cream alternative. Distribute evenly across your face, rinse your razor off frequently, and if it’s your girlfriend’s conditioner, plan on smelling like lilacs for the rest of the day.

    Lube

    funny lubeSome of us are lucky enough to have a bottle of lube readily available at all times, and if you’re one of the lucky ones then you stand a good chance of making it through this day stubble-free. Lube’s job is to make skin-to-anything contact as smooth and comfortable as possible, so it’s an almost-perfect shaving cream alternative. The only problem with lube is that it tends to dry relatively quickly, so keep the tube close by. You’ll probably need to reapply at least a few times to get the job done.

    Rain-X

    rain x productsOkay, so you don’t have lube (because you’re some kind of prude), you’re out of conditioner (because you’re a man), and your soap is nowhere to be found (because you used it last night as a substitute for the lube that you don’t have, because you’re usually a prude). What do you do? If you have a car that’s parked in a garage because it rains a lot where you live, then you’re in luck. You probably have a dusty bottle of Rain-X sitting in your garage. Rain-X is a product that basically coats your car’s windshield and keeps water from adhering to it, and it’s also a perfect lubricant to go between your face and that death blade you call a razor. Apply liberally, shave quickly, and rinse it off with some rubbing alcohol. What’s that? You don’t want to suffer the painful stick of rubbing alcohol on a freshly-shaven face? Well then keep an extra can of shaving cream on hand, Mr. Desperate Situation.

    WD-40

    wd40WD-40 is an age-old alternative to oil. Everybody has a bottle of WD-40 laying around somewhere. It’s basically just super-lubricated oil, and it’s slicker than snot on a doorknob. Just rub it around on your face, shave really quickly, and rinse it off with soap and water as fast as you possibly can. The bad news: you’ll smell like an internal combustion engine all day. The good news: you’ll smell like a man all day.

    Lotion

    lotion squirting in handPerhaps this should’ve been higher on the list, because if you’re desperately seeking a shaving cream alternative, lotion is probably the first thing you should look for. The only problem with lotion as a shaving cream substitute is that it tends to clog up your razor very quickly, so be sure to rinse frequently and wash with soap and water to avoid people mistaking you for a wax figure of yourself made out of cocoa butter.

    Peanut Butter

    peanut butter in jarBarry Goldwater once wrote: “if you don’t mind smelling like peanut butter for two or three days, peanut butter is a darn good shaving cream.” You know what, Senator Goldwater? You’re absolutely right. Peanut butter is a great alternative to shaving cream. Just make sure that you use the smooth kind and mix it with some water to thin it out a little bit. Senator Goldwater was right about something else, too: you’re going to smell like peanut butter for two or three days after shaving with it, but some girls really like licking things that smell like peanut butter, and with any luck that thing could be your face.

     

     
     
     
    Comments
    1. don says:

      When I shower I shave by feel no mirror, its takes a little practice but is a lot less mess and hassle. and for shaving cream? I use the lather from my freshly lathered scalp and rub it into my beard and viola that’s it. shaved abd showered and stubble down the drain.

     
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