Would You Rather? With Musical Comedy Band Lola Balatro

    March 15, 2011 at 11:00 am

    For the first time in the long history of Would You Rather, we’ve got a ban! The musical comedy band Lola Balatro joins the fun this week. Forged in the still-smoldering ashes of turn-of-the-90s cock rock and grunge, Lola Balatro has begun its riveting ascent up the sacred mountain of rocklore. This Chicago-based trio generates a sonic fury that should inspire all regurgitating emo-core wannabes to recalculate their paint-by-the-numbers McRock. (I should also mention that they are very funny.) Here is just a small taste.

    Now on to the questions!

    EgoTV: Would you rather have a last name everyone laughs at and pronounces wrong (like Slutster) OR have a black eye that occurs three times a year and lasts a month each time?

    Lola Balatro: Definitely the last name – it’d be an automatic icebreaker and then I could sell them my wares. Unless it’s something like Konvectidrapus.

    EgoTV: For the next month only be able to eat whatever is sold in glass counter of a movie theater OR the old sandwich machine in the basement of a hospital?

    Lola Balatro: To quote Churchill, “If I’m going to inflict gastrointestinal distress on myself, I’ll go down vending.”

    EgoTV: As a man, go through menstruation like women OR carry babies?

    Lola Balatro: I would rather bear a child. But I wouldn’t let my kids say “I was born on March 11.” I would make them say “my father bore me on March 11.” Women have let passive voice diminish their role. Not this pregnant man. I will be the subject of that sentence.

    EgoTV: Sing every word you speak OR always speak in rhymes?

    Lola Balatro: I’ll keep singing. Wish you could print the crescendo in this answer and the minor key change in my previous one.

    EgoTV: If the stakes were life and death, try to win at Monopoly OR Risk?

    Lola Balatro: I don’t think I ever finished the Monopoly game I started with my next neighbor when I was 8, so I couldn’t start a new one in good conscience. Risk for me. Plus I like to talk in the accents of the countries I’m invading or defending in the most offensive way possible. Add life or death stakes, and that’s almost an aphrodisiac.

    EgoTV: Have to kill Winnie The Pooh OR Bambi?

    Lola Balatro: Winnie the Pooh, most definitely and I’d do it for the kids. A bear who wears a shirt and no pants screams sexual predator.

    Lola Balatro’s self-titled musical comedy album released by New Wave Dynamics is available on iTunes and Amazon.

    1. sarah D says:

      OMG that song is funny. Now I have the chorus Questionable Beef stuck in my head.

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