Who HBO Should Cast in the Sarah Palin Movie

 
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    March 10, 2011 at 10:19 am

    Yesterday, HBO announced that it’s casting Hollywood‘s omnipresent leading lady Julianne Moore to play Sarah Palin in an upcoming biopic. They’ll have to go the comedic route with this one, because nobody will be interested in watching a boring drama about a boring ex-governor of a boring state with no realizable skill set , aside from eating words on an almost daily basis. That’s why we’ve decided to save HBO’s valuable time and effort and just cast this upcoming mega-hit comedy for them. Here’s the cast of HBO’s upcoming blockbuster Sarah Palin comedy:

    Julianne Moore as Sarah Palin

    This wouldn’t have been my first casting choice, but I’ll go with it. Julianne Moore gets naked in almost every movie she’s ever been in, and judging by the popularity of all those “Sarah Palin in a bikini” pics that flew around the internet during her vice-presidential race, I’d say some Palin nudity will probably go a long way with viewers.

    Danny McBride as Todd Palin

    The formula for a good Todd Palin is pretty simple: you need someone with sinister looking eyes, a believable love of extreme sports, and a goutee. East Bound and Down‘s Danny McBride fits the bill perfectly, and since the public has never really gotten to know Todd beyond his creepy smile and allegations of adultry, having him be an overly confident douchebag could be a great draw.

    Raven Symone in Whiteface as Bristol Palin

    Bristol Palin is a tough casting choice. It needs to be played by someone who the public views as “America’s favorite daughter”, and who better to fill the role besides America’s favorite daughter, Raven Symone, who played the cutest television kid ever (Olivia, from The Cosby Show) and the most perpetually obnoxious teenager ever (in real life/on the Disney Channel)? Of course, skin tone is a big issue here. Bristol needs to be whiter than white. Like, “white trash girl who lives in Alaska so she’s never exposed to direct sunlight” white. It could be Raven’s toughest role ever, but I think she’s up for it. Plus, her unemployment benefits are about to expire.

    Kenny Rogers as Joe Biden

    Kenny Rogers should definitely play the role of Vice-President Joe Biden for one reason: everyone in the country is curious as to what Kenny Rogers has been up to lately, besides going to Atlanta Thrashers games every other night. Also (and I think I speak for every American when I say this), whenever I heard Kenny’s megahit “The Gambler”, I always pictures someone who looked exactly like Joe Biden, even before I knew who Biden was. This casting choice is a match made in premium cable heaven.

    Dave Chappelle as Barack Obama

    HBO will have to avoid the obvious choices when casting Barack Obama: Denzel Washington, Will Smith, and Forrest Whitaker are way too “I totally saw that coming a mile away” for HBO’s premium tastes. That’s exactly why they should cast the one and only Dave Chappelle in the presidential role. Chappelle has been hiding out in his luxurious Ohio ranch ever since the Comedy Central Chappelle Show debacle a few years ago, and this may be the only role that can tear him away from his life of wealth and serenity. Plus, he’s already played the President (pictured above), so he probably won’t even have to read the script.

    New York as Michelle Obama

    This may not be the most tasteful casting choice, but HBO is going to have to work hard to pull in viewers for a movie about someone who’s still alive and who most people don’t like or respect in any way. Flavor of Love’s New York has already proven that she can appeal to mass audiences, and she’s very, very, very available. She’ll have to clean up her act a bit (no more wearing see-through clothing or openly brandishing tampons during arguments), but the role will give America’s favorite headcase of early 2006 an opportunity to show that she can do more than just prance around in stripper heels, start fights with other girls in stripper heels, and battle for the love of a drug addict who wears elaborate top hats around the house.

     
     
     
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