6 Reasons Jennifer Aniston Is Still Single

    February 28, 2011 at 5:00 am

    Watching the Oscars with a roomful of chatty broads, the conversation eventually turned to Jennifer Aniston. For some reason, it ALWAYS does. “How is she still single? She is so beautiful and seems so nice. How doesn’t she have a nice guy?” Blech.

    Jennifer Aniston’s love life gets more mainstream press than South Korea’s nuclear testing except Korea’s bombs don’t explode out in the open quite like Jen’s love life tends to do. She is allegedly dating a new guy every week and gets pregnant every other (if you believe some tabloids.) It’s like everyone in the world wants her married and knocked up.

    It’s Jen’s fault her relationships don’t work. Unfortunately, there is little she can do to change her luck in dating. Here are five reasons Aniston is still single:

    She’s loaded

    Jen is filthy rich. She has more scratch than her “Marley and Me” costar when his flea collar stops working. Not Owen, the dog. Her money and power intimidates men.

    Her ex’s

    She has dated the top of the A-list heap. Imagine dating a woman who could whip out vacation pictures of herself and Brad Pitt. Any suitor would consider himself a step down.

    She’s getting old

    Sure she looks fantastic right now but Jen is suddenly on the wrong side of forty-years-old. Her deal with the Devil is sure to expire soon. Today she is Aniston tomorrow is is asphalt. Bad road if you catch my drift.

    She’s too famous

    If you date Aniston, the entire relationship will be on the cover of US Weekly every week. The guy will be praying for a Charlie Sheen meltdown (again) or a Teen Mom to do something dumb just to get his face off the magazine covers.

    She isn’t really Rachel

    It’s kind of like that 5 minute marriage between Kenny Chesney and Renee Zellweger. Chesney admitted he was really in love with the chick he saw in the movies. Same thing with Aniston. Guys probably assume Aniston is very much like her old Friends character. Also, guys fell in love with Rachel. Jennifer isn’t that person everyone sees on TV.

    She caught “the John Mayer”

    According to the CDC, the guy is more contagious than Swine Flu. Guys don’t want to be Mayer’s sloppy second/third/anything.

    1. michael says:

      Jenifer aniston is the most gorgeous woman ever I would marry her right now she is beautiful I’m 24 years old been obsessed with her for a long time so jen if u ever wanna marry a 24 year old hit me up ha ha

    2. Anna says:

      Let her be single, I think being single is better than ever-changing…. May be searching is on…

    3. OmahaVike says:

      uh…. SOUTH korea doesn’t have nukes. if you’re going to dip your toes into comedy, at least get the facts of your setup straight. sheez.

    4. waffle says:

      Let me see, she’s filthy rich, is used to being waited on hand and foot, is constantly surrounded by sycophants telling her how beautiful and wonderful she is, her career peaked over ten years ago, and strangely enough there are rumours floating around about her being mean, bitter and arrogant in her personal life.

      Whats not to like!

    5. Eric says:

      So you like men then. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

    6. Pickle430 says:

      I don’t care she still looks hot to me.If only I was older :-(on well…

    7. boethius says:

      She’s single because she’s made it clear she is only inclined to date other celebrities as they are the only ones who understand the kind of under-the-microscope Paparazzi pressure she is under. She’s pretty much plowed through the Hollywood A-list and the benchwarmers and the practice team so her options are thinning out. And please don’t pretend like the masturbatory World Champions soiling their keyboards right now have a shot.

    8. Bob says:

      Usually I don’t want to know about my girl’s exes, but if it’s Brad Pitt, that’s OK. Who could blame them? Plus, Jennifer is one of the few women who probably doesn’t want Brad Pitt, since she’s already done that. Every other woman is thinking of Brad Pitt while you’re having sex with her, at least sometimes.

    9. Gaf says:

      Shut up already. Nobody cares anymore if Jennifer Aniston is single. Now, if she made a sex tape with Spuds Mckinzey, it might be interesting. If I was a religious man, I would pray that everyone who even mentions Jennifer Aniston and her singleness in the least bit will immediately be dumped, cheated on by their spouse, or disowned by their entire families.

    10. TheReviewer says:

      She’s a woman, everyone knows she is needy and everyone knows her goal is to settle down….but she is awesomely hot…I’m down.

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