Why Even Bother With this Anymore?

    January 31, 2011 at 6:00 am

    For decades, including today, fitness “experts” have been pushing ridiculous exercises on us and frankly it seems to be getting worse all the time.  It’s getting to the point where we almost don’t know what’s real and what’s not.

    And of all the exercises out there that just don’t seem to work as they should, there are five you need to know about….

    Face Stretching

    The hair, the high-cut bodysuit, the faces.  Oh how we miss the 80’s!  Now it’s reasonable to view your facial muscles as muscles like the rest of your body, but it’s not reasonable to go completely AWOL with your “facial stretches.”  I love how the lady in the video gets wiped out at 02:12 after performing the most hideous facial spasm.

    Shake Weight

    Shake Weight is a exercise product for the horny, single, middle-aged ladies in America. Who have no scientific knowledge of any sort. Riding on a tagline of “dynamic inertia,” which is nonsensical in it of itself, Shake Weight claims to sculpt arms and shoulders despite a lack of range of motion. That basically slaps all data of muscle and strength building in the face. The infomercial also touts around the fact that users will be able to “feel it instantly.” Well, we all know what “it” is.

    Toe Raisers

    Wow.  This is the best Alyssa Milano video of all time.  Too bad her whole “Toe Raisers” exercise idea shown from 0:05 to 0:51 in the video that she tried to con us a while back is also a fantasy. She tried to make the exercise seem intelligible by calling it “pronating” and “supernating” when normal folk would just see it as shifting your weight from the heel to the toes

    Hip Abductors

    The name alone sounds a little eerie doesn’t it?  This is one case where a woman should follow a man’s example because these things are inefficient. You can actually get a lot more stimulus from doing more full-bodied leg workouts like squats or deadlifts.  Isolated moves like those on a machine don’t do half as much.

    Standing Torso Twists

    The Torso/Broomstick twists were once thought to be a cure for love handles. Alas, they weren’t a cure for anything. Twists, a lateral movement exercise, have never been proven to tone anything besides your lower back. You only feel like your oblique muscles are working but in reality your only compressing the sides of your stomach together

    1. TheReviewer says:

      This is the perfect to-do list to never do.

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