6 Cliché Things That Happen Every New Year’s

    December 30, 2010 at 5:00 am

    Do you know what else gets forgotten beside “old acquaintances” on New Year’s? The same crap that happened the year before. So what happens? History repeats itself.

    It’s like we’ve all been celebrating the same New Year’s for the last decade. It’s all really familiar and really cliche. Here are the things that will happen this year (because they happen every year).

    A Couple Gets Engaged/Breaks Up

    Getting engaged on Christmas or New Year’s should really be illegal. You can’t take a holiday and ruin it for everyone by making it all about you’re relationship. It’s a holiday! It’s Jesus’ birthday you can’t take the focus off of him! It’s also incredibly unimaginative. On the flip, you also can’t break up on a holiday for all the same reasons. You’re bumming everyone out! Everyone knows you’re going to break up eventually, wait a couple days you egomaniacs.

    The Odd Hook-up Happens

    Chick A and Dude B don’t really seem attracted to one another and they are never really in situations where they hang out but a couple glasses of champagne at a bar and BOOM they are sucking face in a corner and moving in together a few weeks later. No one sees it coming. Not even the two people involved.

    The First Baby Of The Year Story

    A kid is born at midnight. First baby of the year. Big funking deal. Anyone remember the first kid born last year at midnight? Exactly.

    Kathy Griffin Says Something “Outlandish”

    Kathy Griffin is doing the New Year’s Eve gig again with Anderson Cooper. Every year she manages to say something to offend some group of morons. Yet, she still gets asked to come back. Funny how that works. It’s almost as if CNN wants people to tune in because something crazy might happen. Odd. (That’s all sarcasm so save the comments)

    More Than A Few Really, Awful Bowl Games

    Luckily, most of the crappy bowls get played the week prior but there are more than a few stinkers ready to kick off on Jan 1st. Sometimes, it’s not that the teams are terrible, it’s just that one team is obviously over-matched or that it’s obvious one team did not come to play. The better games come in the week that follows. Flip over to the Twilight Zone marathon. Much more entertaining. You’ll find it, it’s on some station.

    A Chick Is Crying For Some Reason

    Ugh, she is crying again. It’s worse than usual. Now it’s something about being alone on a holiday, and missing him and a sale at Nordstrom’s. You go talk to her. I’m not talking to her I had to take care of her last time. Where the hell did she go anyway? Locked in the bathroom. People are going to have to pee sooner or later she can’t tie up the crapper. Fine. FINE! I’ll talk to her but you’re buying me breakfast for this.

    1. Rex says:

      Girls always cry and they wonder why they get dumped … heres to 2011 … drink away my friends, drink away

    2. TheEggman says:

      I got a chick pregnant on New Year’s once. That got old real fast.

    3. J Bob says:

      How about spending WAY too much money?

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