6 New Year’s Resolutions Every Person Should Make

 
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    December 28, 2010 at 5:00 am

    New Year’s Resolution. Time to fail for the hundredth year in a row. It’s a dumb custom but one that won’t go away any time soon.

    There are the common resolutions (eat better, get a better job, stop crying when pleasuring oneself) and the tougher goals (stop crying when not pleasuring oneself) and little life changes that people really want to make but they just can’t stick to. It’s because deep down we are all really quitters. It’s also because these resolutions aren’t all that important.

    Here are six resolutions that every person should make that would make life better.

    Resolve To Stop Being So Dumb

    If people stopped being so dumb, the world would immediately be a better place. Especially the criminal element. Not a day goes buy when I don’t read a newspaper article about a criminal doing something asinine. Smarten up! Of course, if they did, there would be a hell of a lot more crime. I guess cops should stop being so dumb too. Evens out. Of course, no dumb cops, criminals or people means no more awesome websites like Fark to point them all out. That sucks.

    Resolve To Stop Being So Fat

    Seriously, it’s gone way past an epidemic, and now the entire country is one big overweight contestant on the biggest loser. Kids are fat, adults are fat, hell even some pets are fat. It’s only making life worse for all of us. Except the fast food people. They are giggling all the way to the bank.

    Resolve To Stop Complaining So Much

    When did this world get overrun by such a large majority of p*ssies? “Waaaaa, the government sucks. Waaaa the economy sucks. Waaaaa the world sucks.” How about just doing something about it? Start with your own little world and make it better. Spend less time complaining and more time fixing.

    Resolve To Start Taking The Blame

    This is right up there with the stop being dumb resolution but occasionally everyone has a “my bad” moment where they screw up. The problem is they don’t take responsibility for there mistake. They blame it on everyone else. If you screw up, own up to it, and take the heat. People will let you slide, especially when they realize how dumb you are on a daily basis.

    Resolve To Stop Setting Unrealistic Goals

    It’s fine to have resolutions. It’s even better to have goals. Just start making them realistic and possible to reach. If you’ve never been successful in your career or personal life, stop setting goals like “going to make management” or “going to fall in love and get married.” Start small like “going to go a week without getting yelled at by boss” or “going to get at least one first date to call me back.” Baby steps.

    Resolve To Stop Making New Year’s Resolutions

    This should have been point #1 but it would have been a pretty short article. If you’ve never carried through on a resolution, or you usually give up on things easily, just stop trying. It’s fine. No one will fault you for not even attempting but you will get crap when you try and fail. Just be happy with what you do have in life and just wait for the eternal dirt nap. You’ll be much better off.

     
     
     
    3 Comments
    1. da man says:

      My resolution is to become fatter!

    2. The Eggman says:

      I resolve to stop dating fat dumb chicks. So it’s a start.

    3. brocklanders says:

      Not take life so damned seriously.

     
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