“Hey Soul Sister” Named Worst Song Of The Year By Two Writers That Just Became My Heroes!

 
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    December 24, 2010 at 8:00 am

    If you like the song “Hey Soul Sister” just X off this page and never come back. Ever. We don’t want you hear and frankly you won’t be welcomed many places anyway so get used to being a pariah. It’s an awful song. It should be the worst song on every list every made about awful music. It topped this list for worst songs of year. That part was easy. The way these two writers ripped the song a new a**hole was pure genius.

    It’s pretty much the whitest song to ever have the word “soul” in it, and that includes Death Cab’s “Soul Meets Body.” There is less soul in the entirety of Train than in the palest single member of Collective Soul. “Hey, Soul Sister” is soul for people who refer to peanut butter and jelly as “soul food.” It makes the California Raisins look like the second coming of Sly and the Family Stone. It’s so white, Sarah Palin just named it her running mate for 2012.

    That. Is. Funny. Actually, it gets funnier.

    The chorus is jacked from an even worse place. “Hey Soul Sister” is an orgy where bad ideas trade STDs, and the most syphilitic brain-fart stumbled in drunk from a Smash Mouth show. (For those of you who arrived late, Smash Mouth was a band from the late ’90s that was formed when a soul patch met cake frosting. Their wikki-wikki scratching and dorkpie hats did to music what blood-soaked clowns do to the dreams of sleeping children.)

    [Standing up. Applauding. Long applause. This could take a while.]

    While this article is hysterical and incredibly on point, it does bring up something that I was afraid of, yet never wanted to say out loud. Now that I see it in print, it’s much, much more frightening. As the writers point out, the song is never going to die. Even if you try with your last dying breath to avoid the song, you’ll end up hearing it at some point. Probably within the next couple hours. You can’t run. You can’t hide. The song is everywhere. It will be for a very long time.

    And just think: When your sh*tty kid marries someone you violently disapprove of 20 years from now, this song — with its references to bl*wj*bs and songs that were ground into the ground before the kid was a twinkle in your eye — will serve as the couple’s first dance.

    Ugh. I just pray it’s an open bar.

    The 20 Worst Songs of 2010, #1: Train, “Hey, Soul Sister” – [The Village Voice]

     
     
     
    3 Comments
    1. STFU! You wish you could write a song ass good as this.

    2. jiniya says:

      Uh, what? “Hey, Soul Sister” was just named the most downloaded the song of the year. 2nd place comes in “California Gurls”. What “Hey, Soul Sister” are you listening to? The song is really good. Whatever source you’re getting this from is extremely irrelevant. If it was the worst song of the year, Justin Bieber would have a successful career.

    3. Mark says:

      I don’t get it?! This song is very good and popular.

     
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